Oh I know getting management to admit anything can be hard to do.
Oh I know getting management to admit anything can be hard to do.
I’m not sure the specifics of your industry, but I’m an airline pilot and there is no way I can get away with long hair due to our uniform code, so there are definitely jobs out there that will hold it against you. I would love to have natural long hair!
Absolutely. I find it incredible that so many here are anti hair! Seriously, especially in the motorcycle industry, as long as you keep it neat and clean, then your're a badass. Add an earring on your left to complete the image. I think it's an age and possibly PAY issue, or perception there of. If the hair wasn't an issue before, it should be one now.Originally Posted by Eemz
Last edited by Meghan4now; 07-01-2019 at 12:52 PM.
I'm the opposite of anti-hair!! I've been through a similar situation,though, and had to face the same reality.
She became an icon in her business in spite of her hair. She likely built most of her reputation before she had long hair. She owned her own business, had success, and could, to some extent, do whatever she wanted. Now she's been out of the industry for 2 years. Her former competitors (now potential employers) have gotten by perfectly well without her, and the icon status is really watered down. I can easily see the icon thing working against her in this scenario.
It's not as simple as getting her hair cut, either. A lot of people she's trying to go to work for already know her as a "long hair". Even if she cuts it, they have established their opinions of her, and the hair is what they'll remember. They may also think she just cut it to get a job, then will let it grow again. Also, with us, the long hair is probably not a stand-alone thing. There are probably other little "tells" that my rub people the wrong way.
If you want/need a job, in most cases you have to conform. We all know that this is not a world where you get to do your own thing without repercussions. I'd bet that a lot of those who've recommended she keep her long hair don't have long hair themselves. Having a job/income is pretty serious business for most of us. When you're looking, you have to eliminate the things that even might be impediments. She can't do anything about her age. As difficult as it may be, she can do something about her hair.
Rhonda,
You have some good points, and not being intimately familiar with the situation, we are all speculating and projecting. Still, I feel like the hair is likely a minor issue compared to many of the points you and others bring out. I also wonder if this was an opportunity to evoke a passive aggressive comment by the wife. Certainly not unheard of in these here parts.
And BTW my hair is cropped short, but I have a well receding hairline, and I think long hair in that case looks terrible. I feel it actually highlights the MPB, and make one look ill or unkempt.
Last edited by Meghan4now; 07-01-2019 at 12:57 PM.
^this is your problem. Overqualified, overexperienced, you'd be a threat to both younger and older upper managers to replace them, would possibly upstage and embarrass them by knowing more. And if you succeed by being as good as you seem? They'll figure you'll leave the company as soon as a better offer comes along. Might be time to retire.
BTW, I have a friend in the same situation. He's been unemployed now for three years. At 60 he's considering retirement. Always a successful exec, but also always willing to show off just how smart he is, to me it's clear that no one would want to hire him unless their company was about to collapse if they didn't find an expert troubleshooter real quick. If you're really, really good at what you do, perhaps look around for a company in trouble, and offer to work for less than you'd usually ask in return for future compensation if you can help the company get back on it's feet.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Hmmm. My third post on someone else's topic. I starting to think this hits a little too close to home for me!
Everybody has come up with good reasons besides long hair she hasn't been hired. Mostly things she has no control over. No need dwelling on those. Change the things you can.
Meghan, yep, I can see this getting under her wife's skin, too.
I used to be of a mind that my hair was non-negotiable... until it had to become negotiable. I think everybody should experience it. Whether you have it for 6 years or 60, it'll change your life, but when your life revolves around it to the point that it's impeding the rest of your life to this extent, you have to be reasonable and logical about it and let it go. Now that I don't have long hair, I hear what people say about those who do. I had no idea back when it was me. I had no idea that people made such a huge deal out of it.
Another thing. As much as I hate wigs, there's no getting around that the "right" ones look fabulous! There are a lot of girls on this board who are proof of that. They're not just for crossdressers. Seems obvious, but something I had to come around to. Real women wear wigs, and they do so because the wigs look better than their own hair. They are absolutely transformative. It bears pointing out that if you have long hair that about precludes wearing a wig. There might be a way to do it, but I never found it back in my long hair days. I always had a lump where I had a pinned-up bun, and always had my own hair sticking out where it didn't belong.
I'm very familiar with the satisfaction that comes from always having it with you, always showing a very important part of your true self. Can't get around that. Cut your hair and you just have to get over it. If I got over it (however incompletely), anybody can.
Wow! I am overwhelmed by the quantity and thoughtful responses by all. As this was my first "major" post I am humbled by the genuine concern and advice all of you wonderful people have given. I spent the last 48 hours considering and reviewing all the inputs you have given. During my Job search and interviewing process I have felt the "Age Issue" was there but have chosen to ignore it as I don't feel or see myself as "old". In fact most of my interactions are with people well below my calendar age and I am generally accepted by them. But, based on your inputs and taking time to look from the outside in, I think age is the primary issue. So, going forward I am looking at consulting opportunities and maybe starting up another company in a much smaller niche space that will not demand all my time. So, keeping the hair for now and who knows, I may have more time to dress and be the person I feel I am. Thank you all from the hart! And, I truly feel accepted by all of you and that means a lot.
Robin
Awesome follow up Robin, do what you can. There used to be a rule of thumb on unemployment (pre 2008) that said for every 10k in salary, expect your job search to take an extra month or two. That may have extended. Some industries have recovered and are hiring like crazy, but a lot of them are looking for that young talent. Other industries are likely to NEVER fully recover. It's the old adage of making the best buggy whips. You might be great, but are you marketable.
And keep your hair nicely groomed, regardless of length!
I am happy to hear that you have not cut your hair. It would be a shame to do it just for a job. I think your biggest problem is that you owned your own business for 17 years, and there is no way to change that. A lot of employers are probably thinking you will not be able to handle being an employee after being your own boss for a long time. You had a successful business and had long hair, so another reason for your hair not being the problem. I think second would be your age, and your hair being at the bottom of the list.
To me, consulting seems like the best path. Companies that would not hire you as an employee would probably have no problem bringing you on as a consultant.
Also, I have transitioned from male to female, and work in the accounting field, and was able to find work after transitioning. In fact I had more success in finding work after transitioning than in the couple of years before. Now I work in a CPA firm. I think now, being true to who I am, has helped me be a better worker.
Last edited by DAVIDA; 07-03-2019 at 03:34 AM. Reason: Political reference isn't needed or allowed.
Try the consultation job angle. Sometimes you can even get hired by a company after you prove your worth. Go to as many of the sports events and be noticed. too. Show them you are keeping abreast of the industry.
Side question IF you don't mind. Why did you quit you other job?
Leslie Mary Shy
Remember this:
You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
_________________________
During an interview, there are lots of questions whose answers will lead to information that will give away a candidate's approximate age as well as many other things we want to know. You have to be VERY careful of what you ask, but it can be done. Been there, and I was guilty of doing just that to find out more about the people I interviewed. At the time, I was comforted in the old saying, 'It's nothing personal, it's just business'. Done properly, they will never ask you a question that directly implies that your age, gender, marital status, whether or not you have kids, etc., lots of other things, would rule them out as potential hires. As the interview proceeds, and they start to feel comfortable that they've got the job, they often start to give away all sorts of personal information, even though it was never inquired about. Then, when we find out something that winds up making them an unacceptable applicant, we continue the conversation, and eventually end the interview by leaving them very confident that they are going to get the job, and that we just have more interviews scheduled that we must go through with, and will let them know very soon. Then we keep looking, and if that candidate asks if we've made a decision yet, there's always some excuse we can come up with.
FWIW, I've been on the applicant side of that type of interview as well, and, that's basically where I learned those skills.
This is just how the business world works, and the most successful people quickly start to do this kind of thing naturally without even thinking about it.
^this is a typical response from just about EVERYONE, and it usually indicates that you are probably blind to other things about yourself as well. Perhaps contacting a headhunter would be in order to see if your own evaluation of yourself matches that of the rest of the world. Delusion of self: We especially see it here, where it seems almost every crossdresser thinks that they look much younger and/or prettier than they actually are when dressed up, which is then supported by generous cohorts that want her to feel good about herself. Sure, some are. But most? Probably not. This is especially seen in the 'Do I pass?' posts, where everyone chimes in 'Of course you do, you look great!' even if you're basically like me, a hippo in a tutu. All fun and games until reality hits back hard.
And last but not least, if you're in a financial situation where you can do it, consider retirement. I'm now 63 and rarely work anymore, and am moving to a much lower cost section of the country, eliminating many thousands of dollars from what I would be spending, so my lifestyle barely takes much of a hit at all. Remember, you don't get any more time. In the past oh, five years I've watched quite a few friends and acquaintances die off of various 'older age' problems (stroke, heart problems, lung disease, cancer, diabetes). Don't wait too long, or all those things that you thought you'd do when you 'got around to it', or when you retire, can't happen anymore. IIRC, 59 1/2 is the age when you can start drawing on your retirement funds without any penalty, so you're either there or pretty close.
In one of his songs, Rod Stewart wrote, and I remember this gem: "Never wait or hesitate, Get in kid, before it's too late, You may never get another chance. 'Cause youth a mask but it don't last, Live it long and live it fast". It was about one of his friends who died way too young. But it applies to all of us. We don't ever get any more time. Don't waste what you have left; it will go by faster than you think. My own experience, working two jobs most of my life to get ahead, and then in my 50's, realized that I had worked much of my life away.
Maybe time to take a 'Better late than never' trip?
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt5020352...=nm_flmg_slf_4 (if you haven't seen it, and can't find it anywhere, there's always torrents).
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 07-03-2019 at 06:32 PM.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
I'm a couple years younger than you and have already done a test run for half a year to find out my actual retirement expense picture looks like.
From what I've heard, you can draw on your current 401k/403b when you stop working, even if you are in your mid 50s. I could live on that until my SS becomes available, but I also have the option of collecting widowers benefits at 60.
Of the two, your age is probably the biggest issue, the hair probably doesn't help but age is a killer. Many industries are ageist. Back when I was in IT, even in my 30s I was passed over for kids right out of college. They *love* hiring young people, because they usually have no children or spouse (they expect you to be married to your job), will work cheap because they are often desperate to get their foot in the door, and if it is a smaller company they don't have to give young people health coverage (I was literally told that by a boss, he was amazed in my 20s I cared about health insurance. Young people never get sick or have issues.. guess I was an unlucky exception.)
In other words: They don't want to pay you what you are worth, being "old" they think you are behind the times and "too slow", will cost them big money for health care and/or missed days due to illness, and they want young people they can abuse and exploit easily.
Our society treats our older people like trash. It is a disgrace.
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