Submissive feelings ?

[Bea_]

Abbie,
I'd guess that my post came across as being totally anti-submission. But, the first paragraph of my post was directed to the original post asking about crossdressing making me feel 'submissive'.

True compromise is more of an 'equal submission' for both parties. If it's agreed upon and is reasonable, no problem. If one party unilaterally sets the boundaries and the other complies because the cost of non-compliance is too high, it's one-sided submission.

But, you have made me rethink the DADT=submission position. DADT, if truly an acceptable situation for both parties, would be equal submission or 'compromise'. But, for me, it would kinda be the equivalent of 'making love with the lights off' so your partner isn't disgusted to see what you really look like.

In my personal case, my wife has submitted to a big degree by an often reluctant tolerance of my style. She's helped me pick out things and occasionally even compliments what I'm wearing. But, it's very clear that she wishes it would just go away.

I have submitted by trying to be considerate of the ill defined and gradually changing boundaries of her comfort zone. But, at some point, I begin to feel that she just married the wrong guy, and for some very specific reasons, I don't want to be the 'right' guy.

[chrissietoo]

Bea I think there's a line that can be drawn between 'submission' and 'compromise'. I'm not currently dressing, at my wife's request, but I don't feel like that's submission per se. I've modified my own will in the short term because I recognise her needs currently are greater than my own. If she were to capitulate and let me dress as I saw fit, despite her obvious misgivings I would be more than a little disquiet Ed at how overbearing I must be to inspire such submission.
Sacrifice is another thing, sharing food for example. If I were ceding food to a supposed alpha in an act of submission? Well, I couldn't countenance that. But giving it to someone in greater need? What's submissive about that?
But then I think you kind of argued the same points despite a fairly black and white first para. 😁

I think there is accommodation in any relationship, just doing things to make something work, and that usually takes compromise. I look at being submissive as more of a personality or emotional trait, gaining emotional satisfaction when another's needs or desires are dominant. I'm naturally somewhat submissive, and when I'm dressed I naturally express that more; and that feels satisfying and right. (and sexually, it's awesome IMSO (In My Submissive Opinion).

I gather there are men who want to be MADE to dress as a submissive thing. I want to dress first and for many reasons and when I'm dressing I am more submissive and emotionally satisfied by giving in to another and putting their needs and desires first.

[abbiedrake]

Oh I understand of lot of that, Chrissie.
It's somewhat amusingly paradoxical that sexual submission is a power transfer, which is perfectly healthy.
Of course submission, particularly outside the bedroom, as required condition is neither healthy nor desirable, whether that's actual slavery or toxic masculinity matters little.
Interestingly, as noted, submission works for me on a fantasy level to a degree but for real bedroom fun my kicks lay in being a top. To each their own. Delightfully.

[April T]

I switch.