Thoughts on Thoughts?

[Andar]

Hello.
Ive not been on the site for a while and when I was I only really looked at other peoples posts.
So, I guess I just have some ramblings. A stream of conscience.

I crossdress in phases. Sometimes I want to cd really badly, and other times it does not cross my mind at all. Im typically very happy with my male form.
Recently crossdressing has been on the up, and very much so. I attribute this largely to my wife and I watching through Sailor Moon and enjoying the insights of trans youtuber ContraPoints. A reaction of "they look pretty, I want to look pretty too." A bit of jealousy, especially towards ContraPoints. Maybe its because I don't actually have much exposure to the LGBT community. So I don't often see many trans peoples. I guess seeing someone so comfortable and confident wearing clothes that look nice but aren't made for them was a bit of a shock in way. "They're pulling it off, what's your excuse?" kinda thing.
But that's always been the disconnect for me when I crossdress. Clothes just don't fit. I can wear them just fine, and they might mostly fit, but they just don't match the form of my body. That's just the way that is. Usually the shoulders are gonna feel all wonky or some other thing. So I end up feeling pretty, but its 80% pretty feeling and 20% just goofy. If I look in the mirror, I might look decent and pass okay, but I'm still clearly a man wearing girls clothes. And that sucks. I want to be comfortable and I don't want to see myself as a man wearing girl clothes. But a man wearing girl clothes is what I am and is what crossdressing is? Lets suppose I get a custom made shirt for my body that happens to be "girly." Would that do the trick? I dont think it would. Id just be wearing a mans shirt, so it wouldn't even be crossdressing. The point is that I want to wear women's clothes and see myself as a women.
And I do identify as a man, but maybe I am less confident in that assertion than I previously have been?
I remember when I first got to this site years ago and people were mentioning some sort of "pink fog?" Where people might get too excited with their corssdressing and begin thinking about being trans but only in a half-hearted non-serious way? That if they sat down and gave some serious thought with openness to themselves that they'd find that those feelings weren't genuine. I kinda dismissed the "pink fog" notion as ridiculous back then and was a consequence of people not taking trans ideas and stories seriously. Kinda like how some crossdressers will dive into the stereotypes of femininity that can make the whole thing feel like a blackface equivalent for women. If that makes sense. But, I dont know. Maybe this "pink fog" notion is what Im feeling. And is that just gender fluidity under a different name?
Maybe I want to say I'm gender fluid, but its hard for me not to see the proliferation of labels as trendy and feel opposed to using them. Even if gender fluid is one of the way tamer labels. Or maybe I just suck at buying clothes. I just don't know.

Im sure something in all this is obvious to someone else but not myself. I guess Im looking for thoughts in general? Some more refined insights from people actually involved in the LGBT community or just from some people who have been here for a long time and have thought about it for a long time. I don't think I'm looking for anything specifically. I just don't know.