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Thread: Am I still a crossdresser if I have't dressed in a LONG time

  1. #1
    SF Bay Area Girl tinak415's Avatar
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    Am I still a crossdresser if I have't dressed in a LONG time

    Hi,

    I'm kinda venting here. Don't really expect a response.

    I come here frequently to read posts, check out the pictures, kinda live vicariously through others. I haven't dressed or put on makeup in a long time. I just realaized today it's been 8 years since I last dressed or really did anyhting gurly. I attended the yearly gala the River City Gems put on. Had an amazing time. Felt great spending time in Tina mode. That was the last time I did anything dressed. I know I could dress, etc at home. But the thought of getting all dressed up with nowhere to go just doesn't appeal to me. I know the makeup I have so too old to use. Sometimes I think about getting one of those cheep makeup kits from one of the online CDer stores... So now it's been 8 years and I wonder if I'm really a crossdresser.

    Thanks for letting me vent
    Tina

  2. #2
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
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    Well only you can answer that question.
    What do you think?
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  3. #3
    Aspiring Member Georgina's Avatar
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    You are only a crossdresser when you are wearing the clothes, all other times you are a man. At least that is the way I look at it.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    You are if you want to be, but it sounds like the thrill is gone. If you don’t want to, then certainly don’t force yourself. Theres a lot of adrenaline associated with starting to dress and the taboo of it all, but for some that will wear off over time. If that rush was all you got out of dressing and it doesn’t do anything for you anymore, no reason to throw away money on it.

    I think what’s interesting is that you came here to talk about your lack of motivation to dress. To me that says that you’re not really over the dressing, you’re just over it being a private thing you indulge in alone. I’ve got a feeling that if you had something to do and/or people to do it with while dressed you’d be more enthusiastic about it.

  5. #5
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    My sense is that once a cross dresser....Always, a cross dresser. From your picture, you are very pretty, which didn’t happen over night. It’s probably just taken a long time for the pink fog to roll back in. It’s obvious, it’s on your mind. Just Go for it. I think you’ll be glad you did.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    I strongly disagree with Georgina. A gay person is still gay when they’re not having sex with the same sex. A Doctor is still a doctor when he isn’t seeing patients. Why would a crossdresser stop being one just because they weren’t dressed. We have a number of girls here that identify as Trans. Are they men when not dressed. This is an overly simplistic way of looking at it that doesn’t account for the realities of life.

  7. #7
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    I once went for about ten years, barely ever a thought of crossdressing, and never did it. For me at least, my mind was apparently able to repress it as long as there wasn't too much other stress in my life. When the s*** hit the fan in my life, with too many troubles to deal with all at one time, my mind could no longer deal with all of that and still keep the crossdressing monster tucked away deep in my subconscious, and I felt the need to crossdress again. I'm not saying this is how every crossdresser's mind works, but consider it a possibility.

    YMMV.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Well there is the act of dressing and there is , well you.

    Putting on clothes doesn't necessarily make you a crossdresser. It could just be a costume.

    Being a crossdresser is more a state of mind. It is simply who you are not how you look .

    There isn't a right or wrong way.

    It doesn't matter how much you dress.

    If you are a CD then you will always be one.

    Tracii is right, only you know how you think and feel. This is what makes you a CD.

  9. #9
    Member rhonda's Avatar
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    Hi Tina I think you're crossdresser .I think you'll always be .One thing in common all crossdressers have is none of us can stop , maybe for a time years even but never eternally . I think their is a group of us who try quit but find out it can't be done , it makes life interesting
    Rhonda xoxo

  10. #10
    Senior Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    I have two answers for you but before, I differ from some opinions here that relate the dress with to be or not.
    There's a said in Spanish that i don't if would make sense in English, the rope doesn't make the priest, make sense right.
    If you're here asking is because there's more than curiosity in others dressing or pics. If you go to a therapist you wouldn't say " I was a croosdresser" the professional for sure would ask you, so what brings you today to see me, what would you answer? I'm not sure, you would say, so....
    That fact that you can't stay without dressing is just the level of your need is ok.
    It's like people define themselves pansexual, or non bisexual ary, remember that the flag of the LGBTQ movement has the rainbow colors as including everybody in all their gammas of variation. The same LGBTQ letters are not enough today and more letters are being added.
    I can say that you're a kind of passive crossdresser, but believe me, one day the urgency will come back.
    If I were you, I would go to see a therapist and ask him because you will receive as many answers as colors are in the rainbow...MHO...
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  11. #11
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    Hi Tina

    First, why did you stop? Are current circumstances preventing you for some reason or did you just decide “feh”?

    Second, if you see a well dressed woman walking down the street, do you think, even for a femtosecond, “I could wear that”?

    FWIW, I’d stopped for >10 years and all of a sudden wham! And I was right back where I left off ”. It took a year or two to get back into the swing of things, get some clothes, etc, but the return of the desire was almost instantaneous.

    Fran

  12. #12
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    well we're back to semantic again. What's a 'crossdresser," "Trans"? "Gender fluid"? I say it's not important that you define yourself as anything. If you want to lurk here, lurk. If you want to dress, dress. It doesn't "Make" you anything. U B U. & don't beat yourself up with definitions.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by audreyinalbany View Post
    well we're back to semantic again. What's a 'crossdresser," "Trans"? "Gender fluid"? I say it's not important that you define yourself as anything. If you want to lurk here, lurk. If you want to dress, dress. It doesn't "Make" you anything. U B U. & don't beat yourself up with definitions.
    Audrey, let me disagree with you, some people in some stages on their life need to identify with groups of individual that give them their own identity.
    It's an older need as old is the humanity.
    I can give you tons of examples, clubs, associations, parties, depend on the age, the gender, etc. A good example is nationality, it's a big problem.
    In that context when you grow up as a but some issues in your life don't fit with a male image, one of the reactions can be what am I? You need a label. The label will let you look for your north in life.
    Ok I'm a crossdresser, because I like, I behave, I empathize, like those guys that call themselves croosdressers, so I finally find my gender identity, I belong to the group of crossdressers.
    Opps! But I'm just like just dressed at home, I want to go out and be identify as a woman, oh! I'm a cis male but I'd like to have sex with a man. I did it I like it but I like women so i need a label, I'm a crossdresser bisexual.
    Opps! I want to live the life like a woman, I don't like woman, just men, so am I homosexual? No because I fell like a woman, oh! I'm transexual,
    Etc. Etc.
    You can keep.
    We human being relate to others through language, everything needs a label if no you're going by life describi g things to make others understand you but when you say, for example, table, e everybody knows what a table is. There are can be tons of different kinds of tables.
    The same for cds, trans, etc.
    After that you can accept yourself knowing who you are.
    Some people doesn't need labels but the great majority needs them.
    MHO.
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by tinak415 View Post
    I come here frequently to read posts, check out the pictures, kinda live vicariously through others.
    Yes, you are (still) a crossdresser, based on continuing to come here.

    I suggest that you contact some other members from SF and meet them to do something en femme.

    My safety rule is to meet in boy mode in a public place first, and then meet en femme.

    However, there are some members here that I would meet en femme the first time without hesitation, based on their extensive history here.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  15. #15
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    You s... one sheep!

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    I’m in the same situation. I have not dressed in months and have only worn panties a few times in between. I simply don’t have the opportunity. But I still have my stash and the desire and I know that I will have opportunities to dress in the future. Therefore, even though I don’t cross dress often, I still consider myself a cross dresser.

  17. #17
    Gold Member Lana Mae's Avatar
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    You are a crossdresser! Maybe you skipped 8 years but you are suggesting starting again! I was at the "panty" stage! Asked my wife if I could wear women's clothes and she said there was only one woman in this marriage! So, I put it on hold for 34+ years of marriage! I cheated on maybe 5 occasions and purged after each one! I am now on HRT! You will do whatever YOU decide regardless of what we say but we are here and we support you! Hugs Lana Mae
    Life is worth living!
    "Foxy lady! You look so good!!" Jimi Hendrix

  18. #18
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    I would have to say you probably are. Personally, I don't think you have to put a label on it other than gender variant or gender variable. Gender is not an all or nothing affair. It is more of a complex of traits, characteristics, feelings, desires, and actions. You obviously still think about it in a positive point of view irrespective of whether you actually dress or not. That is evidence that it is an important part of your character, your personality, and your sense of self. You can stick any label on it that you are comfortable with or even uncomfortable with. It is what is inside that counts and that is a particular behavior, whether past or present, that defines a little part to a large part of who you are as an individual. Chances are, at some point, the desire to express that deeper person will come back, but even if it doesn't some portion of it lives on as evidenced by the fact that you brought it up as a concern and a question. You are just fine. Just be who you are. Works great with little pressure. More likely than not, at some point, something will act as a trigger and your desires to express that inner feeling will come roaring back - or not.

  19. #19
    Senior Member BrendaPDX's Avatar
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    If you don't feel it, don't push it. Honestly while I love dressing, my life would be easier without it. Brenda
    Last edited by BrendaPDX; 08-23-2019 at 07:51 AM.

  20. #20
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Tina,
    Being a transvestite/crossdressers simply means to wear clothes of the opposite sex , so if you don't do it you aren't fulfilling that definition . If it goes deeper and CDing is part of being TG then it signifies something more is driving it .

    The time spent between doing it isn't important .

    I no longer see myself as a CDer because I'm out everyday , putting on male clothes now feels like CDing .
    The real me ,no going back.

  21. #21
    Junior Member Kari_A's Avatar
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    I slowly stopped dressing sometime in my late 20s. It was not an intentional choice. The need just dissipated. When it returned in my late 40s, much stronger than before, I tried to ignore it. My presence here is proof that didn’t work . In between those two dates I believed I had permanently changed. I now realize, looking back, I still had an attraction to the same sorts of things but that attraction was at a low enough level that it did not demand action. It sounds to me like that attraction still exists for you as well as evidenced by your continued interest in this forum and thoughts about your makeup, etc. At some level, whatever label you want to use or not use, that part of you is still real.

  22. #22
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    You are if you want to be, but it sounds like the thrill is gone. If you don’t want to, then certainly don’t force yourself. There's a lot of adrenaline associated with starting to dress and the taboo of it all, but for some that will wear off over time. If that rush was all you got out of dressing and it doesn’t do anything for you anymore, no reason to throw away money on it.
    I'd like to comment on "the thrill is gone" and "that rush".

    I started dressing in my early teens. The first time I was extremely "aroused", and I was regularly aroused until my mid thirties, at least. Then the arousal started to wane, but that didn't stop me from crossdressing. I'm 66 now, and I love to dress more than ever. The arousal is almost totally gone, but I still get a rush from dressing up. The whole process gives me a rush, from planning to go out, deciding what I'm going to wear, shaving close, dressing, putting on makeup, going out and about and (hopefully) getting positive affirmations while out. After coming back, the rush may stay with me, like this week, when I'm on this forum several times a day. Eventually, I'll go back to feeling like a male crossdresser, but today I still have a lot of residual girl feelings, after going out with my TG social group last Saturday.

    May the (pink) force be with you.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  23. #23
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    An ex-crossdresser is similar to an ex Marine. You know the saying; once a Marine always a Marine.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  24. #24
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    Have not dressed in a good while but thinking about it every day .
    Just bought new panties so here I go again .

  25. #25
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
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    You are a complex human being who has crossdressed in the past and found value in the experience. I'd suggest that experience and occasional visits to this site are sufficient to handle your desire to dress. Others have dysphoria that requires more frequent dressing or maybe a medical intervention. Don't worry about it. Scratch the itch if you need to but don't feel confined or defined by it, there is much more to you than your gender expression.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001872677630

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