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Thread: Picking a therapist - quick question

  1. #1
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    Picking a therapist - quick question

    I did quick google research onto picking a therapist and it suggested a few questions to ask. I ask 4 questions over email and only got a response for 2 of them, very fast responses though. Should I not consider this therapist?

    Part of me thinks communication is surely key with a therapist and we seem to have failed at the first hurdle. It annoys me at work when people ignore half an email. However part of me thinks I probably dont want to find a therapist who is too similar to me, and I know a lot of people do it because email is a bad way to communicate. This is the first one zi have contacted.

    She mentions successfully working with many crossdressers over the years. What do you all think?

  2. #2
    Seňora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    I guess it depends on how she defines "success'. As there are two types of success when it comes to cross-dressing from a therapist point of view.

    Did she successfuly cure them of cross-dressing basically ending their journey?

    Did she successfuly cure them of their guilt and shame over cross-dressing allowing them to continue their journey?

  3. #3
    Seamstress of Skirts Asew's Avatar
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    It annoys me when people half answer an email. At work I know a few people bad at this so I will say something about the number of questions or even enumerate the questions.

    Unless your therapy is through email only, I don't think it would be a deal breaker, since these same people when in person can easily answer multiple questions.

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    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I’d say avoid that one. 90% of a therapists job is to listen to you, and if they can’t even pay enough attention to your email to answer all your questions, then how well will they listen to you in session? You need someone who isn’t too busy for you.

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    Of course she is. Patience's Avatar
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    I'd say the quick response was a good sign. Not knowing the exact questions (and I'm not asking you to share), it's hard to tell the reasonableness of the response.

    Did you submit the same questions to other therapists? Did they answer the, er, questions in question? If others did, then maybe the therapist who didn't isn't the best possible match.
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

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    Thanks all for your feedback. I have only asked one so far, defo thinking about asking others now though. She did actually reply to the original question after my next message but then didnt answer one of my questions!

    Thanks everyone as always.

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    A bit of background: I got my shrinking credentials in the mid 70'S. I've been cross-dressing a whole lot longer. I admit I may be a bit of old school, but, communication goes both ways. I would be extremely reluctant to give a substantive answer to someone based only on what they wrote. Especially if I had never met them. Probably anything beyond areas of expertise, fee schedule, and availability should be left for the face to face interview.

    Frankly, the therapist's reluctance to jump in with a serious, involved answer with someone she had never met is a point in her favor. There is way too much to be gained from non-verbals to put too much weight on the written word without a lot of background experience with that person.

    I think you should meet her before making any decision either way.

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    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    I think that the real question is to find out (1) if the therapist has substantial experience with MtF transgender people and (2) if the therapist is the second type of therapist that Roberta identifies in post #2.

    Me personally, I would only accept a female therapist because I would feel judged by a male therapist.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  9. #9
    Of course she is. Patience's Avatar
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    A female therapist isn’t likely to be less judgmental than a male one, if at all, Steffi.

    Is it possible that your concern is so gender specific because you think that a man’s opinion carries more weight than a woman’s?
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

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    Vicky what you have put is exactly where I was coming from, maybe it was intentional not to give too detailed a reply.

    As it happens was on the questions not answered was regarding availibility. I asked about what she meant by success and she was type 1. I am going to try her.

  11. #11
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Without knowing what questions u r referring to, how could we judge someone none of us know anything about? Maybe some r gone on vacations and don't wish to check their emails?

    I've dealt with a number of therapists. All female and all very accepting and helpful! I would not pick one on the basis of 4 questions. I would explain what I wanted her help with and see how she responds. That should be enuff info to start a conversation, even if it's just online. Then, u'll get some idea about her character and your fit.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  12. #12
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VtVicky View Post
    A bit of background: I got my shrinking credentials in the mid 70'S. I've been cross-dressing a whole lot longer. I admit I may be a bit of old school, but, communication goes both ways. I would be extremely reluctant to give a substantive answer to someone based only on what they wrote. Especially if I had never met them. Probably anything beyond areas of expertise, fee schedule, and availability should be left for the face to face interview.

    Frankly, the therapist's reluctance to jump in with a serious, involved answer with someone she had never met is a point in her favor. There is way too much to be gained from non-verbals to put too much weight on the written word without a lot of background experience with that person.

    I think you should meet her before making any decision either way.
    But shouldn’t she at least address the questions she didn’t answer and explain WHY she couldn’t answer them? THAT would be an example of effective communication. Leaving the asked to wonder if the answerer even saw the question seems like an example of poor communication.

    Now I’m making an assumption here, I assume if she found these questions as a recommendation of things to ask a perspective therapist, then they are probably pretty benign and general that any therapist with no history with you could answer.

  13. #13
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Steffi,
    That is an odd asumption , all my referrals came through very supportive male GPs .

    The one complication I had was I developed a soft spot for my female counsellor which wouldn't have happened with a male one .

    Sherry does make a good point about a lack of response simply because they were taking a break , I'm sure I would want frequent breaks to recharge my batteries and clear my head .
    The real me ,no going back.

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