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Thread: The desire intensifies

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    The desire intensifies

    A little over 2 years ago I purged for the 2nd time. Last year I realized my mistake and vowed to never do it again. I have started going our regularly and I find my feminine side coming out more strongly than ever. I have started growing my nails longer, which I never did and my feminine mannerisms are becoming more pronounced. I'm not complaining by any means; just wondering how many of you had the same experience and did it last.

  2. #2
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    Hi Angela,

    I have had a similar experience. While I have crossdressed for many years (I started when I was about 11 years old and I'm 54 now) in the past there were long periods when the desire just went away entirely. I have purged more than once but never will again.

    About three years ago the desire came raging back stronger than ever and honestly I don't see it going away like it had in the past, ever again. Perhaps it had to do with a health scare at that time or perhaps I'm just more at peace with myself or maybe I just don't care as much about what society days I should and shouldn't do. Whatever the cause I'm accepting and enjoying it and I honestly don't want it to go away again.

    Elizabeth
    It's just the clothes... isn't it?

  3. #3
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    At certain times of year, it gets much stronger for me. I am a 65 yr old six foot six 260 lb guy, who does outdoor work, and gets dirty a lot and sweaty. I purged 99% of my stash a few yrs ago, and miss so many wonderful dresses and heels, and my best wig. I spent alot of money having dresses altered, too. At the time, trying to not dress again but the desire comes back stronger than ever. I must not let ti take over my whole life, though, as it could devastate my life, too, ruin my reputation with all my fellow senior neighbors, and get my into sexual meetings with admirers, and involved destructively. I am lifetime single, no girlfriends, but i have some old fashioned morals and values, also, which conflict. I am an addictive personality, and have some mental and emotional illnesses i battle all my life, and my whole family are sick, and toxic too , and parents were very troubled. Life is not easy for anyone, and much tougher for many. I wish i had not been born with the illnesses i have, nor this strong, strong unusual compulsion, as life has been hell enough, and i have been isolated too much. It is an escape, too, from painful maleness and being disenfranchised. It is so much blasted thrill, and fun, though!
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 07-30-2019 at 07:06 PM.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  4. #4
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    I never did the purge thing because I hate throwing away something I paid for and still like! However, that wonderful feeling I got when I was a year or two into dressing and going out will always be remembered. Sometimes, sitting in a nice restaurant with another CD/trans friend I had to comment on how wonderful feeling it was to be there at that moment dressed as a woman. Nothing greater and enjoy that feeling while it lasts. Later it was just going out and who I would meet for the first time that night became my new wonderful feeling. I didn't get that special feeling about just being there dressed as a woman. I was actually finally becoming my real self, unbeknownst to me!

  5. #5
    Silver Member Marcia Blue's Avatar
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    I have my urges to dress come and go. I seldom go much more than a week with out dressing at home. Then the pink fog might hit and I dress every chance I get.
    Marcia (LOVES) Blue

  6. #6
    Made with spare parts KitCat's Avatar
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    For a time i wondered if I should consider permanent changes to my life then situations changed and it was like quitting an addiction.
    I dont go out any more but it is still part of me
    Its DEFINITELY cyclical.
    I cant imagine a return any stronger than before however.
    I do think of finding my feminine side as a gift so i say Enjoy it!

  7. #7
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    Hi Elizabeth, Yep. Been there done that! I have purged twice, and now have a stash that I am embarrassed about. I did get out once a few weeks ago, that ended a dry spell of almost eight months. And just yesterday I stopped at a thrift store and bought another dress, I snuck out and put it on in the restroom, only to get paged once I had it on. Great, standing in a restroom stall in a dress, a new low for me. I felt like a drug attic or something.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Traci H's Avatar
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    Seems my urges kind of ramp up, and then sometimes things in life knock them back down. Situations with my unaccepting wife being one of them. Years ago I purged once or twice and now have vowed never again. I must say however that I got a chance to finally pull out all my stuff I had piled away in the hopes of sorting it and I am embarrassed by the amount I have accumulated. Seems I love girls clothes among other things.
    I just want to be pretty once in a while

  9. #9
    Junior Member
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    I have purged several times. What breaks my heart even more than the clothes, makeup, etc is pages and pages of journals and writing. I even tossed a half-finished novel I was working on. (which I am slowly trying to reconstruct) Purging, I have decided, sucks! No more for me thanks.
    As I've gotten older the need to express "Jen" has gotten stronger. Much stronger. I can't kerp her in the safety of her closet much longer.

  10. #10
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    Wish that I had all the lovely things I purged over the decades.
    I'm so glad I came out finally about 16 years ago. No longer does the urge to purge exist. Now I simply replace items I no longer wear with newer purchases.
    Can you see the REAL Me?

  11. #11
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Yep...years ago, I purged, regretted it, so “never more”. I experience the ebbs and flows of feminine intensity often. When more intense, I usually buy something...even when I really don’t need whatever. I’ve got enough of everything, but still buy, buy, buy. I couldn’t wear all the under and outer things I have. Running out of space, too.

  12. #12
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
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    Did it last? Never purged but I go about my life as a female now(about 2 yrs.), my nails are powder dipped and as far as mannerisms they just come naturally when I finally let go of the male facade. One good thing is no more pink fog for me just plain old shopping. Sometimes my emotions come on stronger than I'd like but nothing I can't handle with the aid of a tissue. Good luck with your journey.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  13. #13
    Junior Member StephanieIndy's Avatar
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    After my divorce from my last wife I went for a long period of time with basically only female clothing, makeup etc and ended up with a wardrobe rivaling any natural born girl. When I met my current wife I purged because she was from a conservative religious background and I knew I would scare her away. But like many of us know, the feeling return quickly and the collection is growing again. I am now out as trans to my wife, so the need to hide has gone and my bank balance hopes I never purge again!

  14. #14
    Member rhonda's Avatar
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    Thought about purging , didn't at least not yet , but I haven't them gotten them back out either, seems like I'm weakening but not today . I'm going to go for walk to walk off urges to submit to cd'ing , oh well life is something different every day . Maybe tomorrow or this evening or next week ,one thing is for sure

  15. #15
    Member Sammy's Avatar
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    Hey all,

    I've purged so many times - so sad. I had beautiful (expensive) forms that I just dumped (along with other clothes) while on a business trip. I wish i hadn't. My wife is gone away for a few days so I've taken the opportunity to try and build up my girl clothes again. I go from being excited to feeling really pathetic. How sad is that . What does it really matter. Anyhow - totally empathize with all of the posts here.

    Be well!
    Hugs

    Sammy
    xoxox

  16. #16
    Member Veronica4me's Avatar
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    Guilty as charged! I have purged numerous times, and earlier this year, only to realize later that the fog would come back again. My questions is, why doesn't the pink fog stop us from this insanity?!?

    I think the pink fog is a secret organization that conspires with clothing companies and en femme suppliers to force us to spend gobs of money on the SAME THINGS we just had.

    I'd write my congressman and senator about this, but they are probably in the closet about their crossdressing and don't want anyone to know.
    Veronica

    Love who you are! You are uniquely you!!

  17. #17
    Member Sammy's Avatar
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    too funny (sad?) Veronica4me
    Hugs

    Sammy
    xoxox

  18. #18
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    I too am guilty of purging in the past but will never ever do it again.
    Crissy

  19. #19
    Member Veronica4me's Avatar
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    Quite honestly, I think we need fog boxes that magically take our clothes away when we THINK we are not in the fog, only to return everything intact when we come to our senses and realize we can't escape it. I'd buy one ... or three.
    Veronica

    Love who you are! You are uniquely you!!

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    JenniferMcC, thanks for sharing. Yours is truly a heart wrenching story. So many of us have purged as to be near ubiquitous. But journals too? That's a level of self repression that's difficult to hear about. I hope you find the fortitude and self acceptance to come to terms with the Jennifer part of you sooner rather than later.

    Does rather beg the question of what those who know me would think of my own journals. Good job that I don't give a damn, apart from Wifeling, who has my permission to read them anyway. There's a very special liberty when you're able to be totally open with someone.

  21. #21
    Member April Rose's Avatar
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    Abbie, my son found out I was CD by finding my journals. I came out to him when he was 23, and he told me that he had known since he was 14. It seems that, since my wife and I had been "hippie types" during out early days, he was sure we had pot in the house somewhere, and he went through the place looking for it. He didn't find it; we hadn't smoked it in years, but guess what he did find.

    It didn't affect our relationship; his generation doesn't seem to give a rat's behind about gender roles.

    As far as purging goes, been there, done that, got the camisole. But that was many year ago.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  22. #22
    Senior Member
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    Angela, you and I are near the same age & I completely agree with what you posted. As we age, the need to be feminine significantly intensifies. Those younger have a lot to look forward to...

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    Thanks Melissa. A kindred soul lol.

  24. #24
    Member MarcellaMcNul's Avatar
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    It took me two major purges and a few mini ones several years apart to recognize that ebb tide is inevitably followed by flow tide for me. My biggest loss to purging is the photography of my younger self when my features were less mannish.

    The other side to that coin is when the tide comes back in and I've come close to succumbing to the urge to come out to family and friends while feeling the high tide was there to stay. That also would have been a mistake for me.
    Two Spirits

  25. #25
    love to hear from u missynicole's Avatar
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    It has taken me several purges and many years to accept that "she" is part of me. I think I am finally there and am going to take the next step. I am finally excited about it and can't wait!!!

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