You dress full time but your wife hasn't seen you?
You dress full time but your wife hasn't seen you?
ChelsiR,
I'm not sure who your qusetion is to but my wife has never seen me fully dressed certainly not as my avatar , I feel it should happen so she can finally come to terms with it .
Gaz,
The fear of losing my close family hasn't happened , I go out with my daughter and grandaughter and my son in law's mother . I still help out with my two grandsons , OK in drab mode at my wife's home .
I discovered my wife didn't love me enough , I agree most relationships do have compromises but the big problem was my wife had lost the control over me , she has eventually agreed that was a big part of the problem . She could not stop me being ME !
The feeling that society may think it's tabbo is mostly in our heads , if you read my thread about the apple pies going down well , the people I associate with have soon forgotten what the male side of me was .
Lets not also forget the increasing number of F/M TGs , I don't read that associated section very much , so I can't say how male partners react to their female partner wanting to jump gender .
Last edited by Teresa; 10-03-2019 at 03:56 AM.
hello Newbie,
I cross-dress at home in private a couple of evenings per week and my wife is happy with that; she say's "it's only clothes".
My choice of clothing is not really age appropriate.
Sometimes I wear women's casual sports clothing on a weekend at home.
I wear women's panties most of the time and sometimes wear tights in winter outside our home.
I have a beard and have no real desire to present as female in public.
Since joining this forum I have learnt that we Crossdressers are all different and nrmal in our own way,
luv J
Teresa, this line from your post is something I feel a need to respond to.
I suspect that I'm not the only one, but if I can make my wife smile, laugh, or otherwise feel happy - I'm happy too. She is my love. Her happiness is important to me.Originally Posted by Teresa
BUT:
I'm also happy when I can 'get my girl on', even though my wife isn't really OK with it.
This is the conflict that is my life. My happiness comes from two polar-opposite sources that can't help but conflict with each other.
Fortunately for me, my 'she side' isn't so strong that I need to discard what I have and pursue a different path.
It's a balancing act for me, and the danger of a stumble is always there. I always tread carefully.
Still - I'm about the happiest these days, that I've ever been.
On this forum, There are lots of different reasons people cross dress. For me, cross dressing is like fishing. I like to fish, but if I cant go fishing I'm ok with it. I like cross dressing but if I couldn't do it, I would be ok. I dont have an uncontrollable desire to CD. It's just something I do for fun. I wouldn't risk my job, family, etc over it. And I would still be happy. I would probably spend more time exercising or doing something else productive if I wasn't crossdressing.
But that's just me.
And my wife is supportive of me wearing panties every day, camis pantyhose. But she does thing heels and bras and dresses are a little weird. Lol. But she has bought me some womens pants and leggings to wear.
SaraLin,
I had this conversation with my wife sometime ago , she wasn't amused when I said if she was happy I would be happy , she blew a gasket !! It was an innocent and honest enough statement , I knew then I was in a no win situation , the damage had been done . Perhaps you can now see where my statement came from .
I'm definitely in your target group. The degree to which I dress varies with my mood. Most of the time, if I'm dressing at all and have the time, it's a dress or skirt & blouse, panties/bra/breast forms, heels, jewelry (earrings, bracelets, necklace) lipstick. In fact, that's how I'm dressed at the moment. Very rarely apply any other makeup, occasionally toe nail polish, very rarely do fingernails. Don't have a wig and although I've sometimes considered getting one, don't have a strong enough desire for one. Strictly at home and in private except for rare occasions when my wife gets home unexpectedly and is okay with me staying dressed for a while. Sometimes I just wear a frock & panties (like in my avatar) or just underdress with panties. Or lounge in the morning in a nightgown or camisole. Sometimes I have absolutely no desire to dress at all.
Hi Newbie,
As one or two members have said, you're going to get nearly as many different answers to your question as there are people here! But I'll give you my own answer (and my own comments) as far as I hope they'll be helpful.
I do fit both of your criteria in being hetero and never having any serious desire or intention to transition into womanhood. I admit the notion of being a woman is a pleasant fantasy now and then, but that's as far as it goes. If we have any imagination at all, I'm sure we all enjoy fantasies of every kind--nothing to do with sex or gender necessarily--without ever having any intention of following through in reality!
I do have to say one thing. We CDers are all different, and even when we fit your criteria, including having no wish to transition, there still seem to be different "degrees of need" for crossdressing even within the confines of that particular criterion. From your other posts it sounds as if your boyfriend has a stronger "need" than I do. I can't pretend to know what's behind this, though I like to examine it from two separate viewpoints, namely "how comfortable do we feel in a masculine identity?" and "how much need do we have to assert a feminine identity?" Or some combination of the two.
Speaking for myself, I feel perfectly comfortable in a masculine identity, so I have no "pressing need" to be wearing female clothing all or most of the time. I wear jeans or shorts and a T-shirt, I've worn a suit and tie for years in the past. I've enjoyed wearing a tux and bow tie on special occasions--a proper bow tie, mind you, one that I'd tied myself (I'm proud of that "male skill"), not one of those elastic contraptions!--and it's all fine with me to "act those roles," formal or informal. At the same time, I enjoy wearing female clothing, and I wouldn't want to give that up either.
I do see the two personae as separate, and I myself don't like to mix the two. I'm different in that respect from a number of other CDers who like to "underdress," with panties or even a bra hidden under male clothing. In my own mind that seems to undermine the enjoyment of asserting a clear gender identity, whether male or female. I have been out once or twice wearing panties under jeans with a T-shirt, but that's "unisex" clothing anyway, so I could tell myself that despite outward appearances I was really "being Marianne." Other CDers feel differently about "underdressing," and since it's not my own experience I can't say whether it's because they're uncomfortable being "all male" or just have a strong urge to be "part female" at least some of the time. I mention this only because your boyfriend does seem to want to wear some female clothing so much of the time.
To answer your original question, I should start by telling you that I'm a "warm-weather person" who never did like putting a lot of clothes on anyway! I like to "feel free" and can't be bothered. For instance, I've always walked around in bare feet, I drive in bare feet in the summer when I can get by with kick-off sandals instead of clunky shoes and socks, and when I lived in Massachusetts some years ago I would routinely walk down the drive to the mailbox in bare feet in January in the snow. Now I live in Phoenix where it's HOT much of the time, which suits me just fine. As a result, my normal clothing around the house as a male is often nothing at all--I can even walk out to the pool with nothing on, being lucky enough to have no close neighbors--and otherwise just a pair of hiking shorts.
With that background in mind, I hope it's understandable that I often prefer not to put a lot of effort into female clothing either!--although to me, as to so many others here, female clothing is so much more varied and interesting in colors and styles than the plain old male clothes we call "drab." I've got a bigger closet of female clothes than I do male! However, regarding the lack of effort, I may be just lazy! Years ago I remember in Tapestry, a magazine for crossdressers, an article called something like "The Tired Transvestite." It talked about a number of people just like me who had put much effort into crossdressing over the years and finally said "Screw it, I can't be bothered any more, I just want to wear a bra and panties, a skirt and blouse, or whatever." Yes, I have put effort into wigs and makeup, often at home, most of all if I was going out anywhere, which I have done occasionally. But being lazy, I'd love to be able to just toss on some female clothing at times and look like a woman. However, I don't come close to wanting that enough to actually be a woman!
As a result, I pander to my laziness and just do the next best thing. I toss on some female clothing anyway, and to heck with the rest. At minimum, a skirt and panties, and a cute little half slip underneath. Nothing on top, even. Oh, a few accessories. I discard my male wristwatch (which I like as a man) for a woman's watch. Plus some earrings. That's easy enough. Shoes too. While I generally go barefoot in the house as a male, I do feel more feminine wearing women's shoes of some kind--simple sandals suffice, but other styles too. I "get it" about heels. They're fun to wear in a way, but can be painful to the toes, so what I wear in that way, and when, depends on my mood.
At other times I "feel the need" to dress more fully, with a bra and blouse, or a nice dress, so I do that too, with a bit of extra jewelry. Sometimes I wear pants, but only as part of a feminine outfit, with a bra and a pretty top. I rarely bother with makeup, though I do slip a wig on my head to walk out to the mailbox. I'd never pass at close range, certainly not without makeup, but anyone seeing me from a distance would probably imagine I'm a woman. So that's my own answer to your question. The choice of clothing is purely a matter of people's taste and preference, yoga pants, leggings, racerback top or whatever.
Incidentally I think I understand what's bothering you about your boyfriend. Even when you get past all the usual fears--"Is he gay? Will he turn into a woman?--both of which translate into "Will he abandon me for another man? Will he turn into someone I don't know?" (though the answer to both is probably "no")--the question is still "Am I attracted to the visual image of my partner when what turns me on is 'masculinity'?--and he's not displaying that." That, unfortunately, is a question you have to work out with him, which may be a matter of compromise. Women, after all, so often dress in clothing to appear "feminine" and attractive to their male partners. Whatever his predilections, your boyfriend needs to take that into account if he is to appear visually attractive to you. I hope you can sort that out between you, perhaps with the help of the therapy you've been getting. Good luck!
Teresa, hon- I'm not disagreeing with you, or anything like that. I just thought that I'd present another perspective.
I've been in relationships that my 'gender issues' received reactions that ranged from "NO WAY IN HELL" to "OH, COOL!" and it always hurt when the relations fell apart. But- I understand now that the breakups were, in the end, necessary.
I discovered that if the person you love isn't willing or able to accept your love and return it with hers, then the only thing to do is to part ways and get on with your lives.
Your wife blew a gasket because you wanted her to be happy????
She's either a total looney, or angry that you weren't giving her more ammo to use against you.
You had to get out of there, whether you wanted to or not. I get that, believe me.
I was just saying that I'm lucky that these days, I've found someone who knows about me and accepts me anyway (within limitations - for her own comfort levels). I also know that I'll always chafe a little bit at the restrictions, but not so much that I'll throw away what I have.
Sara,
No problem , I appreciate a different perspective .
It is sad our marriage ended like this but I still think back to when we first made the decision to separate we both felt relieved . I do wonder if my TG issues were partly the excuse my wife was looking for . Obviously she shed a tear over the fact that we weren't going to grow old together but also she accepted it's not a good idea to go down that road just tolerating each other , I know many marriages are surviving in those conditions .
I also know it's a tough call , what are you risking , what are you likely to throw away ? I've found very little .
It was a funny moment when my neighbour came rushing back from work with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates , he shouted across to me , " I'm in the **** ! but I don't know what I've done wrong !" I then pulled his leg by outstretching my arms saying , " Look no handcuffs !" I won't repeat his reply !!
I have no interest in dressing unless I have time for full makeup and wig.
"This is ME" I am not CRAZY, I'm just a GUY who likes dresses!
Since allot of men dress up in woman's clothing that makes it a manly thing to do!
Much more fun than fishing.
I do construction like house building and I love CD-ing, what's the difference?
Do I fit your criteria for answering this? I suppose I do, these days.
Of course, throughout my life I've also run the gamut with this stuff. Never started down the road of transitioning, though (albeit perhaps socially, at one point).
So, with that said, I guess I'll throw my hat in the ring, FWIW...
Anyway, currently? Yeah, totally cool with how I'm presenting right now, as I type... Full-on guy-mode, women's compression leggings, panties, and women's compression top. I work a physically-demanding job, usually long hours -- so, there's also a practical reason for wearing this type of stuff after a grueling day.
Could I wear the men's version of this outfit, and be happy enough with it? I suppose I could. But that's not how I roll.
Besides, men in my neck of the woods really don't wear leggings as stand-alone pants. In which case? Whether from the men's department or women's, it's still viewed by most as "chick clothes."
Perfect lounge-wear & sleep-wear, really. And if it gets too chilly, I'll throw on a (women's) hoodie.
I'm an admitted introverted homebody, who's been working too hard & too many hours recently. The next couple days, I'll just be chilling & resting, which are not only welcomed, but also much-needed. And for like 95% of this time off, I'll be wearing full-length leggings & some sort of fitted top, in guy-mode. This is normal/typical clothing for me at home. I like it, and I find it relaxing & comfortable. I also live alone, so I do as I damn please!
At some point I'll have to run some quick errands. Will I change into guy-clothes for that? Probably, unfortunately. Yep, I'm a big chicken! Every year around this time, for the past few years, I've found I've lost my confidence during the summer, as I don't wear leggings in public due to the warm weather. I hate how that happens, but I guess I just get a bit rusty. At best, I've just been wearing femmy GG running shoes, with my guy-clothes (and shaved legs), in public this past summer. Fortunately, however, it's like riding a bike... Just gotta hop on the thing, now that the cooler temperatures are here.
I don't usually look like I do in my avatar. After a long hiatus, I bought a wig & a bunch of make-up back in January. I missed that stuff... And it's definitely fun to play around with it again. It's also nice to have more options.
That said, I've probably only worn it only a handful of times since then. And these days, it typically ends up a bit sexual.
Not so with my usual leggings & fitted-top outfits, while in guy-mode. Weird how that works.
Not sure why once in a blue moon I find the need to go full female-mode (or as close as I get, these days). It just happens. Usually I'm perfectly content with my leggings/top/hoodie/running shoes "uniform" while in guy-mode. But sometimes when the rare mood strikes, I just want/need to get all dolled-up! I suppose guys like me share, at least to some extent, something similar with many GG's. It's this whole process/ritual/experience of transforming into a more outwardly-feminine entity -- and the end-result can be well worth it, at least in our own eyes. We like to (try to) look & feel pretty/beautiful, too!
However, I no longer go the *whole* 9 yards anymore, as I did years ago. Things like shape-wear/padding, fake nails, perfume, etc., aren't part of my personal repertoire these days... Seems like it's just too much, ya know? And while the above transformation & result can be positive & fulfilling... I also personally find it, at least in part, to be a time-consuming hassle & too much of a chore. Perhaps why I don't do it as much these days?
Anyway, I dunno. As mentioned, things have changed quite often for me over my lifetime. I've pretty much run the full gamut, from full guy-mode, to full girl-mode -- and practically everything in between. It's like I go through these (oftentimes) long phases, with a lot of natural experimentation & exploration, seeking to find that perfect balance -- whatever it may be at the time.
I can find just about anything in size 2 female clothes and size 7 shoes for my retail therapy. Often at really deep discounts, too!
Hey Newbie!
At the mo I'm holding off dressing while my wife deals with cancer. BUT typically, what I did before she realised this was NOT a phase and then got her diagnosis, was wear what I want when I want. I'm more hybrid than most, I think. I still like the full femme thing but I'm also good pairing some nice heels with a suit and some jewellery and makeup. I go out like that and, wife permitting, I go a little further.
At home yeah I'd wear whatever. But without going the whole hog. Sometimes even just a dress, bra, forms, but no wig, little makeup. Mixing it up basically.
That's me.
My wife knows about my dressing, but barely tolerates it. I hardly ever dress at home more than trying on some new clothes that I have bought. I love shopping for femme clothes, shoes, jewelry, makeup, wigs and just about anything else you can think of. I shop online and in stores equally, and I try everything on before I buy it. When I shop in stores, I am usually in full male mode, but sometimes I manage to enjoy time out of the house en femme and shopping at the same time. I attend a meetup clothing swap that is almost entirely GGs. I might pass in a dark bar across the room, but there's know way that I pass close up in daylight. The GGs treat me just like any other GG, and sometimes even help me pick out clothes. There are a few consignment stores that I shop at, in addition to a few thrift shops. Except for socks, I probably have more femme things in any category than my wife has.
I often go out with CD friends, usually in CD-friendly venues, but many times mixing with the vanillas in bars, restaurants, conferences and stores. When I'm out en femme, I go all out, clothes, shoes, jewelry, makeup, wigs and nail polish if I can manage it. I underdress in panties sometime, in hose seldom and in bras never. However, I do go to my you classes as a MIAD, or more technically, a man in yoga pants and a yoga top. Many of the GGs in class appreciate my style. None of the men even make eye contact.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Hey Steffi, nice going on the yoga!
Oh and I love your signature. Perfect.
That's because they know whatever you have is contagious & that's how it's spread!
Oh, and I always thought you had to actually kiss the boys for them to catch it!
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
Hi, I consider myself a cd.
I think we all are diffrent, for me it can go months, even year between each time I dress up, and sometimes I can dress several times a week.
Same with what to wear, sometimes, a skirt can be enough, but a few times its nice to have a full makeover, with makeup, wig, breastforms, and female clothing for top to bottom.
I am also hopeless with makeup, so if I aply on my own, I more likly to end up looking like the Joker, than anything feminin, so when I do full makeover I tend to arange for some help. For instance have been visiting beauty saloon with girlfriend, or have a makeup artist over doing the makeup, and wig fitting.
Anyway, I think there is no "normal" here, evryone is diffrent. But from someone who are hetro, even if dressing up, I love my girlfriend equally much as when not dressing.
I?m one of those ?you be you? types. There is no right answer even if you narrow down the group to hetero, mtf, non transitioning, or whatever. Some underdress, some only wear panties, some fully dress with makeup and nails, some will leave the house and others won?t. This isn?t just found in the crossdressing community either. Some people like golf, or fishing, or reading. Things don?t have to be categorized as ?normal?. You be you, let them be them.
Rebecca Bas
I stopped reading at the words normal and abnormal. I, as a crossdresser, may be considered abnormal in the sense that I am uncommon phenomenon in the general population, but others might take the word to mean I have some kind of psychological defect that needs to be fixed.
In my world, normal means healthy. MY version of normal is for me to be dressed in a skirt. And I am in no way hinting that anyone else should behave like me. When I go out dressed, the only statement I'm making is "This is me and I'm claiming my place in the world, and I'm no threat to you" And just for the record, I reject that I should be forced to behave or dress like a "normal" person.
Personally, I have become comfortable wearing most anything in the female spectrum.
At first this wasn't the case and I'll admit it appeared to be something of a fetish. I preferred overtly feminine clothing, especially in lingerie. Garter belts, stockings, the sexiest strappy heels and so on. Over time my tastes changed. I suppose this was in part due to coming out to my wife and gaining her complete acceptance. In some ways I think I matured and now I wear all manner of clothing from leggins and a tunic (which I have on right now) to capris, shorts, skorts and skirts, dresses, slacks and jeans. T-shirts or a cute top with shorts and sandals are my summer go to. Now that the weather is changing I'm in my leggings and jeans most of the time. Yesterday I felt dressy and wore a blouse and skirt with pantyhose and heels. Tomorrow...who knows.
But yes, I'm comfortable and feel much the same in any of my clothes now.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I have a pile of girly loungewear that I select something from to wear after work, sans makeup/wig, and that does do it for me. Full disclosure tho, if I plan to go out its game on with everything.
Michaela
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. - Rush
That's me...
Yes. She's not particularly enthusiastic about sports bras and camisoles so I save those things for times when she's out. It's just now cooling off enough for leggings most days, but I do have a fair collection...
I don't own any heels and barely any girl shoes although I have several unisex styles. I own several skirts and find that I tend to go for comfort. Lots of blouses and tops. I tend to go for loose, non-form fitting dresses over skirts most of the time. They're just more comfortable to me.
I dress in women's clothes but I really have no desire to look like a woman. I have gray hair to my shoulder-blades, so no need for a wig. I have a beard that I have no desire to lose. I haven't done makeup other than lipstick a few times, although I'd love to see what I'd look like in the 'works'. Never done forms and not particularly interested.
I feel like I'm an outlier here on this site, but I'm thinking many here feel the same way. I'm hoping you and your SO find the place where you are both at peace, together.
Last edited by Bea_; 10-14-2019 at 04:51 PM.
To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. ~ Timothy Keller
Not alone, Bea. You're not alone.
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