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Thread: For those of you who are "out" to your significant other...what are your boundaries?

  1. #1
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
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    For those of you who are "out" to your significant other...what are your boundaries?

    For those of you who are "out" to your significant other...what are your boundaries in expressing your femininity? Do you set your boundaries or does your significant other? For example, my wife knows and is ok with my dressing up but she has boundaries. To give you an example. I've been trimming my arm hairs. She doesn't like this and has asked me to stop at this time. But, she's ok with me shaving my legs. Go figure. Fortunately, over time she's become more comfortable with me doing more and more feminine things with my body. So, there's hope that sometime soon I'll be trimming my arm hairs with abandon!

    Nikki
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  2. #2
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    My wife's only boundaries are no pictures on the internet.

  3. #3
    I can only be me Samm's Avatar
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    My wife would prefer I didn't trim or shave anything. But she's ok with it because she knows how it makes me feel when I don't.
    When I shave my legs and chest, and trim the hair down on my arms, I just feel so much better about myself. And it shows.
    Which reminds me, I've got some plucking to do lol
    "Samm" Sammara Michaels

    I also speak fluent sarcasm

  4. #4
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    The main ones are:
    1. No dressing outside the home
    2. No dressing in front of her (except allowed to wear lingerie for intimate times in bed)
    3. No hidden stashes (allowed to intermingle my things with hers)
    I'm fine with these.

  5. #5
    Super Moderator GretchenJ's Avatar
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    The boundaries are a continual work in progress and as of now communication is key to determining boundaries as new situations arise.

  6. #6
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    That's a good question. However, being "out" does not really cover all situations. My wife and I are in a deep DADT marriage. She knows I like to dress in women's clothing. We do not discuss it at all. Nada! Nil! Zip! Her choice. On occasion she has found an article of clothing I failed to tuck away after a session while she was at work; a bra, a panty. She placed them on top of the dryer in the wash closet so nobody would find them. She would tell me, and, that was it. No comments. No snide remarks. Consequently, I think she has no idea as to the extent of my wardrobe. She will NOT open the doors to my armoire less she find a panty staring her in the face.

    On a recent three day overnight trip I had failed to pack underpants. She offered me a pair of her Hane's white cotton briefs which I accepted. I wonder if we could have a discussion. I know I will never be able to dress in front of her. I now routinely wear Vanity Fair nylon brief; white or black. It sort of takes the edge off not being able to dress with any frequency as she has now fully retired.

    I had to chuckle over the negotiation concerning body hair. My genetic makeup is such that I have never had any armpit hair. I do not have hair follicles on my thighs and calves. My shins are very sparse to non-existent. The only place I have any hair is my pubic area and my forearms. My wife's reaction to the lack of hair is "it's wasted on a guy!" Unless you're a cross dresser! The forearm hair does not bother me. On the occasions when I do venture outside the home I wear a long sleeve dress.

    So, I am 'out' to my wife in the sense she knows, but, she does not know the extent. I am really interested to the extent the respondents dress in front of their wives. Is it sitting around in a skirt? Or full make up and wig and fully dressed?
    Last edited by Stephanie47; 12-07-2019 at 05:32 PM. Reason: spelling

  7. #7
    Senior Member 2B Natasha's Avatar
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    The boundaries are simple. They are the same for both her and I.

    Do nothing to impact the revenue stream. Period. Otherwise. Dress as you like. Wear what you like. Go where you like. Take as many pictures as you like.
    You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because your all the same

  8. #8
    There's that smile! CarlaWestin's Avatar
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    My wife finds a comfortable compartment with DADT.

    That's fine with me because this is what I don't tell her:
    -I shave everything
    -I only wear panties
    -I go out in public
    -I share images and video with many

    Other than that, I'm in male mode around her.
    I've waited so long for this time. Makeup is so frustrating. Shaking hands and I look so old. This was a mistake.
    My new maid's outfit is cute. Sure fits tight.
    And then I step into the bedroom and in the mirror, I see a beautiful woman looking back at me.
    Smile, Honey! You look fabulous!

  9. #9
    Gold Member ~Joanne~'s Avatar
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    I am fortunate, I have none. My SO honestly just wants me to be happy and I have yet to do anything that has bothered her to where she said something about it.
    Flip Flops were made for Beaches & Bath Houses, We have neither in 2017. Lose the flip flops!

  10. #10
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    Boundaries? None really, she's just told me to always use my common sense, especially when shopping and in dressing rooms and don't ever act like over the top fake girly. She and I both agree that dressers or gg's that act overly feminine/girly do neither group any favors.
    I shave under my arms daily and my legs and chest time to time, wear any and everything I want and we go shopping with and for each other all the time.

  11. #11
    Member Carolina's Avatar
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    Boundaries have been evolving over the years. Before ir was a DADT with the benefits of me getting female gifts on bdays and special occasions, but no dressing in front of her.
    Last year we became empty nesters and Carolina’s needs seem to have surged significantly. I started therapy, laser on beard and chest, shaving legs and underarms, and near our holiday house going for mani pedis and facials together. When she is on a weekend trip abroad I can, and I do go out with other CDs after going to a make up salon specializing on CDs. I make it a point to tell her (I don’t want secrets) although she doesn’t want to know where I go or what I do.
    Now I can dress in front of her as long as we are alone. No make up, jewelry or wig, and sometimes asks me to wear a polo on top of my dress or blouse to have dinner together. Lately I’m pushing boundaries a bit further and I’m managing jewelry, a bit of make up and a couple of times managed the whole thing including a wig (after and initial “aghhh!” Or “ewww”, she lets me be).
    Problem is I’m hooked on Carolina, and last weekend (while my wife was abroad) I managed to go out during the day (daylight) with the make up specialist and another CD to a neighboring town walking among “muggles” and going into stores to buy make up or clothing. The feeling of being a woman among “normal” people is intoxicating. I’d love to go further (HRT, potentially FFS and the like) but there she may have a hard boundary. Last month I went to a specialist in FFS and my wife told me that if I plan any cosmetic surgery I might as well sign the divorce papers. That’s a big boundary...

  12. #12
    Gold Member bridget thronton's Avatar
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    It is OK to dress at home and away from home city (she has even gone out with me dressed). The adult children know - but she does not want her family to know.

  13. #13
    Senior Member NancySue's Avatar
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    My wife has no boundaries...within our house. Because of our smaller town, occupations, police, an accident, flat tire. conservative attitudes, etc., she’s not comfortable with my desire to going out. I totally agree, common sense, so when I want to go out, I suppress my desire in compromise. In the past, we’ve driven to out of town malls for movies, dinner or shopping. Last year while at the mall, we saw people we knew. It scared the *** out of us. Thank goodness, they didn’t see us. I totally understood her fears. I’m very happy with our relationship. I’m not sure either one of us will ever understand my needs, but her support, help and advice has brought us even closer.

  14. #14
    silicone member Danielle_cder's Avatar
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    My boundaries, hmm never really put them in to writing... but know them
    -not in front of kids!
    -if we have a night to ourselves, no wig no make up (too much for her) but everything else boobs hips whatever clothes
    -don’t let the neighbors see if I go out (thank god for heavy tint on the cars)
    That’s it

    -D
    the only limit that u set, is the one u set yourself.

  15. #15
    Laura So Cal Laura28's Avatar
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    Small boundaries, she not comfortable seeing all done up. No issue seeing me dressed but no make up or wig. Loves me shaved all Over. Even loves for us to both were the nail polish on our toes. Doesn’t mind seeing pictures of me all made up with wig just not live. This has always confused me but I don’t push it.

  16. #16
    Gold Member alwayshave's Avatar
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    If there are any boundaries, I probably set them. My wife does not like that I shave my chest. When I asked if I could make choices about her grooming habits, if she was going to set them for me, her objection went away.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  17. #17
    Stand-up Comedian En Fem❤ Alice_2014_B's Avatar
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    My wife is not a fan of seeing me fully dressed up in person.
    She does, however, fully 100% support my en-fem stand-up.
    She's seen me do stand-up as myself, but not dressed up.
    We've been out a few times with me fully dolled up, one of which was for Halloween.

    She has no problem with me just in heels and like my PJ bottoms and hoodie, generally on the back deck smoking and drinking.
    Heels "in bed" is cool too.

    She's alright with me shaving my legs and arms.

    Melissa: "... and why are you dressed as a woman?"
    Coach McGuirk: "Because it's freeing."

    -Home Movies
    (cartoon series)

    Shoe size: 9 US women's.
    Dress size: M to L; 8-10.
    Height: 5' 6".

  18. #18
    Silver Member Elizabeth G's Avatar
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    When my wife first learned I was a crossdresser she wan't even sure she wanted to stay married. We have slowly been working on things for the last few years and now we are at the point where she still doesn't want to see me fully en femme but I can dress and wear jewelry at home but no makeup, forms or wig at this time. As I said though this is a work in progress so who knows where it will go.
    It's just the clothes... isn't it?

  19. #19
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
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    We don’t really have boundaries, but I think we’ve reached a place where she knows everything I do/want to do and is ok with those, and knows I don’t want to go anywhere she’s uncomfortable. As to your SPECIFIC issue, what about bleaching? Would that be something she might be ok with, and would it even help?

  20. #20
    Rural T Girl Teri Ray's Avatar
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    My wife has been wonderful about my dressing. I know that she does not want me to dress in our town outside our home. So far she has expressed that she does not want to see me in make up or a wig. My wife has been otherwise very supportive.
    Teri Ray Rural Idaho Girl.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member GracieRose's Avatar
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    We don't have any strict "thou shalt not" boundaries. I recognize that she does not want anyone else to know about my "issues". I recognize that and understand why she feels that way. So I control my behavior to minimize the possibility of that happening. Note that I haven't eliminated that possibility, but I minimize the possibility as much as I can without completely stifling myself to reduce her concerns.
    She is not happy when I go out, but she acknowledges how much it means to me, so she doesn't put up a big fuss when I do go out. She voices her concern, and always tells me to "be careful" as I head out. I don't go out nearly as often as I would like. I go to places at least 30 minutes away (via mostly expressway) to minimize the possibility of running into someone we know. She never goes out with me for fear that if we do run into someone we know, they would recognize me through her. Even 1000 miles away from home, she cannot relax for fear of running into someone that we know (It does happen, rarely, but always when I am in drab). I have all exposed parts shaved and my face is made up when I go out in order to blend better (and minimize recognition if/when I run into someone that knows me). She always asks if I saw anyone that I know while out. It has happened a few times, but they have not been close friends, and I act calm, and head the other direction as soon as I notice them. In those rare cases, I have not noticed any sign of recognition by anyone, or heard anything from any of them when I next encountered any of them.
    Marriage involves compromise on many fronts between two people that work at loving each other (I believe that love is something that you do, not something that happens). This is just one of the areas that demands compromise from both of us. I try to not make her compromise too much and she does the same for me.

  22. #22
    New Member
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    Since this is very new to me as as well as my wife, our boundaries are pretty simple. She doesn't want to see it for any reason, in any form. She is doing her best to be supportive, but mostly that means simply not talking about it. She's still hurt about me not telling her right away, and she stills seems to have these "milestones", as I call them, that would dictate her feelings about all this. The really big ones are showing signs of homosexuality, losing interest in her in bed, or expressing gender dysphoria or sissy mannerisms. I'm good with that, and have reassured her, emphatically, that none of those apply to me, and never will. The next level of boundaries seems to be makeup and hair, as well as the desire to go out in public, even on Halloween. That one's trickier. I've played around with lipstick, an kind of like it, but makeup is another thing entirely. I look like a clown because I have no idea, beyond lipstick, what I'm doing, plus I still have a mustache and goatee, which are as a part of me as anything else and hard to part with. As for a wig, I have ordered one and it will be here next week, but I don't plan on showing it to her or letting her know I have it. I will be sticking to DADT on that one. Heck, I may not even like how I look in it. Another sign she is looking for is shaving hair off of my body, like arms, and legs. Chest hair is not a concern since I don't have any anyway, other than around the nipples and two stray hairs in the middle, which drives me nuts.Everything else besides that, she already accepts I'm doing, though she has no idea of the specifics. So far it's the basics of underwear, sleepwear, and lingerie, and at home only, though I have gone out of he house in panties on a few occasions. I've purchased a few dresses, some shorts, a yoga outfit (very comfortable, btw), and something that may seem weird to some, a ballet outfit with skirt and slippers (I've always had a a thing for dancers, especially my wife). So far, we're managing everything as well as can be expected, and perhaps with time she'll see how it won't affect our marriage. I won't let it. I love her too much.

  23. #23
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    Clearly in my relationship, she sets the boundaries.

    I am able we wear panties as often as I like. I can also wear pantyhose, fishnets, or a body stocking as I choose. As long as we are going out of the area, I can were my girls jeans. But with her or in front of her, thats pretty much the limit.

    She does let me go out 1 night a week, providing she doesn't have to work the next day, in the middle of the night. I leave the house wearing 'normal' clothes, but one out of the city, they come off to reveal my female attire. Upon returning home, back to 'normal' mode.

    DADT to a point, but I don't want to push harder for fear of losing what I have. Will she ever change..... I'm not holding my breath.

  24. #24
    Member Lux's Avatar
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    No boundaries luckily. And if anything my wife will come home and say;”why aren’t you dressing today”.

    The woman is a Saint to accept me and this fetish-o-mine!

  25. #25
    Seňora Member
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    Now that I have come out as Transgender the only boundaries I have are set by my own anxiety...

    But back when I was out to my wife as "just a crossdresser" I kind of sorta set my own boundaries by paying attention to how my wife felt. I don't know about the rest of you but I am quite empathic and can pretty much tell how my wife feels regardless of how she says she feels. Anyway I do not recall my wife ever saying "You can't wear this here or that there", but I was ALWAYS respectful of her feelings and put her and our children first.

    Having been TG all my life I was already hiding and had been hiding since before I met her so boundaries were never an issue.

    In fact there were times ( and still are) that my wife is more comfortable with my dressing that I am.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 09-16-2019 at 08:46 AM. Reason: more to add

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