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Thread: Am I competition to her ?

  1. #1
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    Am I competition to her ?

    I have to backtrack this to when I first came out to my neighbours . I had a problem with needing someone to care for my dog because I would have to leave it the whole day , so I called in at my neighbours across the road to see if they could help out . They invited me in to join them for coffee in their garden , I was in drab but had forgotten to remove my nail polish , on seeing it the husband said jokingly to his wife , " He's got better nails than you !" At that she stood up , I thought to make the coffee but she didn't return , I can only think the husband had put his foot in it by making the comparison . They are OK with me since in drab mode but avoid me when dressed , the husband told me it now makes him feel uncomfortable but I have a feeling his wife hasn't forgiven him .

    Now 18 months later the situation hasn't changed but I did noticed the wife recently has now gone totally blond with a style similar to mine but slightly shorter . The husband often still puts his foot in the **** with her so I'm wondering if he is still making comparison comments , with some women it would be water of the duck's back but I feel she trying to make a point with him as well as with me .

    Just to add a fun story to this , the guy who is a self employed plasterer arrived home in a hurry , he rushed out of his car , I happened to be in my front garden and called across , " You must be the flying plasterer !" he called back , " I'm in the **** again and I've just bought some flowers !" So I smiled and held out my arms in front of me , he looked puzzled , so I said , " Look no handcuffs !! " He just gave me a knowing nod and rushed off with the flowers .
    Last edited by Teresa; 08-19-2019 at 06:45 PM.

  2. #2
    Banned Read only Vicky_Scot's Avatar
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    Certainly sounds like you are hon....lol x

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    Sounds like she is a bit pissed.

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    All women are in competition, some just take it more seriously than others. Getting ready one night, I asked my wife how I looked, she was like "beautiful as always, but I am just going to wear jeans if you don't mind". I replied "Sure, it's not a competition..." She shot right back "Yes it is!" I was like "Right.. but I am not in competition with you."

  5. #5
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Hi Teresa,

    I wouldn't read too much into it.

    Women tend to change their hair styles, sometimes often.

  6. #6
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Teresa, It might be a good idea to stay away from them for a while, or limit talk, and just wave or say hi. I hope the conflict does not escalate
    .

  7. #7
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I’d say don’t flatter yourself. Way too little information to make that leap of logic. And on a side note, any statement that begins “All women” is inherently false.
    Last edited by Micki_Finn; 08-19-2019 at 02:57 PM.

  8. #8
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    I guess what I was trying to say was, you might not be in competition with her, but she might be competing with you.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    That's ridiculous.

    First you should always introduce yourself fully dressed. There should be no exceptions to this rule.

    You are full time, to do other wise will complicate your life, as you have experienced.

    I would really need to spend some time with them.

    My best guess is that their problem is between the two of them. It has nothing to do with you. You are just the one experiencing it.

    You could help if you need a project, I don't th think you can fix him, but you might get him to be a little more sensitive.

    The thing is they are set in their ways. So to effect change would take counseling.

    He should know that you never and I mean never criticize a woman, especially when it come to her looks. This is part of her identity.

    My advice first would be to give up, this is a no win, or at the least will take a lot of effort on your part.

    To make this work you need to become friends with the wife. You need to be on her side. As long as she see you as a guy you are doomed.

    You need to apologize to her as Teresa, and you should only be dressed when you interact with them. You are a lady, shooting at other women's husbands is a no no.

    I would try and set up a tea with her and some other GG that is close to you.

    Do not talk about your issue or hers. Talk about safe topics, you are trying to have her see you as a woman. Having a GG friend there with you will help.

    Not growing up as a woman puts you at a disadvantage, that's what your GG friend is for.

    Stop acting like a guy. You are a woman act like one.

    This is not easy, and it will take time.

    You having a relationship with her husband could be seen as flirting. You need to stay far away from this, it will and likely is part of your problem.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Jean I tend to agree with you, on the surface one could construe the interaction with hubby as flirting and yes making a point of trying to get to know the wife would go a long way to heal what maybe a rift and sounds like there are now problems between wife and husband , damage limitation is now neeeded I think.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  11. #11
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    I met a CD friend's girlfriend lately and her only problem with him dressing has to do with competition. She brought it up a couple of times which made it more clear to me that some other women must feel the same way.

    It's very easy for women to feel insecure about their looks. They already have competition with other women. That said, don't let it become your problem; it isn't.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

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    If he made the comparison between his wife and another woman he'd still be in the dog house. Maybe the situation did make her step up her game.

  13. #13
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    One thing croses my mind he made the comment about Teresa's nails being better than and to wifey , she got the hump and here we are, I think things might just have been a little rocky for them for quite a while otherwise why make such a disparaging and impolite comment about wifeys nails, sure he is in the dog house but of his own making but as I say I think things are dodgy between them as it is.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  14. #14
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Maybe she’s just anti-trans and that’s why she left when your nails were noticed? Would also explain why they’re more Ok with you in drab? I see zero indication that any marital problems you perceive in their relationship are related to you. I’m not sure why you’re so involved in their relationship anyway.

  15. #15
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    Jean makes some great points their relationship is none of your business.
    Maybe the wife is upset because her husband complimented another man and compared him to his wife.
    A trans man at that now maybe she may think her husband is gay.
    Personally I would just stay away from both of them while they have this problem.
    She possibly blames you for the whole thing.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 08-19-2019 at 06:51 PM.

  16. #16
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Sigh! I can't imagine wasting time and energy wondering what my neighbors think of Sherry's shenanigans!

    As long as they don't call the sheriff or organize a torch and pitchfork mob? I really DON'T CARE!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  17. #17
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    Jean,
    First point why do I owe her an apology ? It's not of my doing .

    The lady has never spoken to me since so trying to approach her as Teresa is a non-starter . I also don't understand the thought that I'm possibly flirting with the husband , he now ducks and dives whenever I'm about as Teresa , I do believe however he would be OK with me if his wife was more accepting . I do accept I get on fine with the husband but only as a guy , he often needs to borrow something and if I'm stuck he will always give me a helping hand with heavy lifting , like the time when I had to rehang my central heating radiators after I'd finished decorating .

    Micki ,
    I'm a good neighbour , I mowed his lawn while he was on holiday .

    Ressie,
    That is a good point , the GG neighbour that fully accepts me does often comment on the clothes she sees me go out in but in a very pleasant way , she told me she can't compete but I just tell her she's slim and attrative she can more than compete .

    I will add that I don't go out to compete with anyone , so I'm a little surprised to be encountering this situation but my daughter has told me on more than one occasion that juding from the comments and questions my wife has made to her she is a little jealous . I guess I must be doing something right but most days I'm still trying convince myself of that .

  18. #18
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    You are not competition nor are you a threat to her, unless her husband is attracted to men. You did state that they see you as a man (referring to you as "he", and feeling uncomfortable when you are dressed as a woman).

    Who knows why she didn’t return the first time you met. Maybe she got a phone call or there was an emergency. Maybe they had just had words and she didn’t like being compared negatively to anyone, whether another woman, or a man who wears nail polish (again, they see you as a man). And who knows why she died her hair blonde. The husband may have a roving eye (noticing things like nail polish on other people). She may have a secret lover. She may be feeling blue about aging and wants a pick-me-up.

    I really don’t think it’s about you.
    Reine

  19. #19
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Teresa.

    I only have what I can read between the lines.

    Maybe I got some of it wrong.

    Still it is my experience it is better to meet people as Jean, than to flip back and forth.

    The neighbors are ok, it took one set awhile to come around. Now we are great.

    I don't need any thing from any of them. I have lots of friends and I work in construction.

    Still I think you would be better off if you just presented as Teresa.

    It is a bit of a pain to have to put on makeup just to go to the store and pickup a couple of things. I'm not complaining, well not much. You see we are not held to the same standard.

  20. #20
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    Reine,
    Some of the problem may be her experiences when she joined the army many years ago , she came across lesbianism for the first time , I've also told the husband I'm not gay but I do believe they are both homophobic to a degree . They are both turned seventy now so they are stuck in a partial time warp .

    Micki,
    She could well be transphobic , I believe the husband is partly because she tells him to be .

    Tracii ,
    What goes on behind their closed door doesn't bother me and I agree it's none of my business only what the husband chooses to tell me , I feel they make more fools of themselves by ducking and diving around me .

    Jean,
    I'm back to the thread I posted in NB section , " If only !" but if I had or do transition they would be much the same way , I am Teresa most of the time to them . But then I will need his help soon as I have to move some furniture to my Mother's home and I'll have to ask him to help load the heavy items onto my trailer , I will have to be in drab because I'm then taking it to my mother's home .

  21. #21
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you don't have any friends to come help you. If I were closer I would.


    There is no way I'm going to let anyone control my life, especially a neighbor, someone who isn't a friend.

    If you feel like I am giving you a had time I am, why? I feel you should be past all this by now.

    And about your mother, I thought you settled this.

    Why not approach this as a woman. Hire a couple of cute men to load and unload.

  22. #22
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    Jean,
    You're not giving me a hard time I do that all for myself on occasions like this . I'm still falling into the trap of what they expect from the son/husband/father and grandfather . The issue with my mother is settled as far as returning to my old home town but not right on her doorstep . They've always known me for being independent and doing things for myself , shifting a sofa and chairs is well in my ability to them why would I need to hire anyone ? I agree , oneday I will have to finally put a stop to all this and be realistic and honest with myself because it does really scew me up now .
    Last edited by Teresa; 08-20-2019 at 09:27 AM.

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    I’ve been around couples where the guy is constantly putting down his wife. It makes me cringe and I hate it. I think it is possible that the guy is a creep to her. If he was sufficiently cherishing of her, she likely wouldn’t give a hoot about you. This is about them, not you. Nancy

  24. #24
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    Nancy,
    Perhaps I shouldn't give too many more details about the couple but you are wrong in your assessment of the sitution , he does cherish her but I think she does give him a hard time on occasions .

    I knew when my neighbour had had a difference of opinion in my previous home because he would mow his lawn , and he did it often , my new neighbour is often cutting his lawn , need I say more , that is if Teresa isn't in the front garden LOL !!!

  25. #25
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Teresa, This made me think of a couple i see fishing at the place where i fish. Theu go out in their fishing boat, and from the time they start launching the boat, he is cussing worse than any sailor i ever heard before, at her, and everything else. Then, i hear her cussing and using foul language almost as much. He insults her constantly, and she seems to not mind. i don't see how , but they seem devoted to each other., Maybe birds of a feather.

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