Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 50

Thread: Wife doesn’t understand

Hybrid View

Previous Post Previous Post   Next Post Next Post
  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    48

    Wife doesn’t understand

    Hi

    My wife doesn’t understand me cross dressing and doesn’t allow it. What should I do?

  2. #2
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    3,208
    Step one is underway, talk to us! I'm afraid I couldn't help much, my wife is understanding, but I can listen! What's the story?

    By the way, if you haven't done so, the mods require you make an introduction post in the introduction section.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    48
    At one stage she let me where panties all the time but them said she didn’t like and told me to get rid of them which I did.
    Since them have do it when she out as I now have a couple of pairs of panties in my draw.
    She just says now she don’t like it and it not normal.
    So at the moment thinking to stay dressing while she out.

  4. #4
    Gold Member JenniferR771's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    West Michigan
    Posts
    5,176
    Good that you have joined; we can all help to one degree or another. No one knows why-- crossdressers just exist. Most are straight and married. Millions of us. Around 2.4 million posts here.
    Try to get the wife to join the loved ones forum.

    https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...?66-Loved-Ones

    Lots of wives have accommodated themselves to the new relationship. Same man--different clothes. At least the discussions, ventings and a bit more understanding will help. Lots of women have been there and done that. Benefit from their experience. No need to re-invent the wheel.

    Crossdressing is not really rare. There are more and more mentions of crossdressing in newspapers, TV, online and magazines these days. The general public is much more aware than just a few years ago. Rupaul's Drag Race for instance. Andre Previc. Rocky Horror.
    Members here often go out in public with no problems.
    Shopping in stores is relatively easy. The sales assistants are not surprised nor disapproving.
    Last edited by JenniferR771; 05-20-2019 at 02:49 PM.

  5. #5
    Junior Member Janie Jane's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    Centex
    Posts
    58
    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa-blue View Post
    At one stage she let me where panties all the time but them said she didn’t like and told me to get rid of them which I did.
    Since them have do it when she out as I now have a couple of pairs of panties in my draw.
    She just says now she don’t like it and it not normal.
    So at the moment thinking to stay dressing while she out.
    As a mediator I learned that you cannot get to a meaningful compromise if one side will not give something up, in this case her absolute rejection of your CD'g. From what I've read there seems to be no compromise on her part. You DO have to give some deep thought as to whether your perceptions of your wife's position is objective as possible. But in the end, no means no if she won't budge.
    Jane
    The Guy Club is something I've never been a member of.

  6. #6
    🙊🙈🙉 Patience's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    I am part of everything.
    Posts
    2,458
    Hi, Lisa. Welcome.

    I guess your immediate options are:

    1) Stay married, never dress
    2) Stay married, dress in hiding
    3) Don't stay married.

    There may be others. Which option you choose is up to you. No one can decide what you should personally do. It's your life (and your marriage), not ours. Good luck.
    When haters hate, I celebrate!

  7. #7
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    3,630
    If only we could solve your problem in a forum thread. Lol. Welcome to the forums. About 60% of the space here is used in discussions of how to navigate relationships. The only simple answer is that there are no simple answers. I suggest you start by reading through the posts that are up already. If those don’t help, or you need something more specific to your situation, please feel free to fill us in on details and we’ll help as best we can. But basically, she’s going to either accept or she isn’t and there’s not a whole lot you can do to MAKE her accepting or understanding.

  8. #8
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    2,702
    Micki, as usual, is on the money. I think your question is very broad, and we really know nothing about you, you wife or your situation. Start of slow, with some specific and finite questions or issues that you are trying to work out. But remember this is a forum, not a counselor session. Not everyone will have a great suggestion for you.

    But good luck and unravel your thread, if you will.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Maryland, USA
    Posts
    11,031
    Yes, we need more details before any of us can even attempt to give some advice.
    Crissy

  10. #10
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Midlands UK
    Posts
    7,187
    Lisa,

    Welcome. As others have said a bit of detail is required. So she knows but how? Did you tell her, were you discovered dressed, did she find your femme clothing or were you wearing hers? . When you say she doesn't allow it does that mean you don't or just dress when she's not there to see? Finally, how long have you been dressing? Context really helps
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  11. #11
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    Welcome.
    Micki is spot on.
    First thing you need to understand is your wife doesn't have to understand/accept if she doesn't want to.
    A marriage is a partnership its not all about you.
    A bit more concise information would help us to understand more about your situation.
    There is no right and wrong way to navigate crossdressing so no black and white answers for us to give you.

  12. #12
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    3,963
    Hi Lisa-blue.

    Welcome to the forum.

    There is a "sticky" at the top of this section called "Tips to an SO's acceptance". That post may be very helpful to you.

  13. #13
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    48
    Hi all
    Thank you for all of the advise. At the moment I am going keep dressing on own when the wife is out.
    Thank you again

  14. #14
    Member Charona's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Central Nebraska
    Posts
    328
    It isn't just wives who don't understand. I'd say anyone who isn't a crossdresser doesn't understand. For that matter, even some of us who do crossdress aren't completely sure why we feel compelled to do it.

  15. #15
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    12,771
    Hi Lisa, Welcome to the forum. That is the $64,000 dollar question. I told my wife early on when we were dating so I had the answer before we moved in together. Once married, there seems to be a power switch in most western relationships. Most you can do is go to a therapist together and hope she comes around.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  16. #16
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    S.E.Baltimore Co. Maryland USA
    Posts
    43,780
    Hi Lisa , Welcome to our forum, When you are here you are home.

    What ever your question, There is a 99.875% chance that one or more of us will have an answer for you

    Some wives are 100% for CDing , some fall in the middle and some are 100% against CDing,

    It sounds like you drew the Short Straw It is up to you to figure out your priorities. >Orchid ...+..
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member karynspanties's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Ann Arbor/Brighton, Michigan
    Posts
    705
    You will never change her mind so you need to decide....can you live the rest of your life without dressing? My quess would be no. If you secretly dress, you WILL GET FOUND OUT. What will the outcome of that be? She married a man and now that she knows you wear womens clothes.......she will never look at you or think the same way about you again. Sexual activity may even start to be less......she will be thinking of you dressed as a woman and that will turn her off. Letting the cat out of the bag is a huge crap shoot. Sometimes poop comes back and hits you in the face. If she is dead set against you wearing any female attire....no amount of counseling is going to change her mind. I would think about an attorney and how things will get divided up.

  18. #18
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
    Posts
    1,912
    The most realistic solution is to talk about it and hope she comes around to some sort of acceptance. Even in the best situations it is wise to proceed slowly to make sure you are both "on the same page." The usual disaster involves leaping ahead.

  19. #19
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    48
    Hi Kelly

    I live in the uk. Been dressing since a boy of and on. Start with borrowing my mums clothes while she was out.
    The wife found out about year and bit ago when she let me wear her underwear in bedroom. After I brought my own but about 6 months ago she said she don’t like it any more and ask me to get rid of my women’s stuff which I did.
    As for support I don’t have any as apart from my wife. No one else knows. This is the first time I’ve opened up on this site.

  20. #20
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Posts
    3,208
    Lisa, it's very important to have an outlet of some sort. Glad you're here doing that.

    I'm kind of in the mind with Tracii on this one, you love and support one another, always in each other's corner, accepting of who the other person truly is, this is a part of you. Part of the package. Locking it all away isn't fair to either of you and won't make it go away. My thought is how would it go if you told your wife what she can or cannot wear in her own home? I don't think it wouldn't be a good fit for me if either my wife or I were inclined to exhort that level of control over the other. Never the less, this is an uncomfortable thing for her, for the sake of her feelings you should be discrete.

    I would likely pick my moment to gently talk to her about it, to say to her that this is a part of who I am, I need this outlet for whatever reason, and I'm going to have to keep doing this … but, for the sake of your feelings, which I care about very deeply, I will do my best never to intentionally do this in front of you. Or something along those lines.

  21. #21
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Catskill, NY
    Posts
    1,181
    Quote Originally Posted by Lisa-blue View Post
    Hi

    My wife doesn’t understand me cross dressing and doesn’t allow it.
    Welcome to the forums!
    Your wife would seem to be in good company, since there are many of us who don't understand our own needs to dress, or more.
    We give many reasons for why it is comfortable, or pleasing, but few of us can explain why.

    What should I do?
    That depends on:
    1 - how important is dressing to you?
    2 - how important is your marriage?

    You can not "make" her accept it or tolerate it. The two of you may be able to reach a compromise, but I would strongly suggest couples counseling.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member Mermaiden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    531
    I crossdress, and like Charona said, I don’t know why I CD, and have given up trying to figure out why. I really just know how it makes me feel.The point being, it is reasonable for your wife to not understand why you crossdress.
    The not allowing part of her raises the opportunity to ask her why she doesn’t allow it, and to ask if there are things you can do - maybe panties only?, CD when she’s not home?

  23. #23
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Catskill, NY
    Posts
    1,181
    [QUOTE] maybe panties only?, CD when she’s not home? [QUOTE]
    This doesn't always work, or is a viable option for the spouse.

    In my own case, even though I had purged everything, and did nothing related to crossdressing or dysphoria, my ex-wife couldn't deal with the issue that there was an elephant hiding in the closet.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  24. #24
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    48
    Thank you again for the advice. I think I will try and have another conversation with the wife in few weeks again and suggest to start with just wearing lingerie all the time and go from there.
    I don’t want to loose her that I’ll just take baby steps.

  25. #25
    New Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Posts
    5
    Hi Lisa-Blue
    Also new to the forum and hope I could perhaps just share a bit - it is different for all, as it depends on where each of you are in the marriage. Firstly - taking it slow is the key. The second very important key i found was to understand what she felt. As we have been together for so long (27years), she is more than just my partner, she is my friend (2 sides of the same coin) and the only one that knows all about me - good and not so good. It was my responsibility to understand her side. Here is what she explained:
    1) She feels that i am trying to take her place - it is her place to be the girl in the marriage, the pretty one, the sexy one, the soft one, the one with all the cupboard space - i was invading, i was competing
    2) She felt that i was cheating on her with my other self - like any woman she felt there was competition and i may love myself as a woman more than her
    3) She was not sure if i am still the same guy she fell in love with (i never told her before we were married) - it confused her a bit
    4) She was scared - her brother is guy and she did not want to loose me
    This opened my eyes and my heart - i knew that not only will i take it slow, i also need to include her in my feelings (i was too afraid before to include her - basically my shame - and hiding actually fueled the points above).
    This has been a 5year process for us - and some days it still gets to her. The best part is that it is working. There is a give and take - she gives me days to go and be Michelle. And she can cope with a gender neutral look - combination of male and female clothing.
    I also kept it light - did not start off with the lingerie (kept it in the draw to be used now and then). I started with just the cotton panties. Over time we are now at a good mix.

    We love each other - our relationship is valuable to us.
    Suggestion - Talk to her about her - get to know what her fears are - and work from there.
    With only love.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State