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Thread: Tempus fugit

  1. #1
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Tempus fugit

    If you’re a regular here then you’ll know I’m in the closet to all. Both my SO and I are both retired so are around each other a lot. Like others who move into retirement finding the time to dress seemed daunting at the start but as each gets into their own daily rhythms spaces start to appear that allow for a little me time.

    Once a week I usually get a 4-5 hour window of home alone time and can dress fully sans makeup but for the most part it’s a pull on skirt and a tee. Something I refer to in my diary as being PF, Partially Femme. Occasionally time might permit forms and a pair of heels.

    Anyway I began to realise that I was PF more and more frequently as my SO’s daily diary filled up with regular commitments and I was left home alone. Hence I decided to keep a track of it. So last Saturday I set the stopwatch function on my smartphone running as I started to dress. Back to drab, pause stopwatch, a bit of PF time, resume. That way I got a running total of time spent with my legs hanging out the hem of a skirt.

    Holy moly, after the last PF period on Friday I was left staring at a total of…………this is the X factor results dramatic pause bit…………..over a 7 day period, 28 hours! An that’s an average of 4 hours a day. I'll take that thank you.

    So perhaps if you’re one of those who face moving into retirement and are worried it could have the potential to seriously curtail your dressing, take heart. Things have a way of sorting themselves out.

    So as I type this, knickers and bras are in the washing machine, I’m in a blue dress with a pair of strappy heels, forms, wig and with four hours I can call my own. Tick tock.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  2. #2
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    Helen,
    The story has mixed feelings for me , on the one hand it's great you are still finding those precious hours and on the other it's not good you may have to accept these limitations for the rest of your CDing life . I know you get special Helen time once or twice a year but will that now continue with both of you in retirement ?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Helen, I'd kill for 28 hours a week to dress. I think you are doing OK.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  4. #4
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    Helen

    I can relate to your story. We are retired too and I am in a DADT situation. We are both active with lots of interests, but my CD time is largely confined to my ‘cave’ of an evening when she is watching TV. Maybe a couple of hours three or four times a week, plus when she goes to a class or sport for a few hours when I can put on a bra and forms under drab, may be a skirt as wall.

    I have one other advantage. We generally sleep I separate bedrooms, together occasionally, so at night I can sleep in bra, forms, nightdress/slip - so that’s 8 hours 7 days a week. Just worked it out, 65-70 hours a week – can’t complain.

    Currently she is away visiting relatives for a few days, so I am having lots of Vikky time. Yo!

    Vikky
    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Adventure before dementia

  5. #5
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    My wife just moved into full retirement mode. I had become accustom to her being home for the summer months. She had been semi retired as a substitute teacher working when and where she wanted. I have been retired for a full eleven years. Even before I retired I had "Stephanie" time. She worked and I took a "mental health day." I grew out of what I called is "grabbing some crumbs of time." When I had the opportunity to be en femme it was seven hours a day when she was working. And, it was all or nothing. It was a pretty dress, hosiery and heels, and the proper undergarments (bra, panty, slip) and wig. No makeup because it was too time consuming to apply and remove. I did not endlessly stand in front of a mirror trying on dresses. No fashion shows. I did domestic chores; cooking and baking, laundry and ironing, vacuuming and changing bed linens, etc. It was a day a la June Cleaver.

    So, we have entered full retirement mode. Due to a visual impairment issue my wife does not drive. Even if she did all that would allow is a brief bit of time. Nothing like seven hours. Will I go nuts? I cannot tell yet. I have plenty of activities to fill my previous eight hours of work time.

    What's going to take up the slack? I am on this forum. I cringed when I read some of your have not dressed but once or twice a year. Or have almost no wardrobe. I can understand the frustrations. My wife and I do sleep apart because of health issues. I sleep in floor length nylon nightgowns and a nylon brief. Is that femme time? Heck. I'm dead a sleep for seven hours. I really cannot call that unconscious state "femme time." Over the past two years I started a collection of Vanity Fair panties in the styles I like. I have no intention of wearing them. I love collecting the colors. Please, don't tell me I'm nuts. Why collect panties you're never going to wear? Well, what about the postage stamps you're never going to use of mail? Or coins you're never going to spend? Collecting panties does give me something to experience in the realm of cross dressing. Oh, I do wear the basic white and black and neutral colors under my guy shorts and jeans.

    My wife is going to continue using her professional skills after the summer break as a volunteer. We'll see how it works out.

    On a slightly different note. My wife had "women's surgery" in the abdominal area. It is more comfortable for her to wear dresses than pants. Darn, if she does not look pretty in dresses rather than those women's plain jeans.

  6. #6
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    I was hopping to kick the habit by the time I retire!
    I was thinking if I purge then I won't be able to dress if I get the urge.
    My SO clothes are way to small so I could never sneak them.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  7. #7
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Helen,
    The story has mixed feelings for me , on the one hand it's great you are still finding those precious hours and on the other it's not good you may have to accept these limitations for the rest of your CDing life . I know you get special Helen time once or twice a year but will that now continue with both of you in retirement ?
    Teresa,

    Fret not, Those special times you refer to have continued even though we've both been retired for nearly 4 years. Yep more time to go out would always be welcome but as Jamie eludes to in her post, (see below) I'm a good deal luckier than many. I couldn't see myself going full time so the time I spend in drab is given over to doing the "getting on with life" stuff. I'm content with my life as it stands. No point in wishing your life away. Make the best of what you have and see a glass half full.

    Quote Originally Posted by alwayshave View Post
    Helen, I'd kill for 28 hours a week to dress. I think you are doing OK.
    Jamie,

    Yep, I think I'm doing OK to.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  8. #8
    Member BettyMorgan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing View Post
    I was hopping to kick the habit by the time I retire!
    I was thinking if I purge then I won't be able to dress if I get the urge.
    It's not a habit, it's part of your identity. It's who you are. Just like it's part of my identity, too.
    I know you've been around long enough to know that purging does not help. At all.
    You, my friend, are going to have to come up with a more creative solution.

    I'm happy for Helen that they can express their gender this way. Some people can't in the same way so they underdress or get their ears pierced, or wear a little foundation on a daily basis. For some, that's enough. I wear women's clothing everyday. But it's blouses and pants that are femme and I can get away with at my job and with my SO. Do what you can to stay happy.
    They/Them
    I love dressing as a woman.

  9. #9
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BettyMorgan View Post
    It's not a habit, it's part of your identity. It's who you are. Just like it's part of my identity, too.
    I know you've been around long enough to know that purging does not help. At all.
    You, my friend, are going to have to come up with a more creative solution.
    It really depends upon the individual, and the situation they are in.

    I somehow managed to not crossdress or even feel uncomfortable about it for about 10 years. When everything else in my life is going well, apparently my mind can 'bury' the desire to crossdress so deep in my subconscious so well that I never even realize it's happening. There are others here as well who managed to 'quit' for long periods of time. So it may be possible for some. I'm not saying it works for everyone, but first figuring out what caused the desire can sometimes help.

    Do what you can to stay happy.
    ^this. It's all we can do.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  10. #10
    Member BettyMorgan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sometimes_miss View Post
    It really depends upon the individual, and the situation they are in.

    I somehow managed to not crossdress or even feel uncomfortable about it for about 10 years. When everything else in my life is going well, apparently my mind can 'bury' the desire to crossdress so deep in my subconscious so well that I never even realize it's happening. There are others here as well who managed to 'quit' for long periods of time. So it may be possible for some. I'm not saying it works for everyone, but first figuring out what caused the desire can sometimes help.
    Yes, you're correct if we separate people who see this as a habit to kick like smoking, a fetish (sexual gratification), or an identity.
    They/Them
    I love dressing as a woman.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Worrying or wondering does not in a way help, if dressing life is restricted to spells here and there then so be it its no good fretting because situations often dictate, I think for most any time being able to dress is a blessing and I am sure lots of us would wish for longer periods of dressing.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  12. #12
    Senior Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Helen,

    I'm a PFer much like you. Catch as catch can. I think your timer idea was a good one; we tend to be bad judges of how much time we spend doing something. At least until we run out of time and there are a lot of things left on the todo list. The PF works for me and it appears it is similar with you.

    I think Betty really hit the nail on the head. And others recognized it as well. If you are reasonably comfortable with whatever you have then there is a consistency between your expression and the fundamentals of your identity. There is no ultimate goal we all have to reach or be considered unsuccessful. It is whatever makes us feel right, consistent, calm, at peace with the whole package that is us. I used to push to more and more feminine expression and found it only increased my dysphoria. It was inconsistent with who I am. When I pulled back to a PF position I felt much better. Took a little time to realize that "escalation" is not a good fit for a lot of us. I like your acronym of PF. I think I may start using it. Works for me.

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