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Thread: Being a CD and a father

  1. #1
    Fancy For Feet Palaina Nocturnus's Avatar
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    Being a CD and a father

    I am 42 years old and I have 2 sons, 20 years old and 2 years old. My girlfriend has an 11 year old daughter. My girlfriend is the mother to my 2 year old.

    My oldest son grew up with me trying to find my true self and has accepted that I am a CD. He is a straight A student that started college at 16 years old, is a Christian (I am too, most people opposed to CDs seem to be from my religious preference lol) and he is heterosexual. Since my 2 year old was born, I've fully dressed up in front of him.

    My girlfriend has asked that I do not dress up fully around her daughter or our son. I'm very conflicted on this. I love and treat her daughter as if she was my own. My dressing up has nothing to do with sexuality as far as getting aroused is concerned.

    I still experience sexual arousal when I get dressed up and go out to a club or bar or festival, but at home I feel nothing. I'm allowed to wear female clothing like cute tops, short shorts and capris around her, and my toe nails are constantly painted and adorned with toe rings and anklets. In fact, her daughter has put on outfits to match me, I'm the only one that listens to her pop music, I love to dance and I'm very outspoken about how men are really mean to women. She has said she loves that I'm not like any other males that she knows.

    I'm not looking for negative comments or negative opinions. I'm seeking advice and a good natured debate if necessary.

    I feel like my girlfriend is contributing to the problem facing CDs today. It's ok if I go into a women's restroom while dressed up as long as it's not with her daughter. It's ok for the both of them to wear daisy dukes but not me because it "shows my bulge in front and butt in back". My girlfriend can show her cleavage (at 5'5" she has very beautiful 38DDs so it's quite obvious lol) but I'm not allowed to wear my padded bra. I understand but I'm against it. I'm so conflicted. When it comes to exposing my buttocks or genital area I FULLY understand and comply to not doing that around ANY of our kids, it kinda goes without saying.

    I hope I have made sense cuz I'm really stuck on this topic
    Live, laugh, love!

  2. #2
    Happy to be here! mattea's Avatar
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    Palaina,

    It sounds like to me, that you need to really have some heart to heart discussions with your girlfriend. Many of the things you are trying to justify here are with a group of people who already share some of your same interests. Basically and with all due respect, you don't need to convince us, you need to convince her. I have a fully accepting and participatory wife in what it is that I am and what I do, but it took a lot of work, compromise, cries, fights and frustrations for us to find our common ground and from there we built things up to where we are completely on the same page. The only time we go off the rails is when we don't talk or communicate what our needs and feelings are. Many of the ladies and our friends here will tell you it is about compromise, and that you will have to sacrifice some things to get a few in return and I guess that is true, but it all starts with genuine, loving, conversation and debate of what it is that you want to achieve or be.

    Remember that everyone has their own comfort level with their identity and what they think is right and wrong and if I were to suggest anything is that you focus on the positives within the relationship and how being what we are can be a positive thing for your children. (you already mentioned a few positives)

    I have seen it with my own children, and they have taught me much more than I will ever know or understand about acceptance because they have not learned as many of the stereotypes and bigotries that I was brought up with. My kids are much more accepting and kind I think because they have learned to embrace differences, where I was brought up to be afraid of them.

    Whatever happens and know that honesty, and love may not get you where you want to be, but it is certainly the right thing to go with, and considering your comment about your faith, prayer is always worth your time.

    Good Luck!

    Mattea
    Love makes everyone equal.

  3. #3
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    You shouldn't be showing those areas in the first place why are you "conflicted" about that?
    Your GF and her daughter shouldn't either.
    If you are confined to their rules then you are letting them control you and once you do that they lose all respect for you.
    The fact they can do whatever they want and you can't speaks volumes.
    I'm not saying that to be mean so please understand its just my observation based on the info I have that came from your words.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 06-11-2019 at 08:51 PM.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  4. #4
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    Most people 25 and older in our society have been taught since childhood what is right and wrong. The thing is, it was normal in the past for men and women to be held to different standards. When I was in school, it was school board dress code policy that boys could not have hair that touched their shirt collar nor wear earrings. You would be sent home if you violated these rules. It is ingrained very deep into some people's thinking that men should be what traditional men have always been. So needless to say, people just feel crossdressing is wrong. They cant articulate why, especially without saying that women can do it because they are women. So your girlfriend probably just "feels" that what you are doing is wrong. The problem is that people seem to see what other people do wrong is "more wrong" than their own issues. I have actually had a pothead dope dealing woman with no morality that openly steals and cheats tell me that crossdressing is wrong. So like Tracii said, you dont have to be mean, but you do have to stand up for yourself. You should be allowed to dress however you choose. I guarantee your girlfriend dresses however she chooses.
    Last edited by char GG; 06-12-2019 at 03:57 AM. Reason: see rule about religion

  5. #5
    Gold Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Palaina,
    I think you might need to have a think about what your Cding needs are , the sexual element is a slight concern or appears to be so with your GF , she does sound uncomfortable with that aspect and possibly has some doubts as far as the children are concerned . Does she feel your relationship with the dasughter is a little unhealthy ?

    As far a going out is concerned maybe you should accept tucking and wearing a bar has the obvious answer , your GF needs to wear one to give her the support she needs while you do not .

    You must consider what makes other people uncomfortable , acceptance will come in stages but it won't happen at all if you don't show some respect to others .
    The real me ,no going back.

  6. #6
    Female impostornator! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I'm unqualified to speak on your dressing issues with your GF. The two of u need to come to a workable compromise.

    However, I was once a kid and I raised two also. So, I can speak to that. I grew up in the 50's so I guess my parents were way ahead of their time. They didn't intentionally walk around naked. But, until my sister and I were about 10? They didn't intentionally hide their naked bodies from us either. As a result I grew up without phobias regarding nakedness.

    With my daughters, they were allowed to walk around the house naked or half dressed as toddlers. Hopefully, my ex wasn't shy about hiding her body from them. I didn't feel it was appropriate for them to see me naked after about age 3. However, I never hid my "bulges" from them. Nor did I ever comment on the bulges that they developed as they grew.

    It is my opinion that parents should let children learn about gender and sexual differences on their own and in their own time. My older girl was quite involved with boys by age 10. We had the "talk" when she was about 12. I thot my younger one mite be gay until she finally starting dating boys in high school! She was 16 before we had the "talk!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  7. #7
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    The only advise I can offer is to continue to have discussions on all the conflicting issues. Too many times discussions are just not serious. For me it is never adequate to say or accept "I don't like it!" The issue is really "Why don't you like it?" Each spouse/partner may have a valid reason for his or her position.

    Tracii makes the issue sort of a "control issue." This notion of control is always a two way street. The husband/male wants to wear women's clothing. The wife/woman says she does not like it. The guy does it anyway with an "in your face, take it or leave it" attitude. Isn't that controlling also? This issue of controlling is not limited to cross dressing.

  8. #8
    Seamstress of Skirts Asew's Avatar
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    Sounds like you girlfriend is accepting of partial dressing around the kids. Do you have outlets to fully dress on occasion?

    My wife initially only gave me the ok to wear skirts in front of my kids. Then over time things like bracelets, rings, anklets, hair accessories, cardigans, dresses, and satin pj bottoms have been allowed around them. But she doesn't like if an outfit has too much femme though. Things like hoisery, shoes, and pursed are taboo (though my wife has mentioned I have these things on a few occasions in front of them so they know I have some). But this works for me since I identify as non-binary and love to mix a Hawaiian shirt with a nice skirt. But it seems like both my wife and your girlfriend are just trying to downplay our femme expression.

    I would be too afraid of things spilling out in something as short a daisy duke. I also I worry about bulge, but realized my male clothes never hid a bulge if you were looking so while I tend to pick things like gathered/pleated skirt styles to minimize it and avoid things like pencil skirts that make it stick out like a sore thumb.

  9. #9
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    She is 100% within her rights to dictate rules for her daughter. They may seem absurd or unreasonable, but no matter how much you care for her, that is still your girlfriend’s child which means she gets to make all the decisions. As to the child you have together, that gets a little more complicated, because you DO have a say in how that child is raised. However if you look at it practically, if you’re going to respect her wish and not dress in front of her kid, then basically by default you won’t be dressing in front of your youngest.

  10. #10
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Absolutely 100% has the right to dictate rules to her daughter and more than likely her daughter will always mean more to her than you will. So get used to that you are not her father but just a man married to her Mom.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  11. #11
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    I'm afraid there isn't an easy path for you. If you love your girlfriend and respect her then the best advice is to try to accommodate her wishes. I recommend you tell your girlfriend that you love her and she comes first in your life. You respect her opinions on raising the children and you will do your best to live within her boundaries. It is important that the lines of communication remain opened. When you cannot crossdress you need to tell her that it is difficult for you. Let her know that crossdressing makes you happy and provides sensations of well-being, gratification, reduces stress, and is just hardwired into your brain. Thank her for any crossdressing liberties you allows you. I believe that over time, she will give you small incremental freedoms as she learns that there is nothing to fear from your crossdressing.

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