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Thread: not coming out

  1. #1
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    not coming out

    Hi. New to this site. So here goes. Come out? No not not for me I,m afraid. Being older and now alone. Wife passed. So now able to dress as I please in my country home. I choose to keep it here. I think much easier that way. Small town people would tend to not understand or care to.
    What a nice new world. Lots to learn. But alone.
    Last edited by Shelly Preston; 07-11-2019 at 12:48 PM. Reason: see my reply

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Hi Velma

    Welcome to the forum you might want to put a post telling us a little about yourself in the introductions section.

    Your post deserves its own thread.

    The decision to come out is not for everyone.
    We can only decide to do what we feel is correct for ourselves.
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  3. #3
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Welcome Velma.
    I'm alone too and it makes life a lot easier. I am out to many people but that is my choice.
    Don't assume small town people would not accept you for who you are is not fair to them.
    Some of the most accepting people I have found live in very small rural towns.
    Again welcome to the site and enjoy your stay here.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  4. #4
    Member Thelise's Avatar
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    Hi Velma! Go at your own pace, explore it in your own way, and keep us posted if you can!

  5. #5
    Senior Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Hi Velma,
    Welcome to the fold! I too am alone (have been for 6 years) like you and many others going out for the first time was incredibly nerve wracking but once done it became easier. And by the way I live amongst a small communityand my dressing is not a problem to any of them!
    [I][/I
    I've never liked dogs since I went to fancy dress party as a lamp post!
    I had a pet Zebra once, I called it SPOT!
    I also had a racing Donkey called Slowly

  6. #6
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    Thank you. So very kind of you.

    Velma

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Wish I lived in a open area such as you do. Wisc, people however are not quite that way. I must admit its quite a challenge but yet exciting to think that perhaps I might get to that point where I learn the art of dress and makeup. I sure have everything I need. It all fits. Anyway back to where I was. To try and go out. Shopping here I come.

  7. #7
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    I have a trans friend who lives in Wisconsin who thinks similarly to you, Velma. However, pay heed to Tracii and Bobbi. Fact is people aren't just a mass. Most people these days will accept you and as you participate here you'll learn plenty about ignoring the odd fool who lives in the past and is an arse about things.

    Not being yourself is potentially far more damaging than the occasional slings and arrows from clownshoes.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by abbiedrake View Post
    pay heed to Tracii and Bobbi. Fact is people aren't just a mass. Most people these days will accept
    Even the ones that ARENíT ok with it usually arenít looking to make a scene or start an argument in public.

  9. #9
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    That'll be why my next sentence referenced how this site can help in dealing with the scene-making idiots. 😉

  10. #10
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    Welcome to the forum. My only suggestion is to do what is within your comfort zone. It does not make any difference if everyone is alright with your cross dressing if you are not comfortable. Many people on this forum take the show on the road to other cities or towns or to conventions of similar minded people.

  11. #11
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Welcome Velma. Iíll echo the feeling that being alone is easier in some respect, while acknowledging that one never fully fills the void made by the loss of a loved one. As for whether you come out or not, it depends on how you wish to live your life, rather than where you are.
    New state, new home, new pics in process

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member sarah_hillcrest's Avatar
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    Hey Velma, welcome,

    There's nothing wrong with not coming out, I tend to agree with you, but I'm not alone either. You should always be comfortable with your decisions. One thing to remember is you won't be alone on this forum!

  13. #13
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Just be yourself. No need to come out if you do not want to.
    If you are a Genetic Female (Female at Birth) and would like to join us in the F.A.B. Forum, please follow the link.

    F.A.B. Forum Access

    Sherlyn,My beautiful sweet girl
    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️

  14. #14
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Hi Velma,

    Welcome to our little community! There's no law that says you have to come out. Just have fun and enjoy yourself.

    Robin

  15. #15
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
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    I tried to come out to the wife two years ago, went bad!
    I would say I'm a good person and she says dressing is sick!
    So deep in the closet for me!
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  16. #16
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    Thank you. Hopefully someday I will meet someone in my state who will be of some comfort. Be so nice to have someone to chat with and share . Wish they had not closed the Yonkers and ShopKo stores. Loved shopping a Yonkers with the wife. Such lovely things.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Hi, Had the same thing in my home. Almost ruined a 40 year marriage.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Judy-Somthing View Post
    I tried to come out to the wife two years ago, went bad!
    I would say I'm a good person and she says dressing is sick!
    So deep in the closet for me!
    Same for me. Almost ruined a 40 year marriage. Miss her so very much but being out of the deep closet I think is gong to be a fresh new breath of air.

  17. #17
    Female impostornator! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Velma, I'm a closet dresser. Which means I never go out dressed near where I live and I have no interest in going to Walmart, Denny's or Goodwill dressed!

    However, I DO go out dressed a lot! To T friendly clubs/bars in nearby towns and T events in LA and Vegas! I find T girls r remarkable people and fun to socialize with.

    U mite consider that sometime, now that u r free! By the way, I'm 76!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  18. #18
    Junior Member Michaela Jane's Avatar
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    Welcome Velma, I believe I am in exactly the same situation as you, for 3 years now.

  19. #19
    Senior Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Going out is not for everybody and not the main thing in ones mind to do, the main thing to do is to be happy in what one is doing. Everybody is at a different level of going out or not as the case may be but we are all united in one thing and that is dressing, but dressing should not (imo) be a hard task or a burden it is something to be enjoyed and to be happy with doing that after all what harm is there in dressing? NONE we are all seeking our little bit bit of peace and harmony.
    [I][/I
    I've never liked dogs since I went to fancy dress party as a lamp post!
    I had a pet Zebra once, I called it SPOT!
    I also had a racing Donkey called Slowly

  20. #20
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Verlma,
    No not too old I have twenty years on you and age isn't a problem for me .

    Never say never , it takes time but whatever you decide the important point is you're happy . The other important point is you aren't the only one who dresses , it may be a small town but you still don't know what goes on behind closed doors .
    The real me ,no going back.

  21. #21
    New Member Bridgette Azure's Avatar
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    I have no interest in "coming out" either. I don't feel the need to share this part of me with anybody. However, I think one of my friends has become suspicious.

  22. #22
    Summerís here! Michaelasfun's Avatar
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    Welcome Velma! I have to say, in reflection, most of the things that have brought me happiness have been things I pursued alone. Makes sense, you’re the only one who knows what makes you happy. At least you have access to this forum for support and I think that will help.
    Michaela


    When you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. - Rush
    Facebook- Michaela Featherstone

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobbi46 View Post
    Going out is not for everybody and not the main thing in ones mind to do, the main thing to do is to be happy in what one is doing. Everybody is at a different level of going out or not as the case may be but we are all united in one thing and that is dressing, but dressing should not (imo) be a hard task or a burden it is something to be enjoyed and to be happy with doing that after all what harm is there in dressing? NONE we are all seeking our little bit bit of peace and harmony.
    Thank you. I think perhaps you have opened my eyes and mind some. Maybe going out should not be a worry. Dressing is by no means a Task. What a joy it is to wake in the morning in my night time attire. Something I always thought of. Be able to choose what I would like to wear knowing I,m free to that all day long. Now the next step makeup. God I wish I had that like someone here said may be close where here at that time to help. I make a mess. But back to your thoughts yes it is nice to enjoy what You like.

  24. #24
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by velma View Post
    What a joy it is to wake in the morning in my night time attire.
    Me, too, Velma. After my divorce, I started routinely sleeping in girl pj's. And after a while, leaving my wig on, too (since I don't move around when I sleep, I get to wake up exactly as I went to sleep, and the feeling that I'm female when I wake up is quite comfortable).
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  25. #25
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    I think it boils down to individual personality. What parts of ourself feel private and to be preserved that way- and what parts do we want to share with others. It is TMI for me to share my preferences in lingerie and my sexuality, but it is necessary for me to share the fact of being a mirl and claiming space to wear a pretty dress and shoes, and carry a handbag- to express that recreational girlness. If the situation calls for mechanical competece that comes out too!
    We are all beautiful...!

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