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Thread: Do I lose him?

  1. #26
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Quote Originally Posted by DaisyLawrence View Post
    Well except that actually that's exactly what you did just say. Still, not the first time and probably won't be the last.
    There is so much ingrained misogyny in our own community that's not even recognized by the very people that actually perpetrate it. Freud would have a field day. It really does serve an old hard to shake trope about us and the irony is, it is instigated from within our own walls and serves to validate it amongst our detractors.

  2. #27
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    It has always seemed odd for misogyny to raise its ugly head among the ranks of the greater TG community. It seems to me that it comes mainly from the crossdresser portion of the community. Not that very many of that group are misogynist but it
    has been obvious in my experience here. The irony is undeniable, that a misogynist would want to look like, and be percieved as, a member of the group that is the target of the misogyny.

    I really can't even imagine that a TS, in the process of transitioning, could possibly have any measure of disdain for the gender they are transitioning to.
    Somehow I do not think that Lana Mae is implying that she doesn't want to leave Harry behind because, as Lana Mae, she wouldn't be able to do anything.
    Last edited by Jeri Ann; 06-04-2019 at 05:56 PM.

  3. #28
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    San Diego
    Lana How would a blind man see you. I suppose if he felt you he would say woman. If he smelled you probably woman too. I don't know how your voice is but if it is a little high pitched then he might still say woman. ONe thing they would say for sure is Human.
    You are you Lana, Harry, human. I think your making to much of your outward appearance that is only the way the rest of humanity sees you.
    How does your dog see you. does he care.
    You are still you no matter what you are wearing. I can be any gender I want inside my mind whether I am wearing heels or oxfords.

  4. #29
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    To give a TG perspective (me) fwiw... I think very similarly in that area...

    I can't lose who I was, because I'm still that person. I'm not a man, but I never was. Even if it took me 50 years to figure that out and another few to do anything about it. I'm still me. I just understand better who that is now, and am able to be fully myself.

    I do hear what you're saying though Lana Mae - it took me a while to figure that out and believe it, and I went through a phase of wondering if I'd have to give up doing "male" things that I actually liked. Which is nonsense of course. But we all have our own process and it has to run its course. You'll get there and talking helps
    Last edited by Eemz; 06-04-2019 at 06:14 PM.

  5. #30
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    North Carolina
    Teresa: I am only going to say, a woman can do anything a man can do! Mechanic, computer tech, home renovations and decorating, machinist, plumber, etc!
    Lisa: Yes, I had thought about changing Harry to Harri! I will stick with Lana Mae!
    Teresa/Terri: If that is what you prefer!
    Kimberly: I have dropped many "guy things" like: hunting, fishing, cars, guns, and others! There is just no interest anymore! I am baking more and planning meals, grocery shopping, other household chores that the wife used to do! Harry did needlepoint, Lana Mae not so much!
    Sherry: Not sure that I feel like a woman most of the time! I do feel feminine most of the time! There is a difference!
    Daisy: No comment!
    Jentay: No comment!
    Jeri Ann: Yes, Lana Mae can do anything Harry can do! Lana Mae may even be able to do some things better than Harry! LOL
    Sallee: Well said! When I am dressed my dog acts the same as when I am not wearing wig, forms/bra, and make up!
    Eemz: Yes, each journey is different than the rest!

    Let me say that: Harry is present regardless of how I look! I am slowly integrating Harry and Lana Mae! It is a process and at times very difficult! Right now I am TG/NB but this could change anytime! I think Lana Mae will come forward as Harry fades into the background I do not foresee losing Harry-his essence, spirit, gifts will always be present to help guide Lana Mae who after all is part of Harry! The two will become one, regardless of presentation!
    I thank everyone for their feedback! I have considered what each has said and applied or rejected it as needed! Again, thanks! Love you gals!
    Hugs Lana Mae
    Last edited by Lana Mae; 06-04-2019 at 06:31 PM.
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  6. #31
    Just do it already! DaisyLawrence's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2017
    Fantasy Island
    Quote Originally Posted by jentay1367 View Post
    There is so much ingrained misogyny in our own community that's not even recognized by the very people that actually perpetrate it. Freud would have a field day. It really does serve an old hard to shake trope about us and the irony is, it is instigated from within our own walls and serves to validate it amongst our detractors.
    Exactly. And the really sad thing is that these dinosaurs that are determined to hang onto their father's male privilege afforded to them in a 1950's patriachal society have absolutely no idea that they behave this way regardless as to how often some members here point it out. This is why I rarely frequent these pages anymore, I have no desire to be associated with them.
    Last edited by DaisyLawrence; 06-05-2019 at 10:55 AM.

  7. #32
    mini kilted chick t-girlxsophie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Lanarkshire,Bonnie Scotland
    My wife,before she got too unwell was far more adept around the house,I've had to learn a few things but honestly if was left to me the place would fall apart.And honestly I would never have the gall to describe my wife,mother or any female as inept

    We look to Scotland,for all our Ideas of Civilisation-Voltaire


    A woman who loves to wear beautiful clothes is like a flower.
    A man who loves to emulate these women is a special flower-a rose
    Facebook:Sophie Johnson

  8. #33
    Senior Member Devi SM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Riverside, CA near, Corona, Los Angeles.
    Lana Mae, I haven't read all the comments in your interesting post. For sure during the day I'll read them, unusually say that there's too much wisdom in this web, especially in this section.
    Hou probably had read it before but for the sake of don't here I go:
    I was born in Chile, I lived ed there 40 years, I used to speak their language, not just Spanish but Chilean pretty well, now after 20 years a lot of time I don't understand them, I live their food too, the geography, etc. I can't deny all of that ut at the same time and with more intensity I love this country, the states and I'm very passionate about it.
    When I go there, I don't feel comfortable.
    It's impossible to forget it. I can't help.myself that from time to time memories from there come but I'm in new country and I live this life.
    I don't agree with those that say to live with both, I don't see how, of course we can't, from night to morning act and be like a woman but keep the man's image together with a woman's image is a weird thing, for me.
    Even though I think that's the transition. My voice is changing, I'm letting Devi get the control of my life and no David, with the time I'll be a mixture of both but I hope to keep the less of him.
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  9. #34
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Here we go again , I simply pass on genuine comments from GGs and end up being called ridiculous names , do I pass on the comments made here to the GGs who say they need someone to do jobs they admit they can''t do , their words not mine !!

    Lana , I know full well many women are capable of the jobs you list along with many others but many are not , at the same time they can do jobs I'm not capable of , I'm not ashjamed to admit that . As I said it's what makes a good team in marriages !
    Last edited by Teresa; 06-06-2019 at 02:29 PM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  10. #35
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    What’s important is how you feel about your own answer

    I think the nature of the question is kind of existential and impossible to answer

    I transitioned at 47. I’m 57 now. UGH

    I thought everything would change.
    It didn’t.

    More and more it feels like nothing changed. Like it’s always been this way

    I read thru all the posts. So many stories and experiences

    One thing that stands out is that I don’t think there are “man” things and “woman” things.
    There are no thoughts that are exclusive to men or women

    Pamela above has a great point in that dropping the facade and giving up trying to fake your gender
    Is to incredibly liberating.

    It should feel natural.

    So if you feel “him” in a moment. So what. It’s just you
    It’s always and forever more. “Just you”.
    I am real

  11. #36
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    As an aside I would like to say how much I appreciate the new moderation as I see it much more open and less heavy handed than it once was. That alone will allow the discourse in this section of the site to thrive and become more interesting. If I might suggest leaving threads open as well for others to discover and add to at a later date may also help in increasing discourse of a richer and more valuable nature. Obviously, ad hominem attacks and troll behavior needs to be throttled, but barring that, I have noticed a much better conversation occurring lately.Just a thanks and a suggestion to try and help improve the quality of information we share with one another.

  12. #37
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    SE PA
    ...and now back to the OP.


    I too was never much of a male all my life. Interestingly, my given first name is can be male or female - I have wondered if my parents knew something about my gender when they named me. Today as my authentic self I no longer worry about identifying as a male (or female) - I just go out into the world as I see fit for the occasion.

    My life, whether I like it or not, is recorded in a book of memories which my children, family, friends and colleagues will recall. I can't remove the 'male' pages of the book, but the late-life chapters being written, from my perspective, will be my true identity - near-female.

    So I have not had to deal with the issue, but I wish you the best in resolving Harry's future.

  13. #38
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Utah, north of West Jordan, south of North Salt Lake & west of South Salt Lake
    Happy Birthday Lana, many more!

    I've faced this question as well and try as I might, I can't find very many places in my life where I can parse out Dave from Sarah. In the last several weeks I've come out to my oldest friends and their response, so far, has been "so what?" My personality is only partially dependent on my gender, the rest of it comes from years and years and years of interactions with others, me exploring my interests, meeting obligations and letting it all blend in a stew. I'm the pretty much the same smart ass regardless of how I'm presenting.

    That being said I may find if/when I end up living 24/7 that some things change. But things have changed so many times before, this is just a continuation of life as I know it. To use the home renovation analogy, the foundation is the same regardless, it's just I'm finding new ways to decorate old rooms and maybe I'll even find a couple rooms that have been ignored for Oh so long that will finally get the attention they deserve.

    My name, Sarah, makes others much more comfortable when I wear dresses and makeup and don't hide my breast development. My preferred pronouns when I'm by myself are: I, Me, Mine. It's not Dave, Sarah, She, Him, His etc. I am still here, how others refer to me is their call, I just hope I learn to not let their mistakes become my discomfort or reality.
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

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