Results 1 to 17 of 17

Thread: Love's possibility

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2015
    Location
    Santa Rosa, Cal
    Posts
    95

    Love's possibility

    This is to tell you that you never know, that love is out there and it can absolutely happen regardless of your gender ID or what you wear. Please pardon the long post.
    If you've read my occasional posts here, you'll know that my wife of 23 years and I have separated and are in the process of divorcing (NOT because of my crossdressing, and so far amicably). I moved out in May of 2018, and while I had a couple of dates, I was pretty much alone those first 14 months. I was doing quite well, enjoying living on my own for the first time since my mid-30s (with a walk-in closet! ), thrilled to be dressing as a woman most of the time, feeling fit and healthy and productive and surrounded by good friends. I was lonely sometimes, but I was mentally preparing myself to be alone for a long time, maybe for the rest of my life.
    Then I met Elissa. On our first date I wore capris & a woman's top, my hair back in a headband, light makeup, Keds, and nail polish. We hit it off immediately and about 15 minutes into the conversation she complimented my nails. That led to me letting her know that I'm gender-fluid. Her response was "Oh! That's cool." Not much else was said about it.
    We texted later that evening and both agreed we wanted to see each other again. Over the next 2 weeks (I was traveling and then she was), in texts and emails and phone conversations, she made it clear that she was comfortable dating a gender-fluid man.
    For our 2nd date I thought long and hard about what I was going to wear. I finally said "Screw it, I'm going to let her see who I really am." I wore a khaki skirt, a white woman's pullover, padded bra, makeup and nail polish, and my hair curled and back in a headband. We ended up closing down the bar and then making out in my car. At one point the waitress came over and said "Can I get you ladies anything else?"
    I asked Elissa how that made her feel and she said "That doesn't bother me in the least."
    We?ve been seeing each other now for about 4 months. It's wonderful. She has 3 children including 9-year-old twins, so we don?t get to see each other as much as we?d like, but we've spent a few weekends together and we sleep over at each other's place when we can. We're traveling together the next 2 weekends. I've been out with her wearing dresses, skirts, and men's pants and shirts. I usually wear makeup & nail polish regardless of whether I'm wearing men?s clothes or not. And of course I have a very cute & girly blonde bob.
    We've talked a lot about what it means to me to be gender-fluid and how it might affect her and her kids. At one point early on I expressed doubt about whether she would really want to be with this older (she's 10 years younger than me), crossdressing, writer dude, and she replied "Listen. I'm in this for you. The all of you. The entire person."
    She has boundaries: she prefers no lingerie in the bedroom (it's interesting that, now that I crossdress regularly in public, my desire to have sex in panties and bras has diminished). She thinks some of my tastes in woman's clothing are not, uhh, super-modern (She teased me that my outfit on our 2nd date was like "My mom going to church"). And she tells me when she'd prefer I go out in "boy mode" -- for instance when we're with her work colleagues (even though she's told more than one of them that I'm gender-fluid). I try to respect her boundaries and I'm so grateful to & crazy about her that it's not hard to do so.
    I had assumed that, by going fully public with my crossdressing, I was making the choice to express my gender ID rather than be with an attractive, smart, successful woman. That has proved not so. I am incredibly fortunate to have met her.
    I know that many crossdressers will never meet someone like Elissa. I'm here to tell you, though, don't give up. And be forthright, on the first date, about who you are.
    Thanks for reading -- TT
    Last edited by TracyT; 10-10-2019 at 10:46 PM.

  2. #2
    Banned Spammer
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    Between here and there but mostly here close to the donuts.
    Posts
    22,257
    I am happy for you and yes you just never know.

  3. #3
    Senior Member mbmeen12's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Location
    Connecticut
    Posts
    1,643
    She has boundaries: she prefers no lingerie in the bedroom
    That's the best part lol

    And she tells me when she'd prefer I go out in "boy mode" -- for instance when we're with her work colleagues (even though she's told more than one of them that I'm gender-fluid).
    Red flag,,,,, unless that is fine with you cant go out with her colleagues and what happens when they stumble into you two a dinner?

    Good luck
    Escapism isn't necessarily bad, but is definitely unhealthy in the long term. While helpful in the short term, things will degrade over time. At some point, the escapee will have to face the issue. Things simply blowing over isn't really going to happen in many situations.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member alwayshave's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Washington, DC
    Posts
    12,771
    Traci, Good for you on finding someone.
    Please call me Jamie, I always_have crossdressed, I always will, "alwayshave".

  5. #5
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Central NY
    Posts
    3,655
    Quote Originally Posted by TracyT View Post
    She has boundaries: she prefers no lingerie in the bedroom (it's interesting that, now that I crossdress regularly in public, my desire to have sex in panties and bras has diminished). She thinks some of my tastes in woman's clothing are not, uhh, super-modern (She teased me that my outfit on our 2nd date was like "My mom going to church").
    I have had that happen with GG friends, telling me my fashion is a bit dated or I dress "too old". Dressers and GGs tend to have different tastes, GGs tend to be more concerned with what is current. The older lady I once dated thought my taste is fashion was excellent though.

  6. #6
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Location
    Indiana
    Posts
    25
    Happy to hear you are so happy. I hope some day to be as fortunate. I don't see a problem with her boundries. Too many people feel similar boundries but lack the self confidence to express them. She appears to be a loving and accepting person. The fact she is concerned her colleagues don't share her open mind doesn't really bother me. At the end of the day, she is taking the risk that these same people may see you when you are out together. I think you are extremely lucky to have found each other.

  7. #7
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2018
    Location
    Western North Carolina
    Posts
    260
    Excellent Tracy. I think it is good that "boundaries" are being discussed early on. Just keep working through it.

    The comment about being dressed like "My mom going to church" is amusing. I guess it is all a matter of personal taste. I've had some tell me I dress too old or conservative. Others tell me it looks like I raided my daughter's closet.

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    734
    Quote Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV View Post
    I have had that happen with GG friends, telling me my fashion is a bit dated or I dress "too old".
    My therapist gives me helpful hints about "dressing my age" (I see her dressed most of the time), in particular skirts/dresses that come to just over the knee, and also lipstick and nail polish colours (not too red). I take her advice but then try to shave maybe 10 years off (I'm in my 60s). I end up looking a bit younger as a woman than as a man, but without looking like I'm trying to pretend I'm under 30.

    Too Tracy, you are very fortunate. Many girls like us wish we could find someone like that. I'm DADD. It's a variation on DADT, and stands for "Do-it And Drop Dead".
    Last edited by JeanTG; 10-11-2019 at 09:36 AM.

  9. #9
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    4,410
    I am always happy to hear when someone finds another person to love.

    As for the fashion, a lot of us tend to dress like our mothers because that is often the major female influence in our lives. I know I started there too, but now I dress to blend so that means staying somewhat relevant fashion wise. For instance I no longer wear low rise boot cut jeans in girl mode, because high rise skinny jeans are what GG's are wearing now.
    Last edited by Robertacd; 10-12-2019 at 12:30 PM.

  10. #10
    Aspiring Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Location
    Orlando, Fl
    Posts
    624
    Awesome for you!! Fate! I'd blame your good fortune on Mr/Miss Fate for sure!
    I was upfront with my current wife (now of 11 years) and when I showed her my stash of dresses she kinda had the same opinion that it was way conservative. So what Robertacd said makes perfect sense. I hadn't ever thought of it that way.

  11. #11
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Central Coast, CA
    Posts
    1,817
    That is great that you found someone.

    She is right. Forget about blending , dressing your age, not standing out and the rest. Find a style that works for you. Maybe she could help you with that?

    My friends are the same way if I were to dress my age, whatever that means.

    I have had girl friends hit on me. So yes there are women out there that will accept you as you are. I even dated one briefly. Currently I just date men.

    The bedroom thing may be an issue or not, it depends on you. Along with not dressing sometimes. I couldn't do it, but this is your life. It's up to you to know and to tell her what you can live with.

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    913
    So cool! We are all deserving of being accepted and loved for who we are. Nancy

  13. #13
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    3,561
    Thats great Luck girl you are. I would advise to respect her boundarys and if you tone back your dressing just a little you'll enjoy it more and respect her boundarys. At least that is how it works with me. If I dress less just a few days a week it is more fun and I get more done with the rest of my life.
    Best of luck with your new relationship
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

  14. #14
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    71
    Wow Tracy. I am happy that you found Love. Great story.

  15. #15
    Member Christie Camelle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Location
    Small Town, Alabama
    Posts
    164
    Simply beautiful! ❤️

  16. #16
    Member FrannGurl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2016
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    311
    What a great story . Thank you for sharing!

  17. #17
    YOULOVEMYTOES Palaina Nocturnus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Location
    Phoenix, AZ
    Posts
    120
    TracyT,

    I love reading stories like yours! It saddens me to hear how people can feel lost and alone but it renews my hope in humanity when I hear of a good outcome.

    5 years ago I got a divorce from my abusive wife that used to encourage me dressing up then condemn me for it. It still messes with me to this day. However I too found someone and did pretty much the same thing. She even has an 11 year old daughter too.

    The same is kind of in place in my own home. Don't dressup around the kids, I'm cool with that. I'm usually more cautious than her about where, when and around who I dress up so its rare when she asks me for boy mode. Of course I oblige without a blink cuz of the freedoms I'm already allowed

    I hope everything works goes great for you two!!!
    Live, laugh, love!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State