Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 58

Thread: Why is looking completely female so important?

  1. #1
    New Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Posts
    1

    Question Why is looking completely female so important?

    Hi all,

    New member been lurking for a few years and dressing for a lot longer. But as I look around it seems that the onus is on passing or being a complete woman. I have no desire to pass, no desire to look completely like a woman, I enjoy the clothes and the feelings they bring out in me, but do not find it something that I have to have daily. I underdress when I feel like it and have for years. I am comfortable with myself, but occasionally the doubts surface. When I go looking for others like me to seek support, it seems like crossdressing is not just dressing anymore it is fully dressing and trying to pass. I have a female account name, because even lurking I felt pressured by the community (Internet forums at large not just here) to take a female name, as if that would make me whole. I own a cheaper wig, and have worn, it tried painting nails and some light makeup, just to see, but it never did anything for me.

    Why is passing or looking as completely like a woman so important?
    When did just enjoying the clothing go out of style or at least seem to fall by the community wayside?
    Why does it seem like the crossdressing community (the internet forums at large) is only about passing or transitioning?

    Just looking for some others thoughts on this.
    Stephy

  2. #2
    Senior Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greater Houston
    Posts
    1,980
    Quote Originally Posted by stephyrcd View Post
    ...Why is passing or looking as completely like a woman so important?
    When did just enjoying the clothing go out of style or at least seem to fall by the community wayside?
    Why does it seem like the crossdressing community (the internet forums at large) is only about passing or transitioning?

    Just looking for some others thoughts on this.
    Stephy
    Dig a little deeper. For many here, it's not at all important. Many of our non-binary friends would take exception to being lumped in with those of us whose expression is binary. Likewise, there are a lot of fetish dressers here; those for whom it's all about the clothes, or particular articles of clothing, or shoes, etc.
    Well, somebody has to make up that base of the bell curve that defines "normal".
    https://groups.io/g/gno-houston

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Teresa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    10,525
    Stephy,
    If you've lurked for many years maybe you should know the answer .

    To those of us who need to present totally female 24/7 the CDing part is only part of the equation , to me it's a window to the World of my inner feelings . It comes down to how bad your dysphoria is , now I'm comfortably full time I've acheived a balance with it . To look acceptable as a woman means I can integrate with society , I can go about my daily life without any problems . Nowdays male mode feels like CDing .

    If you feel under pressure maybe you haven't come to terms with Cding or being TG yet . I'm so grateful I had to adopt a femme name when I joined here , luckily the forum accepted the female version of my male name , now I use it all the time or Terri , my GP surgery and blood donation centre are happy to accept that change . I still enjoy the clothing , it's wonderful to have the choices any woman has . When I first joined the forum I assumed every CDer would want to transition , being hidden away in the closet was like solitary confinement for me .

    When you are born with this female trait which in my case nearly cost me my life , I knew I had to come to terms with it , it's taken most of my life and cost me my marriage but I'm now finally happy , for me it's social transition the question of passing doesn't matter , I'm accpeted as Teresa that's what is important , I'm not playing at it , it's fundamental to my life .
    Last edited by Teresa; 10-06-2019 at 07:41 PM.
    The real me ,no going back.

  4. #4
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Nation's Capital
    Posts
    3,921
    While I would like to pass, I realize that it's pretty much impossible for me.

    But, when I'm out, I do like to be full female. That's how I love looking and feeling, but it's also easy to explain to anyone. I love the colors, the feeling and the different styles that I can wear as a woman, and I try to look as womanly as I can. With no disrespect meant, I don't know how I could justify being a MIAD to myself. If I can't understand it myself, I don't know how I could explain it to anyone else.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  5. #5
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    20,525
    Stephy, I think u have a lot of company in the trans community. Check out the non binary section here and you'll see many dressers who don't care to pass or be viewed as a woman.

    I've personally met a number of men who r quite satisfied to throw on a dress, etc. and go out. No make up, wig, forms, etc. Most of them tend to be quite a bit younger than the T's I meet at T events and venues, tho. Us older girls r pretty binary. We wish to look like the women we grew up with and envied!

    And, like Steffi above? I HATE Seeing a MIAD in my mirror!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  6. #6
    Junior Member Kelly-o's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Location
    San Francisco
    Posts
    49
    Hi Stephy,

    No worries to each their own. There is a huge spectrum of people around. I personally prefer going all girl but sometimes I can't or frankly I am too lazy to do make-up and a wig sometimes but still dress comfy at home. But that being said I love to look as good as possible when I do dress. Honestly wearing panties or stockings does nothing for me personally but when I am fully dressed I feel it.

    I have come across a lot of places where guys dress but don't want to pass or anything. The only thing that really matters is that you are comfortable with yourself which it sounds like you are.

  7. #7
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    21,415
    The simple answer is its not.
    Its a big wide world out there with all different kinds of people in it.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  8. #8
    Of course she is. Patience's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2018
    Location
    The question is not where, but when.
    Posts
    1,308
    Stephy:

    You shared your dressing preferences, but didn’t disclose whether you go out dressed or not.

    For those of us that do go out dressed, emulating females as closely as possible also has a safety component. People who hate gender nonconformists like ourselves (or at least like me) are less likely to act on those feelings if they believe that woman they’re seeing is an actual woman.
    When all else fails, lower your standards.

  9. #9
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Posts
    2,719
    When I was young, I enjoyed passing. I liked the clothes girls wore and wanted to be as good looking as I could. Being a girl was fun, but I also liked being a guy. There are so many paths as we progress through life. In the past I dressed and acted like a woman. Over the years what I wanted changed. I enjoyed the clothes and liked shopping with my women friends. Now I don't wear makeup and seldom a dress. I'm like the women my age where we live. Most don't wear makeup. I wear the same clothes they do. They know who I am and I'm accepted in our community. I wear women's tops, jeans, shoes, and underdress including wearing bras.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member abbiedrake's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    764
    Stephy, you're not alone.
    There are those of us who seldom, if ever, go full femme.
    As Kelly points out, NB folk, like me, can shift or stay in between. I've grown more and more comfortable presenting in a hybrid fashion. Usually pretty masculine but with a number of femme touches. And that presentation represents me.

    Enjoy your clothes your way. There are no CD police. Thank god!!

  11. #11
    leggings junkie ellbee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    US
    Posts
    1,634
    Well, it must have been a *really* long time ago that it was only just about the clothes.

    Because I remember back in the late '90s (over 20 years ago, for the math-impaired ), being on the "high-speed" 56K dial-up internet & checking out the West Hollywood "neighborhood" of GeoCities... You know, where the CD'ers & TS's hung out online, each with their own little personal website. Heck, I had one, myself!

    And yeah, from what I remember, pretty much *all* the girls there had pics of themselves completely dolled-up.


    Anyway, I believe part of it, is that many here (and perhaps elsewhere) are in "pretty deep." Otherwise, why bother to spend more than a few minutes, at best, sharing any of it?

    Take, for instance, a simple thread on Reddit. Some regular hetero vanilla guy admits that he once tried on his GF/wife's yoga pants -- and discovered for himself why so many GG's wear 'em... Because to his pleasant surprise, they're comfy as all heck! And now, apparently he wears them behind closed doors, just chilling out while watching TV or something. Heck, he likes them so much, that his GF/wife even bought him a couple pairs of his own!

    And... That's it. End of story. He's not going to ruminate about it online all day, every day. Why? Because he's just a dude who sometimes wears yoga pants in the comfort of his own home. Does he consider himself a crossdresser? Probably not. Is he going down some sort of "slippery slope," only to find himself transitioning in a couple years? Again, probably not.

    After all, he's just a regular vanilla dude who sometimes wears yoga pants in the comfort of his own home.

    Just a guess, but I bet there's a lot more of that kind of stuff that's been going on all over the place... Only that you or I or anyone else, for that matter, probably ain't gonna be hearing much about it.



    Personally, it stopped being just about the clothes, when I was 13 years old... As that's when I started getting into make-up (thanks for letting me steal your stash, Mom! ). And I wasn't just goofing around -- I was taking it seriously. What else is a young teen with little money in his pockets going to do while dressed in home-made chick-clothes & stolen pantyhose with a fully made-up face, as the rest of the family was out for a few hours? Why, throw on a make-shift wig (black, brown or tan t-shirt ) and "style" it up! BOOM! Just crossed the divide (as crude as it was, LOL). Again, I was 13 years old... Which was a long time ago, well before the public internet & latest trans-craze.

    And here I am today!



    That said...

    I kinda agree with you, at least in part, as I do believe a good chunk of what we see out there, especially among some of the younger crowd, is sorta a "competition" to them, if you will. Who can look the prettiest, the most legit, etc. "Oh, she had laser hair-removal? Pfft... What a little bitch! Well, I'll see your laser, and raise you some HRT. What do you think of them apples, hon!" And it only escalates from there.

    One way to liken it, is as a dramatic bidding war at an auction. Participants get waaaay too caught up in it, in the heat of the moment. Gotta out-do the other gal, after all... Can't let her beat you! Otherwise, they probably wouldn't have gone half as far as they have, without that. Can they even truly "afford" it? I do believe that at least for some, they may very well be heading down a path that's ultimately not the correct one for them, in the long run. And should that be the case, will they even recognize that somewhere down the road? Maybe, maybe not.



    Finally, I still love getting all dolled-up -- from time to time, that is. Years/decades ago, I used to do it a *lot* more... And I took it to more "extremes," for lack of a better word. But nowadays? I can take it or leave it. Never goes away completely forever, at least for me. But at the same time, I can also sometimes be content simply by throwing on a pair of girly running shoes while otherwise presenting as a guy... Plus it's a lot less effort!

    As others have already mentioned, there is a wide variety here, believe it or not, when it comes to all this. So, feel free to make yourself at home!

  12. #12
    Junior Member CayleeMarie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Location
    Ruralish, N Georgia
    Posts
    74
    I'm sure that as you review the posts here, there as many answers and points of view to your question as there are members. For each of us it is a unique expression of identity or presentation. For me, at home, I am perfectly okay with MIAD from the neck down. And as long as the comments from my wife are, nice, or I'm jealous, or this doesn't fit me right you can have it, I'm thrilled to have that space for Caylee to be free. As for being outside of the house, since I live in ruralish North Georgia, I really want to be blended enough to not draw too much attention to myself by looking like Klinger on MASH.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Highlands
    Posts
    830
    I wear dresses nearly all the time except when I am working, rarely skirts and tops, always with bra and forms, and full jewellery. I only wear make up and a wig to go out fully dressed as a woman. But I also go out as a man in a skirt or even a dress (no bra or breast forms). When I go out with a dress and breast forms and wig the idea is to make as good a woman as I can. It is acting and it is fun. At no point in my life do I imagine I am a woman. I have to look elegant and I think I do but I always wear glasses because I can't do good eye make up. I also do a woman's walk and talk when I fully dress up. Again I say it is acting. It is not fetishistic - I do not get off on it. I just enjoy it. It is fun. Best of all is getting positive remarks about how I look from women. I also enjoy being a man and everything I do to enhance my appearance as a woman - hairless legs, chest and armpits, is concealed when I am dressed in male clothes as I do not wear shorts. It is why I will not shave my arms and have to wear long-sleeved dresses or cardigans or jackets. Everyone is different. So when I go out how women see me is important to me but how men see me is irrelevant. I love my look to be appreciated by women, especially so by women who have taken care over how they look themselves. I am very fortunate to have a very elegant GG friend who is happy for me to be with her in public however I am dressed. Only about 5% of our conversation is about clothes.

  14. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Wichita Falls , Texas
    Posts
    276
    I think the more I look like a real woman ,
    the easier it is. Most seem to appreciate the effort
    time and trouble I go to to achieve the look. .
    And that I have gone so far in trying to experience some of feminity .
    By making that effort , I appear not as a man
    making fun of women, but someone truly
    interested in the clothing , makeup
    and life style


    JAS

  15. #15
    Platinum Blonde member Ressie's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    3,444
    It's interesting how some of us evolve throughout the years and decades. Starting with one article i.e. panties, slowly adding more clothes, trying wigs, makeup etc. Yet I've noticed lately that some younger gurls start out dressing completely from the start. Within a few months some are going out dressed doing their best to pass.

    I started going to a support meeting and going to a biannual TG event about 7 years ago. Nearly everyone that goes to the meetings and events dresses completely, makeup and all. A few have more of an androgynous presentation but not many. So there is some peer pressure but you have to be yourself.

    Crossdressing is wearing women's clothing even if it's underdressing or wearing only panties. I was a bit surprised nearly 12 years ago to see most members here were emulating females, not just crossdressing. And they've had some influence on me even though I experimented with wigs and makeup long before.

    I never thought I'd dress in public! I've gotta say it's been cathartic meeting other TGs and CDs and stepping out with the intention of passing. But it isn't for everybody. I don't dress in public very much at all. Don't really have much time for it and it isn't that important to me. But that could change. I'm still evolving after 50+ years of this.
    "You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder

  16. #16
    Aspiring Member Georgina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    N. Ireland
    Posts
    519
    Every day, when I finish work, I bathe and change my clothes. I don't change back into male clothes, always female clothes, either dress or skirt with full underwear, stockings and shoes. I don't often bother with make up. I do not consider evenings as dressing sessions or being female. It's just my choice of clothes and I carry on doing ordinary things. What pleases me most is the choice and range of clothing that this allows. I find some days, at work, I am trying to decide what to wear later. I would say that I rarely suffer from boredom.

  17. #17
    New Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    25
    I'm happy to see so many people here have figured this out. I'm 60 and new to this. I can't explain my recent obsession with this. About two months ago I found a local makeup artist to make me look like an age appropriate woman. I loved it! I brought clothes along and was thrilled to go out for the first time as a woman. I have always been closer to woman. Never had any male friends. I simply love looking feminine. I only wish I had like minded friends to share this with. I'm sure I will. All in good time.

  18. #18
    Seňora Member Robertacd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Bellingham, Wa
    Posts
    3,339
    Well speaking for myself. I am transgender, I have always hated my GM body and how I look. Now I have been told I am a good looking guy but I don't see it. When I dress as a woman I like the way I look and the more feminine my appearance the more I like it and the more I like being me.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 10-07-2019 at 01:36 PM.
    Some things you lose and some things you just give away...

  19. #19
    Yeah Ok like whatever Tracii G's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    21,415
    Trans here too so being completely female in appearance completes the way I feel inside.
    Essentially it makes me feel normal. I dress more in a casual fashion because that the kind of person I am.
    You are more than welcome to dress and feel anyway you want.
    For some it seems to be a competition because they will tell you what brand/designer of clothes and shoes they are wearing and how much they paid for them. Thats fine too if that makes them happy.
    Head Executive Chief of the Dept of Redundancy Dept.

  20. #20
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Western Washington
    Posts
    10,401
    I'm not a qualified psychologist or psychiatrist so my reasoning may not valid for anyone but myself. I do not know why I do what I do. I wish I had the answer to why I am drawn to wearing women's clothing. That aside, if I am drawn to wearing women's clothing at a particular moment, it is all or nothing. There are some limitations. I do wear a wig because male pattern baldness has claimed my hair. I do not see any bald women out in the wild. I do see many older women my age wearing wigs due to thinning hair. I do not glam myself up with makeup. On a rare occasion I do use light makeup. Look around. How many women at and about doing chores or light socializing glam themselves up? Not too many. There is a wide range of clothing worn by women. I am a "dresses only" person. However, I see many, including my wife, who rarely wear a dress. For most it is comfort and functionality; jeans and tops.

    For me, when I feel the need to be someone other than my male self I have to go "all in." Otherwise, what's the point? Yes, I love the clothes. However, in my male self I also love colors and creativity. I am not a bland male dresser. As a professional I never wore a white shirt and red tie. It was dress shirts of all colors of the rainbow and creative ties. That's my nature. If my inner self is trying to express my concept of a woman, then I have to act the part. One can do whatever they want to do, but, I see no point to sitting around with a beard and hairy legs if I have the opportunity to be clean shaven. Perhaps, keeping the beard is nothing more than sitting on top of the fence wondering what side to fall off into; the male or female side. Is the subconscious trying to counteract the natural feelings? There are many comments on threads concerning wives who will tolerate their husbands wearing women's attire, but, stopping at the wig and makeup. Why? I suspect they are viewing the women's garb as nothing for than clothes. Throw on the wig and makeup and a little hip movement when walking and then the hubby is entering a world greater than "just the clothes." It's hubby abandoning his male persona. That's a big deal for many women.

    I see a lot of angst in many threads. I have always functioned well as a male. I have no desire to stop being a male. If I was born a female that would have been alright too, except, for all the crap that is heaped upon women. Ugh!

  21. #21
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    2,805
    Steph I guess we are all different So you have to accept your desire to dress as you wish not how people wish you would dress. I can only speak for myself. I like to pass completely when I go out yet I do not wish to transition or do hormones. I just wish to pass when I go out. I guess I like to pass, I tend to dress down when out, jeans, flats just enough make up to keep the illusion real. Thats me and my cross dressing. I see transitioning as harmful to the rest of my life even if it were not I don't think I would want to transition. Looking female when dressing is who I am on the outside. I am still me on the inside and if I am not looking in a mirror I can't see how I am dressed. All I know is I enjoy crossdressing and can spend hour trying different outfits and playing with makeup and I do like going out to see how well I pass and I pretty much know I pass only some of the time and that is probably because no one cares how you are dressed. So have fun with it do what you like and enjoy yourself.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

  22. #22
    Ah-May-Lee
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Mid Hudson Forensic
    Posts
    1,206
    Speaking only for myself.

    For me it's not a matter of looking like a complete woman as much as it is being a complete woman. The clothes for me are secondary to how I am on the inside.

    I dress different ways for different occasions. If I take pics or vids I will look different than if I sit and watch tv. When I use to go out I'd dress the way I feel at the time.
    I mostly post pics of me what I feel is my most womanly style if that makes sense. I'm not going to post a pic of me after a goat kicked mud in my face. The way I dress is different if I am in the garden or at a night out. But all the time I am the same person on the inside, I am a woman. The clothes are secondary.

    PS-I am also a goth and such I am required by goth law to wear heavy make up.

    PS-2- I will never post or talk about passing. It does not matter to me so that word is not used by me.
    Last edited by Amelie; 10-07-2019 at 10:30 AM.
    "Walking across the thin ice of my dreams, Fearing the cold waters of reality beneath me. Yet onward I tred."

  23. #23
    Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Orlando, Fl
    Posts
    401
    I don't usually get fully dressed in fem... hair, makeup...etc.. for sitting around the house. But when I plan on going out I dress completely just to be more comfortable with myself in public. I'm not a showy personally kind of person as a general rule. I have been on stage in plays but that is the time for that.
    Otherwise, I dress in whatever clothes I feel like given my surroundings. If we are having company.then under dressing maybe.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greater Houston
    Posts
    1,980
    Quote Originally Posted by ellbee View Post
    ...I do believe a good chunk of what we see out there, especially among some of the younger crowd, is sorta a "competition" to them, if you will. Who can look the prettiest, the most legit, etc. "Oh, she had laser hair-removal? Pfft... What a little bitch! Well, I'll see your laser, and raise you some HRT. What do you think of them apples, hon!" And it only escalates from there.
    Not seeing that, AT ALL, and i spend most of my time here in the sections where those topics are most frequently discussed. Now, we can debate the appropriateness of the motivation behind an individual's pursuit of this or that treatment, but I defy you to show me a case where that motivation, for seeking expensive, painful, even dangerous therapies, is motivated by some kind of competition.

  25. #25
    Fancy For Feet Palaina Nocturnus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Posts
    111
    Quote Originally Posted by stephyrcd View Post
    Why does it seem like the crossdressing community (the internet forums at large) is only about passing or transitioning?
    I think you are lumping everyone together like you are with all the forums. Not all CDs even use sites like these, let alone feel comfortable sharing their experiences and feelings. You should understand that considering you say you've been lurking for years.

    Do you go out in public wearing females clothes only? I love to, others would never dream about it. If I only read posts pertaining to people like me, I'm going to have that specific perception.

    If this was a pop music site, think of how it sounds saying I don't get all the people here that feel the need to wear a band shirt to that bands concert. One person's heaven is another's hell.

    Lastly, every person on here is at a different place in life, especially in their journey as a CD. For a lot of us, we were at your stage and we felt it just was not enough. It has nothing to do with a herd mentality here. I've noticed most CDs dress in the era that made them feel happy or free. Here on this site, it seems most here are older so the vibe seems to be with the stages of wanting to be passible or more.

    I hope this helps or gives you food for thought
    Live, laugh, love!

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State