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  1. #1
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Not everybody is as accepting as one would hope

    As I may have related before about how free I am able to dress here in my hamlet and now my main town for shopping is slowly opening up for me there. All of this week I have been dressed the big thing was being so welcomed by our new shop owners, of course on top of this is that all of the village council and too many others to mention (it would get boring to list them) but the big thing for me is up in the village. Over here some of the ex pats form little cliques to the exclusion in a way of others. Now knowing how out I am to the village, yesterday was a good day to expand my horizons so to speak and after lunch in the shade of the restaurant were the proprietors and an expat, I had on my floral jump suit (not a loud coloured bold one but a nice summery pattern on it) I sat down with them had a fizzy soft drink, now the expat who had known about me before but had never seen me dressed before was very pleasant, polite and accepting towards me.
    Having finished my drink it was time to leave, but being aware now of how out I am and I hasten to add that I no longer worry about what people may think behind my back, but I have never had any hostility from any of the locals. And the same goes for in town as well.
    Well with these facts in mind I have come to the conclusion and totally agree with if there is no need to tell then don't but the expat community here is like a wildfire, a snippet of juicy gossip and before you know it everybody else knows plus the original narrative now totally twisted and bent. So with this in mind there is up in the village is an expat holliday couple who helped me a lot through my divorce, they are friends with the biggest big mouth expat here and I did not want the big mouth to twist things.
    I believe that if something needs to be told then it best coming from the original source so after my fizzy drink I visited this expat couple and began explainingg why I dressed, what it meant to me, why was I dressing at this time of my life and so forth, I also went onto explain the reasons why all of us are different in our ways of sexuality and gender levels and so forth. Christine (the wife) asked most of the questions and of course I was totally open with my replies, Charles (the husband) asked small bits and pieces here and there and then totally floored me by saying "I would rather you did not come to my house dressed then". I was literally speechless! I was astounded, having known them for getting on 6 years now, going out to meals with them and so forth, but I was so surprised I had no words to answer at which Christine could tell I was disturbed by this said in no uncertain terms to Charles "you cannot say that to him". To which he looked down, said oh and nothing more. Pleasantries were exchanged and it was time to go Charles did not get up or anything but at the front door Christine gave me a warmer than normal goodbye kiss and added "You should buy an outfit to match the colour of your new car" smiled at me and waited at her front door for me to drive away.
    I have not lost anything by all of this, I am liked by too many people to be bothered by one who will not or cannot accept me and the rest of us. but time will tell.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  2. #2
    Goddess-In-Training Macey's Avatar
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    If they have been that close, he may just be having a hard time processing this. Maybe he'll come around, realize what he said, and make amends. Or not. Hard to predict the deep expectations of other people.

    In any regards, you be you!
    Too much mascara is almost enough.

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  3. #3
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    Bobbi, I think it may very well be that Charles was shocked some, and after thinking about it and with Christine being ok on the first blush, that he, Charles, will come around. You are doing so well in your area of rural France that there are bound to be a few ups and downs.
    Hang in there and continue doing what you are doing, it has been interesting following your adventures.
    Last edited by Crissy 107; 08-25-2019 at 05:34 AM.
    Crissy

  4. #4
    Gold Member Alice Torn's Avatar
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    Many people a re just uncomfortable with CDs. It is still difficult for many to process it, and especially men, seem to be most uncomfortable with it, as they feel threatened in their masculinity, especially if attracted by the looks of a cder. Some men will get very belligerent and maybe even violent. There are many reactions in people, and most keep it hidden. But, good that most there, are ok , and good to you.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    There will always be those who aren’t accepting, and the harder you try to make them understand the more they’ll resist. Best to just move on.

  6. #6
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Michaela, Charles is the only one amongst all of the folks here both expat and French that right now is not on board with me but as I said I hope to sort something out by the end of the weekend.
    One person certainly is not going to stop me dressing and going out, I have got so far now, one person is not going to stop me reaching my umtimate goal. I have been nothing short of amazed at how readily people have taken to me having before known only the drab Bob and now faced with the dressed Bobbi.
    Things like this drive one forward I think.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  7. #7
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    Bobbi, Sorry to hear that. Not everyone is going to be accepting.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    So you outed yourself to a whole town by this meeting?

    Or is it more about this one person?

    Is there some reason I’m missing that everyone in town needs to know your business? In detail?

    I know all about living in a small town. People are going to talk. I have received feedback from my friends. They say it’s mostly good.
    A few years back I was picked up at the bar (cute guy). That night the place was dead, the bartered (a friend of mine) and this guy and the other end of the bar. The next day everyone in town knew. I didn’t care but the guy was very hurt.
    That was an extreme example, most of the time I’m just like everyone else, living life.

  9. #9
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Jean I will send you a Pm to explain this further within this thread will take too long and will go over previous threads I have posted.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  10. #10
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Way to go Bobbi. Taking control of your own situation and acting as you seem fit seems to be working wonderfully for you. I admire your attitude. Good work. The more you have control the more you can actually truly enjoy your life regardless of the situation. I know it must have hurt, but I think you are handling it perfectly.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Allie, Thank you, you such t lovely words. I am most heartened by them.
    Hugs
    Bobbi
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  12. #12
    Connie Connie D50's Avatar
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    Bobbi I think its great that your taking control. In reading your post I have to say that a thou you may have lost Charles, it sounds like (again in your post) Christine could become even a much closer and fun friend to have. Connie

  13. #13
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Connie maybe regarding Charles but with Christine championing my cause I may not have lost, knowing Christine (I have known them close on, i think 6 years) I think she may well give him a good ear bashing once I was out of sight.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  14. #14
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    Maybe she will and she should IMO.
    Not in a mean way but just explain why.
    Last edited by Tracii G; 08-25-2019 at 05:52 PM.

  15. #15
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Tracii, Right on the nail! During the initial coversation I held nothing back as to why I dressed the reasons for it including the medical research which has been done and recognised as to why we are so in that context I was explaing to them that it was not a sudden chgoice on my part and nor is it for the rest of us;. Christine will have spoken to him later. I will go round there in a few days when the dust has settled.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  16. #16
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Thank you all good advice all round, I have decided to let the dust settle for a little while before I visit again, it will give Charles perhaps some time to reevaluate what he said to me. It is more than just a little bit but Christine was quiet vehement to Charles in what he said to me so given time there should,I hope be some leeway with Charles. Certainly I am not gpoing to cast them adrift like throwing salt over ones shoulder but now on the verge of dressing 24/7 I think I could find myself feeling uncomfortable having to be in drab knowing it is against my inner feelings.
    But sure I need to tread carefully with Charles.

    [SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

    Udate
    This afternoon I visited Charles and Christine mainly Christine and had a lovely chat with her it transpires that in fact she is not now totally on side with this and after thinking about it all although i was the one to offer it she was pleased that I am respecting their wishes in that when I visit them sadly I will have to be in drab. but that will be a small price to pay and rather that than to sacrifice a few years of friendship over dressing. A bit of a ballancing act and whereas they respect what i am doing with my life I too have to respect theirs which has resulted in this very nice and amicable result.
    So I am well pleased they are more at ease and I think things can move forward now as normal.
    Last edited by Bobbi46; 08-29-2019 at 09:24 AM.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  17. #17
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    Bobbi ,
    It's possibly time to step back and give them both a little space , Suzie Perterson does raise a valid point that it's their home and their rules . I know it's a very small communty so they will be aware of you coming and going as Bobbi , so meeting them on neutral territory has to be on your terms but the more you're out the more you will feel comfortable as Bobbi , they will pick up on that . Floating back and forth gets harder or that is how I find it and making too many exceptions could undermine your confidence eventually , it does become a case of you win some and loose some but your are really finding Bobbi now so keep going .

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
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    Bobbi, it's disheartening to hear something that blunt for sure but two things. You've made such headway in your new life, screw Chuck. Secondly, expats can be insular in general. (don't get me going on some of the Murican here in Blighty lol) I always hate it when expats form cliques, for me that seems rather contrary to the point. But then I'd never move to another country just for the climate. ��*♀️

    Good for you on the proactivity though. Best way IMHO.

  19. #19
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    Sorry that you had to endure that. However, that is a reminder that we will always encounter ignorance in the real world. The important thing is that you don't let one person's opinion weigh heavily on you.

  20. #20
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    Bobbi,
    I have to say it is a body blow when someone does this , my best friend of some 40+ years doesn't want to know about my " Girly stuff !! " as he puts it . I've concluded he has the problem not me , if the friendship means so little to him after all these years then it's time to walk away , I'm not going to dress to please him and neither should you . Christine is on board so Charles may come round .

    Being consistent does become more of a problem , can you understake most if not all of your everyday jobs as Bobbi ? Going back and forth does get harder , who is right and who is wrong with the situation ?

  21. #21
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Suzie indeed raised a VERY valid point indeed, friendships over here are quite different to friendships in ones mother country. In ones original country one could take the view of " I am a committed full time dresser and if my lifestyle is too much for you to handle, so be it" and one could drop that friendship out of the window and move on, over here we expats are few and far between, solid friendships are cherished and kept. Losing the friendship of a couple here, one is then short of a good friendship with little if any chance of finding and nurturing a new friendship.
    Taking this into account I took on board Suzie's advice, visited Charles and Christine and in fact discovered that contrary to the initial conversation Christine too was disturbed by events. They have helped me hugely in the past, they take me out to lunch and things and we get on well so I told Christine that I would heed their wishes and not be dressed in front of them in their house,a small price to pay in a way but but one which keeps my friendship with them alive and on a firm footing.Also they are here for a such a short time and the need to be in drab maybe for only three times through out there 6 months stay here in France.
    Sure it will be hard to be in drab seeing as I am so close to full time dressing but something which I think has to be.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  22. #22
    Septuagenerian member Carole's Avatar
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    Well done Bobbi for displaying that great British attribute - Compromise. Whilst you have respected your friends' right to how people are expected to behave etc in their home, they too would appear to respect your right to dress as you wish outside of their home. As you say it is only for a couple of occasions during their stay in the village; those of us not in transition inevitably do have to revert to male mode at times to appease the non-understanding people of this world.
    Last edited by Carole; 08-29-2019 at 04:19 PM. Reason: Typos
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  23. #23
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bobbi46 View Post
    Losing the friendship of a couple here, one is then short of a good friendship with little if any chance of finding and nurturing a new friendship.
    If they can’t accept you for who you are, is it really a “good friendship”? Sounds more like “acquaintanceship”

  24. #24
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Bobbi,

    Were you able to bottom out the nature of what was actually troubling to Chris and Chas? We can all be guilty of prejudging something, an irrational fear and the only quick analogy I can think of is when someone says;

    " I don't like Chinese food"
    "Have you tried Chinese food?"
    "No"
    "Here, try this"
    "Oh that's nice!"

    C & C could be under some illusion, some misinformation that leads them to find your life choices threatening. It could be religious and that's a difficult one to overcome. It could be they've read in some gutter press article transgender = pedophile or some other such nonsense. So understanding their position makes it easier to deal with this sort of situation should it arise in the future.
    Last edited by Helen_Highwater; 08-30-2019 at 12:38 PM.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  25. #25
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Thank you both, I am getting past it a little bit now and think so many know and have seen me dressed, so many accept me as well so if Charles does not do a U turn on this, yes I may have lost a friend but also if that happens how true a friend was he anyway? my closest friends (couples) live wiithin a KM of me and they both have accepted me so one lost friend will be cheap price to pay for where I have got to now.
    Where I have come from only just a week ago as it seems to be, has affirmed what I have wanted to acheive for a long time now, to be able to freely go out. One thinks that sometimes that small communities can be an insular tight knit way of life with very little liberalism attached but these past couple of weeks has shown me how fortunate I am to have found people to accept me for what and who I am I am.
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

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