For those of you who are "out" to your significant other...what are your boundaries?

[nikkiwindsor]

For those of you who are "out" to your significant other...what are your boundaries in expressing your femininity? Do you set your boundaries or does your significant other? For example, my wife knows and is ok with my dressing up but she has boundaries. To give you an example. I've been trimming my arm hairs. She doesn't like this and has asked me to stop at this time. But, she's ok with me shaving my legs. Go figure. Fortunately, over time she's become more comfortable with me doing more and more feminine things with my body. So, there's hope that sometime soon I'll be trimming my arm hairs with abandon!

Nikki

[chrissy111]

My wife's only boundaries are no pictures on the internet.

[sophia62]

i am fortunate i have no boundaries she is fully on board with sophia she just wants me to be happy
and i want the same for her x

[Samm]

My wife would prefer I didn't trim or shave anything. But she's ok with it because she knows how it makes me feel when I don't.
When I shave my legs and chest, and trim the hair down on my arms, I just feel so much better about myself. And it shows.
Which reminds me, I've got some plucking to do lol

[MysteryWoman]

The main ones are:
1. No dressing outside the home
2. No dressing in front of her (except allowed to wear lingerie for intimate times in bed)
3. No hidden stashes (allowed to intermingle my things with hers)
I'm fine with these.

[GretchenJ]

The boundaries are a continual work in progress and as of now communication is key to determining boundaries as new situations arise.

[2B Natasha]

The boundaries are simple. They are the same for both her and I.

Do nothing to impact the revenue stream. Period. Otherwise. Dress as you like. Wear what you like. Go where you like. Take as many pictures as you like.

[CarlaWestin]

My wife finds a comfortable compartment with DADT.

That's fine with me because this is what I don't tell her:
-I shave everything
-I only wear panties
-I go out in public
-I share images and video with many

Other than that, I'm in male mode around her.

[Stephanie47]

That's a good question. However, being "out" does not really cover all situations. My wife and I are in a deep DADT marriage. She knows I like to dress in women's clothing. We do not discuss it at all. Nada! Nil! Zip! Her choice. On occasion she has found an article of clothing I failed to tuck away after a session while she was at work; a bra, a panty. She placed them on top of the dryer in the wash closet so nobody would find them. She would tell me, and, that was it. No comments. No snide remarks. Consequently, I think she has no idea as to the extent of my wardrobe. She will NOT open the doors to my armoire less she find a panty staring her in the face.

On a recent three day overnight trip I had failed to pack underpants. She offered me a pair of her Hane's white cotton briefs which I accepted. I wonder if we could have a discussion. I know I will never be able to dress in front of her. I now routinely wear Vanity Fair nylon brief; white or black. It sort of takes the edge off not being able to dress with any frequency as she has now fully retired.

I had to chuckle over the negotiation concerning body hair. My genetic makeup is such that I have never had any armpit hair. I do not have hair follicles on my thighs and calves. My shins are very sparse to non-existent. The only place I have any hair is my pubic area and my forearms. My wife's reaction to the lack of hair is "it's wasted on a guy!" Unless you're a cross dresser! The forearm hair does not bother me. On the occasions when I do venture outside the home I wear a long sleeve dress.

So, I am 'out' to my wife in the sense she knows, but, she does not know the extent. I am really interested to the extent the respondents dress in front of their wives. Is it sitting around in a skirt? Or full make up and wig and fully dressed?

[NancySue]

My wife has no boundaries...within our house. Because of our smaller town, occupations, police, an accident, flat tire. conservative attitudes, etc., she’s not comfortable with my desire to going out. I totally agree, common sense, so when I want to go out, I suppress my desire in compromise. In the past, we’ve driven to out of town malls for movies, dinner or shopping. Last year while at the mall, we saw people we knew. It scared the *** out of us. Thank goodness, they didn’t see us. I totally understood her fears. I’m very happy with our relationship. I’m not sure either one of us will ever understand my needs, but her support, help and advice has brought us even closer.

[Danielle_cder]

My boundaries, hmm never really put them in to writing... but know them
-not in front of kids!
-if we have a night to ourselves, no wig no make up (too much for her) but everything else boobs hips whatever clothes
-don’t let the neighbors see if I go out (thank god for heavy tint on the cars)
That’s it

-D

[Gillian Gigs]

For the most part any boundaries are the result of mutual agreement. I have never had a strong desire to go out, well one bucket list item is to go to a transformation service and do a day with an experienced CD'er, showing me the town. Boundaries have moved more in my favour through the years, that may be because I never pushed my luck in any areas. We have talked the whole issue several times, and she lets me know when it has been talked to death! I wear lingerie all the time, she accepts that I wear panties all the time, a camisole a lot and pantyhose as the colder weather comes on. I wear skirts around the house very often, but by agreement I don't go out in public with a skirt on, yet anything under my guy clothes is ok, as long as another person wouldn't see it. I have on occasions been asked to button up my shirt a bit as she can see some lace showing while we are out in public.

We have helped each other out while clothes shopping, making suggestions to help in selecting and choosing what looks good. In fact her favourite clothing store is one that I suggested she go to. Life is so much easier living in an environment with love and acceptance. I don't consider boundaries an issue!

PS: I shave, or trim all my body hair and she has never said anything about it. She did ask once about epilating my legs and if it hurt.

[Laura28]

Small boundaries, she not comfortable seeing all done up. No issue seeing me dressed but no make up or wig. Loves me shaved all Over. Even loves for us to both were the nail polish on our toes. Doesn’t mind seeing pictures of me all made up with wig just not live. This has always confused me but I don’t push it.

[alwayshave]

If there are any boundaries, I probably set them. My wife does not like that I shave my chest. When I asked if I could make choices about her grooming habits, if she was going to set them for me, her objection went away.

[HannahB]

My wife's only boundaries are when at home, I can wear whatever I want; but when out in public I must always look and act like a lady. Most of the time we're together when I'm out in public. More than once she has stopped me at the door and made me change outfits. Can't complain though, looking back, I can see where she has saved me from more than one embarrassing situation.

[RADER]

My wife was OK with my dressing, However there where rules:
No Dressing out of the house.
No shaving of my legs or chest. That chest hair belong to her.
I was allowed to wear Baby Doll's to bed at night.
rader

[CayleeMarie]

I am free to wear anything I want at home... as long as it is not in front of the daughter and the granddaughters who live with us. Working in the yard has to be hybrid enough that it doesn't draw any attention and no large forms. Otherwise the rule for now is don't leave the house dressed. Admittedly that is becoming more and more difficult as I yearn for an outlet for my ever-growing wardrobe. The few times I have gotten out have been so exhilarating it was almost intoxicating!

[Alice_2014_B]

My wife is not a fan of seeing me fully dressed up in person.
She does, however, fully 100% support my en-fem stand-up.
She's seen me do stand-up as myself, but not dressed up.
We've been out a few times with me fully dolled up, one of which was for Halloween.

She has no problem with me just in heels and like my PJ bottoms and hoodie, generally on the back deck smoking and drinking.
Heels "in bed" is cool too.

She's alright with me shaving my legs and arms.

[Micki_Finn]

We don’t really have boundaries, but I think we’ve reached a place where she knows everything I do/want to do and is ok with those, and knows I don’t want to go anywhere she’s uncomfortable. As to your SPECIFIC issue, what about bleaching? Would that be something she might be ok with, and would it even help?

[Teri Ray]

My wife has been wonderful about my dressing. I know that she does not want me to dress in our town outside our home. So far she has expressed that she does not want to see me in make up or a wig. My wife has been otherwise very supportive.

[Kelly-o]

We have a mutual understanding that it's just the two of us who know. This is mostly based on my comfort level. Although we have never discussed it I know she would not be comfortable with her parents knowing as they are pretty traditional. She would prefer it if I was dressed at all times when home and go out dressed too. She says all the time that she hates seeing me in "dumb jeans" and stuff. I am very happy with the current balance right now.

[Elizabeth G]

When my wife first learned I was a crossdresser she wan't even sure she wanted to stay married. We have slowly been working on things for the last few years and now we are at the point where she still doesn't want to see me fully en femme but I can dress and wear jewelry at home but no makeup, forms or wig at this time. As I said though this is a work in progress so who knows where it will go.

[GracieRose]

We don't have any strict "thou shalt not" boundaries. I recognize that she does not want anyone else to know about my "issues". I recognize that and understand why she feels that way. So I control my behavior to minimize the possibility of that happening. Note that I haven't eliminated that possibility, but I minimize the possibility as much as I can without completely stifling myself to reduce her concerns.
She is not happy when I go out, but she acknowledges how much it means to me, so she doesn't put up a big fuss when I do go out. She voices her concern, and always tells me to "be careful" as I head out. I don't go out nearly as often as I would like. I go to places at least 30 minutes away (via mostly expressway) to minimize the possibility of running into someone we know. She never goes out with me for fear that if we do run into someone we know, they would recognize me through her. Even 1000 miles away from home, she cannot relax for fear of running into someone that we know (It does happen, rarely, but always when I am in drab). I have all exposed parts shaved and my face is made up when I go out in order to blend better (and minimize recognition if/when I run into someone that knows me). She always asks if I saw anyone that I know while out. It has happened a few times, but they have not been close friends, and I act calm, and head the other direction as soon as I notice them. In those rare cases, I have not noticed any sign of recognition by anyone, or heard anything from any of them when I next encountered any of them.
Marriage involves compromise on many fronts between two people that work at loving each other (I believe that love is something that you do, not something that happens). This is just one of the areas that demands compromise from both of us. I try to not make her compromise too much and she does the same for me.

[KiraK]

Since this is very new to me as as well as my wife, our boundaries are pretty simple. She doesn't want to see it for any reason, in any form. She is doing her best to be supportive, but mostly that means simply not talking about it. She's still hurt about me not telling her right away, and she stills seems to have these "milestones", as I call them, that would dictate her feelings about all this. The really big ones are showing signs of homosexuality, losing interest in her in bed, or expressing gender dysphoria or sissy mannerisms. I'm good with that, and have reassured her, emphatically, that none of those apply to me, and never will. The next level of boundaries seems to be makeup and hair, as well as the desire to go out in public, even on Halloween. That one's trickier. I've played around with lipstick, an kind of like it, but makeup is another thing entirely. I look like a clown because I have no idea, beyond lipstick, what I'm doing, plus I still have a mustache and goatee, which are as a part of me as anything else and hard to part with. As for a wig, I have ordered one and it will be here next week, but I don't plan on showing it to her or letting her know I have it. I will be sticking to DADT on that one. Heck, I may not even like how I look in it. Another sign she is looking for is shaving hair off of my body, like arms, and legs. Chest hair is not a concern since I don't have any anyway, other than around the nipples and two stray hairs in the middle, which drives me nuts.Everything else besides that, she already accepts I'm doing, though she has no idea of the specifics. So far it's the basics of underwear, sleepwear, and lingerie, and at home only, though I have gone out of he house in panties on a few occasions. I've purchased a few dresses, some shorts, a yoga outfit (very comfortable, btw), and something that may seem weird to some, a ballet outfit with skirt and slippers (I've always had a a thing for dancers, especially my wife). So far, we're managing everything as well as can be expected, and perhaps with time she'll see how it won't affect our marriage. I won't let it. I love her too much.

[Jennifer2918]

Clearly in my relationship, she sets the boundaries.

I am able we wear panties as often as I like. I can also wear pantyhose, fishnets, or a body stocking as I choose. As long as we are going out of the area, I can were my girls jeans. But with her or in front of her, thats pretty much the limit.

She does let me go out 1 night a week, providing she doesn't have to work the next day, in the middle of the night. I leave the house wearing 'normal' clothes, but one out of the city, they come off to reveal my female attire. Upon returning home, back to 'normal' mode.

DADT to a point, but I don't want to push harder for fear of losing what I have. Will she ever change..... I'm not holding my breath.