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Thread: How foolish is this idea?

  1. #1
    Member Jessie Mae's Avatar
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    How foolish is this idea?

    Background:
    I (boy-me) work at a mental health agency.
    There are rainbow triangle Ally signs on lots of office doors.
    I am not Out at work.
    Folks at work can dress up for Halloween.


    The Idea:
    I have this strong desire for Jessie Mae to come into work on Halloween in a witch's costume.

    I don't know why I want to do this, I just do.
    My wife has not tried to dissuade me.
    A therapist colleague friend at works is like, "Why not?"

    The thought both terrifies me and calls to me.

    Somebody talk me out of this.
    Last edited by Jessie Mae; 10-18-2019 at 12:24 PM.

  2. #2
    Member Joyce Swindell's Avatar
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    The only reason it terrifies you is because you're a CD. Any other guy would shrug his shoulders, if it was suggested to him, and say sure. Opportunity is knocking...open the door.

  3. #3
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    Do it with confidence & have fun !!!

  4. #4
    Seňora Member Robertacd's Avatar
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    I believe most of the reasons have been covered in this thread https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...sser-s-Holiday

  5. #5
    Brass Member Patience's Avatar
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    No.

    I’m going to work on Halloween as a woman in a Star Trek uniform. I’m gonna have fun with it.

    I can’t discourage you from doing what I plan to do myself. It’d be hypocritical.
    ...and though she feels as if she is in a play, she is anyway...

  6. #6
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    I would and have done it on Halloween at work. It was awesome!

  7. #7
    Silver Member
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    What Joyce Swindel said!!!

  8. #8
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    It depends what you want. If you want to hint to people that there is something to know about you and gender, without going into details, then this is a perfect opportunity to introduce that without making a long-term commitment. If you didn't want to give that hint you could go be a witch in some random town 50 miles away. Or in a bar full of stoopid people who would take it at face value as a costume. But no, you want to do it in a mental health workplace where you _know_ they'll get the message, so that's your motivation right there.

    If they have rainbow ally flags up they're just going to think - interesting, well good for him/her. You can turn up as "Dave" again the next day, business as usual. But the door is now open and you can follow through afterwards if you want, but you don't have to. The only thing that has changed is that they know you a bit better, which in that sort of mental health environment is probably a good thing.

    I don't see that you have anything to lose, tbh.

    > I have this strong desire for Jessie Mae to come into work on Halloween in a witch's costume.
    > I don't know why I want to do this, I just do.

    It's because you _want_ to give people that hint, to see how they respond. And then you can decide what to do next, if anything.
    Last edited by Eemz; 10-18-2019 at 02:05 PM.

  9. #9
    Lisa Allisa's Avatar
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    Don't make me "put a spell on you". Your only problem is going as a "scary" witch or a somewhat comical witch, I wouldn't go as a sexy witch unless your confidence is way over the top.
    "you are a strange species and there are many out there;shall I tell you what I find beautiful about you ,you are at your best when things are at their worst" ...[ Starman]
    It may of course be a bit disturbing to sense that one is really not so firmly anchored to the gender one was born into.

  10. #10
    Member Jessie Mae's Avatar
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    Yeah, Eemz, you got it right.

    I want to be out at work, so that Jessie Mae would be welcome now and then.

    Not really sure why that seems so important. Its not like I've been hiding this for years.

    "What tangled webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive."


    And Allisa, my wife says I have nice looking legs. Does that count? Ha Ha.
    Last edited by Jessie Mae; 10-18-2019 at 02:17 PM.

  11. #11
    Silver Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
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    Be careful not to look too good. Think about what your costume costs, and compare it to what a reasonable person would spend for a one-off Halloween costume.

    Wig - It should be a cheap costume store variety
    Bra - One of your wife's
    Breast forms - Tennis socks
    Shoes - Get cheap flip flops
    Makeup - You wife (or daughter) did it for you
    Dress - thrift store

    Or buy a woman's costume from Spirit Halloween or similar store. Not just a woman, but a woman in a costume. Supergirl, flight attendant, nurse, lady pirate...

    BTW, I was a mermaid last year, in scale-printed tights and top with a skirt bottom and cheap blue wig. I wore it to my yoga class as an encore presentation. Most girls and no guys commented, but I did get some nice comments from a few girls.
    Last edited by Sometimes Steffi; 10-18-2019 at 02:22 PM.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

    Gender fluid (adj.) - Describes a person whose gender identity is not fixed. A person who is gender fluid may always feel like a mix of the two traditional genders, but may feel [more] like one gender some days, and [more like] another gender other days.

    Ref: https://www.lgbthealtheducation.org/wp-content/uploads/LGBT-Glossary_March2016.pdf

  12. #12
    Platinum Member
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    The question should really be whether you go to work dressed as an old hag witch or as Glenda, the Good Witch from the Wizard of Oz in a pink ball gown.

  13. #13
    Aspiring Member Eemz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JessieMae View Post
    Yeah, Eemz, you got it right.

    I want to be out at work, so that Jessie Mae would be welcome now and then.
    Not really sure why that seems so important.
    It's important because you want the freedom to be yourself and for people to really know you.

    I see your number of posts is low so I presume you're fairly new to this site. What you'll find is that there is a wide range of people and interests here and that people always give advice from their own viewpoint (including me). Some consider themselves 110% male and the dressing thing is just a hobby, like golf or basket weaving. It has nothing to do with who they are. And that's fine. For others, like me, this is part of who I am. And my advice is from that viewpoint because that what I feel like I'm reading in your posts. But none of us are neutral observers so I may be seeing what I want to see

  14. #14
    AKA Lexi sometimes_miss's Avatar
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    The rainbows around work may just be a tag that indicates the person who posted it up there, is supposedly a 'gender friendly' person in a mental health profession. But that doesn't actually mean they are. Remember how every politician wound up wearing an American flag lapel pin after 9/11? Same thing. Once everyone else does it, there's pressure to do the same thing in order to NOT look like the only one who ISN'T gender friendly. I'm not saying anyone isn't. But no one really knows that.
    Most men don't have any desire to dress up as a woman, on Halloween or otherwise. That's why, when we do so, it automatically raises flags to draw attention to it. At the moment, perhaps others may suspect you (?) but shrug it off because there's no evidence of it (unless you're subconsciously giving off slight feminine mannerisms, body language, etc.).
    If you decide to dress as a woman (witch, maid, cook, stewardess, whatever) it's going to plant that image of you in people's minds, and that is one of the things that will come to mind when they think of you. As hate has been made more acceptable, as we've seen over the past few years, there are far more homophobes out there than is obvious.
    So just bear in mind, as always, you can't un-ring a bell.
    If you really want to be out, be out, but understand all that it means.
    The reason I'm not out? I don't want to be a front line warrior in the gender wars. I don't want to paint a target on my back, and have to wonder any time something goes wrong, if it's because I offended the wrong person who wound up working behind the scenes to make my life difficult or miserable.
    Examine, too, why you feel the need to do this. What are the benefits, and the potential negative results.
    If you can live with the worst possible results, then proceed.
    Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
    There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
    Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.

  15. #15
    Aspiring Member NancyJ's Avatar
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    Jessie Mae, Just read your post about coming out to your wife and adult daughters a couple months ago. It sounded like, from your initial post in that thread, that the urge to crossdress was relatively new for you. Given that, I would urge you to slow down and not come out at work YET. IMO, way too soon. Most of us have been dealing with this all of our adult lives and have chosen not to be out at work. As is often noted on this site, you can not unrighteousness the bell. I fail to see advantages to you of rushing this process. If you plan to transition, wait until you have started hormones and are experiencing body changes. Nancy

  16. #16
    Member Felicia M's Avatar
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    I agree with your therapist colleague. "Why not?"
    I have been circling for a thousand years,
    and I still don?t know if I am a falcon, or a storm,
    or a great song.

    Rainer Maria Rilke I live My Life in Growing Orbits

  17. #17
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    I wouldn't touch this one with a pole.

    The people who come to your organisation for help can be quite unstable. Sending someone into a tailspin or into a highly aggressive mood over your appearance is not a good outcome.

    Yes, this is a worst case scenario, but it bears consideration. A triggering event need not be violent to cause trouble.

    That's what I thought, Sara Olivia (#20).
    Last edited by giuseppina; 10-18-2019 at 07:24 PM.
    Cheers
    Giuseppina

  18. #18
    Silver Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
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    "Somebody talk me out of this."

    No.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  19. #19
    Member Sara Olivia's Avatar
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    Years ago I thought it would be great to dress as a woman for Halloween. At the time nobody knew that I was transgender. I mentioned the idea to my therapist at the time. Her response was a defininte no. The reason; for guys its kind of a joke to dress as girls for Halloween, put in huge balloons for breasts and get lots of laughs about the costume from others. But for me as a transgender woman, who someday hopes to get taken seriously as being female my therapist thought it would be the wrong impression to dress the part at Halloween.

  20. #20
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    If your company practices what they indicate they should be fine with your adventure, but some organizations aren't as liberal as they advertise for their customers as they are for employees.
    Last edited by lingerieLiz; 10-18-2019 at 07:46 PM.

  21. #21
    Aspiring Member Maid_Marion's Avatar
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    It is the opposite where I work. Most customers don't know how liberal we are!

  22. #22
    Aspiring Shopaholic BTWimRobin's Avatar
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    I used to work in a very festive office. There was this one very quiet shy guy who used to wear something femme everyday... nothing over the top, maybe a sweater, jeans and flats. Come Halloween this quite shy guy comes to work in full drag, platform stilettos, evening gown, big hair, full makeup. His she side had quite the personality. She was smiling from ear to ear and was all aglow. She totally rocked it. The next day she went right back to being that quiet shy guy.

    If you feel comfortable enough then have fun with it.
    - Robin


    Because life is too short not to.

  23. #23
    Girl about Town Jodie_Lynn's Avatar
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    "Someone talk me out of this"

    Don't do it!

    If you are not out, if you present as a 100% Hetero-normative guy, you will be opening yourself up to a lot of stuff.

    IF you want to go in drag, do so, but DO NOT! be "too convincing". DON'T shave your legs, or arms! Leave a trace of 5 o'clock shadow. Ya know, be "a guy dressed as a broad", and NOT a crossdressing guy.

    DO wobble in your high heels; DO sit "like a guy", etc., etc., if you don't want to be found out.

    Trust me, women will be able to suss you out if you're "too good", and that will lead to rumours and gossip.


    But, it's your life, your career, do as you see fit. Just know, you've been warned.
    Before you can love another, you must first like yourself

    I Aim To Misbehave

    Labels belong on BOXES, not PEOPLE!

  24. #24
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
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    Wear what you like.

    I'm a little curious about something else.

    I may have it wrong, but did you say you want to go back and forth at work as to how you represent?

    I am out but, I live two lives, my work life and my personal life.

    In my personal life I represent as a women.

    At work I represent as a guy, but I do it wearing women's clothes. I do it because it is easier. If I were to transition at work to there would be no back and forth.

    Maybe it is just me, but I don't like to go back and forth as to how I represent with someone. My closest friends don't count.

  25. #25
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    Go for it! I would love to be in that situation.

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