Hi,
I want to share just a quick journey and the reason why, as of last night, I will not share my dressing with my wife of 26 years, for the time being.
Like many, I've been dressing since my very early teens. In my case, that's more than 40 years. The physical and emotional reasons have varied over time (or at least, swung along a spectrum of fetish to just being relaxed and feeling good and calm while dressed), and I've been through purges and buying sprees. I have a small but comfortable (and hidden) set of clothes and wigs etc now that I adore. I can dress just enough to keep the worst of the pink fog away ... long mornings alone in the house and especially trips away. Anyway ...
Kids (22 and 18) are now both out so we're empty nesters. Oldest working after a very successful uni run, youngest just into uni. The greatest thing I've ever done besides meeting my SO was having those two in my life. Nothing compares. As many parents here know ... you would do anything to see your kids emotionally happy and healthy ... to be great, caring, smart, hopeful human beings.
I took this moment to reconsider telling my wife about my dressing. Honestly, the worst I really think might happen is eye rolls and "whatever". Our intimate life has slowed wayyyy down (menopause) but we still do everything else a devoted couple does in how we share and what we share. So I thought, she'll maybe not openly accept me as a cross dresser and shop for/with me, but at least she won't leave, and I'd be stuck in a DADT thing where at least I've been honest with the one secret I keep.
Then last night ... my oldest had texted me and said he needed to talk. We were picking up the youngest at uni for the holiday weekend home, and suggested to call us on the car ride home and we'd speaker phone. No, needed to talk just to me. I said sure. As someone who never could approach my dad about anything (whole other topic, that is) I thought to myself ... we've raised a brave kind, and whatever comes out will be okay. The rattled and scared 22 year old voice when the call came, I was alone in my attic studio, had me concerned but ready ... I heard a the voice of a lovely female friend of my kids in the background saying "It'll be okay" ... then the whispered words ...
"Dad, I'm trans."
My reply was immediate, sincere, holding back tears and very sincere (paraphrasing) ... "I love you. I am so proud of the person you are, who you are growing into, you as an amazing human being, you could not be more perfect to me." She cried and sobbed with such relief I could feel it 100 miles away. I heard her friend (who we know pretty well) crying in the background.
My son told me ... his father ... the first family member he knows he can trust ... that he is transitioning to become a woman. I could not be happier for her. I am sorry we missed last April when she finally "snapped" (her words) and the intense dam broke for her emotionally. I am thrilled to find out that all her amazing freinds remain supportive, loving, and a great network for her. We talked about life and everything she wanted to in a hour, medicines, her medical support, so much ... that has to be the emotionally deep thing I have experienced since the kids were born. She told me her new name. A variant of Katherine. I told her I loved her. I said I would always be, like every parent, worried about her safety and her emotional happiness, and that we are always a safe place for her to be.
I have given her space (and my support) to think about how to share all this with my wife. But we will win. This will be a positive thing. She's free to be her with us. And I am the happiest dad in the world, despite the whirlwind of feelings and emotions that drove a happy, but poor sleep last night.
So, at this point in our lives together, with the fact that my wife will need time and space to accept this change in our lives and her own emotional being, I think it's probably not the time to have "the talk" with her. I don't think adding the need to process a transgender adult kid *and* a crossdressing husband is a smart move, too much of a one-two punch? But I will use her reaction to this to guage whether one day, a few years from now, this might be something to approach again. So ... back in the closet, dear sisters, but with a great deal of joy knowing that the kids are (and will be) alright.
i know I have this amazing community to be part of going forward in my own journey. Thanks everyone for listening ...
Have a great day!
(PS. Hopefully the right forum to share. Admins may move as needed.)
