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Thread: Being a MIAD

  1. #51
    Aspiring Member
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    I can't recall the first time I put on an item of womenswear. I was probably in my early teens and I am pretty sure that up to that point it had not occurred to me. No recollection why I did or of why I continued. I do remember I would initially only put on outerwear. My mother kept her slips and some other underwear in some drawers in my bedroom but I never even looked at them - at that stage I thought underwear would put me in some sort of gender limbo. I think the dressing only expanded beyond occasional trying on of dresses and shoes when I went away to University. I could have clothes of my own and dress without fear of someone walking into my bedroom and seeing me in a dress. At some stage the dresses were joined by underwear and then accessories. My boobs were just rolled up knickers.

    I bought lots of clothes but this was about quantity not quality. I realised some clothes suited me more than others but only after wearing them and at this stage I was scared to try anything on in a shop.

    The turning point came when I decided I really wanted to know what clothes were best for me. I found a colour and style company that seemed head and shoulders above the others and when I was in London, far from home, I made an appointment and went along in a skirt, blouse and silk jacket. The consultation was pricey but without getting a single new garment, it was the most sensible expenditure I ever made on clothes. These two ladies literally changed my life. I was so impressed I went back and got a male style consultation too.

    It turned out my best colours were not the ones I thought, and they guided me to garment styles that were much more suitable for me than the ones I had been wearing. It turned out I needed expensive, classical clothes and leather shoes (a particular style of court) and they taught me make up and what colour and style of wig to go for.

    I now have a vast collection of skirts, dresses, tops and shoes - almost all othem in colours and styles that really work for me. I confess I lapse occasionally and buy a dress for fun or because I love it as a dress. One of the rules is NEVER wear black next to your face (it is suited to only one colour season). I went to a refresher a few years ago with a different consultant in the same group, and I had to bring along ten dresses I loved. One of them was black. The consultant took one look at it and said "I don't care if it is black - that dress is to die for".

    I only go out dressed occasionally. I would have been going out today but the weather forecast is horrific to the extent that I might not get home tonight if I went where I had intended. I often meet up with a very well dressed woman friend, about 50% of the time I dress as a woman when we meet. I have achieved all the challenges I set myself when dressed - bra fittings, restaurants, stays in hotels, beauticians, dressmakers (including being pinned for dress alterations), bars, visits to stately homes, doing the weekly shop, public transport, etc. There are no new challenges, so I have reached a happy plateau. I miss having a partner but am not actively seeking a new one.

    I have long ago accepted that I like to look like a woman and when I go out in a dress, act like one, but at no point do I imagine myself to be one. It is acting. I love the outfits and how I look in them - to myself and others. Women praise me for my outfits. I am out only to a few friends. My only concern is that I spend far too much money on new clothes I don't need - and I long ago ran out of wardrobe space.

    So I set out to be the best dressed I can be in womenswear and I achieved it. I own lots of lovely women's clothes (I know the Eddie Izzard thing, but I use it for convenience) and I wear them to my heart's content. I even have a lovely (and well dressed) woman friend I can share this with though we are not an item. I have the sort of life in a dress I always wished for and it is a good place to be. It has evolved through seeking professional advice from women who know what they are doing - the same professionals women go to when they want to achieve a fantastic look. Going to professional colour and style consultants is possibly even more life transforming for us than it is for GGs.

  2. #52
    Member
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    Apr 2011
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    Indiana
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    489
    Robinadress, I don't think I could pull off being a man in a dress. If you are comfortable that's all that counts

  3. #53
    Nylons lover GeorgeA's Avatar
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    Dec 2009
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    Toronto
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    Good story, Susan.
    Thanks for sharing it.
    GeorgeA
    formerly Salerba

    "a miad" Man-in-a-Dress

  4. #54
    Senior Member phili's Avatar
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    Mar 2016
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    San Francisco Peninsula
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    Hi gang,
    I'm a mirl in a dress- which will for most people look like a MIAD. 'Mirl' to me is male girl- and that sums up my experience of my identity. I am male, but I feel like a girl. So I am a male tomboy sometimes and regular girl other times. I don't feel like a 'man' in a dress- taking the term 'man' to mean 'feeling like a man', rather than 'he's a man, dammit, bc he is male!'.

    Since I am old I suppose one could suggest I am a woman not a girl, but I feel like a girl. Perhaps after some more years I will age and feel like a male woman. I love the term mirl, though, so I'll keep that just as women refer to themselves as girls.

    I don't mind being misgendered- as when confronted with my own photo, I have to look long and hard sometimes to see past my years of associating a male face with a thousand expectations of manliness as interpreted in my segment of society. And you can feel my energy and what would be thought of as male force- but...inside it is associated with being a girl.

    But I have stopped worrying about that- as I have gone over the waterfall, and I know who I am. I feel perfectly comfortable as myself, so I am at peace with all others when dressed as an adult girl/woman, regardless of how they see me.

    For thousands of years social training is that males and females need to stay on their sides of the gender fences, and the implication is that something terrible will happen. I have a few GG friends now I go out with socially and when we are together they have no trace of embarrassment. Their acceptance has to be helpful for those observers who aren't sure if I am safe.

    I noticed a 10 year old boy with his friends couldn't take his eyes off me, while the others ignored me. I hope he can find in my example the hope for himself to escape the gilded cages of manliness. Other children observe me with curiosity- adding to their storehouse of knowledge, and seeing that this person is at ease and without a trace of feeling that something is strange.

    My wife is still very unhappy about me discovering and embracing my long suppressed anima, and I still try to accommodate her expectations. But I can feel my core personality liberating ever so gradually and irreversibly. I am very grateful for that, and I hold out hope that at some point she will also see that we both prefer to be more whole people.

    I dress more femininely when out since I don't get much chance at home- I feel a bit like a woman whose husband does not want her to dress well- as it stirs up some deep anxieties for him.

    Here is me in the last two outfits I wore out with my friend.P1090086 - 2mp.jpg
    P1090064 - 2mp.jpg
    Last edited by phili; 08-19-2019 at 10:06 PM.
    We are all beautiful...!

  5. #55
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    Jul 2011
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    Texas
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    As far as I’m concerned, if you put on a dress, you’re in the club. And very, very cool.

  6. #56
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Dec 2013
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    UK
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    11,677
    Susan,
    Thanks for your story, on many counts I'm inclined to agree with you .

    The note of caution is taking care how much you spend , I always promised my wife that my CDing wouldn't cost a fortune , she often chose to go without for the sake of others I couldn't bring myself to spend on something she basically hated .

    Going to a stylist is great but again very few GGs actually do it , in fact I was surprised how few actually have their skin colour checked for the correct shades . It's a fine dividing between being well dressed and going OTT , that was quite a learning curve for me when I separated and went full time .

    I do admit I have four LBDs and love them .
    The real me ,no going back.

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