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Thread: Gender Dysphoria

  1. #51
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    I would say I am at about 50% GD, as a rough estimate. I’d like to grow my nails and hair long, and shave my legs and chest regularly.
    I like to be thin and girly, unlike my brothers who both lift weights at the gym and are masculine alpha-male types. At work and at home I relate to others as a male though.
    Aunt Kelly - Thanks for the American Psychiatric Association's definition.

  2. #52
    Oh to be an English Rose Jane G's Avatar
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    Hopefully gender dysphoria is only suffered by those who have not figured out who they are. Me I'm old and these days pretty much know exactly who I am and why I dress. So I am a Zero. When I was younger it was very differentl. For a several years, in my teens and twenties, I was possibly 65% on the female side. I will never know, had I taken plunge, how my life may have been now. All I can say is, generally it is very good. Much due to the love of a good wife and family.
    Last edited by Jane G; 08-10-2019 at 10:13 AM.

  3. #53
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Aunt Kelly,
    While doing research for this thread, I also came across the definition presented. I don't know if it is something everyone agrees with but, at the very least, it is a nice read for those who are posting about their own form of gender dysphoria in some of the recent threads.

    While reading the definition, I was struck by the all or nothingness of it. Check two boxes for six months and we have a "yes". Anything less is a "no".

    I assumed that quite a few of the responses would be zero percent but was curious as to how many felt somewhere in the middle.

  4. #54
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Tracy,
    For so many years I didn't know the correct term, all I know is sixty years ago something kicked off and left me with a continual gut feeling of something not being right , it's taken far too long to know what boxes to tick now I have I can move on .
    The real me ,no going back.

  5. #55
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jane G View Post
    Hopefully gender dysphoria is only suffered by those who have not figured out who they are.
    For myself, it seems that the gender confusion that I went through from say, age about 7 through high school, probably caused some type of permanent alteration in how I feel myself to be. Though I would later discover more feelings and behaviors which 'sort of' indicate that I am genuinely male, there still remains a lingering feeling that I'm supposed to be a girl. I don't know whether this has something to do with the development stage during which I was introduced to the idea that I was supposed to be a girl but became a boy due to god's mistake, or if there are other underlying reasons. But during those years, I came to believe it, even seeing past events that I erroneously chalked up to supporting the 'I'm really supposed to be a girl' idea. Going through those years self identifying as female may have caused that feeling to remain in my mind permanently, even though everything else seems to point to my being male.
    Then, also, there is the problem that for long periods I did not crossdress nor feel like I was female. These happened when everything in my life was going well, with all my other needs (affection, sex) being fulfilled. Only when I encountered a great deal of stress did the desire to crossdress return with a vengeance. I believe that my mind simply successfully repressed the female feelings and desires, and only was overcome when too many other problems arose, and I was unable to subconsciously keep the 'crossdressing genie' in the bottle, so to speak. Post divorce, I haven't tried to keep the fem feelings bottled up, as I lived alone and was able to indulge in wearing what I felt was appropriate, even though that might not meet with what society feels is appropriate.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  6. #56
    Senior Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Tracy,
    My citations came the APA and the DSM. That definition of GD is specific for a reason. It is the standard by which a diagnosis may be made, and appropriate treatment indicated, and in many cases, qualified for coverage. The literature recognizes a range of "gender non-conforming " conditions, but leaves less room for nuance when making the GD diagnosis.

  7. #57
    Aspiring Glamour Queen Solange's Avatar
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    Probably going to get crucified for this but here goes...

    I don't like labels. Psychologists like labels, so do governments, insurance companies and conservative religious groups. The reason I particularly dislike "gender dysphoria" is that it makes something perfectly natural sound like a condition. Sadly this is necessary. The underlying reality is that today's health care system requires labels, since to be treated by a medical professional AND have the cost covered by insurance you must have a formally recognized condition.

    The problem is, although professionals can say gender dysphoria without judgement, it sounds pretty serious to the average Joe/Jane. The label itself is destructive.

    I would advocate for a change in perspective. Rather than trying to fix everyone (what does a fixed human look like anyway) we realize we are each discovering something wonderful: our uniqueness.

    We seem to believe that our sex assignment/gender/sexuality is something simple. Not true. Let me give an example to ponder.

    Do you like boats? Yes, or no.

    Generally I would say I like boats. But the reason I like canoes differs dramatically from the reason I like cruise liners. What if I like fishing boats but not ski-boats. Am I no longer a boat lover because I don't love all boats. What if I love some boats and some airplanes. Do I now have transportation dysphoria?

    The reality is that I feel so peaceful sitting and sipping coffee in a wonderfully soft and sensual sage green dress and pantyhose, my EE forms held in a lightweight bra that allows the silhouette of my nipples to poke through. But a little later, I will head out to the workshop and for some serious woodworking. After that I'm going to clean bathrooms and vacuum and can tomato sauce. While all this is happening I'm trying to keep laundry going. And crap, I really need to mow the lawn.

    So, sharpen your talons girls and hurl all the insults and criticism you want. I'm going to have my second cup of coffee.

    Kisses

    -S

  8. #58
    Aspiring Member Pumped's Avatar
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    For me it is probably 50% maybe higher. I remember growing up I hated the typical things that boys do, I have zero interest in sports, no interest in the competition aspect of it. I remember playing softball, doing something wrong, getting harassed about it and just walking off the field in embarrassment. I remember playing hop-scotch with girls in grade school, and the harassment from the boys when they found out. That was embarrassing too so I did not fit in either place.

    As the years have gone by I now realize I could have gone gay or hetro, not sure why I ended up hetro, probably because it was easier, it is what you are supposed to be. I remember having gay thoughts with male friends, but never acting on them because I was afraid of the ridicule. Even today while I have been happily married for over thirty years I often wonder how I did not wander down the other path.

  9. #59
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    Variable. Right now, at 100%. Anxiety and stress bring it to the fore. And yesterday stress (and anxiety) were off the meter due to a family emergency (which thankfully resolved OK). But it can drop to as low as maybe 20% when life is zen and firing on all cylinders. But that rarely is the case as I get older for some reason (the reason starts with the letter "m"). I would say in more normal times it can range from about 30% female to 70% female. In more normal times, an occasional dress-up day or go out dressed day feeds the monster for a while. Bad times like right now I just want to curl up into the fetal position in my best fleece nightgown with the comforter pulled up to my ears. Which is exactly what I just did for a couple of hours.

  10. #60
    Senior Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Solange View Post
    ...I don't like labels. Psychologists like labels, so do governments, insurance companies and conservative religious groups.
    So does any reasonable person who wishes to communicate effectively. "Labels" are just words which those with a need do so have agreed upon. That you, or anyone for that matter, don't "like" them doesn't change their utility.

    The reason I particularly dislike "gender dysphoria" is that it makes something perfectly natural sound like a condition.
    That's because it is a condition, a medical condition. Normal people suffer from medical conditions all the time. How is gender dysphoria any different from (to grab something at random...) phenyketonuria when it comes to their applicability to the condition each describes? Your argument that the term itself is destructive is true only for those who don't understand it.

    I don't disagree that the diagnosis of gender dysphoria can carry a certain stigma amongst the uninformed, but that's their problem. Reasonable, informed people don't suffer for the simple use of a term that accurately and concisely describes something.

    Your tortured yachting metaphor actually disproves your assertion that labels do not matter. Unless we use the label sailboat, or powerboat, or shirmpboat, those we are trying to communicate with will have only a vague (and likely inaccurate) idea of what we're talking about. Gender dysporia has a specific meaning, and while the signs and symptoms that define the diagnosis (or not) are multivariate (each of us being different) when they reach a certain threshold, the term may be rightly applied. A fetish cross-dresser is not non-binary and does not suffer from gender dysphoria. There is no judgement in that. Stop trying to make it so.
    Well, somebody has to make up that base of the bell curve that defines "normal".
    https://groups.io/g/gno-houston

  11. #61
    Aspiring Glamour Queen Solange's Avatar
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    Still just loving my coffee. Be careful who you call ignorant, AK.

  12. #62
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    For most of my life it was just the fun of dressing. But as I age, I get these strange feelings of, what I guess, could be called "Dysphoria". The desire to actually be female. To get rid of my penis and transition.

    It's sometimes very strong, but I manage to suppress it.

  13. #63
    Junior Member DanielleCD's Avatar
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    If I have to put a number on it... with everything I've read, tested and discussed. I'd put myself at roughly 35% feminine. I spend most of life masculine... dressed, actions, interests etc. Part of me though needs/wants that bit of feminine softness... and I get that thru being dressed and being fem for a while. Part of it, especially when I was younger and didn't understand, was sexual fetish, stress relief. Now older and little wiser.. it's just being that bit feminine that soothes my soul.

  14. #64
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Aunt Kelly,
    I tend to agree with most of your reply to Solange but I don't go along with your last sentence . I'm not going to attempt to speak for everyone but I would say others have started or lived with fetish elements , I would to like see the number of men honestly stick their hand up and admit they have some elements in thought or reality .
    From my gender counselling I know I have GD she also suggested that people can have fetish elements with GD, they can coexist .

    Again this is the problem with labels , it implies we fit in certain boxes suggesting that only the label on that box applies to them and excludes all others . I know now I'm driven by more than one label , I've finally come to terms with them , I have a balance in my life , in reality they don't affect me anymore , I'm just living the life they have given me .
    The real me ,no going back.

  15. #65
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    Completely depends on the day. Pretty much every day I dislike being hairy. The process of making myself smooth is pretty involved and with 6 kids and a wife who is doing her best to be understanding/accepting (and prefers me bearded and fuzzy) the necessary maintenance is nearly impossible. Permanent solutions are, for the time being, prohibitively expensive. I’m fine with my body otherwise in male mode, but when I dress, I wish my figure matched the way I feel. I have no issue with my boy bits, they’re fun, and I’m pretty adept at hiding them away when the outfit calls for it. I would absolutely consider temporary “enhancements “ if such a thing were readily available, but I have no interest in permanent changes. In a completely unrealistic utopia involving magic or highly advanced technology, I would have the ability to morph back and forth at will. Alas, I have not found a bottle with a genie, polyjuice potion recipe, or access to nanotechnology, so that’s out. I only recently(past week or so) started to question wether or not my irritability, impatience, and near constant fantisization (predominantly non-sexual) were in fact symptoms of dysphoria. If a number is what’s being looked for, the best I can do is a range: 20-70% depending on the day and presence of stress.

  16. #66
    Member April Rose's Avatar
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    I don't see any way I can honestly and accurately answer this question the way that it is put.

    I can say that I try to live as feminine a life as I can, without causing more problems than I am solving.
    I am a vessel of the goddess. Let me express my calling to a feminine life through nurturing love and relatedness.

  17. #67
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    I have to say I agree with Teresa, and, to an extent, Solange.

    Kelly, your use and citation of clinical information is often of invaluable use on this forum. But the CURRENT clinical diagnostic criteria for GD, for example, are, one would hope, far from the last word on the subject. Diagnoses are typically best guesses based on symptoms presented. But this is why the DSM has grown from only a few dozen pages to several hundred in only, what, fewer than 7 decades?!

    My own wife's genetic condition is one first disgnosed as a separate disorder a tad over a hundred years ago. She was 44 before being diagnosed because it presents as a variety of other, more likely conditions. For this reason Ehlers-Danlos is considered a Zebra of a condition. On description one assumes a horse, and one would be very wrong, is the analogy.

    Labels are only ever any use as a matter of expediency. I can variously identify as gender-nonconforming, Non-binary, gender fluid, genderqueer, panvestite, transvestite, or crossdresser. I'm not particularly adverse to any, though I have my preferences. But the gamut here runs from occasional knicker wearer to transgender who seeks SRS. That's a broad church yet we've all made a compact to agree CD as being sufficient.

    Clinical diagnoses are not, however, what Solange was necessarily disputing. We all understand the necessity of such in determining prognosis and treatment. But it's neither disingenuous, nor unhelpful, to point out that there are limits to both labels generally and even clinical diagnoses specifically. As we learn more we necessarily alter out language to more accurately reflect our deeper understanding. This is progress. But absolutism, except of clinical necessity can be deeply damaging.

    Just to stick with labels and gender look at the historic treatment of intersex individuals. The fight is still being fought to normalise the reality that these people live, instead of continuing to force them into one of two boxes.

    I think the point both Teresa and Solange make is that, yes, boxes can be usefully as neat containers but often the edges are way too sharp.

    Language defines and shapes perception but that's often a two edged sword.

    As Teresa puts it, an NB fetish dresser is not an oxymoron.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    In other words, labels (including clinical diagnoses) are useful right up to the point where they're not.

    ... and. Please. Could no-one waste anyone's time with accusations of being post-truth? I'm simply arguing that current scientific and societal discourse is shaped by CURRENT understanding. Hopefully we'll have better, more helpful, more inclusive ways of discussing each other like, I dunno, 'human' when we finally evolve past our petty need for belonging, which is predicated, always, on defining someone as 'other'.

    Dammit, destroyed another perfectly good soapbox...

  18. #68
    Junior Member jamienoir's Avatar
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    I think I'm on the lower spectrum. I have no desire to be a woman or have woman parts. I dont even underdress. It's all or nothing for me. I dont want to go shopping enfemme or walk around.

    But I do love dressing as a woman. I love the clothes, makeup, wigs, nails etc. I do want to go out to CD events and or parties and hang w other CDs. I love that part of it. I like the transformation from man to woman. It's an odd hobby I guess for me. I've been dressing all my life. I could walk in heels by the time I was 9 or 10. I was even buying my clothes by the time I was 12 (cheap discount store stuff).

  19. #69
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    These type of threads are really interesting in trying to understand where I'm at. I'm Male but throughout my life I've worn women's clothes because I want to look and feel like a female. It makes me feel good to hear some ladies talk about being manly and doing manly things. Makes me feel less of an odd duck. I think I'm at or below 50%. If it weren't for family considerations it would be higher.

  20. #70
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    I'm not really sure where I would put myself on a percentage scale. I guess it depends on the specifics of the moment. When I'm dressed, my mind instantly tries to soften up my demeanor and mannerisms (speech will never be something I get to feminize as I have a low tenor/ high baritone voice). When dressed in normal male clothing, my mind goes back to standard masculine mode, though I do catch myself wanting to be dressed feminine a lot more every day. The weekends can be a little rough right now since my wife is home and we are in DADT mode. I can only dress during the week when she is at work and not home. Since I work from home, it's easier to stay dressed during the day for long periods of time. I only have to go back to male clothing when I have work to do outside or away from home. I think for me the range would be from about 10% to 40% on average. I've never hit the 100% mark for any reason. I'm perfectly ok with being a hetero male overall, with just a touch of the feminine side when I'm dressed. Fantasies of turning into a woman are another thing entirely, and are primarily of the sexual fetish type, gender swap and the like, but that is left to erotica and such. I have no interest in transitioning.

  21. #71
    Member Rollermiss's Avatar
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    Thanks to a friend of my wife's, a psychiatrist. I have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria a little over a year ago. So I would say I am 100%.

    Kelsey

  22. #72
    Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Tracy,
    my sex is 100% male; my sexuality is 100% heterosexual; my gender is somewhere in the middle - I like women's clothing, the company of women, dislike manly sports like boxing, avoid macho bigots ...
    luv J

  23. #73
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
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    I'm somewhere in the middle...I love my feminine side...dislike my masculine side - my GD isn't bad enough to compel me to transition. And obligations abound that keep me living as a man. I just take it one day at a time.
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  24. #74
    Member Kay J's Avatar
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    I would say i love the best of both world to put a number on it i would say 20% feminine and 80% masculine but if the world and my wife would except us then it would be 80% and 20%!

  25. #75
    Senior Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by abbiedrake View Post
    ...Kelly, your use and citation of clinical information is often of invaluable use on this forum. But the CURRENT clinical diagnostic criteria for GD, for example, are, one would hope, far from the last word on the subject. Diagnoses are typically best guesses based on symptoms presented. But this is why the DSM has grown from only a few dozen pages to several hundred in only, what, fewer than 7 decades?!
    I agree, and I'm sorry if I did not make it clear that the actual S&S that must be evaluated are a combination unique to each patient. Some of us have GD so severe that there is little need for a professional to help sort things out. Others (myself, for example) are surprised to find that they suffer from GD. Those close to me, and my therapist of course, seemed to know long before I did. The diagnosis is not arbitrary or automatic.
    Well, somebody has to make up that base of the bell curve that defines "normal".
    https://groups.io/g/gno-houston

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