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Thread: Not everybody is as accepting as one would hope

  1. #1
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Not everybody is as accepting as one would hope

    As I may have related before about how free I am able to dress here in my hamlet and now my main town for shopping is slowly opening up for me there. All of this week I have been dressed the big thing was being so welcomed by our new shop owners, of course on top of this is that all of the village council and too many others to mention (it would get boring to list them) but the big thing for me is up in the village. Over here some of the ex pats form little cliques to the exclusion in a way of others. Now knowing how out I am to the village, yesterday was a good day to expand my horizons so to speak and after lunch in the shade of the restaurant were the proprietors and an expat, I had on my floral jump suit (not a loud coloured bold one but a nice summery pattern on it) I sat down with them had a fizzy soft drink, now the expat who had known about me before but had never seen me dressed before was very pleasant, polite and accepting towards me.
    Having finished my drink it was time to leave, but being aware now of how out I am and I hasten to add that I no longer worry about what people may think behind my back, but I have never had any hostility from any of the locals. And the same goes for in town as well.
    Well with these facts in mind I have come to the conclusion and totally agree with if there is no need to tell then don't but the expat community here is like a wildfire, a snippet of juicy gossip and before you know it everybody else knows plus the original narrative now totally twisted and bent. So with this in mind there is up in the village is an expat holliday couple who helped me a lot through my divorce, they are friends with the biggest big mouth expat here and I did not want the big mouth to twist things.
    I believe that if something needs to be told then it best coming from the original source so after my fizzy drink I visited this expat couple and began explainingg why I dressed, what it meant to me, why was I dressing at this time of my life and so forth, I also went onto explain the reasons why all of us are different in our ways of sexuality and gender levels and so forth. Christine (the wife) asked most of the questions and of course I was totally open with my replies, Charles (the husband) asked small bits and pieces here and there and then totally floored me by saying "I would rather you did not come to my house dressed then". I was literally speechless! I was astounded, having known them for getting on 6 years now, going out to meals with them and so forth, but I was so surprised I had no words to answer at which Christine could tell I was disturbed by this said in no uncertain terms to Charles "you cannot say that to him". To which he looked down, said oh and nothing more. Pleasantries were exchanged and it was time to go Charles did not get up or anything but at the front door Christine gave me a warmer than normal goodbye kiss and added "You should buy an outfit to match the colour of your new car" smiled at me and waited at her front door for me to drive away.
    I have not lost anything by all of this, I am liked by too many people to be bothered by one who will not or cannot accept me and the rest of us. but time will tell.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  2. #2
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    If they have been that close, he may just be having a hard time processing this. Maybe he'll come around, realize what he said, and make amends. Or not. Hard to predict the deep expectations of other people.

    In any regards, you be you!
    Too much mascara is almost enough.

    Contact me on MeWe mewe.com/i/maceyg

  3. #3
    Gold Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Bobbi, I think it may very well be that Charles was shocked some, and after thinking about it and with Christine being ok on the first blush, that he, Charles, will come around. You are doing so well in your area of rural France that there are bound to be a few ups and downs.
    Hang in there and continue doing what you are doing, it has been interesting following your adventures.
    Last edited by Crissy 107; 08-25-2019 at 05:34 AM.
    Crissy

  4. #4
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Many people a re just uncomfortable with CDs. It is still difficult for many to process it, and especially men, seem to be most uncomfortable with it, as they feel threatened in their masculinity, especially if attracted by the looks of a cder. Some men will get very belligerent and maybe even violent. There are many reactions in people, and most keep it hidden. But, good that most there, are ok , and good to you.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  5. #5
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Bobbi, Sorry to hear that. Not everyone is going to be accepting.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  6. #6
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    There will always be those who aren’t accepting, and the harder you try to make them understand the more they’ll resist. Best to just move on.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    So you outed yourself to a whole town by this meeting?

    Or is it more about this one person?

    Is there some reason I’m missing that everyone in town needs to know your business? In detail?

    I know all about living in a small town. People are going to talk. I have received feedback from my friends. They say it’s mostly good.
    A few years back I was picked up at the bar (cute guy). That night the place was dead, the bartered (a friend of mine) and this guy and the other end of the bar. The next day everyone in town knew. I didn’t care but the guy was very hurt.
    That was an extreme example, most of the time I’m just like everyone else, living life.

  8. #8
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Jean I will send you a Pm to explain this further within this thread will take too long and will go over previous threads I have posted.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  9. #9
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Way to go Bobbi. Taking control of your own situation and acting as you seem fit seems to be working wonderfully for you. I admire your attitude. Good work. The more you have control the more you can actually truly enjoy your life regardless of the situation. I know it must have hurt, but I think you are handling it perfectly.

  10. #10
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Allie, Thank you, you such t lovely words. I am most heartened by them.
    Hugs
    Bobbi
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  11. #11
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    Bobbi I think its great that your taking control. In reading your post I have to say that a thou you may have lost Charles, it sounds like (again in your post) Christine could become even a much closer and fun friend to have. Connie

  12. #12
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Connie maybe regarding Charles but with Christine championing my cause I may not have lost, knowing Christine (I have known them close on, i think 6 years) I think she may well give him a good ear bashing once I was out of sight.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  13. #13
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    Maybe she will and she should IMO.
    Not in a mean way but just explain why.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 08-25-2019 at 05:52 PM.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Tracii, Right on the nail! During the initial coversation I held nothing back as to why I dressed the reasons for it including the medical research which has been done and recognised as to why we are so in that context I was explaing to them that it was not a sudden chgoice on my part and nor is it for the rest of us;. Christine will have spoken to him later. I will go round there in a few days when the dust has settled.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Bobbi, it's disheartening to hear something that blunt for sure but two things. You've made such headway in your new life, screw Chuck. Secondly, expats can be insular in general. (don't get me going on some of the Murican here in Blighty lol) I always hate it when expats form cliques, for me that seems rather contrary to the point. But then I'd never move to another country just for the climate. ��*♀️

    Good for you on the proactivity though. Best way IMHO.

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member MonicaPVD's Avatar
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    Sorry that you had to endure that. However, that is a reminder that we will always encounter ignorance in the real world. The important thing is that you don't let one person's opinion weigh heavily on you.

  17. #17
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    Bobbi,
    I have to say it is a body blow when someone does this , my best friend of some 40+ years doesn't want to know about my " Girly stuff !! " as he puts it . I've concluded he has the problem not me , if the friendship means so little to him after all these years then it's time to walk away , I'm not going to dress to please him and neither should you . Christine is on board so Charles may come round .

    Being consistent does become more of a problem , can you understake most if not all of your everyday jobs as Bobbi ? Going back and forth does get harder , who is right and who is wrong with the situation ?

  18. #18
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Thank you both, I am getting past it a little bit now and think so many know and have seen me dressed, so many accept me as well so if Charles does not do a U turn on this, yes I may have lost a friend but also if that happens how true a friend was he anyway? my closest friends (couples) live wiithin a KM of me and they both have accepted me so one lost friend will be cheap price to pay for where I have got to now.
    Where I have come from only just a week ago as it seems to be, has affirmed what I have wanted to acheive for a long time now, to be able to freely go out. One thinks that sometimes that small communities can be an insular tight knit way of life with very little liberalism attached but these past couple of weeks has shown me how fortunate I am to have found people to accept me for what and who I am I am.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  19. #19
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Bobbie,
    Did you ask the bigot WHY he wanted you to never appear en fem at his home?
    Explicitly unwelcoming a friend deserves an explanation. You'd be amazed how effective that can be. Making someone articulate their indefensible views is powerful. They may immediately backtrack, in which case you win. They may double down, in which case you can turn it into "a teaching moment" (everybody wins), or they show their true colors and you are rid of an asshole you thought was a friend (you win).
    Any of those outcomes is preferable to the awkwardly unaddressed issue.
    Last edited by Aunt Kelly; 08-27-2019 at 11:11 PM. Reason: Correct Android auto-correct's mistakes. :(

  20. #20
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Well said, Kelly. As ever. Man, I get tired of giving kudos to the wise ones here.

  21. #21
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Kelly, well said I did actually say to Charles why did you say that to which he replied I only know you as Bob to which I replied I am still Bob, I still have my crazy sense of humour I am still me, I still like women the only difference is that I now dress like a woman. That is when Christine jumped in and told him off, he did back pedal a bit only by saying" oh" and looking down at the floor. What I intend to do is wait a couple of days and drop in on them which is what I have alwys done, I will be dressed of course because my dressing journey is reaping so many benefits now and there is more about my journey to come.
    Carrying on from Christines parting comment "you must get an outfit to match the colour of your new car" I was able to just that this afternoon and bought a lovely summer dress in multi colour and predominantly blue style, that is what I will be wearing when I next go to see them, I will not be beaten by one narrow minded bigot, if on the next visit he still cannot get his stupid head round my new way of life then the friendship I have had will be his loss and not mine.
    But I think after I left Christine may have a good go at him, I will soon see, and post when it has happened.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  22. #22
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    We all have to accept the fact, th t some people will be very uncomfortable, with what is different. I would not call him bigot. Don't we all have times in our lives, when we are uncomfortable with someone or something? everyone has a different past, and upbringing. It is just th e reality in this world of difficulties and confusion, and sorrows, and differences, and we all are at different levels of education, and adapting to others . The serenity prayer is something those in recovery lean on much, and it is so true. Higher power, grant me the serenity to accept the people, places and things I cannot change. Courage to change this person i am, and the wisdom to know the difference. We cannot change anyone but ourselves, i have learned. I hope you will at least have a peaceful co existence with him.
    IT TAKES A REAL DRESS TO WEAR A MAN.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    I have been friends with Charles and Christine for several years now as I mentioned in my thread he was told not to say what he did, at the door Christine saying I should get an outfit to coordinate with my car so I have Christine on my side I am hoping she will steer him round, towards the end of this week or over the weekend I will visit them dressed. I am too far down the road to turn back not that I want to anyway.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  24. #24
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    Bobbi,
    I hope it works out OK in the end but we can never know what nerve we have touched in others . Charles could even be a very closeted CDer himself which he may be struggling with but he has a problem which may or may not get sorted , I feel your appearance wasn't the whole story .

    I know we talked privately about me having similar problems , perhaps it's sometime too strong to call them a bigot or AH , until we undertand the real reasons behind their problem . I have had some people reveal things that I'd never considered until I came out to them , maybe give Charles a little more space .

  25. #25
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Bobbi, we all have to realize that people by nature r judgemental. And, many worry about what others think of them! That goes for trans, too!

    A number of my trans friends will not associate with other T's that don't look, dress, etc. to their standards. And, that includes me. Because sometimes they've seen me in a mask!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

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