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Thread: The clothes we like and why women don't wear them.

  1. #1
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    The clothes we like and why women don't wear them.

    Many posts here complain that few women wear the clothes we like to wear - skirts, dresses, heels, hose etc and, while talking to my lady therapist, these thoughts occurred to me.
    I am a straight man who likes to present as a feminine woman, but have no desire to transition for many reasons. My therapist pointed out that the clothes I choose to wear are only one kind of female clothing: ones that emphasise my vulnerability and submissiveness. They are associated traditionally with women, but many women no longer see themselves in that role. I am wearing them as a man because I want to be seen that way, not because I want to be a woman.
    So, my heels show I cannot escape, my hose shows my elegant, graceful legs, my short skirt shows I am defenceless, my bare arms and exposed neck show I am vulnerable and my makeup emphasises my sensitive feelings - my eyes look as thought I am about to cry and indeed this happens sometimes. My mouth is over emphasised with lipstick and is expressive.
    I enjoy these looks as a submissive man but I can see why some women do not.
    I do believe I look good in these clothes, but it is the feeling of vulnerability and danger I enjoy the most. When I am dressed, I behave differently, especially when out of the house, and am always aware of possible danger.
    Do other people feel the same way? It would be good to hear from GGs.
    Lucy

  2. #2
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    I agree very much. I am much the same way, and the feelings, but not necessarily submissiveness, but there is a little.,
    The pretty dresses, broaches, pearls, skirts, tops, the hose and heels which make my legs so gorgeous, tight girdles, bras. would not really want to be a lady 24/7. Maybe part of me would, but not all of me. I think most women are afraid to attract unwanted male attention, and or violence, rape, and choose to wear clothing that makes them less vulnerable, and is more comfortable, and most over 50 cut their hair short, too . The Me Too movement has a lot of American women disgusted with men, too, and many sadly have lost all respect for men, and do not want to be attractive for men. A sad time we live in.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 08-13-2019 at 09:24 PM.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  3. #3
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    In many ways, we have a lot in common...straight, no interest in transitioning, enjoy looking the best I can, began around 4 or 5, etc. Yes, I too, have complained about women who no longer wear the clothes I love to wear. My supportive wife falls in that column. When we met, she always wore heels and hose, mini skirts, did some modeling, etc., but over the past several years, she’s quit. We talk about it. Her responses are based on comfort. She thinks heels, hose, underwires, slips, shape wear, pencil skirts, etc. are all very uncomfortable. Likewise, she doesn’t understand how I can be comfortable wearing all things, especially underwires, shapewear, hose, heels, etc., but I do. She teases me, that, I can’t wait to put on...what she can’t wait to take off. I fault our now casual, “anything goes” society. At work, she always wore all the items mentioned, but now...nah. She loves the new “freedoms”. I believe..there will be no turning back. I’m just thankful for her acceptance. She says, “they’re just clothes”. I agree, but...

  4. #4
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    I definitely do not feel that way.
    I admit that years ago, before I came out to my wife, my preferences were for sexy heels, sheer hose, short skirts and revealing tops. It wasn't that I wanted to feel defenseless or vulnerable. Quite the opposite. I wanted to feel sexy, feminine and have the ability to exercise that "control" over a man that some women have through their sexuality.
    Those days have passed as I have grown and matured. My clothing styles have changed dramatically now that I can dress whenever and however I desire. I've become more like the average woman. I no longer wear those heels and hose and sexy skirts/dresses except for special occasions and outings. The majority of the time finds me in shorts or capris, sandals and a tank top or t-shirt in the summer. In the cooler months it's jeans or slacks with a nice blouse and wedges, ankle boots or flats. In winter it's definitely jeans and boots with a cozy sweater.
    If you looked simply at my clothing you would have no idea that I'm a CD. Those tell tale outfits of my youth have given way to stylishly dressed mature woman and I absolutely love who I am and how I dress.
    Can you see the REAL Me?

  5. #5
    Aspiring Member Lacy PJs's Avatar
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    I can relate to this to a point. While I don't fully dress, I do enjoy wearing PJs, nightgowns and babydolls. When dressed like that, I do feel "vulnerable," but I'm not sure to what since I only dress in the privacy of my home and my wife is the only person who knows of my night time preferences.

    Lacy PJs

  6. #6
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Ok one question you state you want to be seen as vulnerable and enjoy the danger.
    Are you sure you are really straight? Any man that is actually straight I would bet there is no way they would think that way.
    Sounds more like a fantasy you are feeling and that you dress for the kink factor. I am not knocking you for it if that is what you like thats fine with me.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  7. #7
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    You have an interesting point. My Wife would always want me to Un-Hook her Bra when she got home.
    She could not wait to take it off. Then she wold ask me,"Where is your Bra, Get it and I will hook you up"
    She could never under stand why I loved wearing girdles, long line Bra's and other restricted garments.
    I never could give her an answer more than I love wearing them.
    Rader

  8. #8
    Junior Member Bea_'s Avatar
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    The vulnerability angle may apply on an individual basis, but I'm not thinking it applies on a broad scale. For me, it's the indulgence of the clothing and fashion women wear that is the draw to crossdressing. Since I don't dress as a woman and don't get out in public in most of my favorite things, vulnerability doesn't come into play at all. Where vulnerability does factor in is in my wife's willingness to accept my style, but that's a whole different argument.

    And, my wife worked in the professional world for decades and her style went from youthful/cute but still professional in the early years and evolved to more of the woman's power suit in the eighties and into the nineties. She had massive numbers of heels (and matching purses/accessories) and always wore pantihose. The length of her dresses and skirts varied but always looked stylish. I don't think my wife would ever describe 'vulnerable' as a feeling she experienced.
    “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” - Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

  9. #9
    Senior Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    My ex was exactly the same she would come home take off her bra and then give her breasts a good old scratch!! I often wonder if this need to take a bra off is a sign that the bra is not fitting properly enough, maybe its me and others mlike me I like wearing a bra and have no discomfort from wearing it either.
    However when it comes to outer wear (at least here in France and in my area particularly) for the GG's its mainly skinny jeans and leggings and in the hot weather for the younger ones it bottom hugging shorts, so sad really that skirts for some of the time are not seen on women,after all what better to see a women dressed in a lovely skirt with tights/stockings on, looking good and thinking " I would like to be like her".
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  10. #10
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    All this boils down to is some can't seem to let go of the fact times change and styles come and go.
    Having a preference for a certain style is fine but going so far as to complain that others don't seem to be in agreement is kind of out there.
    It is what it is wear what you like and don't worry about other people.They don't have to conform to your standards.
    Live and let live.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  11. #11
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    I tend to agree with Bea, the feelings of submissiveness may be what works for some, but I don't think it can be generalized. We all have our individual reasons. For me, I just like to feel pretty and feminine at times and be able to escape the daily pressures for a while. The only vulnerability I may feel at some times comes from crossing paths with the occasional trans-phobic nut case. Even that is manageable, if you are careful.

  12. #12
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Lucy,
    I don't think the majority of women look at it in the same way , I'm not saying your therapist is wrong but fashion changes all the time , women have become more equal and dress more appropriately .

    I now dress appropriate to the jobs I have to do during the day and also considering the weather conditions but don't really consider the hidden implications in the clothing items .
    The real me ,no going back.

  13. #13
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    Hi Lucy, I went and read your bio/introduction from long ago. You stated your body is feminine which got you in trouble long ago. I am assuming bullies may have picked on you. Therapy is a one on one interaction with patient/client and therapist and does not really lead to generalities. I suspect your therapist is equating what s/he sees in your personality and your choice of clothing. If you're projecting submissiveness, then I have to assume s/he is feels your choice of clothing reflects that.

    I do not believe choice of clothing defines a woman's self. A pretty dress, hosiery and heels, nice hair and makeup may be seen as submissive if those clothes are dictated by a controlling husband or boyfriend and the woman relegates herself to "arm candy" for a man. "Yes dear, no dear,anything you want dear!"

    The same outfit worn by a confident woman may have her husband or boyfriend relegated to a puddle of pliable mush on the floor. "Yes dear, no dear, anything you want dear!"

    My choice of clothing reflects the time period I grew up in; the 1950's and 1960's. Women in my neighborhood did NOT wear pants. Young girls had "snow pants" they wore under their dresses to school during extremely cold winter weather and blizzards. At school the snow pants were taken off. Women/girls wore dresses to church. This was societal conformity. I did not have a sense there was any submissiveness associated with dresses and hosiery/heels. Men toiled at a job outside the home. Women did the child raising and domestic chores. That relationship did not necessarily create submissiveness or domination.

    Anyway, I wear dresses. Heels and hosiery. Colorful lacy slips and bras and panties. I definitely think if I was a woman I'd have a man's head buried...... Let's see who would be submissive.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Nope, exact opposite for me. My femininity is my strength and my power. I am a glamazon goddess and a queen. I command a room and all eyes are on me because I will it so.

  15. #15
    Señora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    I don't buy it, women haven't changed, styles and fashion have.

    Your therapist may be right about why you choose the styles you choose, but I think they are wrong about why women in choose the styles they choose.

  16. #16
    Member jacques's Avatar
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    hello Lucy,
    I did notice that when I went through a period of being bullied at work by a supervisor I need to dress up in a more feminine way and more frequently - was that a subconscious expression of vulnerability?
    luv J

  17. #17
    Member Robbiegirl's Avatar
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    I am just a bit younger than Stephanie47 and primarily saw women happily going about in pretty dresses, stockings and heels. In the movies they seemed so happy swishing about in lacy slips and nighties and just enjoying being Girls like the song.

    I never saw styles changing to pants ! Sorry just wanted women to stay in the girlie styles of the 60s and 70s. I will gladly wear my suits to work again.

    BRING BACK THE FUN GIRLIE STUFF !

    xxxnm.jpg

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    If anything a beautiful well dressed confidant woman can
    take control of that space !
    A eyes and attention both male and female on her
    JAS

  19. #19
    Señora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    So Robbie saw women in movies that seemed happy... You do realize that they were just acting, right?

  20. #20
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    Lucy, I found that to be a fascinating insight by your therapist and I understand their basis for thought. It is interesting to see so many here so opposed to the idea of vulnerability, both towards themselves and females. We ARE males after all lol

    Alice, it's funny that my girlfriend and I do the same thing. She gets home and removes her bra and I put mine on lol she puts on baggy clothes and I put on tight clothes

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    Some great contributions here - thank you. We all have our own feelings about this and I wasn't trying to generalise. I'm pleased to see that there are some who feel a little like I do, but I'm fascinated to see how empowered some people feel by dressing in a very feminine way; for me it is the opposite which suits me. It is possible to be a submissive and feminine man who is attracted to women.
    Lucy

  22. #22
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    Not me. I'm sure I have been more affected by fashion I admired when I was a kid that the average GG has been, though. I haven't worn pantyhose for probably 20 years, but I hung on to other things far too long. When I was growing up, eye shadow was blue, lipstick and nail polish were red, and women rolled their hair and many went to the beauty shop for a shampoo and set once a week. Took me a long time to get away from blue eyeshadow, and still drift back that was sometimes. I do stray from red nail polish, but I always come back. I have toned down my lipstick a lot. If my hair was long enough I'd still roll my hair and get salon sets. I'm not at all running from the "vulnerable" tag. I just don't think it fits me.

  23. #23
    Member Chelsea B's Avatar
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    Though I do tend to be more submissive as a CD, and enjoy presenting my vulnerable side (I wear my heart on my sleeve anyway), I dress for femininity, and femininity is infinitely more than those two things, in fact may not even encompass them in many GG’s.
    As my journey took me deeper on an emotional and cognitive level, on the physical level, I found myself doing all I could to mask my masculinity, thus the progression to makeup, accessories, etc. I may BE on the submissive side, but it’s more important for me to FEEL my femininity emerge.
    Not a woman, I just enjoy looking and feeling like one now and then!

  24. #24
    Vespa Vixen AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    Looking good is powerful, not submissive. Sensible women have always known that men are easily captivated by a well dressed woman.

  25. #25
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    I was a teen in the 60's, when girls had to wear dresses/skirts to school. That wasn't so bad but the mile walk back and forth to school was terrible. Men would go by and whistle, cat-call, and even offer me rides! I certainly was not a raving beauty or even looking for any attention. I was very shy back then and wanted to blend into the background, not be objectified by a bunch of (my opinion back then) - dirty old men, who felt they could say whatever they wanted. Even worse, it occurred almost every day!

    Girls were given the ok to wear "dress pants" in my senior year, it was so refreshing to be able to walk down the sidewalk and be afraid of the guys who felt emboldened to call out to a teenage girl.

    So as far as being "vulnerable", I guess that word would fit how I felt as a teen. I don't think that feeling ever goes away. I like dresses but feel more comfortable in jeans.

    EDIT:

    Fast forward to 2019. Things have changed, my opinion, for the better. For one thing, a man offering a kid a ride would not be ignored any longer. He would probably be arrested!
    Last edited by char GG; 08-14-2019 at 06:20 AM.

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