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Thread: For those of you who are "out" to your significant other...what are your boundaries?

  1. #76
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
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    My wife's boundaries shift with the seasons. Now that we're into the Fall and I'm wearing long sleeve dresses, she lets me closely clip my arms. Having nearly hairless arms is wonderful!
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  2. #77
    Member Lindseynrva's Avatar
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    Current SA is full DADT. Past was wonderful. After an initial period of adjustment she would help me pick out clothes and lingerie. I took initiative to buy breast forms without discussing and one evening she came home and I had them in. She smiled, gave them a good looking over and checked for softness and then insisted I wear them all the time and even got me larger ones. It was a wonderful 4 years for this cross dresser.

    I did reveal this to most women I dated and I found by and large they were accepting and as others commented were very into it in the bedroom too.

  3. #78
    Member Star01's Avatar
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    I have kept it to myself since the mid 80's but she will occasionally gift me some of her auction jewelry or slip comments like "I'll bet you would like to wear a dress" into the conversation. My approach to dressing is that I like to fully dress with wig, dress, underthings, shoes, wig, and makeup. She doesn't want to talk about it and she doesn't want to see me but I have a lot of freedom to go out by myself whenever I want. I have traveled by myself to auto races out of town and gotten a room and been invited to many get-togethers from my connections that serve as covers for a night out cd visiting friends. I have one particular cd friend I like to visit who loves to share some of the things that don't fit and dress together and compare notes so I am able to visit her often enough to keep me content. Now with winter, holidays, bad driving and all it's probably going to cut into my opportunities but this situation is much better than being isolated and unable to dress.
    Last edited by Star01; 11-22-2019 at 03:21 PM.

  4. #79
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
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    The only boundaries she asks is I not shave my mustache. I keep my hair long she told me I should cut it. I told her if the hair go's the mustache go's she gave op on the hair cut.
    Angie

  5. #80
    Junior Member NicoleRenee's Avatar
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    The only boundaries I have are to please tell her by giving her some time to adjust to dress and then go out dressed. If she is with me, we are stilla couple. And don't change my voice. She prefers if going out, I dress moderately.

  6. #81
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    Hi Nikki , MyWife knows about everything but just don't want to see me while I am dressed,

    I dress for three hours every Morning and a couple hours a couple Evenings a week.


    We have a very workable DA/DT, I stay within my boundaries and life is great.


    Some times she will borrow a top or a necklace 7 earrings. >>>Orchid .oOOo.
    Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......

    I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !

    If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.

    Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!

  7. #82
    My wife doesn't like seeing me fully dressed, but that is actually OK because after trying that for a while, I realized it wasn't for me. She lets me wear women's clothing--mostly gender neutral--such as shorts, jeans and panties. We go out all the time with me wearing jeans/shorts and ballet flats. It works.
    https://balletflatsformen.wordpress.com/

  8. #83
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
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    Just the other day, and every now and then, my wife gets angry with me and threatens to tell my family about my "feminine side." I just say go ahead or I'll say I'll make the call. She always backs off. Obviously, she doesn't embrace the woman within me but she nevertheless is ok with me expressing my femininity. Recently, I've been trimming my eyebrows and shaping them more. She hasn't bothered me about it.
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  9. #84
    Aspiring Member JocelynJames's Avatar
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    After contemplating this for sometime, I guess my boundaries are to let her know if anything( where I?m going with this) changes, no coming out to anyone without a discussion first and do not be more feminine or beautiful than she. Hasn?t been a problem in the 8 years since I came out to her
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  10. #85
    Aspiring Member OCCarly's Avatar
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    I?ve been on hormones for 3.5 years and recently had partial FFS (all the bone work done, but I still need to have my nose fixed).

    My wife?s only limits are that I cannot have bottom surgery or voice feminization surgery. She is worried about complications particularly since I survived a post surgical infection after FFS. But she does want me to get my nose and breasts done. My goodness I love her so much. :-)
    Carries a spray bottle of "pink fog" around with her in her purse at all times.

  11. #86
    New Member Sarah Handy's Avatar
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    Can not go out in public I just told her so we are working on what I want to do see if she approves.

  12. #87
    Aspiring Member Lacy PJs's Avatar
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    No real boundaries. She has things that she prefers I not wear but doesn't really say much of anything if I do. But since I only dress at home... and not all that often, there's no real concerns.

    Lacy PJs

  13. #88
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    To be honest, I could probably go full blown SRS, and she would be awesome with it.

  14. #89
    I'm just happy Andrea_cd's Avatar
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    My wifes boundries are simple
    No panties on for sex
    Kids never see me as Andrea
    No going out in public

  15. #90
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    No real boundries here...this really is not a s/o or wife issue...this is our issue...no need to dress around the kids or grandkids..makes no sense to me...on my end we both are fully in agreement on the myriad aspects of who i am and who she married...tomorrow is date night for us and she has already layed out our outfits...dinner, shopping , may be a movie....she trusts me and i trust her..may be trust is the problem for many wives or s/o in how far there other halves want to go...may be some gg's can chime in here...bottom line is i consider my wife first and go from there

  16. #91
    Aspiring Member Angela1954's Avatar
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    Michelle. Perfect. I could not have said it better myself.

  17. #92
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    I am just beginning to dip my toes into dressing. But I started with talking to my wife about it before really diving in. We dont have boundaries set. Just my own fears. She has been very understanding and accepting and helpful thus far. My kids are young yet and dont seem to mind my dressing. I have not gone hogwild with it either though.

  18. #93
    Member Bea_'s Avatar
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    My wife and I have never really discussed specific boundaries. I was a late bloomer and started wearing panties in my mid-fifties. Unfortunately, my inclination to want to dress happened to surface about a year before Bruce Jenner transitioned to Kaytlin and all the media attention about his progression brought a massive amount of fear at the time. She had no reference in the matter other than Jenner at that point. The stories were about Bruce asking Kris for more and more until he became Kaytlin. So, any forward movement was in fits and starts. I actually understand her concerns, although Jenner has admitted to wishing her were a woman from a young age and I have NEVER wanted to be a woman. Still don't. She's come to understand that.

    So boundaries, for me, have been to maintain a balance between being open and honest with and allowing her to deal with her fears of what it all meant. She bought my first panties for me. We shopped together and she bought a few tops and eventually SHE picked out my first sundress. She laughed when I tried it on, but I loved it and was pretty clear on the fact. So, even without clear boundaries, her comfort level has determined the expression of my tastes, even if the extent of my tastes were more guarded.

    I've recently told her that I want her to do my makeup. As a man-in-a-dress with a full beard that we both like, it's hard to imagine a world that I'd fit in wearing makeup, even here on the forum, but I'd love to sit and watch her concentrate on doing applying it just right. For me, that would be the ultimate intimate moment of acceptance. She's acknowledged that it's fine that I'd like it, but she's not there yet. I think we're both comfortable with the status for now, but I'd love for her to make the move, now that I've expressed the desire.

    Boundaries for us are just balancing each of our needs against the others. Sometimes I wish it'd go faster, sometimes she wishes it would slow down. But, we've recently hit a point of equalibrium where we are both content to just see what happens.
    Last edited by Bea_; 01-03-2020 at 10:23 PM.
    “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” - Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

  19. #94
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
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    My wife does not want me to wear anything that she would (not in general, specific).

  20. #95
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    This is a great conversation. The boundaries have changed in our marriage. When we first got together, I explained my CD-ing and she accepted it totally and bought clothes, shoes, helped me with make up etc. She also understood my lack of masculinity in the bedroom and we had good times. Then one day she freaked out as I was looking particularly glamorous (or so I believed!) and said she felt undermined and worthless. I realised that things had to change so now its dadt. I go away to dress up, and have pushed my own boundaries and regularly go out on the town, but on my own which is very sad. I wish she would accompany me but I know that is now impossible.

  21. #96
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    No shaving arms and legs (below the knees). Luckily I don't have much hair on my arms. Going out at most once a month. No bringing or wearing CD stuff home. No sex with other CDs or guys.

  22. #97
    Nikki Windsor nikkiwindsor's Avatar
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    Tried again...asked my wife if she'd look at a picture of me dressed up...answer remains, not yet...ugh! What can I do? Eventually, I'd like her to share time with the feminine side of me...she's missing so much of who I am.
    Wearing my fuschia bodycon dress:
    http://imgur.com/6WkdAts
    For the first time, outdoors during the day:
    http://i.imgur.com/RmjIxbY.jpg

  23. #98
    Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nikkiwindsor View Post
    Tried again...asked my wife if she'd look at a picture of me dressed up...answer remains, not yet...ugh! What can I do?
    umm-m-m How about saying "Well when you're ready, hon - they're right here in this envelope" and leave it in a easy spot go get to.
    Maybe when you're not around, curiosity will get to her?

  24. #99
    Somewhere in-between. Krea's Avatar
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    We have two main boundaries, which i naturally respect:
    1. She does not want me to wear a skirt in public.
    2. She does not want her relatives or our work colleagues to know about my CDing.
    However, any relationship is dynamic and i appreciate that things may change (for better or worse!) over time.
    "Welcome to my scene.
    A place that's in-between.
    Where the squares fit the rounds."
    (Lyrics by Queensryche)

  25. #100
    New Member crissy7's Avatar
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    Only a few rules that I agree completely with,no going out in public nearby,do nothing secretive,do nothing to embaress me or the family.Common sense.

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