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Thread: Kinky sex thing or really just the tip of the iceberg....

  1. #1
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    Kinky sex thing or really just the tip of the iceberg....

    Been trying to figure this thing out with my wife for a few years now. Funds and life have almost completely stopped my xdressing.... It has become a bedroom kink for me, which is better then nothing at all, but I have this desire to be out in public having a girl's night with my wife. So to my topic: is this the natural progression for crossdressers? Typical wants and goals? I know there is not much typical about us (xdressers) but I never really wanted to venture out, till recently. My wife is so accepting that it makes it seem like no big deal... All in my head, I guess. Anyone know of any clubs near Milwaukee or Chicago?

  2. #2
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    I've never done clubs, but I was dressed on a recent road trip (sight seeing and coffee stops). Wife felt judged, so I have to be in man mode when out with her.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
    http://rachelsauckland.blogspot.co.nz

  3. #3
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Emily,

    It's hard to say that wanting to go out is an inevitable action for all CD'ers. Some will never get that urge, happy to stay within four walls. For others it seems as inevitable as day following night.

    There's then the matter of what going out means. For you it seems to be at least initially going clubing. For others it's more about going out amongst all the muggles and doing all the things folks generally do but enfemme.

    One alternative often recommended here is finding a social group. A opportunity to meet other CD'ers and simply chat. It can be a huge confidence builder plus the chance to make like minded friends. It's also a chance for your SO to participate and share in your adventure.

    So have you ventured out at all? Any night time drives or walks in parks?

  4. #4
    Administrator Di's Avatar
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    Relax.
    Everyone is different and goes at their own pace and like Helen said some just always stay a kink thing.
    You have a supportive wife ....others here would think that’s hitting the jackpot.
    Just be you and enjoy this together as a couple.
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    You forever and always will be my one and only true love . ❤️


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  5. #5
    New Member Kim Philips's Avatar
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    The natural progression I feel is a good topic. I have a wife who is accepting and we've sort of compromised with "be Kim as long as the grass is cut and the cars all work and the roof don't leak" Other than than I'm free to be me. She is quite the weekend arts and crafts vendor, so it gives me time to do the laundry, dishes and clean house. It's a good trade off, I feel. Going "out" on the town is sort of reserved for meetup groups on the weekend evenings. It's a good balance, I feel.

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    Emily ,
    I look at is as a road we travel down , what you're experiencing now is part of that journey , some have to travel it alone and the lucky ones have a supportive wife/partner . A smililar comment could be made about them, some are prepared to share the road with you and some come to an abrupt halt sign .

    I would suggest as Helen does that finding a social group may be the way to go , most if not all will welcome partners . I also feel Rachel makes a good point , she found out there was a problem and dealt with it . Amongst other things my wife said in no uncertain terms she wasn't a lebian , my reply to that was does it really matter what goes on in private if all parties are happy .

    The bottom line is deciding what your CDing means to you , be honest with yourself and then talk it over with your wife . Maybe a word of warning wives can do a U turn so don't assume she is totally happy with the situation , suddenly entering a DADT situation is hard to deal with . There are many here who assumed too much and paid the price .

  7. #7
    Senior Member Angela Marie's Avatar
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    It truly is different for everyone. For me going out and being accepted is important. I've gone to clubs in the past but i'm not too enamored of the heavy drinking and other activities. I'm not judging anyone; people are free to choose their own path but for me mingling with the general population is what I enjoy. My wife gives me great latitude; and as someone commented as long as all the work around the house is done i'm free to indulge.

  8. #8
    Junior Member Kelly-o's Avatar
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    It's an urge that hit me a couple of times. I did a few drives and went to a bar/club event once. I would do more if I felt more passable. I am a little passable at least at a casual glance but most of the time I am satisfied keeping it in the home. Luckily I can dress as often as I want at home. The only part that makes me a little sad is we do not wear shoes in the house so I never get to wear gorgeous heels.

  9. #9
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    I have noticed when a CDer goes to the wanting to go out phase they assume a club or gay bar is the place to go.
    Clubs serve alcohol and there are people under the influence so not always the best place to be on your first time out.
    Maybe pick out a park or a mall or some safer place for your first time out. Just a thought but you do what you want.

  10. #10
    Member Helen Waite's Avatar
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    Emilyjade, check the "Places to go" forum, Julie has kept us well informed about Pinkfest Chicago coming up this month.

  11. #11
    Exploring NEPA now Cheryl T's Avatar
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    For me it was certainly the road of progression.
    I think though that I always had the desire to be in public and experience life as a woman. Even when I was scared, guilty and full of shame in the early years I had this need to have someone else know about it and share it with me. When later my wife found out and slowly became fully accepting it was always in my mind that I wanted to go out in public. I also needed to find others like myself so that I could talk to them and know their experiences as well as share mine.
    Like Kim said, so long as the chores are done, the bills are paid and the house isn't falling down around us I'm free to be me. I'm now about 3/4 full time, we go out everywhere together and share everything related to this.
    Life is good...

    Is this how it goes for everyone? Most likely not. We are all different, situations are different so while I can say this is how it is for me I can't say how everyone feels.
    I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !

  12. #12
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    The desire to go out isn’t an uncommon progression.

    And I think Tracii totally nailed it with what she said. There are a lot of expectations that go along with being at a bar or club, plus it’s where people go to meet and be seen, so everyone is checking everyone else out. It’s not a place to “fly under the radar” if you’re not absolutely confident in your presentation. I suggest something low-key like a movie to start out. You’ll be out in public, but there are minimal interactions with other people, and everyone is there to watch something that isn’t you.

    I’ve seen WAY too many CDs walk into the club/bar, then bail after 10 minutes because it’s notnwhat they are expecting. I get the impression that people think these bars/clubs are going to be full of other CDers, when the reality is that most nights in a typical club you’ll only see a couple. Some places do do a CD or trans night but in my experience, there are way too many creepy older guys looking to hit on trans/CD girls those nights.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EmilyJade View Post
    is this the natural progression for crossdresser?
    There is no one path that we all progress on where some are more enlightened and farther along than others, looking down on the rest, wanting the stragglers to be more like them.

    You journey down your own path and find your sweet spot, find what makes you happy.

  14. #14
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Yeah, don’t you hate it when people get judgmental?

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    Micki,
    I'm not sure if a cinema is a good first option , the guy who sat next to me had either fallen asleep or he was being over friendly but his knee found mine several times .

    Tracy,
    I can't see anyone looking down , all most of us are doing is passing on our own thoughts and experiences .

  16. #16
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    Geting out t o me is important I dress to blend, slacks or jeans nice blouse, flats and then I'll hit the malls, parks for a walk or museum and movies I also go to clubs mostly gay clubs and seldom are there a bunch of CD's there. Often I am the only one. Sometimes I'll stay sometimes I'll just have a beer and leave. Last week I went to the Costco food court and as you may expect, no problem. I don't know if I was made or not but no problems or even funny looks that I saw and I was looking behend my dark glasses.
    Just go out and enjoy yourself start slow with a park or a mall, dress down and before long you will be at the makeup counter in Macy's.
    Have fun and mostly no one cares
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

  17. #17
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    Micki,
    I'm not sure if a cinema is a good first option , the guy who sat next to me had either fallen asleep or he was being over friendly but his knee found mine several times .

    Tracy,
    I can't see anyone looking down , all most of us are doing is passing on our own thoughts and experiences .
    Um, what the hell kind of movie theaters are you gong to and why didn’t you tell a manager you were being groped?

  18. #18
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    I'd say leaving the safety of one's home is a natural progression for a cross dresser. On this forum there is an endless number of comments concerning getting all dolled up with nowhere to go. Just hiding behind the curtains. Quick stepping to the car and finishing the transformation using the rear view mirror. I think it is totally natural to want to leave the abode.

    Decades ago I did the same thing. I went out at night for neighborhood drives. Then the drives were longer and out of the neighborhood. Then it progressed to getting out of the car for some made up reason; returning library books to the night return slot or mailing a letter. Then it was taking an evening stroll in a safe residential neighborhood.

    There was a quest to interact with fellow humans. The only times I've done that is on Halloween....Happy X-Dressing Day. On several Halloween I dolled myself up 100%. I ventured into a grocery store or a doughnut shop and bought stuff. When my wife is out of town overnight to visit friends or relatives I will take those forays into the evening. I like to feel the breezes on my legs. But, those trips have become boring. However, those trips satisfied the urge to leave the confines of the home.

    My recommendation for an outing (no pun intended) is to do some of the things a couple may do on any date night, but, do it on Halloween. If my wife was accepting and willing to go out, I'd go out to dinner and a movie and perhaps drinks afterwards. I'd go in a pretty dress and heels. My fantasy and I have to say it is a fantasy because my wife is not appreciative of x-dressing, would be to venture out as twins; wearing the same dress and heels and my wig matching her hair color. for me that would suffice as a costume for Halloween.

    As to the bedroom "kink" you should be happy to have a wife who is not threatened by the "other woman in the bedroom" or has negative feelings of disgust for a pseudo lesbian relationship.

  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by EmilyJade View Post
    It has become a bedroom kink for me, which is better then nothing at all, but I have this desire to be out in public having a girl's night with my wife. So to my topic: is this the natural progression for crossdressers?
    Yes, No, Maybe... Only you can determine how far you need to go. But if your wife is on board then what's stopping you?

  20. #20
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I know 100's of T's that go out regularly, Emily. And, THERE IS NO NORMAL when SO's r involved! Anything u work out with your SO is ok!

    Most T's I see at clubs and at events in Vegas do not bring SO's. Especially not to clubs! But, there r a few who bring their SO's everywhere with them!

    How often T's go the movies, Denny's, the mall, or shopping with their SO's I have no clue! Because I'm not there!
    Last edited by docrobbysherry; 09-07-2019 at 06:21 PM.
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  21. #21
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    You are free to go anywhere and do anything you want while dressed don't limit yourself to night time and to some seedy night spot.
    Be careful of things/people around you is all you can do. What they think of you well that could be anything.
    You will be "read" thats a given but hold your head high and go about your business like a normal person.
    You have just as much right to be wherever it is you are as the next person.

  22. #22
    Junior Member GemmaK's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie47 View Post
    My recommendation for an outing (no pun intended) is to do some of the things a couple may do on any date night, but, do it on Halloween. If my wife was accepting and willing to go out, I'd go out to dinner and a movie and perhaps drinks afterwards. I'd go in a pretty dress and heels. My fantasy and I have to say it is a fantasy because my wife is not appreciative of x-dressing, would be to venture out as twins; wearing the same dress and heels and my wig matching her hair color. for me that would suffice as a costume for Halloween.
    That is similar to what we do for NYE. "Fancy Dress" - in my case sometimes fancy dress or sometimes just goth style dressing. We usually go to a restaurant, sometimes with friends, and then to a bar and back to our place for a party. Previously one of our friends had complemented me by saying my dress was done to look good rather than just be a character. Last NYE she did my makeup. NYE is, up to now, the only opportunity I get to dress and go out.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
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    Depending on the size of your community, choice of venue may be important. Choose according to the likelihood of meeting someone you know, and your
    tolerance for such a happening.
    That said, if your town is big enough to have it's own "gayborhood", take your pick of venues. No one is going give you a second look. A gay bar is as safe as it gets. In fact, you will be conspicuously ignored by the patrons. To me that is just a bit unnerving. As one friend once complained, "They could at least whistle!"
    As for progression, some do some don't. You needn't feel pressured either way.
    Have fun!

  24. #24
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    while I agree that there is not necessarily a 'natural progression,' it does seem fairly common for crossdressing to start with things like garter belts and lingerie and move on to slinky dresses and forms and hip padding and wigs,and sometimes, as in my case, wanting to go out in the world and blend in with the genetic females out there just going around doing what they need to do..grocery shopping, doing to movies or the mall or whatever. My wife has noticed it and commented on it and I don't think yo need to feel terrible about it. Go out and enjoy yourself...go where you want to go and interact with people and have fun.

  25. #25
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    Hi Emily,

    I wouldn't worry too much about it and just have fun with it. You have an accepting wife who is willing to participate. Enjoy the journey and see where it leads. For the record we are all different here and dressing means different things to different people. For me, there was a time when the thought of dressing held some level of eroticism. Since I started dressing it just plain feels right. I am finally getting to express my feminine side. There's nothing erotic about it.

    Cheers,
    Robin

    Robin

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