Results 1 to 23 of 23

Thread: Underdressing

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2019
    Location
    Uk
    Posts
    48

    Underdressing

    Hi all

    As some of you know I?m in closet with my dressing and my wife does not like it or understands. I want to take baby steps so I would like to start undressing to start with as I love lingerie. Any suggestion on how to get the wife on board with this ?

    Thanks

    Lisa blue

  2. #2
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    3,630
    Here’s the issue: in your very premise, you’re not respecting your wife’s feelings. The only way to “get her on board” is to talk to her and find out what she is comfortable with, and if there is some way to make her comfortable with the things she’s not. You can’t trick her into being ok with it and there is no argument logical enough to force her to change her mind. All you can do is talk to her or hide it from her. Good luck, tbh I don’t envy your position right now.

  3. #3
    Crossdresser Taylor186's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    Midwest USA
    Posts
    1,161
    Agree with Miki.

    Maybe you could get on board with "designer" men's briefs first. I often buy from Prevail Sports (http://www.prevailsport.com/) but there are several on-line retailers out there.

  4. #4
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    Start wearing guys bikini underwear.
    Try different colors and styles.
    If she doesn't like them she will say so and you are not breaking any "rules".
    If she asks why the change in underwear say you wanted a change and leave it at that. Its not like you tell her what kind of underwear she can wear do you?

  5. #5
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Location
    Southern Illinois
    Posts
    3,042
    Sorry. I, too agree with Micki. Since she already knows, have ?the talk? with your wife ASAP. You already have two strikes against you (doesn?t like it or understand). I don?t really understand it either, but as you already know...it?s here. I believe, many times, it?s the secrecy and dishonesty that are the real issues not the dressing. You?ve got a real challenge ahead. Hopefully, she?ll agree to some compromise...and maybe not. Good luck.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member Crissy 107's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Maryland, USA
    Posts
    11,033
    I think Tracii has a good idea and with little to no downside.
    Crissy

  7. #7
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    2,622
    I agree with Micki (#2).

    I don't see any upside to what you propose, Lisa.

    Since your DSW doesn't want to listen to you, maybe she will listen to a licensed and regulated mental health worker (psychiatrist, social worker, psychologist) or your primary care physician.

    IMHO, the surprise or Ta-Da method is likely to provoke hard feelings if not a big fight with your DSW. Do you really want that?

  8. #8
    Junior Member Paige Winslow's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    69
    This isn't exactly what you're asking about, but ... My job requires jeans. I cross-dress by wearing black women's size 12-short Lee's bootcut jeans matched with Clarks Alpine loafers size 10. Eight years, and nobody has ever said a thing. They compliment my shoes. Sometimes I admit wholely my ruse and say women's clothes are much better made than men's clothes. Men's jeans have huge deep pockets and material that doesn't stretch and give. As for panties, I wear Innersey that are stretchy and supportive. Again, better made than men's underwear. They fit great.
    Ask HER to wear men's jeans, underwear and shoes for a day. They are clunky. She'll agree. Especially when she gets female skid marks. Never happens with proper panties.
    Women's clothes are better made, fit better and look good. It's true. She can't disagree with that.

  9. #9
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    If you decide you are too scared to have the talk and figure you will just sneak around you will get caught eventually.
    You buy your own panties chances are a pair will pop up somewhere in the laundry or in a bag in your car then what are you going to do?
    Having the talk then will be far too late.
    She will think you are cheating on her and that you have been lying to her for a long time.Lying to her is far worse a thing than you underdressing.

  10. #10
    Member Leonora's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2018
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    282
    Quote Originally Posted by Tracii G View Post
    Start wearing guys bikini underwear.
    Try different colors and styles.
    If she doesn't like them she will say so and you are not breaking any "rules".
    If she asks why the change in underwear say you wanted a change and leave it at that. Its not like you tell her what kind of underwear she can wear do you?
    I agree that how I got started.

  11. #11
    Junior Member Kelly-o's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Location
    San Francisco
    Posts
    49
    Gotta say as uncomfortable and scary as it may be a conversation with your wife is really your best option for long term happiness. Don't overwhelm her or anything. Maybe you have been doing it since you were young and it's always been part of your life or you are just curious and really want to try it whatever your situation is.

  12. #12
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    hillsboro oregon
    Posts
    1,283
    listen to the advice , or start finding a place to live and a lawyer because that is where you are headed.. sorry to be blunt

  13. #13
    Senior Member Tracy Irving's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    SE Wisconsin
    Posts
    1,875
    The other day, my wife and I were in JCPenny's buying pants for our son. After we found some I followed her to the clearance panties bins. She would hold up a pair and ask if I liked it. I would hold up a pair and ask her to find it in my size. It was an enjoyable experience. She also knew she would get a nice lunch next. We both got what we wanted and went home happy, the way it should be.

  14. #14
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    14,301
    The potential problem with starting out with men's briefs/bikinis/etc in loud colors or silky fabrics is you may not be satisfied. Or your wife may say alright, and, you're locked into men's underwear anyway. When my wife and I had the talk and all I wanted was panties my wife did go out and buy me some silky men's boxers. It did not work for me. The boxers were still men's underwear.

    Since your wife is opposed and does not understand cross dressing (welcome to the club), if you do suggest women's undergarments suggest something rather plain. No lace. No loud colors. No little bows. My panties of choices are Vanity Fair styles 15712 and 13109. I have dozens of colors and patterns. I also like style 13001, however, that style has lace inserts on the sides/hips. If she goes for something rather "granny" in style suggest black, white or neutral (beige/nude). Caressing some body parts covered in soft nylon has been known to be rather stimulating which your wife may enjoy!!!! If you get that far perhaps she will come on board. Good luck!

  15. #15
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2019
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    3,581
    Have the talk and be upfront. Set up some ground rules and come to a compromise on what you can wear when she is around.

    When I had the talk with my wife, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. We set up some parameters as to what she finds acceptable..... generally anything she would wear is fine, no public appearances while dressed, underdressing is fine, prancing and flaunting in front of her is not cool. Finally, my wife doesn't understand why women want to wear women's clothing, let alone her husband.

    Good luck!
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

    It's ironic ... I finally found a group of guys I fit in with. Funny how they all enjoy being one of the girls.

    Wife: Why do you fold your panties? Me: I don't like my panties in a wad!

  16. #16
    Multi-Blogger Barbara Black's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    Northeast Wisconsin
    Posts
    1,942
    I agree that the lying and secrecy are worse than the act of crossdressing itself in most cases, but having the talk and finding her restrictions should not be the end of the conversation, unless you agree that she should dictate your choices in clothing? You must have limits also?

  17. #17
    Miss Judy Judy-Somthing's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2015
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    3,259
    I tried quite a few times to get some acceptance of my dressing with the wife and the only time she let me was at Halloween Parties.

    One time we went to a New Years Party and stayed at the Hotel after. I put her nightgown on and we had a wild time.
    The next day I said "I can't believe you didn't mind me wearing your nightgown" she said "what are you talking about?"

    I was so disappointed she was to drunk to even remember.
    "This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
    Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
    Much more fun than fishing.
    I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?

  18. #18
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    East Yorkshire UK
    Posts
    922
    hello Lisa,
    you could start by wearing men's socks, tee shirts and underwear in lighter fabrics and feminine colours
    luv J

  19. #19
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    3,963
    Quote Originally Posted by Micki_Finn View Post
    Here?s the issue: in your very premise, you?re not respecting your wife?s feelings. The only way to ?get her on board? is to talk to her and find out what she is comfortable with, and if there is some way to make her comfortable with the things she?s not. You can?t trick her into being ok with it and there is no argument logical enough to force her to change her mind. All you can do is talk to her or hide it from her. Good luck, tbh I don?t envy your position right now.
    Micki has a good point. Communication is the only way to pave the path to understanding. You can't "get her on board" by magic.

  20. #20
    Gold Member JenniferR771's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    West Michigan
    Posts
    5,176
    Micki is right. Compromise--negotiate.
    Buy her something like new matching shoes and purse. And an accessory to match-Like a Toyota.

  21. #21
    Platinum Member Angie G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    just west of syracuse n.y.
    Posts
    22,887
    Micki has your answer!
    Angie

  22. #22
    Aspiring Member jacques's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    East Yorkshire UK
    Posts
    922
    hello Lisa-blue,
    here is another suggestion - wear some women's versions of men's clothing (Tee-shirts; polo-necks..) but cut the labels out!
    luv J

  23. #23
    Aspiring Member Mermaiden's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    531
    I don?t think there is a one answer fits all here. You know your wife. what?s important to her, what forms of persuasion work for her, what should be avoided? Think back to other situations where you had differences and is there something to be learned that could help you now?

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State