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Thread: Being a MIAD

  1. #1
    Nylons lover GeorgeA's Avatar
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    Being a MIAD

    I have always been a transvestite. I knew of other transvestites from various stories about them. I always assumed them to be very similar to me. I am a MIAD and always have been one, even though I didn’t coin this term until July 2017.

    Then one day in Dec 2009 I searched the internet for “transvestism” and among thousands finds one caught my eye: www.crossdressers.com I tried it and was ecstatic: this is it! I read some postings and joined immediately. I found my place in the world. That was almost 10 years ago and I’m still very happy here.

    One thing that surprised me though, was that most posters wanted to look like women, behave like women, even be women. I wasn’t like that at all. I was a Miad. I was not interested in wigs, jewellery, make-up, women’s shoes.

    I wore women’s clothes, yes, but I felt a man and had no desire to emulate women and look like them. I read hundreds of posts talking about “passing”. “blending” or whatever. I could never relate to their feelings. I understood and approved of their action but I could never fully participate in the discussions as those topics were of no interest to me.

    In a recent thread about beards I posted that there are several species of crossdressers. One that tries very hard to look like women and one to which I belong: MIADs.

    Many of the first category “dress” occasionally, perhaps for a couple of hours, once or several times a week or perhaps months going through all kinds of efforts to make themselves presentable. That’s all fine with me. I have no problem with that and appreciate and applaud their efforts. To me it’s role playing, pretending that you’re someone that you are not. Judging by the picture gallery most are doing an excellent job of disguise. They really look like women. Just to be clear: I’m talking about cressdressers not transgenders, who are another species.

    I, as a MIAD, don’t “dress”, I dress not to be naked. What I put on in the morning I wear all day, with only a minor modification of putting on trousers instead of a skirt when going out. I do not play a role, pretending that I am “this” or “that”; I am simply who I am. And I am a man who like to dress in lingerie, nylons, skirts, all this as my normal attire and not a costume.

    As I said before, I have no problem with those who do it differently than I.

    I also have no problem with those who criticise MIAD’s way of life. You are entitled to your opinion and I respect that, as I respect your way of life, even though it may be different than mine.

    We are all crossdressers and have affinity for one another. We may be slightly different, yet the same.
    Last edited by GeorgeA; 07-24-2019 at 11:28 PM.
    GeorgeA
    formerly Salerba

    "a miad" Man-in-a-Dress

  2. #2
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Pretending you are something you are not is kind of a judgemental way to put it don't you think?
    They are not trying to be anything but who they are just like you.
    The desire to pass you make sound like they are trying to deceive people for some reason.
    Thats not what they are trying to do at all.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 07-24-2019 at 11:53 PM.
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  3. #3
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    i think members of this site are over all pretty good at recognizing that we must respect each other, regardless of our minor differences in dressing philosophy. Everyone has their own story of how they got here and how they coped with the obstacles they faced. In my own case, grew up in a time, place and family dynamic that despised femininity in males, so I had a long, difficult time accepting myself and gathering the courage to express my true nature. I understand those of us who remain closeted or choose to express themselves differently from me; we all deal with our issues in a way that works for us. I am encouraged by the fact that most members of this forum are older. It suggests that younger crossdressers face less of the visceral homophobia I was raised with.

    Myself, I dislike the term transvestite. It sounds to me like a psychiatric pathology that must be removed by drastic means if necessary. And I'm only slightly enamored about the acronym MIAD, although it is perhaps the best descriptor of my own version of dressing. When asked, I tell people I am gender fluid. I am neither hiding nor advertising my dressing, or making any statements. The only thing I'm doing is claiming my space to be myself. Of course people will notice a man in a skirt so I feel it's vital to do it as well and tastefully as possible. I assume I am the first crossdresser an individual meets and I want to represent well so that person might accept more easily the next one they meet. I act exactly the same whether dressed or drab, I answer all questions in a respectful manner and I receive compliments graciously whether they are given sincerely or sarcastically.

    I have been generally well received by most women, and I have been told I am "an original" and "the bravest person I know". Men usually ignore or avoid me, which is okay. Some have asked questions, which I have answered. But mostly I act and converse like a normal man and the fact that I am wearing a dress and heels quickly becomes unimportant, or "Not A Big Deal" as I like to call it.

    So I am probably more visible in public than those of us who aspire to be stealthy or passable as a woman. But that's a natural consequence of my preferred presentation. It is my hope that someday it won't matter that I choose to wear "women's" clothes. I am just a person who lives somewhat outside the box.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    GeorgeA,
    I'm grateful you've made the distinction , maybe it would be better to look at it as a spectrum depending mostly on the level of dysphoria , saying that I can't honestly answer how dysphoria affects a MIAD .

    I'm in no way being critical but have you ever analysed why you think your dressing needs stop at this point , does it possibly relate more to your upbringing rather than what you were born with .

    In my case my father had a beard and we never got on , so I do equate beards to difficult people . I have to say at 280 lbs and just over 6 feet tall any thoughts of him as a CDer would be a nightmare but that's because I never saw a soft caring side in him , he was an overbearing , drunken bully . So did you have someone close that had a beard but was a very caring person so the two actually equate ?

    I have to agree with Tracii , we're in too deep to think we are deceiving anyone , on a daily basis it's hard work to keep a deception up . Happiness and contentment is are our motives .
    Last edited by Teresa; 07-25-2019 at 07:31 AM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  5. #5
    Member rhonda's Avatar
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    GeorgA
    Their is different levels of crossdressing from MIAD (or less ) to complete conversion , we're all in CDH together with apparently no way out

  6. #6
    Dana Matthews danam's Avatar
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    I'm chiming in to a thread, against my better judgement, because I want to make an analogy. Being a crossdresser is like saying you like cars. What does that mean, to "like cars"? One person may discuss the virtues of restoring a 1970 Corvette while another argues that the 2019 Ferrari is a far superior vehicle to your 1970 Corvette and then the Corvette owner replies by accusing the Ferrari owner of being an entitled brat. When, in reality, both of these car enthusiasts are talking about entirely different aspects of "liking cars"--but neither understands that they're each talking about entirely different things.

    This disconnect, outlined above, has taken me a long time to learn, and I've accumulated many bruises and scars from social media in the process.
    Been around for a while, been away for a while. On the verge of coming back...Help me!

  7. #7
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Hi GeorgeA, It is interesting how we vary so much in some ways and are so similar in others. I enjoyed your observations. But mostly I like being in a place where we can all express ourselves honestly and have respectful feedback (mostly). Thank you for sharing.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    If we can agree that GeorgeA is a crossdresser then why do some people believe he has stopped some type of progress along a line or within a spectrum they think he should be on? If he doesn't present as a woman, is he less of a crossdresser, or not one at all? Is he inferior to you because he doesn't wear make up and a wig but he does wear a skirt and a blouse?

    When did the definition of a crossdresser require us to present as a women? It makes sense that, when presenting as a woman, one would want to crossdress, but that isn't even a requirement. You either are or aren't a crossdresser. How you proceed after that is up to you.

    Everyone has their own happiness line or spectrum or whatever, and I want each of us to find that sweet spot but it is not necessarily the same as yours.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by danam View Post
    I'm chiming in to a thread, against my better judgement, because I want to make an analogy. Being a crossdresser is like saying you like cars. What does that mean, to "like cars"? One person may discuss the virtues of restoring a 1970 Corvette while another argues that the 2019 Ferrari is a far superior vehicle to your 1970 Corvette and then the Corvette owner replies by accusing the Ferrari owner of being an entitled brat. When, in reality, both of these car enthusiasts are talking about entirely different aspects of "liking cars"--but neither understands that they're each talking about entirely different things.

    This disconnect, outlined above, has taken me a long time to learn, and I've accumulated many bruises and scars from social media in the process.
    Good Midwest logic. Have yet to really quite know where I'm at either. But I guess time will tell. When I get there yes I guess the most important person to keep happy is myself.
    For what its worth I drive and use these . 2016 GMC pickup, 53 chevy Pickup and my baby a 1940 Ferguson t30 Tractor.

  10. #10
    Seamstress of Skirts Asew's Avatar
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    As a MIAD myself, I definitely feel where you are coming from. There are all kinds of crossdressers and we should all support each other. We have different goals and interests associated with that, but we can learn from one another. I think the best thing a MIAD can show those who want to be seen as women is that even if you are not passable you can still go out in the real world.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Can you explain why you change to go out?

    I will wait till I hear your answer before saying anymore.

  12. #12
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    I read that too He says he wears what he puts on all day but if he goes out he puts pants on.
    Kind of a disconnect sounds like.
    Kind of the same as I'm not a doctor but I play one on TV.
    So you are an in the closet MAID?
    Last edited by Tracii G; 07-25-2019 at 10:54 AM.
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  13. #13
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    "To me it's role playing, pretending that you're someone you are not" is only GeorgeA's perception of some men who need/like to look like a woman. He does make a distinction between cross dressers and transsexuals, although he used the term transgender. I'm not going to try to psychoanalyze anyone. If I knew why I do what I do that would solve a big question for me. But, alas, I gave up a long time ago beating my head against the wall. I know I am not a woman. The body is obviously male. I am not too sure about the brain. All I can say about me is "it is more than just the clothes!"

  14. #14
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Tracy,
    GeorgeA mentioned her stopping point , so I simply asked if there was any particular reason for it , I'm not implying or urging George to go any further although she does say she wishes to emulate women . I do see some confusion here which I'm sure GeorgeA can clarify .

    Stephanie ,
    That was the point I'm pleased GeorgeA made , she gave everyone some consideration .
    The real me ,no going back.

  15. #15
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Teresa George A would carry the 'he' pronoun I would think seeing as he is not trying to be someone he is not.
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  16. #16
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Tracii,
    I did hover over that key and wonder which way to go , maybe GeorgeA could put us straight .
    The real me ,no going back.

  17. #17
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    He is just a crossdresser of a different stripe and that is OK with me.
    We all do it for whatever reason and there is no reason we have to have an explanation for it.
    I just took his statements as somewhat judgemental but I am sure it was not meant that way.
    I would find it strange to present as a man in a dress in public. Why that is I don't really know.
    Maybe because I am trans who knows.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 07-25-2019 at 01:02 PM.
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  18. #18
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Well, I'm a MIAD, too, Georgia. Only I dress all the way or not at all. So, u can't just say you're a transvestite/MIAD and leave it at that.

    That alone doesn't explain why u only throw on a few things and no more. And, saying the rest of us r trying to deceive people is NOT a good excuse! Because I'm a MIAD, I don't fool anyone when I'm out. And, I dress to the 9's for ME. Not anyone else!

    Maybe you're embarrassed to show yourself dressed in public, which makes u a closet dresser. Or, maybe u get a special thrill from the clothes u DO wear? To me, u just announced yourself then dropped the mic. Of course, u don't need to explain yourself to us. I'm just curious if u, yourself, know why u r satisfied to throw on a few women's things? Maybe u don't? Not all of us do!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  19. #19
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Sherry those are great points.
    Could be George is too scared to try and doesn't think he could do it.
    Sherry you are a total 10 in my book.
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  20. #20
    Nylons lover GeorgeA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Teresa George A would carry the 'he' pronoun I would think seeing as he is not trying to be someone he is not.
    Thank you Tracii for clarifying that. Yes, I use a "he" pronoun, and the reason I changed my user name recently was to show everybody that I am a man, as "Salerba" was a feminine name and people used to refer to me as "she" which wasn't right. I am a very thick-skinned person and don't get offended by what people call me.

    I tried to word my original post very carefully so not offend anyone. I will go through the replies and clarify any misconceptions that are in some people's mind as to what my intentions were. I am very-nonconfrontational and have no desire to put anyone down.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Jean 103 View Post
    Can you explain why you change to go out?

    I will wait till I hear your answer before saying anymore.
    I change because our society is not yet ready to accept a man wearing a skirt, without ridiculing him, and I am a very shy and introverted person. If I were a more brazen guy I would go as I am.

    Let's here the rest of your story.
    GeorgeA
    formerly Salerba

    "a miad" Man-in-a-Dress

  21. #21
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    I thought I was coming to understand your position a little better.
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  22. #22
    Nylons lover GeorgeA's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    GeorgeA,
    I'm grateful you've made the distinction , maybe it would be better to look at it as a spectrum depending mostly on the level of dysphoria , saying that I can't honestly answer how dysphoria affects a MIAD .

    I'm in no way being critical but have you ever analysed why you think your dressing needs stop at this point , does it possibly relate more to your upbringing rather than what you were born with .


    I have to agree with Tracii , we're in too deep to think we are deceiving anyone , on a daily basis it's hard work to keep a deception up . Happiness and contentment is are our motives .
    Teresa,
    I have no need to go any further, as I said frequently, I have no desire for a feminine appearance. For a number of years I struggled to find a word to describe someone like me. "Different-dresser" was one option, but it was vague and did not describe what was "different". Then I came up with "MIAD", which while not perfect, either, is more to my liking and it seems to have caught on as many people are now using it.

    I want to clarify that I did not ever used "deceiving" in my post. I don't think role-playing is deceiving.

    I am waiting for the next episode of your new life.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Quote Originally Posted by Tracy Irving View Post
    If we can agree that GeorgeA is a crossdresser then why do some people believe he has stopped some type of progress along a line or within a spectrum they think he should be on? If he doesn't present as a woman, is he less of a crossdresser, or not one at all? Is he inferior to you because he doesn't wear make up and a wig but he does wear a skirt and a blouse?

    When did the definition of a crossdresser require us to present as a women? It makes sense that, when presenting as a woman, one would want to crossdress, but that isn't even a requirement. You either are or aren't a crossdresser. How you proceed after that is up to you.

    Everyone has their own happiness line or spectrum or whatever, and I want each of us to find that sweet spot but it is not necessarily the same as yours.

    Tracy,
    Very interesting observations. What is a crossdresser? A man who wears women's clothes. Every time I go out in trousers I am really crossdressing, as I am wearing trousers like the majority of women around me. Am I a crossdresser when in skirts? Very few women wear skirts, so I am not like them. When I wear a skirt I do not look like a woman. I look like.....a crossdresser?

    Is that's what's called arguing in circles?

    Maybe just a MIAD wil do.
    GeorgeA
    formerly Salerba

    "a miad" Man-in-a-Dress

  23. #23
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    It is kind of the answer I was expecting.

    You are right, if you are following the crowd you would wear pants of some kind

    I not much of a follower. I tend to wear skirts and dresses most of the time.

    You have it much harder than I do, so you have my respect.

    I think everyone here would agree that I am not simply a crossdresser. But you see the public only sees what's in front of them.

    There are times I will run out to like pickup dinner for my roommate and me as a MIAD. I don't like to do it as I am treated differently sometimes. Never badly but I can see it in their faces, how they talk.

    This does change a bit after they get to know me. I am referring to strangers.

    Being a MIAD and not being outgoing is a problem.

    I'm topically an up beat happy person. My friends can tell you I can be a royal B sometimes. People tend to respond in kind.

    My point is that if you are a pleasant good person, people will cut you a lot of slack.

  24. #24
    Member Mermaiden's Avatar
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    I get what George is saying. I’m a guy, do guy things, think of myself as a man, walk like a man, speak in male patterns but wear female clothes sometimes because I just feel more at ease. I think we are all cars but different models, or all ice cream different flavors, all trees with different leaves.
    Anyway, hope everyone has a great weekend.

  25. #25
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    GeorgeA,
    May I ask this question , have you or would you ever clean shave and do the whole thing out in the RW to see what difference it makes to you ?

    I know you admit to being a shy and introvert person but I often wonder with MIADs if it's a hurdle they feel they can never jump . I agree with Jean being out as a MIAD must be harder , I couldn't do it but then I have dysphoria and want the male side gone .

    The point I'm making is you never know until you try , I still look back to when I joined this forum and read the stories of members who were totally out in the RW , at that time I felt we were on differnt planets now here I am living my dream and passing on my stories to others .

    I hope no one accuses me of projecting , I'm just asking a simple question to you .
    The real me ,no going back.

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