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Thread: New here, need a friend

  1. #1
    New Member
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    Wink New here, need a friend

    Hi!!! I'm new here, and new to being open about my feminine side. I recently came out to my wife and was surprised by how well she took it. She is so supportive and I feel so lucky to have her. She buys me outfits, and makes me feel loved for who I am, but I still struggle with the fact that society looks down on people like us. I'm not trans, I love my masculine side as well. I love the duality, both male and female. Just looking for like minded people to talk to. I think having someone to talk to who feels like me would be beneficial.

  2. #2
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    Hi Nikki , OK now the ball s in her court now just go slow and don't overwhelm her. >Orchid ..00..
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

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  3. #3
    Member April Rose's Avatar
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    Hi, Nikki, and Welcome! You will find a lot of good, sensible information here. You are really lucky to have a supportive wife. Not every one here is so lucky. Treasure her.

    A word of caution; You have just come out to your wife, and she has been accepting. Don't take that as a blank check to go crazy and push things too far, too fast. Give her time to process all this. It is very important right now that you focus on her, and what she needs in this new situation that you have put her in. If you do this right, it can be great for both of you. If you do it wrong, you are setting the both of you up for problems down the road.

    Make sure your wife knows you love her. Make sure she knows that she is your priority, and communicate,communicate, communicate!
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Hi Nikki, Good to have you with us. I think you should go to the introduction forum and give us a hello from there.
    Crissy

  5. #5
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum. Always nice to hear a success story with the wives! It keeps all the rest of us hopeful.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  6. #6
    Member Kaylin's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum Nikki

  7. #7
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum - you have a good wife

  8. #8
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    Hi Nikki! It's so much easier with a spouse that accepts you for who you are!

  9. #9
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    Welcome Nikki, your not the only one here who like both parts of their lives.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  10. #10
    Silver Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Welcome Nikki,

    As Rachel says, you're not alone in liking the duality in their lives. For me it's an enrichment, a different aspect to life. It gives us a glimpse into the daily lives of GG's.

    You're right of course, there are those who do treat us with a certain contempt. However read here regularly and you'll find many instances of members engaging with the muggles and being treated with total respect and acceptance.

    You haven't said that you go out dressed. For some it's the holy grail, for others they're happy to stay within four walls. Those that struggle with actually taking that first step outside often report it's the fear of being read, of being mocked or ridiculed. It's often described as the fear of the mob with pitchforks and burning torches. What's also written is that the reality is it's those voices in our heads that prevent us going out when the reality is it's far easier to go out without any issues than those voices would have you believe.

    Again to mirror what others have written. Don't take your SO's acceptance for granted. Ask if she's comfortable with what you may want to do in the future. You have a huge ally in her. Don't however take that as a given.

  11. #11
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Hi Niki,

    Welcome come to our little community. Like you, I am happy with both my female and male sides. Having a supportive spouse certainly makes it easier. Like the others have said take your time and don't overwhelm her.

    Hugs,
    Robin

  12. #12
    Member Andrea Renea's Avatar
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    Welcome Nikki!

    I'm with you. Love both sides of my life too. It great to switch over to Andrea from time to time.

  13. #13
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    HI NIkki. Welcome. Sounds like you had a great start with your wife. Enjoy.

  14. #14
    Member luuv2dress's Avatar
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    Hi Nikki and Welcome to the forum. There are many of us dealing with the same thing, loving both worlds. You’ve gotten through the worse of telling your spouse.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum. I think you will enjoy this place - so many diverse views and you can learn so much.

    Take it easy on proceeding after just coming out. It can be a hazardous time. Keep in tune with your wife's reactions to various things and be open to compromise. You two will do well.

    Appreciating both of your sides seems to be quite common. It is satisfying something quite deep that appears to be different in different people. Perhaps a very mild form of transgender behavior and thinking. I am much the same way. I find that when it comes to the more emotional aspects of life Gretchen takes over and guides the path there. But the more matter of fact situations my masculine side takes over. And if it is both emotional and intellectual both participate in a complementary way. I came out in 2012 and it took until early 2018 to find and fully understand that combo. Very comfortable and a joy to be able to use both sides. I see it as an expansion of the pattern in cisgender people, like my wife, that have to operate in a narrower zone of gender variation. Both have advantages and disadvantages. Which is better is not the point; the point is they are different ways of moving through life and both are very workable even though each has a difficult time understanding how the other can function that way. To me, it is a matter of acceptance combined with a willingness to adapt and compromise.

  16. #16
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    Thank you all for the support, great advice, and warm welcome!

  17. #17
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    Hi Nikki, you are very lucky to have such an understanding partner, so that is something worth looking after.

    I too am a cross dresser and embrace both masculine and feminine side it works very well for me and has for many many years now, I love doing masculine things with pretty underwear under my male clothes as well as dressing fully as a female when the need arises, other than my partner, who is supportive even though she doesn't fully understand, there is only one other person that knows about Rachel and that is a very good lady friend of mine

    The one thing you will find here by the bucket load is like minded people, it is a safe place to come an due yourself

  18. #18
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    Hiya Nikki and welcome,

    This forum is a great place to share your thoughts and feelings. Crossdressers come in all types of thoughts, feelings and needs. You are lucky to have a wife who is understanding. Be aware that couples dealing with this desire are likely to experience highs and lows. The more you exchange information and experiences here I am sure you will understand.

    Also be aware that this forum is pretty honest. Folks here usally tell you what they really think. I find that refreshing. Feel free to ask questions and share your thoughts with the people here. Hopefully you will find this site to be helpful like I do.

    Finally, as others have said, now that you and your wife have your crossdressing desires openly being discussed now, take things slow and always keep her feelings as your most important concern, and keep up with the open honest communication.

    Have fun and stay safe,

    Teri
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  19. #19
    Member Veronica4me's Avatar
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    It definitely helps to have people to talk to, Nikki! I was amazed at how many other gurls there are in this world. You are not alone! Have a great day!
    Veronica

    Love who you are! You are uniquely you!!

  20. #20
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Welcome glad you are here.
    Lots of very nice people on this forum.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  21. #21
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    I say recently but it has been about a year since I told her, but it has been just a month or two since she seems to have fully embraced it. At first she was confused and rightfully so. Honestly I was too. I had secretly dressed and underdressed when and where I could, and I hated myself for it. No matter how bad I felt, no matter how many times I swore I would never do it again, I always found myself in a pair of panties or other feminine clothing when the opportunity presented itself. I hid it from her for a year of marriage. Eventually I came to terms with my desires and accepted myself and loved myself for the first time in my life. Once I did that I realized what I had to do. I had to tell her no matter the consequences. So I did. It was the scariest thing I ever did, but I was also the best decision I ever made. She had strict rules at first, which I tried my best to adhere to. She started to notice how much stress melted away when I was dressed. So when I would be stressed out she would tell me to go "put something on" our marriage was not bad to begin with, but it got better. My honesty with her caused her to open up to me about things she had hidden as well. Now we have ZERO secrets. I never thought a marriage could be like this. I always assumed I would just have to settle. Now she buys Nikki clothes, wigs, and other accessories, and she helps with my make-up. Now she will even text me at work and ask if she can have some "Nikki time" that evening. I say this not to brag, because I know that there are so many men out there who have had the opposite experience. I say this to give HOPE. Be true to you and there are women out there that will love you for you. It all starts with accepting and loving yourself. Have a great day girls!!!

  22. #22
    Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
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    Welcome.
    I too could use a friend that's good with being male as well as having a female side. Someone to talk about engines, transmissions... mechanical, home improvement as well as makeup or outfits. I enjoy both sides of myself an I too have a very supportive wife of 11 years.
    I'm in Orlando Florida if close coffee or shopping

  23. #23
    Member Veronica4me's Avatar
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    Wow, Nikki! You are so blessed to have a wife like that!
    Veronica

    Love who you are! You are uniquely you!!

  24. #24
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Welcome Nikki. FYI, Facade is a fairly well established Drag family name. You’re not one of the Long Beach Facades are you?

  25. #25
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    No, I had know idea it was an established drag family name. The wife actually came up with it. I'm in Tennessee, and far from being a girl who could perform in a drag show yet.

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