When did you first realize you were not alone?

[Stephanie Julianna]

I was probably 7 or 8 when I was old enough for my Mom to send me up to the main street in our town to buy her cigarettes. The United Cigar Store, which also sold paperback books, newspapers, sundries, and even had a soda fountain (remember them?) displayed all the newspapers on a long shelf on the wall opposite the register. Legitimate newspapers and rag sheets were laid out showing the cover pages clearly. I first saw Midnight News, a real rag, showing cover stories every now and then of Christine Jorgensen but I always thought she looked like a guy in a dress. (I guess I started early wanting to pass at some point and kids can read us better than anyone.) It was not until I was 12 (1961) and already dressing for 6 years that something turned my head and I started to dream of the possibilities. There on the cover of the paper was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen but the bold print said "Beauty was once a Man". I started to sweat. I had to have this paper and grabbed it and put it down on the counter and said it was for my mother and also asked for a pack of her Chesterfield Regulars. The guy didn't blink and I had my prize. I snuck in the house and ran up to my room to hide the paper and then delivered the cigs to my mom. When I went back to the paper my world changed forever. The story was about a Brit called April Ashley. I was in love with her immediately and amazed that someone born a boy could look that amazing. That was a watershed experience for me and unlike Jorgensen, I identified with April's need to be female. Now I was not alone. I'd love to hear your first realizations.

[BrendaPDX]

I don't think I had a "watershed" moment, only a gradual realization/acceptance of my own feelings. But do remember the first dress I bought at a thrift store in early high school, it fit perfectly.

[Robertacd]

Honestly I don't think it was until I found forums like this one.

I was alone all my life, until I was almost 40. Which probably explains why I have such a hard time talking about it, I don't even know how to.

I mean I knew there others out there, but that was really no comfort.

[leotard fan]

Honestly I don't think it was until I found forums like this one.

I was alone all my life, until I was almost 40. Which probably explains why I have such a hard time talking about it, I don't even know how to.

I mean I knew there others out there, but that was really no comfort.

My words are the same as Roberta's. I thought I was alone and the only one who loved leotards. Thanks so much to everyone on this forum for giving meaning to my life!

[Nastasha]

First time I saw anything about it was in a Penthouse forum mag my Uncle had. We went and visited them, I found it and was blown away by the story.

First time in person, dept store when I was buying some panties and looking at bras. Remember the SA telling me that it seemed like more and more men were wearing panties now. She's the one who told me to just be honest, let them know it was for me, better experience and fit that way. Ha

[Lacy PJs]

I'd have to really think about it but I do remember seeing crossdresser stories in both Penthouse publications FORUM and VARIATIONS. Along about that same time, I ran across an ad from Michael Salem. Hmmm... a set of gingham baby doll pajamas for boys who wanted to be girls? THAT really got my attention.

Lacy PJs

[Angie G]

I don't know how long it was till I knew I wasn't alone maybe 5 or 6 years into dressing.
Angie

[Thelise]

Steph J, so you're saying that the goddess in the images is/was a CD and in a paper called Midnight News, in 1961, which you could buy at a news outlet on the street?

[docrobbysherry]

When I showed up HERE! Over 12 years ago!

[LydiaL]

I was pretty much on my own for years as a crossdresser. The evolution of the Internet changed that and I joined my first forum about a dozen years ago. Communication with others since has been so wonderful.

[April Rose]

Stephanie, I had to laugh when I read your story about buying your mom's cigarettes when you were 7. I was about the same age when my aunt started sending me with a note to the local pharmacy to buy her cigarettes. A school yard was next door where some of the local "big kids" would hang out, and eventually they found out what I was doing. I don't remember if they copied the notes exactly or just wrote their own, but pretty soon, and for the rest of that summer, I was supplying the neighborhood. I don't know if the people at the Pharmacy were oblivious or just didn't care, but it certainly was different from the way it is nowadays.

As far as my "you are not alone" moment, It came when I moved to Boston in the early seventies, and started seeing, and trying out, the personal ads from "transvestites" in "The Phoenix" and "Boston After Dark" underground newspapers.

[Rhonda Jean]

I was 18 when Renee Richards appeared on the cover of SI. I was a freshman into community college, and spent a lot of time in the library looking at those pics over and over.

I still lived at home. I had shoulder blade length hair and rolled my hair most nights and slept in curler. I didn't wear skirts or dresses, but I wore girl's slacks, jeans, and shorts (because they fit better! Ha!), often wore girl's tops, girl's stacked heels (pretty much like boys except a little higher and narrower heel), long nails with clear polish, and a little concealer. I had been shaving my legs since like the 7th grade. My parents were super strict in most ways, but I had A LOT of latitude in the way I dressed and wore my hair. Sounds crazy now that we live in such an information-rich time, but I didn't know there was a name for what I was doing, or that there was anything "wrong" with it. At the same time I became aware of Renee Richards, I also found out that even what I was doing was a BIG deal, and maybe I shouldn't be so open about it.

[Shayna]

I think it was seeing an episode of Donahue about cross dressing

[Christie ann]

I knew there were a few out there just from news stories about transvestism but wasn’t until alt.fashion in the pre WWW days, that I found such a large community. There was some one named Bill (I think) who posted often and wore skirts and shaved his legs. I thought that wa pretty cool and it started me down the path of acceptance of myself.

[Jenny22]

Back in the late 60s when I first saw magazines of TVing, then paperbacks. These and TRANSVESTIA became regular purchases. Virginia Prince was my hero.

[Michellebej]

That's a tough one.

I always thought of myself as a girl and was always surrounded by girls, and never thought of myself being alone in a gender specific way. I did learn early on to pretend to be a boy, and did it very well.

When I was somewhere between 5 and 7 we lived on base in military housing. All the Dads were overseas in Vietnam and by statistical coincidence my neighborhood was 100 percent female, well...except for me. I lived with my Mom, Great Grandmother ( who always called me Michelle to my Mothers indignation), and my three sisters. I had a best named Terri and we used to play dress up together. Her Mom was a performer of some sort and had the most beautiful clothes. I had longish hair and Terri and I would run around in her dresses until we were at a local Short Stop store when my Dad, who had literally just stopped there on the way home from returning from Vietnam stopped in. Well, he really didn't recognize me till Terri said something and, lo and hehold he really did not get angry. I did get a stern talking to about the difference between a boy and a girl.

That was the moment I felt different and alone for the first time.

We lived at the time at the Presidio of San Francisco and unfortunately I saw a lot of men in dresses with beards and hairy legs who were just not good role models; at least for me. It had the negative effect on me. I did not want to be like them.

Finally when I was 16/17 I went to work for an Antique dealer who was friends with my parents. He was gay, but really not your typical SF Gay man. He was just a regular guy who happened to be gay. His partner was a hetero female who was deeply in love with him...anyway

What that meant was that I was somewhat immersed in the 70s LGBT culture in San Francisco. And to be honest I never felt part of it.

However; one day I came to work and there was this stunning older woman. I guess she was in her 50s and dressed in a vintage 40s black lace dress with seamed stockings and heels that were not quite stilletos, but were not quite "not stilletos". Her hair was perfect as was her make up. I think I was in love.

Her name was Kay, she was a client of my bosses. She had just bought a new home in Pacifica Heights and was looking for things to furnish it. Long story short I ended up working for her that summer moving things, painting ect. Somewhere in there I noticed that Kay had an adams apple. I made a joke of it to her at lunch and she smiled and looked at me and explained to me who she really was.

Somewhere in there I started to cry, and just couldn't stop. She hugged me and asked what was wrong and I told her who I really was. She became my second Mom. We had a very chaste and happy friendship. She taught me a lot and let me try on her clothes and keep my own at her place. She took me on my first outing and got me to open up. Lol, it's funny the things you remember. She had an extremely high thread count blonde wig, that was my first wig, as I had to keep my hair cut short till I went out on my own at 18. I have never found another wig like that since then. She willed it to me when she passed in 2003.

[Gillian Gigs]

There was a time when I thought that I was the only boy in the whole world that was wearing his mother's lingerie. A friend of mine loaned me some of his magazines. In back of one of these girly mags, I found the advertising for Michael Salem of New York. I was about 13 at the time, this was a time of relief, to know that I was not alone. Then through looking I discovered that there were many others, but they kept their world hidden for the most part. Surprisingly the library was helpful in getting more information about "transvestites", than any other sources. I spent many hours trying to figure out a way to order something from Michael Salem's without anyone finding out, but I never did find a way.

[beckymarie]

For me it was when I discovered the book Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (*But Where Afraid to Ask) by David Reuben hidden in my parents' room when I was about 11 or 12. It opened by eyes to many things.

[Bobbi46]

When you go the toilet at the dead of night not switching the light on, hitching your nightie up and sitting down and then your partner/so also comes in and sits down on top of you! then you know you are not alone!!

[Crissy 107]

When you go the toilet at the dead of night not switching the light on, hitching your nightie up and sitting down and then your partner/so also comes in and sits down on top of you! then you know you are not alone!!

If we were to vote on the best post in this thread I think this would win! Just too funny Bobbi!

[Davina2833]

Crissy,

So true!

Davina

[Teresa]

Great one Bobbi ! But you should also tell people you have numerous power cuts in the storm months and also some very interesting friends but I understand not all wear nighties !!!

[Karmen]

I knew quite early on that men dress up as women in movies, theatre and in music industry as part of performances, but I only realised how wide spread this is among ordinary men as well, when I saw it on the internet. I assumed I was not the only one doing that, but I never thought crossdressing is so common practice among men, because you rarely see crossdressers in public even today and 25 years ago were even less common sight in our country.

[sara66]

When I was about 7 or 8 my parents had a party, and one of their friends was a nurse. I was sitting at the top of the stairs listening to all that was going on, when they start talking about sex change surgery. I was totally intrigued. But at the time there was no way to real research these kind of things. I did realize after much thought while it might be fun to be a girl for awhile, I just liked wearing their clothes Back in the mid 70's on All in the Family they had a female impersonator. This was the first times I realized there were men who dressed as women. Then on Donahue in the late 70's was the first time I heard of transvestites. I was a tween or early teenager when I figured out that is what I was.

Sara

[tinak415]

@Shayna
"I think it was seeing an episode of Donahue about cross dressing"

Was that the episode where a guy goes to a transformation salon? He walks in guy mode, we see the transformation, then he walks out in gurl mode. Very memorable episode for me in my early days of coming to grips with my CDing feelings.

For me, there were little tidbits that made me feel like I was not alone, but I also felt like a freak at the time too. This was the early days of the internet, so I'd find interesting sites.

I think it was when I finally found this site is when I realized I'm a crossdresser, I'm am who I am, and I'm not alone.