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Thread: To change name/gender or not to change?

  1. #26
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Please!!!
    Conversations between two individuals need to be by private message, not in Lana Mae's thread about her name and gender marker change.

    Teresa, what you are talking about is common practice in doctor's offices in the US but is not even distantly related to the legal name and gender marker change that Lana Mae is talking about.

  2. #27
    Country Gal.... Megan G's Avatar
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    The “conversation” is still on topic of name/gender changes and the realities of not doing it, sure it strayed a little when i was asked a question......but still on same topic.....

  3. #28
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Jeri Ann,
    I do understand your comment but surely these exchanges are read by other members who may gain some insight into this situation . Some people possibly more in the Uk don't realise how to even start the process , fearing problems coming out to their own GP . They do make it easy to adopt a more appropriate name to make people feel they have been accepted and can now begin to take the next small step , just getting use to a femme name is a great leap for some people .
    The real me ,no going back.

  4. #29
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Well, I have done the legal name and gender change and am cleaning up on any loose ends that still use or reference my dead name. I just had some blood work done this morning prior to an upcoming doctor's visit to review my current health status. When called to go back and have the blood drown they called me by my "Mr." dead name. Just another loose end to correct. The Dr's order for the blood work was in my old name and had nothing to do with my new name already being registered and used now by Social Security and my insurance companies. What my doctor uses was from my old electronic data in their office, which is just based on what documents they referenced when inputting my name and personal data. Basically, all they need to do is correct my name in their own computer software, since everything else has been corrected. It was just a small embarrassment that will be easily corrected when I visit them this week. I add this recent occurence to this thread because even when you think you are done, there is always one more thing to do to get it right until the next error, misgendering, happens.

    Lana Mae, you know what you have to do to get to an eventually "normal" life as a woman. The recommendations are to do certain things immediately whether you can afford it or not. I disagree because in your case money is a big issue and you have lived with the inconveniences so far, so if you have to, you know you can do it for a little more time. I wish you the best of luck going forward and enjoy being you as best you can and try to ignore those awkward moments that we all have experienced as we walk this path to a new life. Do what you can when you can, and rant here when you need a relief valve to let off a little too much steam.

    Hugs and stuff,

    Allie

  5. #30
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    I would like to thank everyone for their responses! Again I apoligize for my outburst!
    There is great wisdom and knowledge here! I just want to hug all of you!
    I have decided to cancel my appointment with the attorney! Not giving up just postponing to a better financial time! I have a loan that will be paid off in a few months and I won't renew some insurance that I do not feel I need! That will loosen up some cash and then I can proceed with the name change!
    I have gone too far to go back so I will remain Lana Mae! Hugs LM
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  6. #31
    Member Sara Olivia's Avatar
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    Lana Mae, you have already received a lot of advice so I am not going to add to that. What I would like to add though is that in my own personal experience, legally changing my name and gender designation on all my id was probably among the most gender affirming steps I've taken to date and probably will take. Having people correspond with me addressing me by my new female name and seeing my new name on legal documents was a huge high for me. I get the cost issue, its not inexpensive. That said, once you are able to afford it I would strongly recommend proceeding with it if it is your eventual goal to be recognized by society as a woman.

  7. #32
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Lana Mae, what is the total cost for a name and gender change for you? That means walking out of the court, or whatever, with legal documents for a name and gender change, start to finish. You said that my cost here is California ($453 plus maybe another $100 for copies and other fees) was much more expensive than where you are, done through the court system with no need to publish your requested name change in public newspapers for set time period, which I understand at today's price for news paper legal notices is very expensive. A Curious friendly mind wants to know.

  8. #33
    Aspiring Member OCCarly's Avatar
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    Hi Lana Mae: I am very sorry for your frustration.

    I DIY’d my name and gender change using the downloadable online guide from the Transgender Law Center and the online guide from the Superior Court Website in my County. Although I am a lawyer, I practice criminal defense and The name change papers were something I had to cookbook my way through.

    And I needed it. I have to put my legal name on all court documents, and if I walk into a federal courthouse my ID needs to match how I am dressed or I can be ordered out for violating dress code.

    You should really consider saving your hard earned money and DIYing the name change.

    And—I got FFS covered by my health insurance, but the recovery has been quite an ordeal. You can read more in the body issues section.

    Hugs, Carly
    Last edited by char GG; 08-06-2019 at 10:25 AM. Reason: No political references please
    Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.

  9. #34
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    Hi Carly,
    I don't want to change the direction of the thread but holy moly! Thanks for sharing this with us. I never imagined FFS can turn out that way. Speedy recovery!
    Katya

  10. #35
    Transgender Person Pat's Avatar
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    Wow. I missed all the excitement. Just a side-note on the topic of the OP -- Lana Mae, if money is a problem go visit the GLADD site and see if they have volunteer attorneys in your area. They often waive their fees to help the transgender community and GLAAD itself is good at helping you organize your info and file on your own behalf. I had a GLAAD attorney check my plan an my paperwork when I was changing my docs and it was very helpful.

    Transgender surgeries on Medicare depend a lot on your plan. I have a Medicare Advantage plan through Blue Cross and have had BA totally on their dime (less a standard out-patient co-pay) after showing I met all the WPATH qualifications. They'll do GCS as well, but you probably won't be able to go to a name-brand surgeon. If you have the will, there's a way.
    I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
    I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
    I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means.

  11. #36
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Sara: I received a letter from my former(now retired) endo addressed to Lana Mae W------! I almost cried with joy when I read it! I know it will be just wonderful to have it on legal documents!
    Allie: Our's gets posted on a courthouse bulletin board at no cost! The fees vary but there was one for the FBI and one for the SBI ! The filing fee was variable! Maybe I figured wrong initially but with the lawyer fees it was $550-$700!
    Carly: You are on my prayer list now! Best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery!
    Katya: Yeah, sometimes all of us could use a wake up call to some of the realities of all this!
    Pat: Thanks for the tip! I will check out GLAAD! I will tackle the surgeries another time and then there will probably be another wild thread! LOL
    Thanks so much for your responses! You have all been so much help!
    Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  12. #37
    Senior Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    I honestly don't like the tone that this thread has reached.
    We should evaluate people not for one comment but by her/his trayectory.
    Being a trasgender has taught me a lot about human nature and is very easy to feel offended or misunderstood.
    Lana mae has always characterized for being friendly and I don't understand why you get upset using bad words especially towards Jeri Ann that always has showed wisdom and empathy, attest that's my own impression on both ladies.
    For some of you name has o meaning or importance but in my case, David was a completely arrogant and self wise compare with Devi so I'm not longer his name.
    I'm lucky of ha e a financial situation that waives the $400 that court charges for name and gender change but even that easy I'm taking things slowly for love of the loved as my wife but from the day I started hormones I knew that I would have to do so many changes and one of the persons that indirectly enlighten me was Jeri.
    I know that one day I'll do the SRS, and may be that will be the end after other possible surgeries.
    I don't ask anybody what to do because of the story of the man, the kid and the donkey, it's impossible le to please everybody and one thing I learn being trans is to respect diversity, in sex, gender, economic levels, culture, roots and of course opinions.
    I think at this time that should be a common sense at least on the trans section.
    Mho.
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  13. #38
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Devi: Jeri Ann and I are like sisters! The conflict is now over and yes we still love each other like sisters! I am sorry if I offended you!

    I was to the doctor today and finally changed my preferred name on my records! From now on it will be Lana Mae going to the doctor and not Harry! I know it is not a "legal" chage of name but it feels good anyway! LOL
    Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  14. #39
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Lana,
    I'm so pleased you have had the change accepted . On a one to one basis it may not be much but as I found when waiting for my flu injection last year in a busy waiting room being called by a full male name is more unsettling . It did raise a few eyebrows as I was Teresa wearing a skirt , they were perfectly happy to change the details to read Terri instead of the male version . I must admit to receive letters and Emails with a femme name does feel good .
    The real me ,no going back.

  15. #40
    Senior Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Meghan,
    Is that standard practice in the US and Canada about name changes . The reason why I ask is in my GP's sugery here in the UK I registered initially in my full male name , which I assumed was the legal requirement but when I was called by my full male name in front of a full waiting room when waiting for my flu injection . I immediately asked the registration nurse if I could ammend it to Terri as a shortend female version of my name , she replied no problem and typed the correction onto my notes on the computer and then asked if I wished to change my gender title which she did . She didn't ask if I was transitioning or taking hormones , which I'm not .
    Teresa,
    I haven't legally changed my name.for some issues ut basically procastination.
    The process of change name and gender in the states is different in each state. As Jeri mention, for her was $3000 in Texas, for me, in California, it would be just $400 (rounding numbers) that can be waived if you proof low income, so it would be free. The process is easy and fast, no more than 6 weeks that the law needs you wait for someone presenting an appeal or seize to your change of name for any legal. After that they would give you a court letter to present on any federal office to proceed on legal documents.
    When I go to a public place where have to wait to be called, I always ask to be call by Devi or just my last name, that had never failed.
    Last edited by Devi SM; 09-10-2019 at 07:28 AM.
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  16. #41
    Junior Member Brookes4242's Avatar
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    Hi everyone,

    I know it says "brookes" but please call me Robin. There are things you really need a lawyer for and things you don't. I have been practicing law for 20 years and have helped many through the process. As a civilian lawyer for the Air Force, we help clients do it themselves all the time. In most states, including NC and TX it is a form based process with several steps that can be found online. The forms are fill in the blank. Most state courts that have jurisdiction for name changes have packets that you can pick up and then follow the instructions. You can call your local legal aid office to see if they can give you some direction or your local court.

    Please don't let this be the thing that holds you up. It really is not that hard.
    I know it says "brookes" but please call me Robin.

  17. #42
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Hey Robin,

    You are correct. Name change is simple and inexpensive. However, it is the gender marker change that is tricky. Gender marker change is a clandestine operation and only a few judges in the entire state of Texas will do it. I had to travel to San Antonio because there was not a single judge in the Houston area that will grant a GM change. What I paid for was the attorney’s fees. My attorney is the only one that is 100% successful.

    When legal name change is mentioned in this section, it is typically understood that it includes gender marker too. It is hard to imagine that someone would transition, change their name and still identify as their original gender.

    Thanks for the tip on the forms.
    Last edited by Jeri Ann; 09-27-2019 at 05:01 AM.

  18. #43
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    It is a personal choice and nobody, not even your daughter, can make the decision for you. Do what is right in your heart.

  19. #44
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    Robin: Checked local legal aide and they don't do name changes!
    Maya: Heart says surgeries! Brain keeps saying I can not afford them! I will do what I can but...
    Teresa: yes it is wonderful to get an email or snail mail with Lana Mae on it!
    Thanks for your replies everyone!
    Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

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