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Thread: Neighbour reveals the truth !.

  1. #1
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    Neighbour reveals the truth !.

    Just to briefly retell the situation with my neighbour . Not long after I first met them I called in to ask if they could take care of my dog for a few hours , I sat in the garden completely forgetting my painted nails , I apologised but then the husband turned to his wife and said, " he's got better nails than you !" His wife stood up as we assumed she was going to make the coffee but she never returned . I still believe she was not amused by being compared and since then they both duck and dive in their front garden when I appear as Teresa .

    Today I had to visit my family so before setting off I took the opportunity to pop across the road and ask if he could give me a lift with a fridge which I need to dispose of . We were having a little banter about my situation while carrying the fridge when the subject came up about what his friends and family thought about having a TG neighbour as many had obviously seen me, he said , It's hard to know what to say when my neighbour looks more attractive than my wife !!" So there we have it the truth is out !

    So now it raises the question of who does have the bigger problem ? Is it possible his wife is jealous or has he actually made that comment to her and she's naturally upset or does she think he might have some attraction to me from comments he may have made ? I always felt the problem lay at their doorstep but I did say that I hoped he hadn't made that comment to her as I thought she would more than likely be upset by it . I've also noticed his wife has changed her appearance , she's gone blond with a style not unlike mine .

    Sometime ago my wife made the comment that it's not all about me , in this context she was right .

    This also reminds me of the thread posted by Bobbi when she was told by Charles not to come to his front door as Bobbi , I said at the time that it's possible you have touched a nerve in Charles .

  2. #2
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    I think u r over thinking this, Teresa. If u REALLY want to know they think? Ask them!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  3. #3
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    Sherry,
    No way I'm treading in that minefield , it's their problem to defuse not mine !! I'm not sure how you can suggest I'm overthinking this as he's now told me the truth .

  4. #4
    Member CayleeMarie's Avatar
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    Hey Teresa,
    From the outside, it does seem like a somewhat awkward dilemma. And, I would agree that it is his problem to figure out. My first impression of his comments is that he has no filter and no regard for how insensitive his observations are to his wife?s feelings. You may be correct in speculating as to their avoidance of you. If she has changed her appearance, as you suggest, she may may feel like she is competing with you and is jealous of the positive attention her husband is showing you. I would probably read that he has hinted at some interest in you in his comments to his wife.

    My two cents...
    Caylee

    The question that arises in my mind is what people think about his having a TG neighbor have to do about anything. It seems like a jab at his wife and being a veiled compliment towards you.

  5. #5
    Silver Member Bobbi46's Avatar
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    Teresa, I think you neighbour s have a big marital problem anyway, for him to make that comment about your nails in front of his wife makes me think there is a degree of strife going on between them but also he is an absolute fool to make such comments in the first place; i would also vouch for the possible fact that in fact they do not get on well with eachother and may even sleep in separate bedrooms. As we did!
    I started life a lost man now I am a found woman

  6. #6
    -1.#QNaN Lydianne's Avatar
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    I think it's unlikely that he's attracted to you straight-up. It's not impossible, but I think it's more likely that he wishes certain details of your presentation upon his wife.

    I can imagine it's probably more difficult to maintain the initial level of desirability as the wife of 20+ years dealing with the demands of daily life and the stresses & strains that puts upon a relationship over time than to be the new woman next door with something to prove. She might have put some of her presentation details on hold in favour of being more focused on meeting those demands, but with those details, even disadvantaged by her familiarity compared to your newness, she would most likely have a higher ceiling than you. ( She's genetic, right? She stumbles out of bed with a higher ceiling than you ).

    But from your point of view, you've confirmed that they don't hate you; so I think you should be satisfied with that and not push for more. ( Unless you believe you could go toe-to-toe with her as a woman and hold the affections of her man for some 20+ years - which I think would be ambitious ). So it might be an idea to keep future encounters with him short, focused, and, whenever possible, in the presence of his wife. No need to draw unnecessary attention to details of your presentation in front of him that he might use to pressure her. Yes, he seems to have a filtering problem, but you might be more likely to balance both their friendships that way.. at least until some harmony between them is restored.

    - L.

  7. #7
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    Hi Teresa,

    From what you have revealed about your neighbor, my gut reaction is that he is an insensitive jerk toward his wife. Who knows if he is as uncaring in real life as he sounds.

    A husband who cares about his wife's feelings, would not make comments about anyone else's appearance in comparison to his wife.

    Perhaps he has been doing this for years (not just about you - but others also) which has caused his wife's unfortunate reaction.

  8. #8
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    Bobbi,
    Yes he has told me they now sleep in separate bedrooms .

    Caylee,
    It does appear we are competeing on various levels . The husband is a very down to earth but slightly outspoken guy , he has done a plastering job for me being his trade and we often talk about house projects . He was very impressed with my renovation work in my living room , he told her so she then had him redecorate their living room . I guess I may be a little confusing to her when most of the time I'm dressed as Teresa and yet putting my new home in order .

    Lydianne,
    I also agree it's more unlikely that there is an obvious attraction and more likely he would like his wife to make changes . Neighbours further afield have seen me and most do wave to me , perhaps one of them has made more suggestive remarks in front of his wife which hasn't gone down well . I have no intentions of competeing for the husband , we do get on fine when I'm in male mode but she has never had a conversation with me since the incident with the nail polish .

    As far a keeping harmony , I don't go out of my way to upset them , in fact last Xmas I left them a bunch of roses and a bottle of wine with a card wishing them a Happy Christmas and also thanking them for being good and understanding neighbours , as I did the neighbours either side of me . He came to my door slightly annoyed telling me I shouldn't have done that and I received nothing in return .
    Last edited by Teresa; 10-13-2019 at 06:26 PM.

  9. #9
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    I think Char is right.

    Yes they have problems , but you do too.

    A single woman moves in next to a married couple what is the proper protocol? It would be for the SW to ask the lady of the house if it was ok to barrow her SO for whatever. A guy would address the man of the house who would than ask his SO if it was ok for him to do so.

    As a guy you are fine, but as a women you are going around his wife. It's the way women see it, if you want to talk to my man you best ask me first. It is not always that strong, but believe me it is there.

    Obviously you have a business relationship with this guy, but where does that stop and a personal one start?

    The solution would to make friends with the wife, if that's possible?

    This is similar to Bobbi's thing.

    Representing as a women, women are your friends and allies. This is your in, make friends with all the women and she will come around.

  10. #10
    Silver Member IleneD's Avatar
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    Teresa,

    Great to read your little story about neighborly interactions. Quite humorous too.
    It made me think, however.
    One of the conscious things I have always done in regards to my dressing is "not compete with The Wife". I don't try to get into a Pretty Contest, for the sake of peace all around, and it seems like a polite way to defer.
    As I read your story it occurred to me that the same might apply to neighbors too. You may end up being the neighborhood Fashion Plate, and unconsciously 'out-doing' the surrounding ladies. That could be at least an issue, perhaps a problem. But.... the same would hold true for any other 'new' woman.

    Good luck. It sounds like your neighbor may also be taking it all in good fun. Enjoy their company. Hey, ..... they already know.
    There resides within me a Woman, and she is powerful.
    She has been my Grace and Bearing on the stormiest seas.
    I could no more deny Her than I would my own soul.

  11. #11
    prissy chic ellbee's Avatar
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    What a total jerk this guy is!


    Of course, nobody here, including Teresa, knows what exactly has been going on behind the neighbors' closed doors, perhaps for years/decades.


    And maybe, just maybe, what he dishes out in public, is only pay-back -- and a mere fraction of what *she* says & does *to him*, in private.






    Teresa, unless you're willing & able to play marriage counselor, if I were in your heels, I'd probably try to keep my distance from this couple, as neighborly as possible...


    My 2 pence, anyway.

  12. #12
    Rachel Rachelakld's Avatar
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    My ex, used to like wearing boy clothes (those "work uniform pants and top") - pretty much everyone on the planet dressed more attractively.
    It's like she didn't care about anyone, even me being attracted to her. One might say, she dressed in such a way I was not overly keen to be seen with her or even in the same house. It wasn't just the clothes, it was also the disinterested attitude and she became my ex.

    So yes, I would have also tried using your style to promote my then wife to dress nicer ( unfortunately her attitude was stuck ).

    Luckily I live in a country that has "no fault" divorce, so I wasn't forced to stay in a crappy relationship.
    See all my photos, read many stories of my outings and my early days at
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  13. #13
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    Teresa,

    If this guy's a plasterer then remarks such as those about your nails sound like me to be building site humour.

    I wouldn't be surprised if while he's working youve come up as a topic of conversation. A "Guess what, we've got a tranny living opposite us. Dresses better than my misses". "And no, I don't fancy it before you ask!".

    Yep, the marriage might not be the best and given what you've posted in the past I'd keep any interactions to a minimum for a while. Let any (plaster) dust settle.

  14. #14
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    Helen,
    I feel you have it in one , he is that kind of guy .

    Ilene ,
    On the humorous side , his old work van is finally being replaced , he hasn't taken delivery of the new one yet but I joked with him saying that I'd already painted his new signage for it reading , " Get plastered with S*** !" In the UK getting pastered also means having too much to drink ! He does like his Whisky .

    Ellbee,
    She very much wears the trousers in their home , so I'd guess it's his way of getting even !

    Jean,
    This whole question about competing could be a subject of a new thread . Since writing this thread I've been wondering if I have stirred the neighbours up . The lovely lady on my right side has made it obvious I out dress her , she actually thinks it's great and has also made it clear she doesn't think much to the attitude of the couple across from me , in her words , " She has the problem , not you !" . The couple on my left side keep a lower profile but when they were painting the fence I had a long chat with the wife , she actually did say I looked very nice when I returned from shopping . I also noticed she has started to wear makeup more . I did also have a joke with her husband when he asked if he could paint my side of the fence so I asked him what shade of pink had he chosen !!

    So what is the problem with competing ? At what level am I a threat , if that's how they see it ? When I first came out to them all I made it clear I wasn't gay , so they shouldn't see me a threat to their husbands , so it begs the question how much do they trust them . The lovely lady on my right has been married twice so she knows all about husbands having affairs , we really do get on like a house on fire .

    Jean I can see exactly the confusion you mention , I'm OK being the fun guy next door but I can't be the fun lady , I can't communicate through her because she doesn't talk to me in either mode .

  15. #15
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Teresa. Be yourself as they all get to know you they will adjust.

    My neighbors see me in both modes. I don't like to do this, I prefer to just show people one or the other. I feel it is less confusing. Also I don't discuss my sexual preference with people, we are not dating so it is non of their business.

    It is not a competition exactly, more of an awakening. I have witnessed this, as I pretty much always overdress. It is impossible to know what people are thinking, even talking to them you have to read between the lines. I have witnessed my friends dressing better, they will even like come up to me and make sure I notice. I believe all women want to be pretty, than there is life and reality. There is a bit of envy , I wish I were that thin, could wear that.

    My roommate thinks she has the best of both worlds in me. A friend to help with anything from construction to dress making.

    Just continue to be you, there is no need to hide who you are. You'll see, the world will adjust as they all get to know you.

    This is what I have found, and I have more friends than ever.

  16. #16
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    Jean,
    The sexual preferences came up in a conversation with the guy in question when I went to ask if they could look after the dog . They were both in the British Army , he told me the story in front his wife of when she went to the training camp she, had never come across lesbians before so she was shocked . In the same conversation he also said at one time I would have been " Duffed Up !" for doing what I do especially in the army . At this point I told them what my sexual preferences were to put the record straight .

    Doyou feel your roommate is being fair , I feel I'm trapped in that inbetween state because I'm very capable on the consrtuction side but also very capable on the artictic side , I find it so hard to say no because so many people know this , I have to admit the construction side is wearing thin after so many years of doing it .

    I can't argue with just being you . Only today now I've started to renovate my kitchen , I had to buy a new hob unit and new extractor and sink taps and then go onto the builder's merchant to choose worktops , I have to say the sales people were great I was just comfortably me , we had some fun .

  17. #17
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    On the surface this man may be an "insensitive jerk," however, we really do not know what has been going on behind their closed doors? Has there been some discussions going on between husband and wife? Has he made comments behind closed doors concerning his wife's appearance? I always have to chuckle when comments are made about a husband/boyfriend having a wandering eye. I see nothing wrong in appreciating a well dressed and groomed woman. It's another thing to act upon it. The same can be said going the other way.

    In the real word I have observed these neighborhood dynamics or in the work place when a man or woman "dresses up" and the catty comments start. Just this week one of the women who teaches at our local elementary school stopped at our home to drop off somethings. She was wearing a dress which is a rarity at elementary schools these days. She was wearing spiked four or five inch heels. Her hair and makeup looked great. I made a comment about her appearance to my wife, especially about the heels since she has to teach a class for six plus hours each day. My wife said she always dresses like that. That's her style. I am sure every male in the school notices and every man in her neighborhood notices. So, if a guy notices what should a wife do? Slap the crap out of him for noticing? Or give me a friendly nudge and tell him to stop staring? Does the wife feel confident in herself and this will not bother her? Or, she feels inadequate and becomes annoyed or irate?

    It appears to me Teresa is unintentionally showing up these neighbors. It's their problem, not Teresa's. Maybe there is a realization that they have "let themselves go" and need to do some self improvement. Before anyone gets irate with me, it is the same for a guy.

  18. #18
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    Stephanie,
    Interesting point from your example , " That's her style !"

    So take my example , if I had transitioned or was a GG my appearance would be my style end of story . I'm back to this problem again of having to resort to male mode on occasions and they only choose to make contact with me as such . No one is bothered with my style in male mode but I've a style that suits me as Teresa , I'm comfortable with it , I feel it's not OTT , as Jean points out, I now need to stick with it and just keep doing it .

  19. #19
    I accept myself as is Gillian Gigs's Avatar
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    There is a problem any time a husband says to his spouse that another person looks better, or has nicer ______ (fill in the blank), than she does! I think that walls would tend to go up really fast. To complicate matters, he said that you, Teresa, had the nicer _____ than she did. Well, now she is being compared to a guy, CD, TG, I can only imagine the fireworks going off. I know in my case, one of my wife's biggest fears is that I would look better than her. She freely admits that I have great looking legs, especially when I wear hosiery and a skirt. There are areas that any CD'er has to tiptoe around, even with an accepting wife, as an example, I tend not to wear heels while in hosiery and skirt. I figure having two out of three half of the time, is best to keep the peace.

    Take heart, there situation sounds messy, and you just seem to be the poor person getting caught in the middle.
    I like myself, regardless of the packaging that I may come in! It's what is on the inside of the package that counts!

  20. #20
    Super Moderator char GG's Avatar
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    I'm going to chime in once more.

    Just my opinion, but I would avoid this couple other than a pleasant "hello" if you see them out. They sound toxic (to me) and I'm sure you don't want to be in the middle of that. It's not really your problem.

  21. #21
    Member Felicia M's Avatar
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    Teresa -

    this story is fascinating and yes, what a minefield! As others have stated he definitely comes off as a jerk or at a bare minimum has no filter. I feel for the wife as I think its pretty clear she is being compared to you
    and from the sounds of it emotionally scarred over years of marriage. From everything you have stated it sounds like you have been up front and clear with both. From my point of view this is definitely
    their problem and I cannot imagine what you could say that would make a bit of difference.

    I think the only thing you can do is be you and hope things smooth out over time but I wouldn't bet on it.

    FM
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    and I still don?t know if I am a falcon, or a storm,
    or a great song.

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  22. #22
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Char. I suggested that the first time Teresa brought them up in a previous thread.

    Teresa, my roommate is great. We do everything together, she is disabled so I help her alot. I really don't mind. She is ten years older than me. When we are out she gets way more attention with that purple tipped silver hair, than I do. And she has the personality to go with it. I would also like to use her to make a point. She has worked as a framer and retired as a long haul truck driver, driving her own truck. One of her sisters also drove truck.

    Just because you wear a dress doesn't mean you can't do anything anyone else can do.

    If you want to live a gender fluid life then just do it, there is nothing wrong with it.

    It is a bit much/exhausting at times. I do it, I'm completely out, I work as a guy and live as a TG person, representing female. Other than work, if someone will not talk to me in a dress, well then we will not talk. It is that simple, so far it has not been a problem. I introduce myself as Jean. If it is something where I have to show ID, I simply say "and this is my legal name". I haven't run into anyone that will not continue to use Jean after doing this.

  23. #23
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    Char,
    I try very much not to see people like that , I will always attempt to be a good neighbour , I'm still there should they have the need , OK perhaps it's sad I can't totally rely on them . At least I can say I haven't intentionally tried to upset anyone .

    Jean,
    I prefer not to live the gender fluid lifestyle but we all have to accept life isn't perfect , no matter the circumstances the male part is never totally eradicated , even my TS friends have proved that .

    As for the name , I'm so glad I decided to use the femme version of my male name , I'm sure it's helped me slot back in easier with new and older members of my art group , OK they do keep tripping up with the HE/SHE label ,I just gently correct them . It's early days but I'm more than happy how it's going .

  24. #24
    Super Moderator Jeri Ann's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Teresa View Post
    ...but we all have to accept life isn't perfect , no matter the circumstances the male part is never totally eradicated , even my TS friends have proved that.
    This is absolutely NOT true. You cannot speak for everyone just because you have some TS friends.

  25. #25
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    Jeri Ann,
    I know we've had this debate before but I still have to meet someone where this fact isn't true whether they have transitioned or not and I personally may never do so . I accept you have , evenso they are a very small minority .

    At moment the UK is seeing many F/M who wish to de-transition , many are finding they haven't lost some or enough of their female side to continue as men .

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