Are CD support groups dying off?

[Allison Chaynes]

Just something I see but maybe it's just my perspective. There used to be a lot more groups listed online that were active in local communities, many affiliated with or similar to, Tri Ess. I am referring more to the CD-focused-only groups, not necessarily the Cd/Tv/TS support groups.
However every time I contact one it seems it's defunct... of course it may be the places I have lived, but it just seems like many of the groups aren't even as active online as they used to be. Am I missing something, or is my observation off? Is Tri Ess still active or is it slowly in decline?

[Sometimes Steffi]

I guess my local group is less active. We typically have 40 to 50 girls at a GNO instead of 60 to 80 girls.

Part of that is due to a "parting of the ways". My group of 100 to 150 split into two groups. Some disagreement as to what kind of outings the group should be planning. In addition, my group used to encompass girls up to 100 miles away. Now, there are about 6 sub-groups, where the subgroups have events local to the girls farther away.

Lastly, the ad hoc groups and google groups have pretty much disbanded and migrated to meetup.com groups. Maybe "you're looking for love in all the wrong places", as the song says.

Search meetup.com.

[Aunt Kelly]

Yes, they are. I am a Tri-Ess member (associate status, now - TS are not accepted as full members), in one of the few remaining chapters. As I understand it, chapter activity around the country waxes and wanes, but has been generally on the wane for many years now. It is fair to say that the organization is a shadow of it's former self. Virtually all of the active members are older than myself, and I'm no spring chicken. The few new, younger members, that have come along since I joined a few years ago seem to drift off quickly. It seems clear that the community no longer has need of a safe, albeit almost cloistered environment in which to cross-dress. The activity hasn't been illegal here in Houston for a few years now (going on 40, actually), and younger people just don't seem to need that "support".
I'm still active, because it offers a way for me to give back, but honestly, I view the decline of such organizations as a good thing; a sign that the TG community is accepted enough that we don't have to hide anymore.

[Tracii G]

My group has dwindled down from what I have heard from current members maybe by 50%.
I quit going a good 5 years ago.

[Helen_Highwater]

I've only been to support groups on a relatively small number of times over the past few years. One which I visited some 5-7 years ago for the first time I revisited late last year. From 30'ish it had fallen to barely half a dozen and those that came didn't stay long.

I think this is at least in part due to the fact that as folks here report, being out is public isn't the huge event it perhaps once was. There's no longer the need to meet in secluded rooms in pubs or hotels. There are so many LGBT friendly venues available that it negates the need for "specialist" meetings.

That said I do feel there decline will effect some who will undoubtedly find it too traumatic, too scary to go it alone where the notion that you were joining like minded people ready to engage and support you held more attraction. That's why once a year I make the offer for anyone who wants support to make that first step can join me for a meet-up in a safe, LGBT friendly location. Some will always need a bit of hand holding.

[Connie D50]

First I would say I agree been dressing for a long time I live far way from my closes Tri Ess meeting so I don't get to go often. When I first went it was packed (I should say that the internet was not up and running like it is today). Which brings me to my second point I wonder if we don't get the support we need here which helps us connect with people looking for the same thing.

On a side no I would like to thank all the people who run those organizations for giving up there time to help others.

[CarlaWestin]

You would think that a town like Las Vegas would have plenty of CD groups. I've been here for 15 years and well, there isn't really anything.
On a positive note, I agree that public indifference has possibly lead to that. Instead of joining a group, I've just embraced the public.

[Meghan4now]

Speak for your selves. Crossport has had a great resurgence in the last couple of years. Part of the issue is staying relevant and keeping up on how people interact. Using social media and outreach are very important. Also engaging solid leadership is difficult but vital. This is true not only for support groups but lots of professional societies and social groups like Kiwanis, FOE, etc. Sadly, while Crossport had stabilized recently, our sisters in Indy, IXE, closed this last year. Both groups have been around since the early 80s.

As far as Tri-Ess goes, they boxed themselves into a corner long long ago. By narrowly defining their membership, they limited themselves, and are not LBGTQIA inclusive. Which means they only fish at a smaller fishing hole.

[Allison Chaynes]

Steffi, meetup is one of the places I have looked. I am wondering if maybe it's the exclusionary nature of some of these groups that is hurting them, at least one of the contributing factors along with others mentioned.

Kelly and Helen, you make a great point about societal acceptance creating a reduced need. Hadn't thought about that.

I am also wondering if maybe the experienced CDs just don't have the need to meet up in groups, and just don't anymore, like Tracii mentioned.

[Sheren Kelly]

At one time I was President of the Transgender Education Assn. (a CD/TV/TS support group in Washington DC).
It was difficult keeping everyone together as each group has their own goals and needs and eventually intra group sniping caused me to go off on my own.

Before social media, trans people had limited access to meet others in a safe space. Now, in most metropolitan areas you can see us out and about without fear of harassment.
I do notice that conferences like Keystone continue to grow as they provide services to the trans community and allow people who only connect online to meet face-to-face in a safe environment.

[Robertacd]

Blame it on public acceptance.

We have been talking about the same thing in my TG support group. Now that we don't have to hide as much as say 20 or even 10 years ago there is less need for support groups in general.

[Asew]

Greater acceptance has led the younger generation to not need these groups. These groups seem to be maintained mostly by the older generation with members leaving due to greater acceptance or lack of desire to dress anymore without getting much intake of new members. At least that how I see it as the youngest regular at my monthly GNO.

[April Rose]

As long as there is a social aspect, I don't think they will completely disappear. They may morph into other forms as new generations discover the "life" in different ways.

[Ressie]

The replies are making this more clear to me. Most members of our group have outgrown the need to meet somewhere private. A few of us don't really have the option to leave our homes dressed, so the dressing rooms at our meeting place have been wonderful. Not every CD has the desire to dress publicly but it seems most do.

For those (in our group) that like to go out dressed often, a few phone calls to others is all it takes to plan on where (and when) we are going. The monthly meetings are still available for CDs that want to get in touch with others. And yes, there has been a decline for different reasons.

[Phoebe Reece]

Tri-Ess as a national organization has been in serious decline for a good number of years. In my opinion that is because of poor management by the Tri-Ess board, not due to a lack of need by the community. Many local chapters have disbanded or disassociated themselves from Tri-Ess due to the national organization refusing to change archaic policies and having more emphasis on collecting dues than actually doing anything positive for our community. The Tri-Ess chapter I am a member of in Atlanta, Georgia continues to attract members locally and from the surrounding states. That said, it is getting harder to attract new members and keep them. At least we continually adapt what we are doing to try and provide what is needed, regardless of the outdated policies (which we do not follow) that are promoted by a self-serving Tri-Ess board. Unless there are major changes to the Tri-Ess board, the decline of Tri-Ess will continue and the national organization will pass into the pages of history.

[docrobbysherry]

Our Tri-Ess became obsolete and closed nearly 10 years ago. Likewise other private T groups in our area start up then disappear in short order. I credit that to 2 things:

T's would rather just dress and go out.

Young T people r more non binary. They don't wish to present like Marilyn Monroe or Brad Pit!

[Jean. Ann]

I reay tried to start a Tri Ess chapter
In the Texas Panhandle ,Rolling Plains ,
Western Oklahoma area . No luck !
I contacted many. Only one would actually
meet up in drab
I just thought it would be a fun thing
None of the members of the Metro Plex
groups would meet me
So I finally just gave up
Still don't really understand it ?

JAS

[Robertacd]

I never heard of Tri-Ess. Maybe that also has something to do with their decline. Doesn't matter to me now because I am no longer a CD, I am TG...

Being so exclusionary is probably the reason their numbers are declining. The CD social club in Seattle had to open up it's membership to the trans community to help slow it's declining numbers a long time ago, and still it's mainly an aging "core group" that does everything.

Again I think it goes back to acceptance. At one of my TG group meetings we were taking about how acceptance has also lead to there being no safe places. Back in the day you could be relatively certain that you wouldn't run into a straight woman or man in the restroom of a "gay bar". Today you might, and that straight person could even have the "OMG There's a GUY in the ladies room! or "Lesbo" in the men's room!"" reaction even in a known "gay bar", all while claiming they are accepting but they just don't get it...

Honestly I hear stuff like that still happens a few times a month at our local "gay bar".

[char GG]

When my husband first started CDing, we found a TriEss group about three hours away from where we live. We attended one meeting. Time and distance were just too much of a commitment. They were very welcoming, however, it was a very private setting. CDers met in one room, wives in another. One CDer tried to join the wives for a short time and was shoo'ed away. I had a feeling all of the people were very closeted.

My SO tried to start a TriEss group in our part of the state, but ran into a "brick wall". He ended up creating a social group through the local Pride Center. That worked better because no dues were involved. Cders went out as a group after the meetings, so there was an option of just staying for the meeting and/or going out afterwards. A lot of people came and went over the years. I think some people gain confidence and go off on their own.

[Teresa]

Allison,
We have a fairly good coverage of groups in my area , I regularly attend three but could attend 3 or 4 others . I agree the age group is on the mature side . Will they ever die out ? I don't think so . There will always be a need for some people to dress for a few hours in safety away from their family , also some groups are actually enjoyed as much by the partners . It's possibfor normly been the case for sometime that younger members of the TG community will just bite the bullet and dress among their friends for normal pubs and clubs . The LGBTQ groups welcome most people openly , the Pride days give everyone the chance to have some fun in the RW .

They need to be supported and encouraged if possible because they do offer the stepping stones to come out in the RW and support those in transition .

[Krea]

This has been a difficulty for me. I live in a fairly rural area, with only a few moderate-sized towns in the area. Last year i tried repeatedly to contact the only CD support group in the surrounding districts, but never got a reply. (i think i posted about this in 'Places To Meet' at the time) Apparently that group has now ended.
I have seen on a Kent TG facebook group that the same people have started a new CD support group at a town nearer to me, yet when i try to contact them....no reply!
It's a closed circle. You don't seem to be able to join unless you already know them, but you're unlikely to meet them if you don't go to their support group!!!!
I had hoped to find someone representing their group at Pride the previous weekend, but they didn't appear to have any presence there. I am going to Pride at another town a bit further away in 4 weeks time. Maybe i will find someone there who can help.

[Cheryl T]

It seems that many of us older gals are passing away or just fading away.
The younger gals have so much more freedom to dress than we did at their age. Seems they don't feel the need to hide away in a support group setting. They just dress and go out to a club or whatever.
The internet, the growth of LGBT have made this all more mainstream for them. So lucky to be in that position.

[Allison Chaynes]

Maybe nine years ago I contacted Tri Ess and was told that the nearest chapter would reach out to me. I lived near Memphis, TN and was put in touch with a group in West Virginia. Very nice people but obviously too far to meet. I remember a lady named Tazi was running it before she moved to Texas and eventually Mexico.

A couple years ago I went to a Trans support meeting at the LGBT Center in Memphis. I felt extremely out of place, as I was the only one there not full time transgendered, and the only one in a hetero relationship. All but one were very nice and I enjoyed hearing their experiences, but I felt like a fish out of water.

I greatly appreciate all the insights!

[Melissa in SE Tn]

I truly hope support groups like Tri-Ess don’t fade away. For too many, support groups bring sanity & normality to our lifestyles. While the internet has been a Godsend for us, nothing beats personal contact with likeminded cd’s. You learn & experience so much more via personal / group contact. I am one that is thankful that support groups exist . Let’s all be thankful that they do exist & refrain from any negative comments. We need all the support that we can get...

[Stephanie47]

Back in the early 1980's when I probably needed it more than now my wife gave me her blessings as to joining a support group. I was able to find a telephone number of a group in Seattle. When I called to ask about it I was completely shut down by them. All I could think was "I hope you do not have a day job on a suicide hot line!" Seattle is 35 miles away. There were no other groups know to me. With the arrival of the Internet I noticed there is a group in Seattle now. There is a drop in place in my medium size city which is geared to the younger crowd and covers a lot more of the spectrum than just plain old vanilla cross dressers. Generational divide? At some point in time I guess I matured, not just in age, but in thinking. Kids these days with all their electronic devices seem to be able to find support a lot quicker than back in the dial phone age. I really think if I had no stumbled across this site I'd still be climbing the walls thinking I was all alone.