I should be more responsible

[deebra]

Simply Put, your wife is 100% right, you were wrong to dress like that so learn from her and don't do it again. She is right you represent all CD's. If someone see's you dressed ****ty then they have a bad opinion of CD's. That would be your fault. On the other hand if you were dressed nice they just might be more accepting and all CD's would move up the ladder of acceptance another rung. Are fishnets really appropriate??? One more thing, you are very very lucky to have such am accepting classy wife.

One more thing I need to mention, I have posted in the past that I am a nice size so I can wear feminine clothes well. If I am in a store dressed attractively and conservatively wearing low heel girl shoes, girl pants and top with appropriate size boobs why shouldn't I be accepted as a nicely dressed CD. I feel dressed as such I look better in female clothes than male. What's wrong with me wanting to dress and look female??????????????????????????

[binair10]

Do not forget that your Wife has more experience than you about how to dress and portray herself. She will pass on what will be best for you to wear given the windy weather. I have left all that behind now, so it`s granny styles for me now. Well I am coming up to 78, so I do like to blend with my surroundings.

Perhaps the crossdresser you saw had come from or going to a club or party etc. Not the way to portray oneself in a Mall.

Julie.

[Angie G]

Maybe Marie.
Angie

[Asew]

I think this is a great reminder about how you want to be seen.

[abbiedrake]

Some replies here, were they directed as a GG, would definitely constitute s!*t-shaming. That's not right. Maunt of us dress our age or rather appropriately to the situation. We should still respect the right of others to dress as they please, whether we like it or not.

Nor are any of us under any obligation to fly a flag on behalf of the community. We don't all need to be activists. Yes, 'bad' dressing and distasteful behaviour while dressed do reflect poorly on our community. But for some, clearly, dressing like a treat, and even acting like one are part of CDing for them. Whole they confirm the worst suspicions of the non-CD society there's not a lot we can do about it.

Altering public perception occupies quite a narrow space. Dress poorly and act like a harlot and we all look like perverts. Pass well enough and no-one notices. So the space where we become ambassadors is not passing but dressing and acting well enough to interact with the public as a friendly human who happens to present as the opposite gender. Leaving a positive impression in that space is where we make a difference.

However those two points having been made, Maria, consideration for your wife is a fine reason to modify your dress and behaviour. Regardless that your wife made reference to you being representative of our community I would suggest that she may herself have found your gas pumping behaviour personally distasteful. Perhaps you wouldn't like her doing such?! And I'd respectfully suggest that might include hiking up your skirt on drives alone.

[Tahoegurl]

Hi Maria, I think that you can dress how you want. What feel is most important here is that your wife was willing to offer up some guidance on how to present yourself in polite society. What a gift you were given. I agree with Micki's comment about dressing well...if I am going out dressed...i dress well. It isn't about passing either...that is a whole different stereotype. And when I go out with my wife I like to really enjoy it and it sounds like you may have created a situation where your partner was not OK. I hope you have more great adventures. Cheers.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Nor are any of us under any obligation to fly a flag on behalf of the community.

No one is obligated to, but by our very presence, we DO represent the community. Once upon a time, I was a Police Officer, and I am pretty sure that everyone here has at least ONE story about "this dumb cop....". Whenever a LEO does something wrong, it tars the entire law enforcement community. Don't say it doesn't! Just recently, a group of uniformed Officers was asked to leave a Starbuck's, because a patron felt "uncomfortable". Why did that happen? Because some, and I emphasis "SOME" Law Enforcement personnel SHOULDN'T be on the job, but the actions of the minority affect the perception of the whole.

The same holds true for Lawyers, Bankers, ethnic groups, and the LGBT+ community as well. The actions of some colour the rest of the community.

This isn't "shaming" of any sort. It's up to the individual if they wish to dress like a tart, or as if they are going to a fetish party. Just don't be shocked when the entire community is tarred as sexual deviants because of a few people.

Not applying this (or the above) to the OP, but when a member of the community strolls through the town square, looking like a reject from a Madonna video, is it any wonder why people raise a fuss about what bathroom CD's and Trangendered people can use?

People, in general, are idiots: they believe what they hear, without looking into the issue for themselves. When the general muggle population hears that "Transgendered people just want to get into the bathroom to molest our wives and daughters" and then see Cindy CD strolling through the Mall looking like a tramp, their preconceived notion is reinforced.

YOU (general pronoun) may not feel like an ambassador, but you are. Me? I am aware of how I present to the public, and I take great pains to try to show that I'm just like everyone else: Just a poor soul trying to live a good life.

When I came out to my family, as a Transwoman, one of my nieces candidly asked if her boys were "safe" with me. I looked at her, and said that I don't spend hours perfecting my feminine look, to chase after little boys. My ex-wife, and my adult daughter, also chimed in and told my 3 adult nieces and 1 adult nephew, that I would die before I let harm come to a child. They acknowledged that I was a "good" person, but this new wrinkle would take some time getting used to.

My point being, it is sooooo ingrained in society that CD's and Transpeople are deviants. Sexual predators and monsters. Why give fuel to the muggles?

End point before I step off my soapbox and burn it: Dress and present as you wish, for whatever reason you wish. Just be cognizant of the fact that your actions may impact others.



/end rant