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Thread: openly discriminated against

  1. #26
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    hosekid, I am very proud of the way you handled this. The mgr did the correct thing but unfortunately that former employee did not learn anything but more hate. That’s all on her.
    Crissy

  2. #27
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    I should have noted that this was not a religious based thrift store. It's ran by a drug rehab to raise money for their patients treatment. (the patients do not work there, and there are no volunteers there, they are all paid. Probably minimum wage for most) Anyway, I guess that is why there was no issue for the store, because they are operated by a company that has professional therapists and probably understand that there are many different kinds of people. Most religious based thrift stores that I go into I get a general sense of disapproval, although they have never came out and said anything. Although I prefer that when I go to places that provide more personal service, if they are uncomfortable working with me, I want to know up front. I'd much rather interact and spend my money with someone who is eager to provide services to me. I think this applies to hairstylists and pedicure places mostly. I compare it to the people that refuse to bake the same sex wedding cakes. If they really don't want to do it, for whatever reason, I would not want to use them. Imagine how much better looking and better tasting it will be when it is made by someone wanting the business.

    I guess it really doesnt bother me for private businesses to want to deny service to me. I don't care if private businesses denied service to gays, crossdressers, blacks, muslims, whoever. I actually think it would make America better in this day and age. Instead of people in the minorities getting crappy service from ungrateful businesses, they would shop where they are welcome. And it would not take long for the businesses that turned away customers to go out of business.

  3. #28
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    I was discriminated against for being male in two Victoria Secret stores.
    Thats why I will never shop there again.

  4. #29
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    Tracii G Victorias Secret is a different story. They are a national chain and their policy is to not discriminate against anyone. I am talking about places where the owners discriminate against people. VS I hear even has a transexual model. Sounds like they have a problem at the store level.

  5. #30
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    They treated me like I was a creeper which is what felt so awful.

  6. #31
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    Simply, well done.

  7. #32
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    I was discriminated against for being male in two Victoria Secret stores.
    Thats why I will never shop there again.
    This happened to me at a Lane Bryant store 5 years ago and I have never gone back and neither has my wife.
    Crissy

  8. #33
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    Echo..Good for you! Fortunately, I think that kind of treatment is rare these days. I’d be curious to know what part of the country you live in.
    Last edited by char GG; 08-24-2019 at 09:48 AM. Reason: No religion please

  9. #34
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Thankfully I've never experienced anything quiet the same as this. I've been deliberately mis-gendered on a couple of occasions but I've let those pass me by. However as time has gone by I've resolved that in future I'm going to politely say something along the lines of. "Excuse me, but I would consider it a great kindness if you'd please address me the same way as you'd address any female customer.

    If as in the O.P. there's a further rudeness then I'd ask to speak to the manager. I certainly wouldn't be seeking the dismissal of the employee. I'd request that they're better trained to politely deal with those who undertake a different lifestyle. To treat all equally. Retribution only furthers hate.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  10. #35
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    I was discriminated against for being male in two Victoria Secret stores.
    That's why I will never shop there again.
    Quote Originally Posted by Crissy 107 View Post
    This happened to me at a Lane Bryant store 5 years ago and I have never gone back and neither has my wife.
    I'm not sure that I would boycott a whole chain over a single incident. As we've seen in his case, an employee decided that her personal views were more important than the store's policies, and she got fired for it. The manager stepped in and didn't just reprimand her, but firedd her on the spot. I think that this is a lesson for all of us that we do have rights, and that we may be supported by the store policies. My takeaway from this is to politely ask to discuss this with the store manager, and it that doesn't work, escalate to corporate.

    It might be nice to have a stickee on this site to identify stores that discriminate against us.

    I plan to conduct a test at Macy's. I shop there a lot, but only off the sale racks; even their regular sale prices are above what I'm typically willing to spend. Both of my local Macy's have just recently prominently displayed their non-discrimination policy by the escalators. The policy states that they don't discriminate over gender presentation.

    When I find something I like, I typically take it to the men's dressing rooms to try on. Next time I go, I'm going to ask an SA permission to try it on in the nearest dressing room, which is almost always a women's dressing room. I'm not sure how far I'll take it if I'm denied. It will be a game-time decision.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  11. #36
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    Good for you standing up like that. As for that lady being fired if she don't want to deal with every one she should stay home and hide behind the door. I don't like people how think they are better then someone.
    Angie

  12. #37
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Steffi, In my case it was the store manager. Yes I could have gone up the ladder but at the time my wife was worried about her outing me somehow. If that had happened I would have lost any acceptance at all from my wife.
    I can also say that I absolutely did nothing to deserve the way I was treated.
    Crissy

  13. #38
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Just a friendly reminder, please review the rules against posting political or religious comments before responding.

  14. #39
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    This was not a case of "conscientious objection", all this person had to do was ring up their purchases.

  15. #40
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Hosekid, I'm sorry that you were discriminated against. You handled it well. I have never been discriminated against for how I have dressed, but my wife and I have been refused service at a couple of different places because we are an interracial couple. In the first case, at a major hotel, the manager comped us everything to make up for the bartender's refusal to serve us and the bartender was fired. In the second case, a much wiser employee swooped in and stated, that he would handle us and the issue was averted. In the end, it is a training issue and employees should be taught to respect the customer.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  16. #41
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    Hosekid, correct me if I am wrong. I believe based on a prior thread/comment you live in Alabama. Alabama, like many states does not have an anti-discrimination policy towards transgender men and women......no legal protection. Perhaps, the sales associate thought she could get away with not serving a transgender woman because there really is no protection for transgenders. However, she did not take into consideration the store's policy. There are many companies with a positive policy towards diversity and inclusion. The manager was right to kick her to the curb and fire her. I'm sure the sales associate is not going to change her opinions.

    Reading through the responses and seeing others who have been discriminated I would recommend everyone check the state and local laws concerning discrimination. If you're covered in the place where you live always file a complaint with the governmental officials and/or the corporate office. Even if you're not the victim but an observer, a complaint should be filed.

  17. #42
    Yendis Sidney's Avatar
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    A while back I posted a thread on servive. My wife and I owned or own customer based buisness. People are very quick to complain about something but not a quick to compliment and owner or manager for outstand service.

    When I first started shopping it was a scarey ordeal. One day I was shopping in the lingerie section of Kohls and didnt know what I was looking for size or style wise. I must have looked like a creep looking over my shoulder.
    Long story short SA helped me pick out three bra and panty sets. Very helpful and friendly. By the way I was in drab.

    Paid for purchase and had gotten my car when I thought the SA should be recognized for her positive actions. I returned to the store and found the manager and related what a wonderful shopping experience I had had. He acted surprised and told me I am the first to give possitive feedback because all he ever recieves is complaints. Thank me and I left.

    Several weeks latter I was back in Kokls shopping and ran into the same SA. She came up to me and gave me a hug, Im in drab again. She related that the manager had sought her out after my last visit and complimented her on our interaction. She also said in a meeting a few days ago she got a raise and a promotion. Made me feel good that I to ten minutes to recognize good service and the SA benifitted.
    Last edited by Sidney; 08-24-2019 at 12:20 PM. Reason: Didnt post all of reply

  18. #43
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    We need also, to realize that some people are just plain uneasy around us, and may have disorders that trigger fear or anger. Every person is different. Maybe she was hurt by a person who dresses, or was abused. We just do not know what others have been through. I am not giving her a free pass, though. She needed to be reprimanded, and or fired.
    Last edited by Alice Torn; 08-24-2019 at 12:40 PM.

  19. #44
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sidney View Post
    A while back I posted a thread on servive. My wife and I owned or own customer based buisness. People are very quick to complain about something but not a quick to compliment and owner or manager for outstand service.

    When I first started shopping it was a scarey ordeal. One day I was shopping in the lingerie section of Kohls and didnt know what I was looking for size or style wise. I must have looked like a creep looking over my shoulder.
    Long story short SA helped me pick out three bra and panty sets. Very helpful and friendly. By the way I was in drab.

    Paid for purchase and had gotten my car when I thought the SA should be recognized for her positive actions. I returned to the store and found the manager and related what a wonderful shopping experience I had had. He acted surprised and told me I am the first to give possitive feedback because all he ever recieves is complaints. Thank me and I left.

    Several weeks latter I was back in Kokls shopping and ran into the same SA. She came up to me and gave me a hug, Im in drab again. She related that the manager had sought her out after my last visit and complimented her on our interaction. She also said in a meeting a few days ago she got a raise and a promotion. Made me feel good that I to ten minutes to recognize good service and the SA benifitted.
    Thank you so much for sharing this, Sidney.

    I see two lessons here... One, behaving in a non-creepy manner and engaging with the SA's honestly and openly instantly removes all the possible objections from all but the most intractible bigots. Two, recognizing the SA's professionalism was a very nice thing to do. That single act probably cemented that person's view of TG women.

    Well done.
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

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