Being a MIAD

[GeorgeA]

I have always been a transvestite. I knew of other transvestites from various stories about them. I always assumed them to be very similar to me. I am a MIAD and always have been one, even though I didn’t coin this term until July 2017.

Then one day in Dec 2009 I searched the internet for “transvestism” and among thousands finds one caught my eye: www.crossdressers.com I tried it and was ecstatic: this is it! I read some postings and joined immediately. I found my place in the world. That was almost 10 years ago and I’m still very happy here.

One thing that surprised me though, was that most posters wanted to look like women, behave like women, even be women. I wasn’t like that at all. I was a Miad. I was not interested in wigs, jewellery, make-up, women’s shoes.

I wore women’s clothes, yes, but I felt a man and had no desire to emulate women and look like them. I read hundreds of posts talking about “passing”. “blending” or whatever. I could never relate to their feelings. I understood and approved of their action but I could never fully participate in the discussions as those topics were of no interest to me.

In a recent thread about beards I posted that there are several species of crossdressers. One that tries very hard to look like women and one to which I belong: MIADs.

Many of the first category “dress” occasionally, perhaps for a couple of hours, once or several times a week or perhaps months going through all kinds of efforts to make themselves presentable. That’s all fine with me. I have no problem with that and appreciate and applaud their efforts. To me it’s role playing, pretending that you’re someone that you are not. Judging by the picture gallery most are doing an excellent job of disguise. They really look like women. Just to be clear: I’m talking about cressdressers not transgenders, who are another species.

I, as a MIAD, don’t “dress”, I dress not to be naked. What I put on in the morning I wear all day, with only a minor modification of putting on trousers instead of a skirt when going out. I do not play a role, pretending that I am “this” or “that”; I am simply who I am. And I am a man who like to dress in lingerie, nylons, skirts, all this as my normal attire and not a costume.

As I said before, I have no problem with those who do it differently than I.

I also have no problem with those who criticise MIAD’s way of life. You are entitled to your opinion and I respect that, as I respect your way of life, even though it may be different than mine.

We are all crossdressers and have affinity for one another. We may be slightly different, yet the same.

[Tracii G]

Pretending you are something you are not is kind of a judgemental way to put it don't you think?
They are not trying to be anything but who they are just like you.
The desire to pass you make sound like they are trying to deceive people for some reason.
Thats not what they are trying to do at all.

[suzanne]

i think members of this site are over all pretty good at recognizing that we must respect each other, regardless of our minor differences in dressing philosophy. Everyone has their own story of how they got here and how they coped with the obstacles they faced. In my own case, grew up in a time, place and family dynamic that despised femininity in males, so I had a long, difficult time accepting myself and gathering the courage to express my true nature. I understand those of us who remain closeted or choose to express themselves differently from me; we all deal with our issues in a way that works for us. I am encouraged by the fact that most members of this forum are older. It suggests that younger crossdressers face less of the visceral homophobia I was raised with.

Myself, I dislike the term transvestite. It sounds to me like a psychiatric pathology that must be removed by drastic means if necessary. And I'm only slightly enamored about the acronym MIAD, although it is perhaps the best descriptor of my own version of dressing. When asked, I tell people I am gender fluid. I am neither hiding nor advertising my dressing, or making any statements. The only thing I'm doing is claiming my space to be myself. Of course people will notice a man in a skirt so I feel it's vital to do it as well and tastefully as possible. I assume I am the first crossdresser an individual meets and I want to represent well so that person might accept more easily the next one they meet. I act exactly the same whether dressed or drab, I answer all questions in a respectful manner and I receive compliments graciously whether they are given sincerely or sarcastically.

I have been generally well received by most women, and I have been told I am "an original" and "the bravest person I know". Men usually ignore or avoid me, which is okay. Some have asked questions, which I have answered. But mostly I act and converse like a normal man and the fact that I am wearing a dress and heels quickly becomes unimportant, or "Not A Big Deal" as I like to call it.

So I am probably more visible in public than those of us who aspire to be stealthy or passable as a woman. But that's a natural consequence of my preferred presentation. It is my hope that someday it won't matter that I choose to wear "women's" clothes. I am just a person who lives somewhat outside the box.

[Tracy Irving]

Tracy, I'm not implying or urging George to go any further

GeorgeA, would you ever do the whole thing out in the RW?

you never know until you try

Of course your not!

[Teresa]

Bea/Tracy,
I appreciate your replies but my question was for GeorgeA , I'm sure he is more than capable of replying for himself .

Tracy,
I never know how to take your replies , whether they are just acknowledgements or a touch sarcastic .

Bea,
That's an interesting point about T levels , so much for us no matter where we are on the spectrum appears to revolve around T levels . I believe my problem goes back to the age of 8-9 when my T kicked in on top of having a female trait from birth .

[Bea_]

Teresa,
Thanks. I'll keep it in mind next time.

[Mark B]

i think members of this site are over all pretty good at recognizing that we must respect each other, regardless of our minor differences in dressing philosophy. Everyone has their own story of how they got here and how they coped with the obstacles they faced. In my own case, grew up in a time, place and family dynamic that despised femininity in males, so I had a long, difficult time accepting myself and gathering the courage to express my true nature. I understand those of us who remain closeted or choose to express themselves differently from me; we all deal with our issues in a way that works for us. I am encouraged by the fact that most members of this forum are older. It suggests that younger crossdressers face less of the visceral homophobia I was raised with.

Myself, I dislike the term transvestite. It sounds to me like a psychiatric pathology that must be removed by drastic means if necessary. And I'm only slightly enamored about the acronym MIAD, although it is perhaps the best descriptor of my own version of dressing. When asked, I tell people I am gender fluid. I am neither hiding nor advertising my dressing, or making any statements. The only thing I'm doing is claiming my space to be myself. Of course people will notice a man in a skirt so I feel it's vital to do it as well and tastefully as possible. I assume I am the first crossdresser an individual meets and I want to represent well so that person might accept more easily the next one they meet. I act exactly the same whether dressed or drab, I answer all questions in a respectful manner and I receive compliments graciously whether they are given sincerely or sarcastically.

I have been generally well received by most women, and I have been told I am "an original" and "the bravest person I know". Men usually ignore or avoid me, which is okay. Some have asked questions, which I have answered. But mostly I act and converse like a normal man and the fact that I am wearing a dress and heels quickly becomes unimportant, or "Not A Big Deal" as I like to call it.

So I am probably more visible in public than those of us who aspire to be stealthy or passable as a woman. But that's a natural consequence of my preferred presentation. It is my hope that someday it won't matter that I choose to wear "women's" clothes. I am just a person who lives somewhat outside the box.

Suzzane, I could not agree more. When I first read you post I thought it was me that had written this. Although you are much better at expressing yourself in words than I am. Must be the engineer in me.
I also dislike the word transvestite! Reminds my of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. I too, try my best to represent the MIS or MIAD as best as I can. I do stand out when out in public as I am the only one wearing high heels and a skirt. Women included. The shiny bald head and loud clicking sound of the heels often turn heads. Also, I do not hide the fact that I am a man. And I hope in my travels while skirted help pave the path for others. I seldom wear pants anymore, so the only time I am in full male is when I am wearing shorts, a tee shirt or polo, and sneakers. I also have noticed more women will stop and compliment me and my "Style". Most will say that I walk in high heels better than they ever have. Men, as you said, just ignore me and the ones that do approach me usually ask how I can walk in the heels without breaking an ankle. But mostly I act like a normal man and the fact that I am wearing a skirt and heels quickly becomes unimportant, or "Not A Big Deal" as you and I like to call it. I always say I am just a straight male that just wants to incorporate a skirt and high heels into my daily office attire.

GeorgeA, we are a lot alike and yet so different. As you mentioned everyone has their own style.

[Teresa]

GeorgeA,
I'm grateful you've made the distinction , maybe it would be better to look at it as a spectrum depending mostly on the level of dysphoria , saying that I can't honestly answer how dysphoria affects a MIAD .

I'm in no way being critical but have you ever analysed why you think your dressing needs stop at this point , does it possibly relate more to your upbringing rather than what you were born with .

In my case my father had a beard and we never got on , so I do equate beards to difficult people . I have to say at 280 lbs and just over 6 feet tall any thoughts of him as a CDer would be a nightmare but that's because I never saw a soft caring side in him , he was an overbearing , drunken bully . So did you have someone close that had a beard but was a very caring person so the two actually equate ?

I have to agree with Tracii , we're in too deep to think we are deceiving anyone , on a daily basis it's hard work to keep a deception up . Happiness and contentment is are our motives .

[rhonda]

GeorgA
Their is different levels of crossdressing from MIAD (or less ) to complete conversion , we're all in CDH together with apparently no way out

[danam]

I'm chiming in to a thread, against my better judgement, because I want to make an analogy. Being a crossdresser is like saying you like cars. What does that mean, to "like cars"? One person may discuss the virtues of restoring a 1970 Corvette while another argues that the 2019 Ferrari is a far superior vehicle to your 1970 Corvette and then the Corvette owner replies by accusing the Ferrari owner of being an entitled brat. When, in reality, both of these car enthusiasts are talking about entirely different aspects of "liking cars"--but neither understands that they're each talking about entirely different things.

This disconnect, outlined above, has taken me a long time to learn, and I've accumulated many bruises and scars from social media in the process.

[velma]

I'm chiming in to a thread, against my better judgement, because I want to make an analogy. Being a crossdresser is like saying you like cars. What does that mean, to "like cars"? One person may discuss the virtues of restoring a 1970 Corvette while another argues that the 2019 Ferrari is a far superior vehicle to your 1970 Corvette and then the Corvette owner replies by accusing the Ferrari owner of being an entitled brat. When, in reality, both of these car enthusiasts are talking about entirely different aspects of "liking cars"--but neither understands that they're each talking about entirely different things.

This disconnect, outlined above, has taken me a long time to learn, and I've accumulated many bruises and scars from social media in the process.

Good Midwest logic. Have yet to really quite know where I'm at either. But I guess time will tell. When I get there yes I guess the most important person to keep happy is myself.
For what its worth I drive and use these . 2016 GMC pickup, 53 chevy Pickup and my baby a 1940 Ferguson t30 Tractor.

[GeorgeA]

GeorgeA,
I'm grateful you've made the distinction , maybe it would be better to look at it as a spectrum depending mostly on the level of dysphoria , saying that I can't honestly answer how dysphoria affects a MIAD .

I'm in no way being critical but have you ever analysed why you think your dressing needs stop at this point , does it possibly relate more to your upbringing rather than what you were born with .


I have to agree with Tracii , we're in too deep to think we are deceiving anyone , on a daily basis it's hard work to keep a deception up . Happiness and contentment is are our motives .

Teresa,
I have no need to go any further, as I said frequently, I have no desire for a feminine appearance. For a number of years I struggled to find a word to describe someone like me. "Different-dresser" was one option, but it was vague and did not describe what was "different". Then I came up with "MIAD", which while not perfect, either, is more to my liking and it seems to have caught on as many people are now using it.

I want to clarify that I did not ever used "deceiving" in my post. I don't think role-playing is deceiving.

I am waiting for the next episode of your new life.

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If we can agree that GeorgeA is a crossdresser then why do some people believe he has stopped some type of progress along a line or within a spectrum they think he should be on? If he doesn't present as a woman, is he less of a crossdresser, or not one at all? Is he inferior to you because he doesn't wear make up and a wig but he does wear a skirt and a blouse?

When did the definition of a crossdresser require us to present as a women? It makes sense that, when presenting as a woman, one would want to crossdress, but that isn't even a requirement. You either are or aren't a crossdresser. How you proceed after that is up to you.

Everyone has their own happiness line or spectrum or whatever, and I want each of us to find that sweet spot but it is not necessarily the same as yours.

Tracy,
Very interesting observations. What is a crossdresser? A man who wears women's clothes. Every time I go out in trousers I am really crossdressing, as I am wearing trousers like the majority of women around me. Am I a crossdresser when in skirts? Very few women wear skirts, so I am not like them. When I wear a skirt I do not look like a woman. I look like.....a crossdresser?

Is that's what's called arguing in circles?

Maybe just a MIAD wil do.

[phili]

Hi gang,
I'm a mirl in a dress- which will for most people look like a MIAD. 'Mirl' to me is male girl- and that sums up my experience of my identity. I am male, but I feel like a girl. So I am a male tomboy sometimes and regular girl other times. I don't feel like a 'man' in a dress- taking the term 'man' to mean 'feeling like a man', rather than 'he's a man, dammit, bc he is male!'.

Since I am old I suppose one could suggest I am a woman not a girl, but I feel like a girl. Perhaps after some more years I will age and feel like a male woman. I love the term mirl, though, so I'll keep that just as women refer to themselves as girls.

I don't mind being misgendered- as when confronted with my own photo, I have to look long and hard sometimes to see past my years of associating a male face with a thousand expectations of manliness as interpreted in my segment of society. And you can feel my energy and what would be thought of as male force- but...inside it is associated with being a girl.

But I have stopped worrying about that- as I have gone over the waterfall, and I know who I am. I feel perfectly comfortable as myself, so I am at peace with all others when dressed as an adult girl/woman, regardless of how they see me.

For thousands of years social training is that males and females need to stay on their sides of the gender fences, and the implication is that something terrible will happen. I have a few GG friends now I go out with socially and when we are together they have no trace of embarrassment. Their acceptance has to be helpful for those observers who aren't sure if I am safe.

I noticed a 10 year old boy with his friends couldn't take his eyes off me, while the others ignored me. I hope he can find in my example the hope for himself to escape the gilded cages of manliness. Other children observe me with curiosity- adding to their storehouse of knowledge, and seeing that this person is at ease and without a trace of feeling that something is strange.

My wife is still very unhappy about me discovering and embracing my long suppressed anima, and I still try to accommodate her expectations. But I can feel my core personality liberating ever so gradually and irreversibly. I am very grateful for that, and I hold out hope that at some point she will also see that we both prefer to be more whole people.

I dress more femininely when out since I don't get much chance at home- I feel a bit like a woman whose husband does not want her to dress well- as it stirs up some deep anxieties for him.

Here is me in the last two outfits I wore out with my friend.P1090086 - 2mp.jpg
P1090064 - 2mp.jpg

[CynthiaD]

As far as I’m concerned, if you put on a dress, you’re in the club. And very, very cool.

[BrendaPDX]

Hi GeorgeA, It is interesting how we vary so much in some ways and are so similar in others. I enjoyed your observations. But mostly I like being in a place where we can all express ourselves honestly and have respectful feedback (mostly). Thank you for sharing.

[Tracy Irving]

If we can agree that GeorgeA is a crossdresser then why do some people believe he has stopped some type of progress along a line or within a spectrum they think he should be on? If he doesn't present as a woman, is he less of a crossdresser, or not one at all? Is he inferior to you because he doesn't wear make up and a wig but he does wear a skirt and a blouse?

When did the definition of a crossdresser require us to present as a women? It makes sense that, when presenting as a woman, one would want to crossdress, but that isn't even a requirement. You either are or aren't a crossdresser. How you proceed after that is up to you.

Everyone has their own happiness line or spectrum or whatever, and I want each of us to find that sweet spot but it is not necessarily the same as yours.

[Asew]

As a MIAD myself, I definitely feel where you are coming from. There are all kinds of crossdressers and we should all support each other. We have different goals and interests associated with that, but we can learn from one another. I think the best thing a MIAD can show those who want to be seen as women is that even if you are not passable you can still go out in the real world.

[Jean 103]

First I'm not telling you how to live your life. You are the one that has to live it.

What would you do?

You are dining alone, seated in the out door section of a restaurant. It is a hot summer day, it is a tourist town an.
You just finished a nice walk around town. Wondering in and out of shops.

Now you are a CD, just learning the ropes. So presentation not the best. You are wearing a skirt and blouse, full makeup, wedges.

A MAID walks up and asks if he can join you. He is a heavy set man in a maxi skirt.

The maitre d rushes over to save you.

What do you do?

I told everyone that it was ok. The man and his traveling companion that had come up behind them sat down. His companion was apologizing for his friend, I stopped him and assured him I was ok with them joining me. We had a nice talk about mostly his life.

What kind of person would I be if I can not accept someone just because they choose to dress differently?

[Teresa]

Tracy,
GeorgeA mentioned her stopping point , so I simply asked if there was any particular reason for it , I'm not implying or urging George to go any further although she does say she wishes to emulate women . I do see some confusion here which I'm sure GeorgeA can clarify .

Stephanie ,
That was the point I'm pleased GeorgeA made , she gave everyone some consideration .

[Tracii G]

Teresa George A would carry the 'he' pronoun I would think seeing as he is not trying to be someone he is not.

[Teresa]

Tracii,
I did hover over that key and wonder which way to go , maybe GeorgeA could put us straight .

[Tracii G]

He is just a crossdresser of a different stripe and that is OK with me.
We all do it for whatever reason and there is no reason we have to have an explanation for it.
I just took his statements as somewhat judgemental but I am sure it was not meant that way.
I would find it strange to present as a man in a dress in public. Why that is I don't really know.
Maybe because I am trans who knows.

[GeorgeA]

Teresa George A would carry the 'he' pronoun I would think seeing as he is not trying to be someone he is not.

Thank you Tracii for clarifying that. Yes, I use a "he" pronoun, and the reason I changed my user name recently was to show everybody that I am a man, as "Salerba" was a feminine name and people used to refer to me as "she" which wasn't right. I am a very thick-skinned person and don't get offended by what people call me.

I tried to word my original post very carefully so not offend anyone. I will go through the replies and clarify any misconceptions that are in some people's mind as to what my intentions were. I am very-nonconfrontational and have no desire to put anyone down.

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Can you explain why you change to go out?

I will wait till I hear your answer before saying anymore.

I change because our society is not yet ready to accept a man wearing a skirt, without ridiculing him, and I am a very shy and introverted person. If I were a more brazen guy I would go as I am.

Let's here the rest of your story.

[Tracii G]

I thought I was coming to understand your position a little better.

[Teresa]

GeorgeA,
May I ask this question , have you or would you ever clean shave and do the whole thing out in the RW to see what difference it makes to you ?

I know you admit to being a shy and introvert person but I often wonder with MIADs if it's a hurdle they feel they can never jump . I agree with Jean being out as a MIAD must be harder , I couldn't do it but then I have dysphoria and want the male side gone .

The point I'm making is you never know until you try , I still look back to when I joined this forum and read the stories of members who were totally out in the RW , at that time I felt we were on differnt planets now here I am living my dream and passing on my stories to others .

I hope no one accuses me of projecting , I'm just asking a simple question to you .