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Thread: Went to an op shop and got followed around by staff member

  1. #26
    Silver Member CynthiaD's Avatar
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    This has happened to me many times. Usually I don't care. If they want to follow me around while the real shoplifters get away with it, it's their loss. Literally. The only time I had a bad experience was on one of my first outings when a security guard clocked me the instant i walked in. I was totally creeped out and left quickly. I vowed to try to pass better the next time. I've been back there many times.

  2. #27
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    I had a store manager follow me around in a
    Maurice store a couple of times . I don't go back
    Just because I like girl clothing does not mean I am
    a thief

    JAS

  3. #28
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
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    I happened to me on several occasions when I was in drab, not all dressed up. I was just "window shopping" in expensive fashion shops like Dolce & Gabbana and some jewellery shop, looking at expensive watches and jewellery. I'm not sure if that a normal behaviour at those shops for store assistants to follow you and can be at your assistance right away, since they have more store assistants than customers in the shop, but it was unusual behaviour to me. Something like that never happened to me when shopping at normal shops, no matter how I was dressed.
    But I get an occasional strange remark when buying and trying on female shoes or clothes in male mode or all dressed up, but it didn't look like a mean thing, more of a slip of the tongue. Last time when it happened, I was buying high heel sandals in male mode and cashier ended the the sale with "enjoy wearing them". I was surprised and stayed speechless and she corrected her sentence immediately to "...or whoever will wear them." She was also a bit red to her face, because she knew she shouldn't say that in the first place to a men buying high heels.

  4. #29
    Junior Member Elizabeth1980's Avatar
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    Thanks everyone for your replies and ideas, I really appreciate it. There are some great ideas in these posts, which I intend to try in future!

    Crissy 107 - ‘I also would not go back there, I feel there are enough stores that like our business so just go elsewhere.’

    That’s true, I’ve been to many other op shops in the past and been treated nicely by the staff there when buying things like skirts, etc in male mode. It’s just the odd person who is hostile like this.

    Char GG – ‘That just seems to be the way things are now’

    Yes, I guess that shop could have a high rate of theft (it is a charity shop, which do experience a lot of theft of donations) so the staff may have to be extra vigilant because of that, but I would have thought it would be more polite for shops to monitor shoppers remotely, e.g. by the use of cameras, CCTV etc, instead of following them around.

    Mykell - dont know what an OP shop is but for me i put my money where my mouth is, no sale, none of your business what its for

    That’s a good idea, I might try that next time, just as an experiment to see what effect it has on them!

    Patience – thanks for the idea of following them back/staring etc. I am not a very confident/assertive person, but could try such a strategy in future, instead of meekly letting them make me feel uncomfortable.

    Stephanie 47 - If the sales associates does appear to have an unfounded bias I would recommend filing a complaint with the home office.

    Yes, I thought of complaining to her superiors, but I don’t really want to get her into trouble, I just want to be treated with dignity and respect. But I guess she could treat other shoppers this way too, so hopefully someone calls her out on it eventually.

    Allison Chaynes - You may have exhibited behaviors that set off alarm bells based on loss prevention training

    I think I did, as I was a bit nervous in looking at female clothing and apparel while dressed in male clothes, which could have been perceived as being similar to the way a shoplifter behaves, i.e nervous and avoidant. I could try to be more confident when out shopping in future, so as not to look suspicious.

  5. #30
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Elizabeth, your last paragraph reveals what the problem was. If you're looking around to see if anyone might be noticing you in the ladies dept you will look suspicious. I think most of us have been there when we first started shopping for fem items. Just stay focused on looking at the merchandise.

    Also when an SA makes a remark about why I'm buying fem items I let them know that I'll be wearing it this weekend (or similar response). Make them laugh a little and make their day.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  6. #31
    Fancy For Feet Palaina Nocturnus's Avatar
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    One of the first times I went shopping I encountered a store like this. I was dressed in male clothes and they repeatedly reminded me that I was in a store selling WOMENS clothes only. I lied and said I was shopping for my girlfriend to which I received eyes rolled back. I still bought shoes and a cute bikini outfit because I honestly thought I would never get that chance again lol

    The next time that happened I was dressed up fully and they flat out told me that my kind was not welcome, then I was chased from the building by 5 men. That night I learned to run in 5" high heels lol

    Nowadays if I catch even the slightest attitude I'll laugh in someone's face and just leave. There's way more places that are employing civilized human beings that deserve my money.

  7. #32
    Silver Member Meghan4now's Avatar
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    It's always easy to look back and say, "I should. I could have" so no judgement from me. At this point, I think I would have replied "Just what are you implying?" Probably to be followed with "Your rather bold in your judgement. How are you such an expert.".

    Nah, I think I'd just say f*** off, and leave the stuff on the counter. And then obsess about it later.
    Put on a Happy Face.

  8. #33
    Ah-May-Lee
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    I can't say how one should respond, each situation and person is different. At my age now I would have had a confrontation and put them in their place.

    But when I was younger I would always get followed around by staff and store security, especially when with friends. It didn't bother me, it was part of the game of being a punk. It drove the store staff crazy when we split up from each other in the store.
    Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
    I touch no one and no one touches me.-S&G

  9. #34
    Member FrannGurl's Avatar
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    I've never been followed while at the store looking at clothes and I go at least once a week or more, even if it's just to look around. I go to several stores, but go to Target, Charming Charlies, and Kohls the most since they are a few of my favorites. I have had a remark and what I thought was a dirty look before though, both at Target which is suppose to be LGBT friendly. One time I was there and a young woman cashier asked jokingly if the nails I was buying for me and I told her yes. She said "Ah" and smiled at me . I wasn't offended at all and I'm pretty sure she meant nothing by it. The other time, not long ago, I had bought a blue dress and a pair of matching heels online . When I picked them up at customer service, I got a weird look and then what I thought was a dirty look. I couldn't be absolutely sure, but that's the vibe she gave me.
    Last edited by FrannGurl; 10-01-2019 at 06:58 PM.

  10. #35
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    I was looking for a special bra at a Marshal's that had a huge collection. The store security woman was standing behind me. I'm sure that she could see my bra lines as I was looking on the bottom shelf of the rack. She leaned forward and asked if I always wore a bra. As I answered yes I raised up and spun around. (I can move very fast) By the time she backed up I was within a foot or so of her. I asked her if that was a problem. She stammered no and had no problem with it. She left quickly to get on the other side of the store. She stayed as far away from me. I didn't find the bra I was looking for so I left eventually.

  11. #36
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    I have been followed several times while shopping for women's clothing. One time a woman that was observing me walked up to me and looked in my basket. Another time As I was walking out the door a man 6 feet 6 inches and 300 pounds looked me over carefully and asked if I found what I was looking for and said have a good day. I believe that because I am a Crossdresser that I am shop lifting. I hope they are not disappointed that I pay for everything.

  12. #37
    Sophie Sissy_in_pink's Avatar
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    I would have walked around a rack twice then if she still followed I would have about-faced and walk up to her and ask what the hell did she think she was doing and ask to see the manager or her supervisor.
    Rhonda Thomasina

  13. #38
    Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Just a thought....

    Turn to the security person, stare him (or her) in the eye, and say in a voice loud enough to be heard by others: "Can I help YOU?"

    You know - put THEM in the spotlight and see how they like it?

  14. #39
    Silver Member Crissy 107's Avatar
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    SaraLin, I like your idea but that takes a certain personality.
    Crissy

  15. #40
    Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Crissy 107 View Post
    SaraLin, I like your idea but that takes a certain personality.
    Yeah, and to be perfectly honest - I'm not the type of person who could to it. I am VERY non-confrontational.
    Still, I like to imagine

  16. #41
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    I haven't had too much trouble with people following me while dressed in drab. For all they know I'm shopping for gift.

    I would, however, like to find a solution for trying on clothes. Target has fitting rooms that are for both men and women but I'm seriously uncomfortable walking in with dresses. Any suggestions?

  17. #42
    Member Kelli_cd's Avatar
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    Do you feel as uncomfortable carrying bras into a fitting room? It may be up to you to just decide there's nothing wrong with it.

  18. #43
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie too View Post
    I would, however, like to find a solution for trying on clothes. Target has fitting rooms that are for both men and women but I'm seriously uncomfortable walking in with dresses. Any suggestions?
    I only bring dresses into the dressing room when there's hardly anyone else in the store. Or fold the dress while carrying it to make it less obvious. If there's a SA present I'll let them in on it. Never took a bra to the dressing room myself.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  19. #44
    Member CayleeMarie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie too View Post
    I would, however, like to find a solution for trying on clothes. Target has fitting rooms that are for both men and women but I'm seriously uncomfortable walking in with dresses. Any suggestions?
    Kohl?s is another great place to shop. The dressing rooms are not assigned and they do not have attendants. So, it is easy to discretely make your way to the dressing rooms. Also going in the morning around opening time on a weekday is a great because there aren?t very many shoppers there yet. However, speaking from personal experience, the more you do it the easier it becomes! If you are still a little uneasy you can place a guy garment over your selections to mask what you are carrying.

  20. #45
    stone free mykell's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stephanie too View Post
    snip.........

    I would, however, like to find a solution for trying on clothes. Target has fitting rooms that are for both men and women but I'm seriously uncomfortable walking in with dresses. Any suggestions?
    i just throw a big pair of jeans on top of the dress, unless im in a womens shop, them ijust ask that they set up a room for me, they know we exist....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that those who deny freedom deserve it not for themselves
    NOBODY gets a pass to blow out someone else's candle in order to make theyre's shine brighter

  21. #46
    Brandi Brandie.n's Avatar
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    I do something as simple as throwing my stuff down and buy some where else.
    Last edited by Brandie.n; 10-18-2019 at 04:52 PM.
    Walk a mile in my..heels

    https://www.flickr.com/photos/jfaggan/

  22. #47
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    "It's a bit early for Halloween."
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