Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 74

Thread: When did you first realize you were not alone?

  1. #1
    Silver Member Stephanie Julianna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Prospect, CT
    Posts
    2,335

    When did you first realize you were not alone?

    I was probably 7 or 8 when I was old enough for my Mom to send me up to the main street in our town to buy her cigarettes. The United Cigar Store, which also sold paperback books, newspapers, sundries, and even had a soda fountain (remember them?) displayed all the newspapers on a long shelf on the wall opposite the register. Legitimate newspapers and rag sheets were laid out showing the cover pages clearly. I first saw Midnight News, a real rag, showing cover stories every now and then of Christine Jorgensen but I always thought she looked like a guy in a dress. (I guess I started early wanting to pass at some point and kids can read us better than anyone.) It was not until I was 12 (1961) and already dressing for 6 years that something turned my head and I started to dream of the possibilities. There on the cover of the paper was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen but the bold print said "Beauty was once a Man". I started to sweat. I had to have this paper and grabbed it and put it down on the counter and said it was for my mother and also asked for a pack of her Chesterfield Regulars. The guy didn't blink and I had my prize. I snuck in the house and ran up to my room to hide the paper and then delivered the cigs to my mom. When I went back to the paper my world changed forever. The story was about a Brit called April Ashley. I was in love with her immediately and amazed that someone born a boy could look that amazing. That was a watershed experience for me and unlike Jorgensen, I identified with April's need to be female. Now I was not alone. I'd love to hear your first realizations.
    Attached Images Attached Images

  2. #2
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    1,073
    I don't think I had a "watershed" moment, only a gradual realization/acceptance of my own feelings. But do remember the first dress I bought at a thrift store in early high school, it fit perfectly.

  3. #3
    Señora Member Robertacd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Bellingham, Wa
    Posts
    3,085
    Honestly I don't think it was until I found forums like this one.

    I was alone all my life, until I was almost 40. Which probably explains why I have such a hard time talking about it, I don't even know how to.

    I mean I knew there others out there, but that was really no comfort.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 07-17-2019 at 01:47 PM.
    Some things you lose and some things you just give away...

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    just west of syracuse n.y.
    Posts
    22,589
    I don't know how long it was till I knew I wasn't alone maybe 5 or 6 years into dressing.
    Angie

  5. #5
    Member Thelise's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2019
    Location
    Perth, Australia
    Posts
    100
    Steph J, so you're saying that the goddess in the images is/was a CD and in a paper called Midnight News, in 1961, which you could buy at a news outlet on the street?

  6. #6
    Female impostornator! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    20,210
    When I showed up HERE! Over 12 years ago!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  7. #7
    Member LydiaL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Albuquerque, NM region
    Posts
    379
    I was pretty much on my own for years as a crossdresser. The evolution of the Internet changed that and I joined my first forum about a dozen years ago. Communication with others since has been so wonderful.

  8. #8
    Member April Rose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    207
    Stephanie, I had to laugh when I read your story about buying your mom's cigarettes when you were 7. I was about the same age when my aunt started sending me with a note to the local pharmacy to buy her cigarettes. A school yard was next door where some of the local "big kids" would hang out, and eventually they found out what I was doing. I don't remember if they copied the notes exactly or just wrote their own, but pretty soon, and for the rest of that summer, I was supplying the neighborhood. I don't know if the people at the Pharmacy were oblivious or just didn't care, but it certainly was different from the way it is nowadays.

    As far as my "you are not alone" moment, It came when I moved to Boston in the early seventies, and started seeing, and trying out, the personal ads from "transvestites" in "The Phoenix" and "Boston After Dark" underground newspapers.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    1,923
    I was 18 when Renee Richards appeared on the cover of SI. I was a freshman into community college, and spent a lot of time in the library looking at those pics over and over.

    I still lived at home. I had shoulder blade length hair and rolled my hair most nights and slept in curler. I didn't wear skirts or dresses, but I wore girl's slacks, jeans, and shorts (because they fit better! Ha!), often wore girl's tops, girl's stacked heels (pretty much like boys except a little higher and narrower heel), long nails with clear polish, and a little concealer. I had been shaving my legs since like the 7th grade. My parents were super strict in most ways, but I had A LOT of latitude in the way I dressed and wore my hair. Sounds crazy now that we live in such an information-rich time, but I didn't know there was a name for what I was doing, or that there was anything "wrong" with it. At the same time I became aware of Renee Richards, I also found out that even what I was doing was a BIG deal, and maybe I shouldn't be so open about it.

  10. #10
    Member Shayna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Los Angeles (OK, I'm a Valley Girl)
    Posts
    264
    I think it was seeing an episode of Donahue about cross dressing

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member Christie ann's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    out and about
    Posts
    934
    I knew there were a few out there just from news stories about transvestism but wasn’t until alt.fashion in the pre WWW days, that I found such a large community. There was some one named Bill (I think) who posted often and wore skirts and shaved his legs. I thought that wa pretty cool and it started me down the path of acceptance of myself.

  12. #12
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Orange County, California
    Posts
    2,353
    Back in the late 60s when I first saw magazines of TVing, then paperbacks. These and TRANSVESTIA became regular purchases. Virginia Prince was my hero.

  13. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    141
    That's a tough one.

    I always thought of myself as a girl and was always surrounded by girls, and never thought of myself being alone in a gender specific way. I did learn early on to pretend to be a boy, and did it very well.

    When I was somewhere between 5 and 7 we lived on base in military housing. All the Dads were overseas in Vietnam and by statistical coincidence my neighborhood was 100 percent female, well...except for me. I lived with my Mom, Great Grandmother ( who always called me Michelle to my Mothers indignation), and my three sisters. I had a best named Terri and we used to play dress up together. Her Mom was a performer of some sort and had the most beautiful clothes. I had longish hair and Terri and I would run around in her dresses until we were at a local Short Stop store when my Dad, who had literally just stopped there on the way home from returning from Vietnam stopped in. Well, he really didn't recognize me till Terri said something and, lo and hehold he really did not get angry. I did get a stern talking to about the difference between a boy and a girl.

    That was the moment I felt different and alone for the first time.

    We lived at the time at the Presidio of San Francisco and unfortunately I saw a lot of men in dresses with beards and hairy legs who were just not good role models; at least for me. It had the negative effect on me. I did not want to be like them.

    Finally when I was 16/17 I went to work for an Antique dealer who was friends with my parents. He was gay, but really not your typical SF Gay man. He was just a regular guy who happened to be gay. His partner was a hetero female who was deeply in love with him...anyway

    What that meant was that I was somewhat immersed in the 70s LGBT culture in San Francisco. And to be honest I never felt part of it.

    However; one day I came to work and there was this stunning older woman. I guess she was in her 50s and dressed in a vintage 40s black lace dress with seamed stockings and heels that were not quite stilletos, but were not quite "not stilletos". Her hair was perfect as was her make up. I think I was in love.

    Her name was Kay, she was a client of my bosses. She had just bought a new home in Pacifica Heights and was looking for things to furnish it. Long story short I ended up working for her that summer moving things, painting ect. Somewhere in there I noticed that Kay had an adams apple. I made a joke of it to her at lunch and she smiled and looked at me and explained to me who she really was.

    Somewhere in there I started to cry, and just couldn't stop. She hugged me and asked what was wrong and I told her who I really was. She became my second Mom. We had a very chaste and happy friendship. She taught me a lot and let me try on her clothes and keep my own at her place. She took me on my first outing and got me to open up. Lol, it's funny the things you remember. She had an extremely high thread count blonde wig, that was my first wig, as I had to keep my hair cut short till I went out on my own at 18. I have never found another wig like that since then. She willed it to me when she passed in 2003.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Stephanie Julianna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    Prospect, CT
    Posts
    2,335
    First, Thelise, April Ashley is not a crossdresser. She transitioned and had her surgery prior to that article. April was all woman by that time. Just Google her and you can read and see what she accomplished and how she aged gracefully.
    Michelle, your story is amazing and very personal. I was touched that you shared it with us. Thank you. I am sure that there are parts of that story that many here can relate to as I did.

  15. #15
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    10,141
    Stephanie J.,
    I really had to think hard about that moment when I discovered men dressed as women , it may have been a newspaper article featuring Danny La Rue when he first entered the scene . My dressing had nothing do with thoughts of transtion then but I remember being amazed a guy could look amazing in beautiful gowns when fully made up . It probably did set a seed knowing it could happen .
    The real me ,no going back.

  16. #16
    Señora Member Robertacd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Bellingham, Wa
    Posts
    3,085
    Michelle, that is a beautiful story it made me cry.

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    524
    Wen I went to my first party. The diversity both amazed and pleased me.

  18. #18
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    Southern Illinois
    Posts
    1,186
    I began partially dressing around 8-9, thanks to our next door neighbors daughters who often played “dress up”. They asked me if I’d like to join them...which I did..and enjoyed dressing...especially their nylon stockings. Around 11 or 12, I became really concerned about my feelings. So, I went to a library to do some research. There wasn’t much information available but I read enough to realize I was not alone. Over the years, I’ve continued research looking for more information about the “why’s”. I learned there are so many types of us, each with his own background and needs. In the last decade, there is now much more information available. I’ve given up on the “why’s” and accept myself for what I am. My wife’s help and support has been indispensable.

  19. #19
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Minnesota lake country
    Posts
    20,062
    Wow, lots of great stories. I probably first realized there were transsexuals and transvestites some time in the mid 60s, and most likely from regular news magazines. I didn’t quite know what I was at the time, but felt an unsettling feeling that ‘whatever they had, I had’, and that it might show if I wasn’t careful. Anyone remember the female impersonator that did the Sullivan show and other 60s variety shows. Wasn’t a fan of the music or impersonations, it I was always self conscious when he appeared.

    But when it gets down to it, I never corresponded with or even was aware of another transwoman until I joined this site.
    Last edited by kimdl93; 07-17-2019 at 07:25 PM.
    New state, new home, new pics in process

  20. #20
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    7,978
    I new for sure when I joined this Forum,
    I remember back in he days o Christen Jorgasone when she transition, Big write up in the papers.
    Rader

  21. #21
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    7,102
    I did not realize until I came to this Forum! I did not put 2&2 together until then or not in my waking self! I was aware of Transvestites! The one that sticks out to me was sitting on the ground and being teased and insulted by older kids and was not happy at all! I really felt sorry for him/her! I remember the "TV Boutique" and reading various porn on the subject which was mostly off base! I am glad it is 2019 and we have the internet to get a better appreciation of who we are! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  22. #22
    A Woman Inside KarenSusan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Mountain View, Ca
    Posts
    977
    Sometime during the 80's I was sitting in a library looking for information on transvestites and in one of the books I found someone had stuck a business card advertising a CD support group in San Francisco. It was the first time I realized that there were other people like me and they weren't that far away. Bless the person that put that card in the book.


    Karen Sue

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    657
    I knew I wasn't the only one from the first time I put on my then wife's wedding dress in my 20s and remembered myself, sister, and mother catching my father en femme on an early return home one day. Though I myself didn't start actually dressing until more than 20 years later (the wedding dress was a charity thing, or do I thought /claimed).

    There were fairly frequent female impersonators in TV, including, as referenced by Teresa, Danny La Rue. My grandmother LOVED her.

    As for the slightly different question of when did I come to terms with myself this way, it came at two points. One was the confrontation with Wifeling about my knickers when she said angrily 'just admit it, you're a tranny'. The next day I tried a dress of hers and found she was right. Lol

    The second was upon coming up with my femme name. That innocuous act of self-acceptance, I now feel, ended years of internal conflict. A coupla days later I joined this site and a week later I cemented that watershed by quitting drinking after 30 years. Other drastic changes in my life have occurred since too. And I chalk it all up to resolving that inner conflict and self-denial.

    Some really nice, interesting stories. Thanks ladies.
    Last edited by abbiedrake; 07-17-2019 at 05:24 PM.

  24. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    10,128
    The best magazine at my local corner store (Raven's) was Playboy. Hardly the magazine for boys interested in wearing women's clothing. I really never had anything inkling I was a cross dresser. When I was entering puberty everything I heard concerning men who wore clothing was they were homosexuals although the terms back then were "queers, faggots, fruits" and other vile terms. I assumed I was gay which really was confusing because I lusted after young women and starlets. The only visual images of anything related to cross dressing was a Michael Salem shop in midtown Manhattan. If I was in the area I would slowly walk past the store window. It wasn't until later I learned that shop catered to cross dressers.

    I never knew a cross dresser. Still don't. It wasn't until at least post 1978 (31 years old) that I got an inkling about the turmoil of being a cross dresser. Yes, my wife knew of my desires. There was a couple several houses down the street. There was buzzing going around they got a divorce because she found out he was a cross dresser. There was another cross dresser in the neighborhood who could not take the oppression anymore. He committed suicide. I still remember his last name. The newspaper reported he set his house on fire and kept the firefighters at bay by shooting at them. The grizzly details in the newspaper stated his charred remains were found in his recliner and his charred heels were still strapped to his ankles. Hell of a way to find out you're not alone in this world.

    Except for this site I still have zero contact with any man who needs and enjoys wearing women's clothing.

  25. #25
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    141
    Quote Originally Posted by abbiedrake View Post
    I knew I wasn't the only one from the first time I put on my then wife's wedding dress in my 20s and remembered myself, sister, and mother catching my father en femme on an early return home one day. Though I myself didn't start actually dressing until more than 20 years later (the wedding dress was a charity thing, or do I thought /claimed).

    There were fairly frequent female impersonators in TV, including, as referenced by Teresa, Danny La Rue. My grandmother LOVED her.

    As for the slightly different question of when did I come to terms with myself this way, it came at two points. One was the confrontation with Wifeling about my knickers when she said angrily 'just admit it, you're a tranny'. The next day I tried a dress of hers and found she was right. Lol

    The second was upon coming up with my femme name. That innocuous act of self-acceptance, I now feel, ended years of internal conflict. A coupla days later I joined this site and a week later I cemented that watershed by quitting drinking after 30 years. Other drastic changes in my life have occurred since too. And I chalk it all up to resolving that inner conflict and self-denial.

    Some really nice, interesting stories. Thanks ladies.
    Abbiedrake, big congradulations on 30 years sober. That is so great! I come from an alcholic family and know the challenges you face/faced. A big hug! You deserve it!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State