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Thread: Purses

  1. #1
    Junior Member DarciInTx's Avatar
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    Purses

    I have far less than a DADT relationship with my wife. She knows at least a little of my interest, but not anywhere near how far I have taken it in the past. I have dialed it way back out of respect for her, and recently purged everything. But I still have desires.

    Recently, I went online looking for “purses for men” to see what came up. I didn’t want anything that would arouse suspicion and trigger a discussion I didn’t want to have. I settled on an over the shoulder “messenger bag”, and began carrying it as a purse. She commented after I’d been carrying it for a few days that “That’s a nice bag. Where did you get that?”, and I told her I’d ordered it online. A few days later, she said, “Boy, you put everything in there, don’t you?, and I replied about being tired of standing there at the dresser fumbling in the dark to get everything I needed in my pockets, and worrying that I had forgotten something. And she said, “Oh, so it’s your purse, huh?” And after that, she started referring to it as my purse, even asking me in front of her friend, is your phone in your purse? And I’ve said stuff about “my purse”, just as a matter of course.

    We are on a trip for 4th of July, and stopped at a convenience store. When I went to pay, I had to root through my purse, which is just an open bag, for my wallet. When we got back in the car, she said, “you know, if you’re going to carry a purse, you really need to get one with sections so you can find stuff without having to pull everything out.” So I feel like she’s giving me permission to go buy a real purse, or at least she can’t say much if I do.

    Am I reading too much into it? Thoughts? Opinions?

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    Sounds like the purse is accepted - do not know how I got by without one when traveling

  3. #3
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    It could also be that she keeps calling it your purse to try to shame you OUT of using it.

  4. #4
    sophomoric member Xenia's Avatar
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    Tough to tell from one offhanded comment.....you’d probably have to ask her for clarification to get a real answer. That’s my totally unhelpful opinion. :-)

    And of course there would be a difference between buying a nicer gender-neutral messenger bag and buying an obviously feminine clutch from Louis Vuitton.

    But really....we men got the short end of the stick with the whole purse thing. They’re useful! So many times I’ve needed to carry extra stuff with me and wished there was a good intermediate option between overstuffing my pockets and carrying a backpack.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    Is hard to tell especially not knowing the tone and inflection the comment was made with. For instance we all know that quite often when we hear the response "Fine" that the matter at hand is anything but fine. Based on your description of your relationship as being "far less than a DADT" I would tread lightly here.
    It's just the clothes... isn't it?

  6. #6
    Member Helen Waite's Avatar
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    I have this exact bag. Probably 15 years I've carried it, exclusively in guy mode. Men in Europe carry similar bags all the time, no big deal. https://www.ebay.com/itm/FOSSIL-Leat...sAAOSwT~hdFkzL

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Darci, as has been said, we can't know what your wife intended. It would be irresponsible of us to reinforce any confirmation bias you might be harbouring right now out of wishful thinking.
    Given what little context you've provided I'd urge caution. And communication. I'd suggest that latter far more strongly than actual action at the present.
    You have a better idea of where your wife's head might be though.
    Keep us posted.

  8. #8
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    You are thinking like a man so that is where your folly may be.
    You think she is giving you a green light to get a purse when all she is doing is trying to shame you but you don't see it.
    So go out and get a womans purse and start carrying it and see what happens.
    I don't think you will like the outcome.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
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  9. #9
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    My take on her comment would be exactly as she said. Get a "purse"/bag with "sections". My guess is that she means a purse similar to the one you already have WITH sections.

    If you are in a DADT relationship, don't "assume" things to make them go your way. You may want to clarify before you run out and buy what you are calling a "real purse".
    Last edited by char GG; 07-04-2019 at 11:40 AM.

  10. #10
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    As others have suggested, your wife seems to be trying to embarrass you.

    Personally, I would NOT buy a femme bag if I were in your position, but rather, try to find similar to your current one, with sections, and get her opinion on them.

    Lots of guys carry bags, but they wouldn't necessarily be considered handbags of the feminine variety.

    Caution should be your watch word.
    Last edited by Jodie_Lynn; 07-04-2019 at 05:17 PM. Reason: to add a thought...
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  11. #11
    Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
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    Shopping on line ...no problem...have her help you find one. No mysteries. I t would be good for the relationship too (probably).

  12. #12
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    I bought a sectioned messenger bag. Even then, I had to dig to find what I wanted. I used to get upset at women ready to pay the cashier who had to delay the line while digging through their purses to find money or a CC. Not any more!

  13. #13
    Member April Rose's Avatar
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    Why not just ask her?
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  14. #14
    Member Dana3's Avatar
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    I carry a small, with shoulder strap "purse".

    It is olive drab, kinds sorts looks like something you find in a military army surplus store.

    But it's ACTUALLY a small purse that I found at Loves ❤️ Truck Stop.

    In the section that carries stuff women �� would normally or typically buy.

    This is what I carry in it.

    Leatherman Wave multitool
    Leatherman bit (Screwdriver) bit extender
    Leatherman two pack flat head, Phillips, torox and other assisted bits
    Cell phone
    Ear buds and case
    8 x portable charging battery ��
    Samsung Note 5 cell phone
    Kubaton
    Oxford index card case
    Pilot extra fine ink pens ✒️ (Red, Black, Blue, green)
    Altoids tin improvised personal 1st Aid kit
    Altoids tin improvised EDC (Everyday Carry kit
    P38 can opener (Military)
    Swiss Army knife
    Buck 3" Ranger
    Emergency poncho liners
    Sharpie marker
    Kindke tablet (I read a lot)
    Last edited by DAVIDA; 07-05-2019 at 03:39 AM. Reason: Still not allowed even if the ITEM isn't identified.

  15. #15
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    I have a small Camo shoulder bag I bought at a ladies store somewhere.
    Pretty handy actually
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.
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  16. #16
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Simply, you are already carrying one.

    She is saying that you might as well have one with pockets inside. Like for our phone, glasses, wallet, keys, ect....

    It sounds like she has excepted it, that is you carry a purse. Doesn't sound like she likes it.

  17. #17
    Member Dana3's Avatar
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    The reason purses (As they've manifested themselves in this day and age) are associated with women, and thus femininity?

    Is that even today, most dresses DON'T have, .. .........

    POCKETS! 😲

  18. #18
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Darci, my ex-wife was a manipulator. She would use this type of tactic, subtle dig, to attempt to sway me.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member GretchenM's Avatar
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    Darci,

    Your wife, like mine, is accepting the purse idea. I doubt she is shaming you, but that is possible. The fact is, on a world wide basis, more men carry bags than don't. Here im the US, because of all of our hangups, it isn't common. I have never received any heat about carrying a bag. My contents are a bit like Dana's. But I have a women's wallet with an outer design that is cloth and is a little like a Native American pattern. It is completely unisex.

    The bag itself is made by Swiss Gear and has loads of pockets so I can keep things well organized, so no rummaging through to find something like I did with a single chamber messenger bag. I think it is a bit of a traveler's bag as I found it at Target in the luggage section. Look for more unisex if you don't want to rile your wife. However, I do keep my keys and a handkerchief in my pants pockets; nothing else. Keys in the purse really isn't safe in case somebody tries to snatch your purse/bag. My wife also carries a bag that was made by one of our Native American friends - really beautiful. I tried to talk her into making one with multiple compartments, but she pointed out that my wife's purse is made in their tradition which means one compartment.

    As far as the effect carrying a bag/purse has on satisfying needs in gender expression, for me it works well. Not what I would prefer exactly, but a great compromise that still works on keeping the dysphoria demon at bay. The rest of my usual public expression is either men's shirts in feminine colors (pinks, purples, lavenders, etc.) or a women's T or sweatshirt without typical women's patterns. I have no problems with that. However, different people have different needs and for many that would not be nearly enough expression. My feminine identity is mostly internalized and does not demand strong outward expression - for me it is all about the behavioral traits in the way I interact with other people. But Gretchen still likes to get prettied up once in awhile. Generally, people appreciate a male that treats others much as a woman would treat others. It is unusual and refreshing. And with the bag/purse and clothes colors people figure out the reality about me real fast with interaction. Works for me; not necessarily workable for others.

    Gretchen

  20. #20
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    My purses could likewise use a lot of organization. Half of them have various compartments that keep some things organized. I tend to favor them. Your wife is right on that point. Whether she is serious about getting a new bag with compartments, hard to tell. Work with her to choose a new bag on line. Whether she is willing to accommodate this new bag will become obvious fairly soon. And you can play dumb pretty easily if you guessed wrong.

    If they do not make an acceptable bag with compartments, you can add them. A small clutch makes a nice compartment, as does a small envelope purse. Zippered bags, like those that bank tellers carry money in, make nice compartments also.

    When I was in the Army, the officers in my unit all carried green canvas purses. We called them map cases. They kept documents well organized, better and more weatherproof than a clipboard.

    Dana is right. Pockets are still rare on dresses. What looks like pockets on women's pants is not really functional, either. That has a lot to do with women carrying purses while men do not, at least in my part of the world.

    Out here in the rural western US, most farm and ranch stores sell purses with compartments that hold an item that, in my state, most folks, men and women, keep with them, but out of sight. Even my church expects me to have it whenever I am on church property. Such is the nature of the time and place that I live in, sadly.

  21. #21
    Girliegirl Jillian Faith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    It could also be that she keeps calling it your purse to try to shame you OUT of using it.
    I agree with Micki, I see this as an attempt to shame you rather than acceptance and permission to purchase and carry a more feminine handbag.
    Jill

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  22. #22
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Darci,
    All part of the learning curve , you looked for and found a , " Man Bag " but perhaps never gave it much thought how it was laid out .

    I've been out using handbags for almost two years now and totally agree with your wife , you really need to think more about what you buy, as a bag without divisions and zip pockets is a nightmare . At least she's given you part permission to carry a more suitable one , I buy all mine from charity shops some are very feminine and some are more like a utility bag carried by anyone . I must admit on the odd occasions I have to do male mode I really do miss my handbag !

    I don't see it as any sort of put down , she's calling it like she would her own , OK if she is having some fun with you isn't that great she getting there in little steps .
    Last edited by Teresa; 07-05-2019 at 08:15 AM.
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  23. #23
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    If you like the bag you have - you can buy organizer inserts (sort of a purse that slips inside) from Amazon

  24. #24
    Member Dana3's Avatar
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    Good Morning 🌞 all.

    I would like to apologize for making an UA (Unauthorized) reference in one of my posts. Can't say I didn't t know, I had simply forgotten of the policy.

    Such policies and boundaries are one if the things that keep the board out of the ditch with the wheels coming off. These days and age, it doesn't take much before one finds themselves much like new puppy 🐶 in tall grass 🍃!

    Doesn't know where they're at, how they got there, let alone his to get out and back to the dog 🐕 house 🏠

    Moving along, if one drops to give it thought? There are lots of everyday men spread across the spectrum and demographics that carry "purses" every single day! 😲

    They're call, ................

    Back packs!!! 😎 🤤 🙄

  25. #25
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    I've carried a variety of bags off and on for the last 30+ years. Since I was about 15 in fact. Typically a satchel or messenger bag and usually carrying a variety of basic survival gear, much like Dana. Along with my journal, laptop (when I have one. Currently need a new one 😢 ), book(s) I'm currently reading, notepad and pens. Phone, change, keys, and wallet are in various pockets.

    I'm seldom without a bag and I have several that are certainly unisex enough to accompany a femme look, if and when I ever venture out dressed. Despite struggling with my dressing my wife is fine with such bags. She knows how much I like having all my junk to hand. But she would never countenance me using my one actual female handbag, hence my urging caution in my earlier post. I'm unsure that your wife is trying to shame you but I'd still gauge her position more carefully before buying a femme bag.

    And yes, sections have always been a must for me. I have a total of one bag that is a single compartment and it sees very little use. Again, maybe just take your wife's words at face value, Darci. She knows you carry a man bag, but is opining that compartments would be useful. That seems a more likely motivation for her words than a veiled message of acceptance of your dressing, IMHO.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    BTW @Dana Why so many damn blades??! Current UK legislation prevents me carrying my usual arsenal, but even when that wasn't an issue I never needed more than my Gerber Suspension set and a machete...
    At least you've reminded me I need to shop for a legal blade. 🤔 Although I think I have a Mauser that might be compliant.
    #ZombieApocalypseProblems. 😁

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