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Thread: Should I have defended her ?

  1. #26
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    Jean,
    The problem with some of them is their acceptance hasn't .

    Part of the problem with this situation was that the person from our social group did look obviously male despite wearing a dress with makeup and a wig , maybe she could have tried harder . I know this line of thinking raises so many issues , I know there are no rules it depends very much on how much we can personally live with the public's reaction to us . Getting no reaction at all is the best compliment we can get but then sometimes we need a little more to make it feel worthwhile .

  2. #27
    its important mykell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheryl T View Post
    Occasionally our group would go to a local diner for dinner then go out to the movies.
    One night there were about 10 of us there. As always the diner owner and staff treated us like royalty. We were seated at a large table in the back, in the open and very visible.
    This night there was a large family group seated at the tables in the middle of the floor. That formed 2 aisles that we had to use to access our tables. Two of the girls went to the restroom and the same thing happened, whispers, snickers, derisive looks.
    Another girl and I saw this and mentioned it to the others. 4 of us got up and purposely walked past these people, slow and deliberate. They began to do the same thing, Until ... we stopped at their tables and said hello. We asked how their meal and evening were, were they having a reunion. We introduced ourselves and told them we were off to the movies after dinner and wished them a wonderful evening. Then we continued past to the front of the diner. A bit later we returned, smiling again at the group and rejoined our sisters. The family was very quiet.
    As we left later we again smiled and wished them well. This time they smiled back and did the same.
    Maybe we changed a few attitudes, maybe not. But we didn't let them take advantage of us. We showed we are not what they thought, we are just human.

    very tactful approach, not in theyre face nor disrespectful and safe in case they were in fact talking about grandpa....which it seems through description this would have been theyre way to deal with him also....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  3. #28
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I can see it now Teresa:

    U stop at their table and say what Cheryl did. The grandma titters behind her hand while the others smile politely.
    U shoulder on, unhappy with grannie's attitude and honestly blurt, "I know she's not the best looking trans but you're being rude! Maybe she should try harder, but she's a nice person. I don't think u would laff if u got to know her." Smile and then return to your group.

    Personally, situations like this and others even worse r why I detest visiting vanilla venues!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  4. #29
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
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    The sad part is this is where the children will form their opinions and learn their actions from, the elderly role models. Trying to reprimand someone for a lifetime of ignorance is futile and not worth the time of day.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  5. #30
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    Lisa same goes for the trans activist that would have made a huge scene about it.
    Kids would see that as well and think all trans people are like that.
    All that happens when a big scene gets made both parties end up looking stupid to everyone around them.
    It doesn't matter who is wrong or right both parties look like idiots.
    Just like that trans activist person that got mad because a clerk said sir and started screaming its ma'am and cussing like a sailor. No need for that kind of stuff.

  6. #31
    Another fine dress AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    When the giggling/comments is done privately - turn the other cheek. If it’s pointedly made to call you out ... well. I’ve often found a disapproving look is enough to silence the buffoons but I was once compelled to tell the transgressor that “I notice it’s always the most badly dressed women who laugh the loudest” which just shocked her into silence and raised a snicker from others. They don’t like the taste of their own medicine.

  7. #32
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Some CDs are gonna get giggled at more than others. Even some of us will shake our heads at other CDs that look weird in some way. And maybe it's good that we don't all blend in, even if some of us look outrageous. There's one CD that doesn't want to be seen in public with one of the members of our group and I think that is wrong.

    I guess I might have become defensive depending on how my day has been going so far. But either saying nothing or or just being friendly to the woman would be the way to go. You could say something without being confrontational if it's done right.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  8. #33
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ressie View Post
    Some CDs are gonna get giggled at more than others. Even some of us will shake our heads at other CDs that look weird in some way. And maybe it's good that we don't all blend in, even if some of us look outrageous.
    That's very true, Ressie. Blending is not a requirement, IF you've got enough confidence to carry on in the face of the occasional smirks, giggles and wisecracks. It goes with the territory, ladies, so if those things are daunting, maybe mingling with the "normals" is not for you. But if you can smile pleasantly while making eye contact, a bigger world opens up for you. And if you can meet that disapproving share, you know the one I'm talking about, with a smile and maybe a cute little wave, you can actually have fun with it. Making them squirm like that is always a treat for me. 😁

  9. #34
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Teresa, I think you handled it perfectly. I have been giggled at, I have just ignored it.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  10. #35
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    Sherry,
    No not the way I would handle it if I did choose to say something , the vanilla world doesn't bother me but to say something has to help our cause not alienate it .

    Angela,
    The thought did cross my mind , the lady concerned was dressed smartly casual .

    Aunt Kelly ,
    I know that's a valid point but there are some still a little on the fence even if it is a public hotel , the room usually allocated to our group is not far from the main entrance . Some still can't run the gauntlet on heading to the bar area as it's on the far side of the main communial lounge area , the member concerned had done just that and was on her way back .

    Tracii,
    The point about the children did concern me , it would have been interesting to know what comments were being made in front of them .
    Last edited by Teresa; 08-18-2019 at 08:25 AM.

  11. #36
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    Teresa,

    I have had a similar experience a time or two in the past. I simply approached the group/person and remarked "Now we know why children lack common courtesy". Or something of that ilk. It generally shames them, if an older person.

    However; it takes the onus away from CDing and towards manners and courtesy.

  12. #37
    Gold Member Maria in heels's Avatar
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    Teresa...you did tell her that what she did was improper and not nice...as others have said, a look can say everything

  13. #38
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    Since you didn't hear what was said, it could have been something else entirely. When you're not sure, don't assume.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

    "The important thing about the bear is not how well she dances, but that she dances at all." - Old Russian Proverb (with a gender change)

  14. #39
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Teresa,

    I completely understand the situation. I have been in similar situations, when attending DLV.

    You see actions speak louder than words. Despite how they look, how did they behave?

    If you behave like a normal person than you must be.

    Sure there are some people that you will never win over.

    Others I've gotten like "well you I accept but I don't know about anyone else. These people just need more time, interaction, observation.

  15. #40
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    Donnalee,
    When you see another person directly look at another person as I described and then look at the others in her group and shake their head, make backhanded comments and continue to look at the subject making more comments and giggling behind their hand it's more than an assumption who the attention was on .

    It would have been a different matter if the group were laughing and joking within their group and not directing their gaze elsewhere .

    Jean ,
    The person from our group is possibly well seasoned in this situation she just walked casually by without turning her attention , she's posssibly quite capable of taking care of herself but some of our group aren't , some still need a wingman !
    Last edited by Teresa; 08-19-2019 at 12:06 PM.

  16. #41
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    Yes. You did exactly the right thing.

  17. #42
    Member Helena's Avatar
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    Teresa, I think you handled it correctly.

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