Maybe I am TG, or the bigger question. DO I WANT TO BE A WOMEN?

[Jean 103]

When not at work I’m just Jean. My friends all know I’m TG and represent as a Women. I have always put on a strong front even tho I was unsure.

After last month I can say honestly I want to be a women.

What now, where do I go from here?

I’m just fine living as I do. I have a lot of wonderful friends. I wish my body was different but I have learned to adapt. That and my boyfriend loves me just the way I am.

So why change anything?

Because in the end it is about ME, how I feel, what I want, what makes me happy. If this sounds selfish, that is because it is.

It is after bringing in others – feelings, expectations, wants and desires, that we come to reality.

So again, where do I go from here?

For now it’s one day at a time. I can’t handle much more right now. It gets tiring trying to please everyone. Now I have my sister who has died. I am just so confused right now.

Still all and all right now, I am ok with my body and life. It could and is getting better

Love Jean

[Kay J]

What a great post for a great lady in some ways i wish i could live the life you are living but love my wife to much.

[GretchenM]

Hi Jean,

First I want to say how sorry I am that your sister passed away. I am sure that has been a terrible blow. I don't really know what having siblings is like as I am an only child, but I have learned a lot about how those connections are so precious from having two daughters. My heart and thoughts go out to you. Chin up, sweetie.

I think the first bit of advice I can offer is with the death of your sister you may not be at a time when making other changes is wise. I suggest getting stable again first after this loss to help keep things from getting out of control. Your sudden desire to transition may be a bit of a reaction to the loss. Give yourself some time to mourn and reorient yourself in this new equation. Then come back to the transition question. I know how intense the desire can be, but making a lot of changes right now might be messy. My therapist daughter has told me that after loss of a mate it is best to not rush out to create a new life. That can go really badly. I suspect the loss of a sibling, especially if you were close to your sister, could be a similar situation.

Personally, it doesn't surprise me that you are thinking down these lines. I have followed you over the last couple of years and I felt you might eventually come to this crossroad. I headed in that way 6 years ago, but it just did not fit. My sense is it might fit you a lot better. Of course, I don't really know you and that is just a conjecture. In some who have been slowly advancing of a longer span of time, going in this direction seems to be a common step. It seems you are pretty womanly now, so if you do go that way the adjustment might be fairly easy. Make sure you do a lot of talking with your boyfriend about this. He may have a slightly more objective view of what you are going through and nothing like getting the really deep help from a person who knows and loves you. In short, be open to other people's perception of you right now. After the death of a loved one your brain really doesn't work quite right and if it is not working right it is hard to view things without the influence of deep emotional coloring of the reality. If your brain isn't working well due to shock it is hard to make rational decisions due to the influence of the shock on your brain's operation. That is why I suggest you take it easy for awhile and give yourself time to heal.

As I see it, you can kind of go it alone as Teresa has done and I think pretty successfully as well. But if you eventually decide you need much more significant changes due to body dysphoria (which you seem to maybe show) then finding a supportive gender therapist and perhaps a support group for transitioning folks would be really helpful. You may not need a lot of therapy, other than maybe reconciling your gender development direction desires and the loss of your sister. But support groups are a wonderful resource. For me visiting the transitioners group was what convinced it did not fit me; I just couldn't relate to them. But it was useful in that it headed me in another direction that has turned out to be really comfortable.

I don't know where you live on the Central Coast, but I have a suspicion that it might be somewhere around Santa Cruz. There should be groups there. But not so sure about the San Luis Obisipo area on the south end of the coast. I love that country and am very familiar with Big Sur. But, alas, I am old and settled in my home town of Denver. But I do have a bit of envy over where you live. Such a glorious place. A good place to heal when surrounded by all that beauty.

So, that is what I suggest. I offer my support, thoughts, and prayers to you in this difficult time.

Gretchen

[Meghan4now]

Jean,

Sounds like you're pretty solid to me. I think Gretchen has some wise advise (as usual). While I think her caution about the effect of grieving is wise, I would also point out that sometimes it is those major life events that provide us a sobering thought. Many a marriage proposal has come about this way, with great result. My point is that sometimes it takes a reminder of our own mortality and limitations to discern our paths forward. But to Gretchen's point, caution and careful consideration are required to figure out if these feelings are inherent or just an aberration due to a sense of loss.

Good luck with your decisions, and use both your internal strength, and support of your loved ones.

[RADER]

Interesting Post. That question is asked and looking for an answer by many people.
It is an answer that can be either way, depending on the day, Mode of the person, and
the circumstance at hand. I commend all that have trans, in some ways I could try it for a
day or two, but that is out of the realm of reasoning.
There are many steps you go through to trans, and they are there to make sure you really
want to trans. It is a question only one person can answer. I wish you all the luck and prayers
for an outcome that is best for you.
Rader

[Jean 103]

Thank you all so much.

There is a support group that meets at the LGBT center in San Luis Obispo that I use to attend. They meet once a week. If I need anything I would start there.

I’m pretty sure I have been through more than what is required.

I think of this part of my life as giving up the dream. A little more than two years ago I broke up with my boyfriend Vinny, Who I had been living with for just over a year. I had rented a house from a friend as JEAN. It was my boyfriend plus a friend of his accompanied by his five year old daughter. Instant family and I was the lady of the house. The daughter and I became like sisters. Leaving her behind is the hardest thing I have ever been through until now.

The house located in my home town. This town is only about a couple miles square and the house is located like in the center. So everything including the bar was within walking distance.

We are all popular and we have a lot of the same friends. We threw parties and friends were always dropping by, I have so many stories. I became even more popular. So when I ended all this it rippled through town. Everyone knew, my friends all support me, but their friends were like Jean will get over it. No I’m not, braking up this family is one of the hardest things I have ever done.

Vinny wanted me back, I just couldn’t. He passed away last year.

I have reconnected with our roommate, but I’m not sure if I should see his daughter, she has grown so much, I see his post on FB.

I currently rent a room from a wonderful lady that is ten years older than me. She is disabled but can get around a little. I help as much as I can. We do everything together and have become very close. She has a boyfriend, he is great, visits pretty much every day, along with others. So you see I am not alone.