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Thread: Breakthrough... 🙂

  1. #1
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    Breakthrough... 🙂

    It’s been a week since the following...

    I sat down with my wife as things were not going great. It was clear something wasn’t right and a feeling of hope was fading.

    I approached the conversation calm and prepared. This time I didn’t panic. I let her talk and explain her feelings and why it might be over.

    I asked questions back. I basically let her control the way the conversation went. I let her express how she was feeling. I kept my responses short and honest.

    After a good few hours we were giving it a go again. Thank god.

    To bullet point some of the key points in the discussion. And these are just a few fixes from the convo from my perspective:

    I felt for us to move forward we needed to even out the way things are. No more boxing my thing and hiding it deep down. I needed to be myself and she needed to stop ignoring it like it didn’t exist. We had to respect each other as equals.

    Once we moved on from that, the topic turned to obsession. I had to prove going forward she was my priority. That I’m not obsessed with it. I can only prove that over time but she was happy with that response. As it goes back to; restricting me causes frustration and makes it appear to be an obsession. Plus boxing and hiding it away does not help either. This ones a work in progress. But progress none the less.

    Lastly, I said i needed her help. Her guidance. So I don’t feel alone with it. She doesn’t have to see me dressed up but to help me where she can to not get things wrong and get better at my feminine side. Examples being clothes, makeup etc.

    Now for the breakthrough... and if you made it this far thank you....

    I stupidly I put dark nail polish straight on to my nails.
    I told her about this on the phone. She called me silly and said I should have used a base coat, she then offered to get me some!

    I know it’s a fairly small gesture but I see it as a very small step to working on acceptance of my femme side.

    And at this point I’m grateful she is trying and it means the world to me. She also has asked that I be honest with her in return. I’m happy to do that. I’ve got to get better at talking about this side of me so honesty will help.

    I hope this helps people in the same position.
    Listen to your wife. If you want love to succeed it has to be natural and a neutral decision. I’m glad my wife has that in her to see the good in me despite the person I am. We both love and care deeply for one another.

    The future is uncertain for nearly everyone.
    I can only hope mine becomes clearer with each day that passes.

  2. #2
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    Good luck in the future.
    Sounds like you had an extensive talk and that is promising news.

  3. #3
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    It is a very, very good sign! Now that you've had a good sign and a good breakthrough … step back! Step waaaayyy back. Dress as you like, but don't make a 'thing' of it. Don't mention it. And otherwise make her the center of your world.
    Too much mascara is almost enough.

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  4. #4
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I love your approach to this follow up talk with her. Everything you said is so true and correct. I know my personality and listening, well or not, is not my strong point, and wanting to defend my position to to correct every little error in a serious conversation is how I am wired. However, when I finally had that follow up talk with my son I told him to be honest, mad or frustrated, quiet or loud as he needed to be. well, "the talk" was held in the restaurant after a great sushi meal. He was honest, mad and did raise his voice. I forced myself to listen and only a few times did I have to correct a big misconception. It went wonderful from my point of view. He does not like it at all that his Dad says she is now a woman. But he does tolerate it and is almost normal with me, only making a comment when he doesn't like something I wear, "Why did you wear that?". I keep my mouth shut and ignore the question because I clearly received the message. Keep up the great work and good luck going into the future. Just to remember to only walk and not run because you may end up going backward!

  5. #5
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    It may only be a small thing but your wife telling you to use a base coat before the color and offering to get it for you is a very nice breakthrough. It definitely shows some acceptance and that things are going in the right direction.
    Crissy

  6. #6
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    IMPRESSIVE!! She IS trying. Give her credit for that. It does take a great deal for us to hear “our husband wants to dress like a female”. It’s simply such a foreign concept for us,.....we feel our whole world has just tipped on it’s axis. We are asking ourselves, “[I]what’s happening to me, am I losing my mind, have I done something to cause this, what is going to happen here, are people going to find out”? For days after the “reveal” I was in shock mode. Had a breakdown. Cried cried cried. Just give her lots of TIME and SPACE. Understand and validate HER fear, thoughts and worries.

  7. #7
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I don’t mean to rain on your parade too much, but it sounds like the end results of your conversation was HER making a lot of concessions. What are you doing for her in return?

    (I’m sure it was more balanced, but a reminder to always be considering her as well.)

  8. #8
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    Hi Dannie , It sounds like you are headed in the ight direction,

    Just be careful not to overwhelm her with this program.


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  9. #9
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    Dannie,
    Maybe let the dust settle for a while , youi may be thinking about nothing else but she has her life to live as well , let the talk sink in .

    Is it an obsession ? No matter how much you try it will remain so until you have the freedom to find yourself and achieve a balance , your wife may not see it this way and assume you are pushing too hard . Obviously she will be scared at times knowing you may want more , the problem I had was not spending too much , it's very unfair on a wife to spend more money on clothes etc. than she does .

    I tried asking for help when I started going out socially but she refused , I feel she was hoping I would m,ake a total fool of myself , well it made me all the more determined to make it work .
    Last edited by Teresa; 06-19-2019 at 02:50 PM.

  10. #10
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    I appreciate everyone’s comments. I have been here a few times before to be honest.

    This time feels different. I realise now that it’s the reassurance she needs. The help where required, she needs me me to be attentive to her needs. Respect her.

    So far after a week we are still smiling at each other.
    She’s doing an Avon order soon and has asked if there is anything I need. I said my foundation is getting low. She is going to help me pick the right one for my skin tone and order it with her stuff. So happy. Feels like progress. 🙂

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    ❤️❤️❤️ I hope you have worked through it.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    Sounds promising. I definitely agree that it seems like an obsession until you have a big enough outlet to explore it in.

  12. #12
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    Seems like you handled the conversation in a very mature, constructive and realistic manner. I like Macey’s advice about stepping back a bit. Give yourselves some time to process, don’t make the mistake I did and basically retreat from the subject for months.
    Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.

    Eleanor Roosevelt

  13. #13
    Member Melissa_Me's Avatar
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    Well done for letting your wife express her feelings and thoughts and not make the conversation all about you and what you want.

    She will get to a point where she is comfortable and maybe one day want to see you dressed.

    The base coat break through is such a big step for her, that's amazing for both of you.
    Keep taking things slowly and in the future sit her down again and ask her again how she feels 'X' time in the future.

    Good luck to you both, express yourself and enjoy.
    Xx

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    I don’t mean to rain on your parade too much, but it sounds like the end results of your conversation was HER making a lot of concessions. What are you doing for her in return?
    That's what I read into the posting too. I see this a lot. Inching along. Beware! At some point in time a wife is going to realize the end game is not what she thought it would end up being. Compromises usually mean each party gets something rather than just ceding issue time and time again.

    Has anybody ever had these conversations and laid it all out to what the final end game will be? Just wondering.

  15. #15
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Dannie, I'm glad that your conversation has your relationship heading in a positive direction.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Leelou's Avatar
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    Dannie, congratulations on the honest conversation and your mutual decision to save the relationship. It's a big red flag to me that the marriage was at the brink of a breakup, so I agree with those to make an effort to step back and take things very slowly.

    Best of luck to you and your wife.

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