I am 68, having crossdressed passionately since age 4. Only in the last few years since retirement have I been able to finally move out of the closet and examine my urge in the light of day, and I have transformed. I see the everflowing river of new members joining, the common experience of being trapped in a mystery, and wonder if it might help members to see how the life story unfolds for others in a quick overview.

Please post an overview of your trajectory too! Whatever age you are - capture the moments when the story changes and why.

My story:
Age 4- Discover there are two anatomical genders, and clothing is different. Want to wear the clothing assigned to females, and it feels right in many ways. Try to share my discovery with parents and be violently suppressed. Go into closet, since I feel good doing it, and it doesn't feel wrong. Learn not to cry and how to suppress all feelings and be a man in society. It has its good points, and females are obviously suppressed, except emotionally. I pursue being a boy.
Age 5-15- Take private moments to find and wear girl's clothes, testing out the feeling- exploring my urge but it is difficult and sparse. I'm avoiding discovery. I feel split into two personalities, one hidden.
Age 16-20 I hate hiding, and share my desire with girlfriends-mate-seeking and trying to reach out and be accepted. Generally they accept underdressing as a quirk, but not more- so the effort fails to become one person. Sexual differentiation is growing, and I am more jealous of females. Realize that sexually I have feminine inclinations and test out whether men will find me desirable and enjoy me in a dress. I do enjoy being feminine in sex, and at least there are a few men who are fine with me in a dress, but in a desultory way, as it is not what attracts them. I see I want a family, and feel heterosexual, so I quit and go back to seeking a female partner who accepts me in order to have a family.
Age 21- 30 Try again with long term girlfriend who is supportive of underdressing because she loves me. It isn't enough- I can't understand why- but we break up because I can't marry her without knowing I'll be able to be understood and accepted wholly.
Age 30 -36 Cast about for relationship and am back in secret crossdressing/sharing with prospective girlfriends.
Age 36-66 Propose to a wonderful woman shortly after meeting her. I am 100% sure I want to be with her. At the last minute I confess I crossdress secretly, as a way to make sure I have disclosed everything important. It wasn't part of our courtship, and she says ok it is not a problem, but life goes on in a whirlwind of having and raising a child, job, etc. She says, and I see, that me trying to incorporate crossdressing into my life even at home is going to be a confusing problem for our child to make sense of it in an unaccepting world, and my wife doesn't want to have to explain it to her or anyone during this critical time. I am pursuing my career and financial security- my urge to crossdress is subdued by the other demands. I am split and hollow, but at least everyone else is safe.
Age 67- We retire. My wife asks on vacation why I am distracted- I decide it is now or never- as I can see the end of my life now in finite terms. I say I am daydreaming about crossdressing. She is appalled. It turns out she didn't really understand what I meant when I said I crossdressed, and I would have had to give her the real taste of it during courtship. She understands the theory of why, but is skeptical. I need to find some way to feel whole. I realize there are several strands to my crossdressing- underlying feminine sexuality, desperate need to be able to feel more emotionally fluid, artistic leanings, etc. In a dream I find my category - 'mirl'- a male girl. It gives me a place in the universe. She is dreaming of being the domestic feminine partner of a handsome man who handles the difficult things.

We are at an impasse. Having lived so long, life is more clear now in its irreducible elements. I see that long term relationships are composed of many levels of interacting compromises. I try every kind of appeal to gain more freedom, and the steady state that works so far is to take all private moments and crossdress, enjoy myself fully, and to go out in the world when my wife has something to do elsewhere. It is all personal now- DADT seems to work the best- what my wife doesn't see she has difficulty thinking about, so I have space to live. I live in a liberal area and when I go out in a dress I look to the general public like just another gender exploring ex-hippie. I find friends and form relationships at college or volunteer events. I am scratching items off my bucket list- I wear really cute dresses and claim space in the world. I was astonished to find I am not troubled to be seen in a dress. I am a mirl- and I am peaceful at last.

I am feeling whole now, and finally like the person I was meant to be. Though I am hampered by my wife's revulsion, I can understand it sympathetically, and this is the person I chose to commit to. I feel like many a wife feels whose husband is not understanding or accepting of them or supporting their growth. I accept it as the human condition. I am very grateful for the freedom I actually have, and for the unbinding of my emotions. I find that when I am feeling feminine I prefer feminine clothes, but I don't need them anymore to liberate my feelings. Life is circling around at last and I am feeling like a full human being for whom masculine and feminine behaviors and dress are equally available options. I can feel so much more now. I can see how the feminine and masculine behaviors are cultivated and performed, as much as innate drives or preferences. I focus on making the most of my opportunities to live more fully each day. A friend calling my name resets it as all mine, rather than my father's name, and an ill-fitting masculine brand. Thank you.

Looking forward to your life stories!
Phil