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Thread: Positive tipping point

  1. #1
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    Positive tipping point

    After a very rough and highly emotional few days, last night I hit a bit of a tipping point with my wife.
    She was very angry and went to my eldest daughter?s house.
    My daughter reached out to me and I went and spoke with her in the car, whilst my wife stayed inside the house.

    My daughter knew nothing of the real me until the weekend, but had been researching and was quite well informed. We had a very open and honest conversation which was also very emotional. She was incredibly understanding and supportive.

    After we had spoken, I came home and my wife arrived home about an hour later. We had our first positive conversation since this all came out. She was much more understanding, but just very sad that we won?t be growing old together as we had always planned.

    The conversation ended with us hugging and her telling me that we?ll get through this, although we will be divorcing. She even confirmed that she?ll support me with other elements like electrolysis.

    This morning there was another hug and I hope that we can move on through what will be a difficult journey together.

    Sorry for the long post.

    Natalie x

  2. #2
    Junior Member Brookes4242's Avatar
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    Natalie, I'm wishing you all the best.

    Robin
    I know it says "brookes" but please call me Robin.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
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    Natalie,
    Your daughter like mine is something very special , she has taken me on board and accepted going out with her and my granddaughter . She is gradually bringing my wife round after some very heated arguments .

    After 44 years of marriage not growing old together does hit home , especially with wives . I'm sure you will do as I have done and make it clear you will still be there for them , no matter what happens I'll still be a father and grandfather to that part of the family but not the husband to my wife . Now the dust is beginning to settle we are both much happier , the family gatherings are possibly the hardest part .

    We now chat on the phone as friends , and she still likes a peck on the cheek and a hug when we meet , she also does want a divorce , I'm OK with it as we need to tie up the loose ends .

    Aside from my TG issues we had possibly drifted apart anyway , I know my wife now feels she handled the TG issues badly and does have some regrets but there's no turning the clock back too much damage was done but you can get through it , life does go on .
    The real me ,no going back.

  4. #4
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear that your wife is so certain she wants a divorce. I hope it is an initial strong reaction and that in time she might rethink her perspective.

    Wonderful daughter - well, they just are!!!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  5. #5
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    It may be a bridge too far for your wife, but try to leave the door open for her in case she has second thoughts or misgivings about a future without you.

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  6. #6
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    Hi Natalie,
    I am too sorry to hear that your wife is strongly considering the divorce. I hope she will change her mind but maybe you can suggest a couples therapy? You don't have anything to lose but who knows? Sounds like relationships that maybe worth saving. Couples therapy saved my marriage but it wasn't related to gender. It is important to have a solid fixed foundation of the marriage before gender is added. I think gender issues can only open wide open then old cracks of the relationship if you have them.
    Katya

  7. #7
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    Thank you all for the kind words.

    Definitely divorcing. She filed today.

  8. #8
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    Wish you all the best Natalie

  9. #9
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    Hi Natalie

    Make sure you take care of yourself during this difficult time.

    Katya

  10. #10
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    Thank you ladies.

    My daughter has been amazing, which has helped massively. I am registering with a local support group and just waiting on a call now.

    It?s been a very tough week, and I know there will be more tough times ahead, but I know this the right thing for me.

    Natalie x

  11. #11
    Senior Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    I'm luckily from a country where didn't exist the divorce and the annulment was very expensive and complicated so couple should cop together or live separated life.
    In my own way of thinking, divorce or all other alternatives weren't in my language and when wife told me let me go to be happy as a woman because she wanted her husband and not a woman, I appeal to our love that has kept us together even on tough times. I know this is different but love is blind.
    For the other hand, there's something human being have to live trough when we lost a loved one, mourning, grief, has 5 stages, you can do your homework looking on google but for sure she is in the first stage, sadness for the lost, then the angry could come, but is a process that take time, so I appeal you to appeal on her to take time. I've seen so many trans like me living alone, really sad, and both wife and husband loving the other person but the pride is so great to recognize that we made a mistake.

    Give her time and yourself take sometime. Transition is not from night to mourning, breast take more than a year to develop, electrolysis take around a year or more too, surgeries too, so why to make decisions too soon?

    I wish you the best, and I had said on other threads like this, feel free to ask or pm me.

    Devi
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  12. #12
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    Downs and ups

    So, following my previous post, things rapidly declined last week. My wife became very angry with the whole situation, culminating in me leaving the family home on Saturday to stay with my Dad.

    My Dad has been very supportive, particularly as I only came out to him on Thursday. The plan was for me to find somewhere cheap to rent whilst continuing to pay the mortgage on the family home.

    Things got very messy and there was drama at the weekend involving paramedics and a hospital visit for my wife. Thankfully all ok, but not nice for all concerned.

    Wife had been texting lots and anger replaced with sadness. Yesterday, she told me that she wanted to talk to me. We spoke and she asked me exactly what I want to do. I reiterated that I need to transition, start hormones and electrolysis. She then stunned me by telling me that she wanted to try to see if we can continue as a couple. She will support all elements of my transition.

    It was very emotional, but we are going to give it a go. I move home today!

    Last night, my eldest daughter met Natalie for the first time and we had a lovely evening chatting girly stuff and she helped choose a new handbag that I ordered.

    It?s been very up and down over the past ten days and incredibly emotional. Fingers crossed, we are moving onwards and upwards.

    Natalie x

  13. #13
    Platinum Member kimdl93's Avatar
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    Be grateful for the level of support you?re receiving....and be patient and equally or even more supportive of your wife. She is dealing with an extraordinary change in life, and perhaps given time and compassion on both your parts, you can achieve a newly defined, and fulfilling future together. Best of luck!

    Easy come, easy go;
    Easy left me long ago...

  14. #14
    Senior Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Natalie, I'm glad thinks look better and congrats myself because something that I said is proof, she us in a process and don't try to understand her process, she needs therapy, she needs someone else to talk and ventilate, talking our brains sometimes find the solutions or the power to keep, please don't expect things be easy because won't be. Not being pessimist here just realist, she's loosing her husband and and is just trying to recover him.
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  15. #15
    Call me Pam pamela7's Avatar
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    wow Natalie, that is so awesome. your wife has moved so fast from denial to anger to grief to acceptance, she's a treasure. now work out how you can best help her with the new future together.

    xxx Pam
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJFyz73MRcg
    I used to believe this, now I'm in the company of many tiggers. A tigger does not wonder why she is a tigger, she just is a tigger.

    thanks to krististeph: tigger = TG'er .. T-I-GG-er

  16. #16
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    So, had a really good weekend. Went shopping with my wife on Saturday partially dressed and bought some bras and some bits for work. Then in the evening went shopping with my daughter and bought a new coat and a couple of pairs of shoes, suitable for work.
    Much talking and we?re in a better place as a family. Long road to travel and there will be more ups and downs to come, but we both want it to work.
    Thank you all for your support and guidance.
    Natalie x

  17. #17
    Senior Member Devi SM's Avatar
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    Great news! Just try to find your (yours and hers) rythm to move slowly forward but steady. It's better to move sowly and don't go back than move faster and lose everything....
    Keep us posted,

    Devi
    Last edited by Devi SM; 10-15-2019 at 06:53 PM.
    See my daily posts and pics on tumblr, just look for @sexyvane,
    At Instagram @nessatrans,

    Facebook, Vanessa Grandy from riverside, california.

  18. #18
    happy to be her Sarah Charles's Avatar
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    It sounds like it's been a real roller coaster experience. I hope the biggest drops are behind you now and the climbs now are just to new plateaus. Stay true to yourself, that confidence and vision appears to be a positive rally point for others in your family.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.
    http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001872677630

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