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Thread: Feedback from hetro, non transitioning mtf CD... pls

  1. #26
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    I like to wear capri leggings when I home. I would love to add a matching sports bra. I love the look. Wifely doesn't like the way leggings look on women, let alone her husband so I don't wear them when she I around. As far as skirts, blouses and heels... only when wifey is not around. I don't own any makeup or wigs.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

    It's ironic ... I finally found a group of guys I fit in with. Funny how they all enjoy being one of the girls.

    Wife: Why do you fold your panties? Me: I don't like my panties in a wad!

  2. #27
    Aspiring Member Kelli_cd's Avatar
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    I'm hetero, married 33 yrs. My wife is not accepting of cross dressing.
    I wear panties every day, bras mostly Monday - Friday when I go to work.
    I add garter belt and stockings, or pantyhose when it's cooler.
    The bra comes off when I get home so she doesn't see it.
    I would be very happy to relax in the evenings in comfortable clothes like yoga pants or leggings, with other without the sports bra.

  3. #28
    The 100th sheep GaleWarning's Avatar
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    I only dress at home. Usually bra and panties, thigh-highs or pantyhose. Occasionally, I will wear a suspender belt and stockings. Skirt and top. 2" heels.
    I own two dresses. One LBD and one floral. I also have several wigs, which I don't often wear.
    Make-up is something I am not really into. Sometimes I will put on a little lipstick. Not often, though.
    I am fortunate in that my flatmate does not object.

  4. #29
    Senior Member SaraLin's Avatar
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    I guess I'm close enough to reply - though a bit off the CD part...

    I've been married since 2001, and live with the following "house rules":
    Panties are OK.
    Nighties are OK - as long as they're not too "girly" (baby dolls are a no-no, for example).
    Nothing more in front of her.
    NO going out.
    No telling others about this (I'm breaking this rule by being here, but, oh well...).
    She knows I have bras, dresses, etc. and that I will wear them if/when I get the chance, but she doesn't want to see me in them or know about it.
    I have a wig and makeup tucked away, but haven't used either in years (no opportunity. - and I should probably toss the makeup by now!)
    Do I wish I could do more? Yes! Am I willing to risk my marriage for it? No.

    I'd suggest that the two of you find a middle ground you can both be OK with. An "all or nothing" attitude from either of you can lead to ruin.

  5. #30
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I am a straight, CD. I have no desire to transition! Altho, I don't see what sexual preference has to do with any T's dressing?

    Because I'm a CD, I don't constantly need to be doing girlie things or presenting girlie. I don't just "throw on a few things and hang out". Like TS's tend to do.

    I dress all or nothing. But, that's just me. I don't think all of of us do the same thing!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  6. #31
    Senior Member JocelynJames's Avatar
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    Hi , lounging around in whatever female wear seems to be my MO as of late. Probably moreso seeing as I?m not thrilled with my wig and beard cover, but it does make it extremely easy to get my girl on without all the time needed for the cake icing. Leggings, sure. Jean shorts, yep. Camis, uh huh. All the above. I?m a pretty lazy cd as of late.
    If you only knew the power of the pink fog! ~Joss

  7. #32
    Aspiring Member WandaRae2009's Avatar
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    Most times as I am right now fully dressed in a Skirt and all the fixings except wig and makeup. Haven't been feeling that well and just didn't have the ambition to shave and do makeup today. I am in a DADT relationship, so unless I know I will be alone for the whole day, I don't go the makeup route. It is just not worth all the work for a couple of hours. Also If I have to perform a quick change the makeup adds too much time.

    Many times when my wife is home I will underdress with Bra (no forms) hold ups or pantyhose or tights. It helps a little to treat the ping fog.

    I only wear panties, and my wife knows and doesn't say anything - Moving slow with her.

  8. #33
    Aspiring Member Karmen's Avatar
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    I wear heels, pantyhose and skirts/dresses at home all the time. I don't feel the need put on makeup, breast forms or wig just because I wear female clothes. I just do it when I go out to look more like a woman.

  9. #34
    Silver Member NancySue's Avatar
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    Yes, I, too, am a married, heterosexual, non transitioning, mtf cder...and have been since youth. I started with panties and hose. Over the years, my dressing has been progressive. I can?t tell you when I began to progress to add things. I remember distinctly the first time I dressed completely. There was no turning back. I told my wife before we married...betting she?d sprint to the nearest exit. After many Q & A, she accepted my dressing and is totally supportive. My dressing depends on my mood...sometimes just partly i.e. panties and hose, sometimes more, sometimes less. I can?t explain it, but ?comfort?, basically sums it up. My wife teases me about how can I find comfort in hose, heels, underwires, foundations, etc. I just smile. Her help (makeup, shopping, etc.) adds to my pleasures and comfort.

  10. #35
    Aspiring Member WandaRae2009's Avatar
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    I know how ironic it is. Our wives come home from work and can't wait to kick off the heals, take off the hose and Bra. And, we come home from work and look for every opportunity to put them on.

  11. #36
    Senior Member Asew's Avatar
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    I just wanted to pipe in as someone who prefers a partial dressed mode and that is good enough for me. Most days I wear a t-shirt and a skirt. If I have to change to male mode just change into shorts or pants. I don't do makeup, wigs, fake boobs or shave non-facial hair. I did grow out my hair and my toenails are almost always painted. While I like to hang out at the house dressed, I also like when I can go out dressed (either work every once in a while since I work from home usually or a girls night out with other CD at the bar). I think it just comes down to the person's needs, and what they feel like they can safely get away without too much hassle from others.

  12. #37
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    I believe that there is a definite difference between Transgender and crossdresser. A transgender person feels deeply that they are another gender from the one they have been told they are. They wish to live full time as that gender, have body modification, and so forth. A crossdresser knows that they are really the gender they have had from birth, but is in touch with an alternate gender inside, that they like to let out from time to time.
    I support my transgendered sisters and brothers, and will advocate for them. I know that when the anti's seek to deprive them of their rights, they are invoking me -- a "guy in a dress".
    In my case, I tripped over crossdressing at puberty, pursued it enthusiastically (if closeted) through my teen years and '20's, and met a wonderful woman who supported my dressing. I remained pretty closeted, only very occasionally fully dressing and going out briefly. Other time I dress "lite" in the house. Now I am much more interested in letting my femme side out, going to venues where she is accepted and safe, and considering even more open places such as shopping malls or downtown.

  13. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by WandaRae2009 View Post
    I know how ironic it is. Our wives come home from work and can't wait to kick off the heals, take off the hose and Bra. And, we come home from work and look for every opportunity to put them on.
    Lol. I cant get my wife to wear pantyhose and I would wear them every day if I could

  14. #39
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    So Newbie,
    Referring to your reply #11 .

    You state your BF's current needs and status , you haven't mentioned age but our needs do tend to change as we get older , I have to admit my life has taken some turns with age I didn't expect .

  15. #40
    Carole carhill2mn's Avatar
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    I fit your requirements for a response. I now live alone so I can choose how I want to dress. Unless my male self is expected somewhere, I always present totally as a woman even if I am home alone. This includes, makeup, a wig and jewelry.
    Hugs, Carole

  16. #41
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    I would just like to say THANK YOU to all the feedback you have given me and for respecting the 'criteria' requested. I have been with my bf for 18 months and to say we have had our ups and downs is an understatement. LOL We have decided to seek out counseling to find middle ground and hopeful about our future. Your responses, while all different, make me feel that I'm not alone in what he does is 'normal'. (note the quotes, LOL)
    Since joining this site I have learned a lot about myself and our relationship and I'm hear to tell you honest communication, FROM BOTH SIDES is key!

  17. #42
    Senior Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    Good luck with finding some middle ground. I ought to mention that after the Carly Rae Jepsen concert at the Big E I was wandered back to my car through absolutely packed fairground wearing a floral wrap, tie dye T shirt, jeans, and sneakers with a floral accent.

    Marion

  18. #43
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    I?m a hetero non transitioning MTF CD. I think you?ll find a million answers from a million people, so I guess ?normal? is in the eyes of the beholder. Labels are interesting but bring about their own confusion. There?s plenty of TGs who start their journey as CDs. There?s gay and bi CDs. There?s non-binary people who just like to dress however they like to dress. CDs are on the TG spectrum, but CD in and of itself isn?t really the same as being TG. I could go on forever...

    First, it seems that you?re a CD?s SO. THANK YOU for taking an interest in this!!!

    To answer your question, my preferred style involves dresses, high heels, full makeup, forms, and a wig. Lounging around the house is better than nothing but I?d rather go out and get dinner, see a movie, go shopping, etc... but I?m still very concerned about being outed in public and avoid dressing close to home. I have absolutely no interest in wearing things like yoga pants or T-shirts.

    But I didn?t get here overnight - it?s been a bit of a journey for me to really discover who I am and what I like as a CD. 20 years ago, I?d say that it was more of a stockings/pantyhose fetish. Then I wondered what it would be like to wear heels and a dress... and I liked it. I loved the clothing but didn?t like looking in the mirror and seeing an ugly guy in cute clothes, so I wanted breast forms, a wig, and makeup. That was a HUGE hurdle that took almost 20 years to cross. Fortunately my wife remains by my side and she?s supportive.

    I?ve been through a couple rounds of therapy (highly recommend it!) and my therapist acknowledged that at that time it was OK for me to not really know ?how far I want to go with this.? At that point, I?d never been out of the house dressed and I?d never done all of my makeup. We found the Keystone Convention (Harrisburg PA end of March every year) and thought that it would be the perfect first outing for my wife and me - and it was! I can?t wait to go back next year. Since then, my wife and I also had a day dressed up in Vegas and it was wonderful.

    So where do I stand now? Well, dressing is an integral part of me. My wife is supportive but more concerned about keeping this away from the kids, neighbors, and friends (so am I). It limits my opportunities to dress, but hey, that?s life. In a perfect world, I?d get to go out for a day or 2 every month or so, but in this world I get to go out a couple times per year and I?ll take what I can get. During the winter months when the kids are in school, I?ll get fully dressed around the house for a couple days a month. I generally shave my legs during the cooler weather, but I?m also a swimmer and cyclist so I?m nearing the point of just shaving my legs all the time.

    My recommendations for you:
    - Attend Keystone if possible!
    - Talk to a therapist
    - Realize that this is a journey and that both your and your SO?s desires, fears, and levels of acceptance aren?t binary and can change with time.
    - Read a lot of books... but be careful. Some of them described me perfectly in one chapter but then started talking about how CDs are really TGs in hiding, or CDs are gay men who just go for sex hookups, etc.

  19. #44
    Aspiring Member Lacey New's Avatar
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    Sometimes I am just happy to wear panties under my regular pants.

  20. #45
    Junior Member Gaz's Avatar
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    If I had to label myself, yep... heterosexual, non-transitioning, MTF crossdresser. Part time.

    For myself. I am a fan of lingerie in all forms, as well as heels. In terms of how much of that I wear, it goes in waves. Some days I'm okay with a pair of panties under my jeans, other days I'll have a bra and cami as well. Then some days I'll include stockings and heels. A lot of the time I don't wear anything femme (hence the part time bit!)

    What I will say - I still have personal issues accepting myself for who I am. The only person I've ever spoken to about my crossdressing is my wife, and the vibe I get from her is something I'd describe as more "willing to put up with it" than it is supportive. I'm sure I'm wrong in that, but when I've tried to talk to her about crossdressing, she basically says that it's not something she can relate to or offer advice on, and that I should talk to a professional. This has occasionally left me feeling fairly ashamed of it, leading to the inevitable purge - but as we all know, the feelings never go away. And when it comes back, it comes back with a bang.

    Reason I say this, while I've never had the urge to wear a wig/makeup/clothing before, I just came back to dressing after a five year hiatus. (We had a child, and I made the silly decision that "I need to stop doing this now, time to put my kid first." - thankfully I made the not-so-silly decision to box my clothing up as opposed to tossing it) And within 48 hours of me pulling the first item out of storage, everything has been unpacked, and I've bought some womens' jeans, a few dresses, and some tops from Lands End. I can already feel the initial surge starting to fade off, so be interesting to see what I do when the package arrives this Friday. I also shaved my beard off (at the prompting of my wife's constant complaining that its too scratchy!) and now that I'm clean shaven, I found myself looking at some basic makeup tutorials on youtube. (Despite knowing that all the makeup in the world wouldn't make me even remotely passable! )

  21. #46
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    I meet your criteria. I've been married over 50 yrs, but did not know anything about crossdressing or my interest in it until I had been married about 15 yrs. When I began, it was entirely secret. After some years, I had acquired a wardrobe of clothes and told my wife that I was a crossdresser. She did not like it, and really did not know what to think. Accepting at times, but far from it at others. The eventual result was that I realized she could never be comfortable with my crossdressing, as much as she might accept it or other gender-related presentations by other people. She married an athletic male, good at a lot of typically male activities and that is what she expected/wanted in her life. I understand and accept that, and wish to keep the peace. So, despite my preferences to the contrary, I have gone back into the closet. I dress only when my wife is away. Then, I where feminine items 24 hrs/day (never heels, however), and when I go out, I add a wig, nails and makeup. I can live with this because as much as I am drawn to crossdressing, it is not and would never be something I would like to do completely and always. I like my male attributes too much. You and your SO will have to work out your balancing act for yourselves. Good luck.

  22. #47
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    I appreciate and understand SO Newbie's question but I'm saddened to read some of the replies . I also know many in the past have been critical of not being honest before forming a more permanent relationship but I see so much appeasement and compromise in so many in an attempt to remain in that relationship . I tried myself and failed after 44 years , should we really forget we are also a human beings with our own needs ? I nearly ended my life over this issue .

    For many of us the whole story is a progression of events , for most it doesn't remain static , I sense that SoNewbie is hoping this may be so , is it fair to expect her BF to make promises he can't possibly keep .

    In coming to terms with being TG means you're not quite the person they thought you were doesn't means you are a bad person , in fact in my case I feel I have become a more rounded and better person . Many of the replies are based on keeping the wife / partner happy, how many can truthfully say they are happy themselves ? Living in the closet wasn't a happy place for me , my unhappiness reflected in my family , it's impossible to go through the motions 24/7 . There can't be many groups of people that live through so many emotions , who live with so many labels , that carry so much guilt .

    The bottom line is if we are wired this way that's how it is , nothing on this Earth is going to change that , living with the thought of it is far worse than the reality , I can now say that from experience no BS !!

    I look at my new avatar and ask is this feeling so bad , am I really a bad person , do I also not have the right to be happy ?
    Last edited by Teresa; 10-02-2019 at 04:59 PM.

  23. #48
    Another fine dress AngelaYVR's Avatar
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    I went from wearing stockings being enough to living 1-3 days a week fully done up. My wife went from horrified to not batting an eye. After doing this a while I have found balance and enjoy myself however I am dressed (I still love how I look in a suit)

  24. #49
    Junior Member Gaz's Avatar
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    Teresa, I applaud you for your courage in going forward with what makes you happy, but I do feel your viewpoint is a wee bit unfair. Its not always the same situation for everyone. I certainly can't speak for any other member of the community apart from myself, but I for one am quite happy being a man - just one who enjoys wearing some items of clothing every now and again, that society has declared taboo.

    And (please, I mean no disrespect here - again I LOVE that you're living your best life and found happiness!) I would even consider your cautionary tale to be a large reason why many of our spouses have a hard time offering support - that if they give us that support and encouragement, we may end up fully transitioning, and they lose their husband, our kids lose their dad. If that's the case for every crossdresser, why bother marrying us in the first place if we're just all going to eventually transition out of their lives?

    From my own standpoint - do I occasionally get frustrated that my wife gives me a DADT vibe? Of course. But our marriage is a partnership, and of course in every partnership exists compromise. Many of us do make compromises in our dressing for our wives, but to assume that there aren't compromises being made to us in return is... well, assuming a lot. For all my frustration, I firmly believe she loves me and is doing her absolute best, and despite this one area that I sometimes wish would improve, there are a million other ways that my wife completely and utterly rocks my world.

  25. #50
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    If you are attempting to understand your BF, then good for you. I'm a "hetro" CD'er who dresses at home very often. I underdress all the time, by that I mean I only wear nylon panties and cami's under my regular guy clothes. I love the wear skirts, with stockings, or pantyhose, heels are optional. Depending on my mood, I may include a bra, and sometimes forms. I don't go out of the house in anything that could be seen other than guy clothes, and that is the way my wife wants it. Underdressing satisfies most of my needs on a daily basis, the skirts and hosiery are a bonus a couple times a week. My wife accepts this within me, she has no problem with me dressing around the house. I hope these answers help. you.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

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