Admissions

[Julie1123]

TLDR: This post is mainly for me to solidify something I tend to gloss over.

Over the years on this site, I have tended towards posting events that show positive improvement or potential positive improvement on how my wife reacts to my crossdressing. Focusing on the fact that she's highly pro-trans rights and hoping that in the future she might come to be more okay with my crossdressing. That with more understanding of what I do, it would ease her mind. It's not something I need to have happen, nor do I want to push it to happen, but it would greatly improve things. The problem is that I tend to leave out another thing she has stated in the past.

For example, I might post something along the lines of the following:

My wife and I have had a working DADT relationship in regards to my crossdressing for several years now. I didn't start crossdressing until after we were together and told her about it as soon as I discovered it was something I liked doing. I have a corner of our shared closet where clothes are hung and a dresser full of other clothes. She doesn't mind seeing me in women's underwear but prefers not to see me in anything else. We're expecting our first child and about a month and a half ago she was no longer able to fit in her underwear so instead of spending money on more clothes she asked if she could just borrow some of mine. I was definitely ok with that as I've always wanted to be able to share clothes with her and I was hopeful it would lead to maybe more conversations about my dressing. As I said, its been about a month and a half now and she's been going to my underwear drawer to get a pair every morning. I also keep my bras in there and she hasn't had any bad reactions. It's been great. She even told me she really liked one pair and thought they were super cute. In the past she has looked in my drawers and gotten a bit upset about it so this is definitely an improvement

End potential post and back to the admission.

In my mind, and in my posting, I would focus on the positive and the fact she is pro-trans rights and my hope that things will change would increase. I need to be honest with myself though. She has also stated that she doesn't want to see me dressed in more than just underwear because she has never been attracted to feminine men and she's not a lesbian. She worries that if she did see me this way that she would lose her attraction to me. This is not a judgement on her but a realization for me that I need to be better about tempering my expectations.

Thank you for listening. If you have your own admissions you need to make feel free to make them.

[Robertacd]

Well a couple things here.

She is expecting... Have the talk now about how you will be able to dress around your child. Chances are your DADT is about to become even more restricted.

About her not being a lesbian, she is not lesbian neither is my wife. You and I are a lesbian trans-woman, my wife identifies as a pansexual cis-woman.

[Tracii G]

She needs to understand you are still the same person and you are still a genetic male so to say she isn't a lesbian makes no sense of course she isn't.
She should be attracted to you the person she married,the only thing different are the clothes you are wearing.
The clothes do not make you a woman.

Its really that simple and why people can't grasp that concept amazes me still all these years later.

[Stephanie47]

"The clothes do not make you a woman" is a true statement. However, what about all that goes along with it? Wearing a pair of panties is just what it sounds like...a pair of panties. Based upon the reviews I see at department store websites for panties it seems there are a lot of guys wearing women's panties. I do not see a corresponding number of reviews for bras, shapewear or dresses. Perhaps women consider their man wearing panties as a fetish and not a crossdresser. What's the perception when adding the wig and makeup and all the other garments; bras, hosiery, heels, slips and dresses? Then comes adopting the mannerisms. Hasn't there been much said on the site about emulating a woman? Passing for a woman?

I do go to other articles on the internet, including articles found in reputable women's magazines. If I accept the analysis I read at some, it does seem women who have not seen their husbands in women's clothing, etc have a visual image of their husbands.

My wife told me decades ago if she wanted to be married to a woman, she would have married a woman! Well, back then she would have had to live without the benefit of legal marriage. Her point was she chose to marry me based on the observed qualities before her. I hesitate to call them masculine qualities because there seems to be some stupidity in our society of how men are suppose to act. Even though she first knew me as a Nam vet infantryman, she also saw I did not walk around like a pseudo caveman looking for a mate.

From the postings on this site any reader will see there are vastly different responses from women about their husband's cross dressing. Kick him to the curb. Go out together as girl friends. And, everything in between. I don't think you can really say "you're the same person." That's a self serving statement to justify one's actions. Actually, you're not really the same person or a wife would not have an issue with it.

[Micki_Finn]

She touched on something a lot of the dressers here don’t understand. Just because a woman is pro-trans and/or pro-LGBT does NOT mean that she is bi or pansexual. Just because she doesn’t judge others, that doesn’t mean she has to be attracted to them. I see lots of posts on these forums on how it “isn’t fair” or their wife is a “hypocrite” because they profess to be pro-lgbt, but don’t want to be in a relationship with them.

[Tracii G]

I see that a lot here too.
The "it isn't fair " threads really never accomplish much of anything.
Things are what they are and not much you can do about it.
Some belly ache about how they think things should be but that is not living in the reality.