Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 27

Thread: what does it take to get a group going

  1. #1
    its important mykell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    jer-sea shore
    Posts
    4,097

    Red face what does it take to get a group going

    so im struggling its been 3 years that ive volunteered, had a meet-up and cant get a real presence of peeps that share this preference of women's things.

    i read how so many wish they were in denver, detroit, NYC, areas....me im jelous of the PA group and the DC area group as they are just out of reach of convenience,
    ive tried a clothing swap, that little had interest in, would of loved a costume party, christmas party but i cant get a dozen girls together to just chat and have coffee.

    do i smell.....look funny, there are quite a few jersey girls here, i have met some from here, my meet-up, and just by my volunteer gig, CD, trans, non trans, gay, lesbian, some fetish folks that are not even what most would think about.....no leather, high heels or latex.
    each meeting was always so much more rewarding with that up close personal touch being face to face, close to the asbury boardwalk, chef Ramsey was just there the other day on cookman av.

    so those of you that have active groups how did they get the gears going.....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  2. #2
    Super Moderator GretchenJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Northeast US
    Posts
    1,425
    Hey Mykell,

    Set up a meetup group. It seems to generate a lot of foot traffic, and is by far the best way to publicize events.

  3. #3
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    San Francisco Area
    Posts
    11,686
    I don't have an active group but have attended a couple. From one very successful one in Sacramento, CA it was founded by a member from here and a few other people who were in a Tri-Ess group there that was not working for them. From that one group I can see that it was not just one person wanting to do the work necessary to get something going. It was several with common interests, social with support primarily in the open membership rules and the ability of members to get out of the closet to meet like minded people. You need support with everyone sharing the load. It will be a very time consuming task. With several key supporters helping to carry the load, you also get the networking affect as they bring in friends of friends.

    I love your desire to make it happen in your area and wish you the best of luck.

  4. #4
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    4,410
    As with any club, group, or organization it takes a few dedicated core members to do everything to get it started and keep it together.

  5. #5
    its important mykell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    jer-sea shore
    Posts
    4,097
    i had a group meet-up "New jersey transgender S.U.R.F." i still hold on to the name but i spent hundreds to meet a handful of peeps, folks would say they coming, then they would not come in, ended up cancelling the group

    i get it were shy and talk ourselves out of it, my friend list is at least a third jersey peeps
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  6. #6
    Gold Member JenniferR771's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    West Michigan
    Posts
    5,176
    Allie is right.
    An inexpensive place to meet is a big help.
    We have met at the Pride Center and they have four bathrooms suited for changing to dresses. Unisex bathrooms. Some of the mirrors and lighting are good. Parking very near the door is a help--so not much walking down the block in drag. Remember, some will sit in their car for 5 minutes getting up the nerve to open the door and step outside.
    Remember it is difficult for the first timers. Free pizza for newbies. And remember to assign a partner for newbies so they are not allowed to sit in a corner alone.
    Good idea to have discussions or programs or videos to watch on makeup, or nails or styling a wig. Mention cd friendly stores and wig salons.

  7. #7
    its important mykell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    jer-sea shore
    Posts
    4,097
    http://qspot.org/events/calendar-2/

    library lounge, basement of the old neptune high school, its free...jack nicholson and danny devito attended,
    been doing by myself for years.
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  8. #8
    Aspiring Artist Kelly DeWinter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    Wherever there is a Sale or Macys, but mostly Baltimore MD
    Posts
    3,368
    Mykell;

    Baltimore had/has a couple of fairly active groups, that had small fees to cover costs like $10.00 to $20.00 per meeting. I stopped attending, because it felt more like a therapy session. A room was rented at the hotel to change , we had light snack and drinks in a conference room. Everyone sat in a circle and complained about life. Was hard to go back to. I mean its OK for some people. Another group was great, we went to dinner, had parties at homes, went to movies and clubs. Then we had a few people who abused the "no photos without permission" policy and drank way to much during outings that again made the group nervous.

    I've always thought having a house (Think Elks Lodge) that people could come to 1 or 2 times a month would be a good thing.

    The good groups like to get out do things, A small fee is reasonable, Spending $20.00 to $40.00 once a month to get out seems reasonable.
    Kelly DeWinter
    Find Kelly at:
    Kelly's Blog
    Flicker
    [COLOR=#2e8b57

  9. #9
    Gold Member Helen_Highwater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Midlands UK
    Posts
    7,187
    Mykell,

    I know where you're coming from. Each year I offer the opportunity for a meet up in what has to be one of the most safe locations in the UK. While I've had a few takers over the years there's no chance I'll be trampled in the rush. This prompted me to ask what's holding folks back? What's stops you taking that important step.

    No definitive answers but it does seem it's a lot to do with those little demons sitting on shoulders warning of death and mutilation should they step out the door or appear in public certainly for those yet to go out. For those who are regular out and abouter's there's less draw to meet up as they perhaps already have a social life of which dressing is a normal part.
    Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed

  10. #10
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Location
    Orange County, California
    Posts
    3,080
    Check with https://rivercitygems.org/ in Sacramento, CA. As AllieSF mentioned, they are a strong organization Many members go to Diva Las Vegas, and last year, I believe, they and other sisters went on an arranged cruise. These organizations have to be active in activities.. some type of interesting and applicable program at every meeting. When it becomes 'same old, same old', it will start to go down hill (been there, done that). Also. check with the DC bunch. They are very successful.

  11. #11
    Banned Read only
    Join Date
    Dec 2013
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    13,082
    Mykell,
    So many reasons make up a successful social group . I feel it helps if you can get a core of members with wives/partners , they come just for the social side . Venue does help , I prefer a hotel situation where we see more of the public but that tends to restrict the more closeted ones but saying that it's the only way you can build confidence . All my social groups rule out fetish dressing and dating , what members do in their private time is their business . We mustn't forget most of the groups tend to cater for middle aged and older members , the numbers are declining and very few younger visitors come back .

    All I can say is don't give up , there is a need out there for somewhere safe to meet , it's basically a case of getting the ball rolling .

  12. #12
    Gold Member Sometimes Steffi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Nation's Capital
    Posts
    5,587
    I've been in a series of meetup groups in the DC Area, for probably 10 to 12 years now.

    The first one that I was in was a yahoo groups thing. We met in a "straight-friendly" gay bar. There was a who mix of the LGBT community, and there were even regular groups of GGs coming to watch the drag show for "bachelorette" parties. Typically, we would get 6 to 8 girls in out group to come, and sometimes we would get 12 to 18 girls.

    After that, one of the girls decided form a Meetup group and to host the party at her house, which was kind of secluded. We'd typically get 10 to 12 girls, but after a year we were getting 15 to 20, and outgrowing the house. Someone did some research, and found a hotel with a bar and restaurant, and we started meeting there. We've been to 5 to 6 different hotels, but we pretty much limit ourselves to 2 hotels now. I know we dropped 1 hotel because the seemed to be unable to staff the bar so the girls could get their drinks quickly enough. For a while we we regularly getting 50 to 60 girls to how up, and we had 90 for the Christmas Gala a couple of years ago. I've been this group for over 9 years now.

    About a year and a half ago, there was a civil war, and about 200 girls split off to start a smaller group. I joined that group, and stayed in the other group, attending events from both groups. Even though this smaller group has less people, we still have a pretty good turnout. There were a lot of hanger's on in the old group, who were members who never attended any meetups.

    I should also note that we have girls attending from Baltimore, Eastern Shore, Annapolis, Frederick, Virginia Beach, Richmond, the Shenandoah Valley and West Virginia. Most of those areas have started smaller satellite meetup groups.

    So, I have two suggestions:

    1. If you'd like, I might be able to put you in touch with our group organizer for first hand information.

    2. Come to one of our meetups. Our Halloween Meetup (with costumes if desired) is this Saturday (10/26). Our Christmas Gala is 12/14), formal wear suggested.

    I used to live in Marlboro NJ, so I know how long the drive is, assuming you're in the Asbury Park area. A lot of girls that come from more remote areas stay the night at the hotel. Some get there early enough to shop at the nearby mall, and some stay for a morning brunch bar before going home.

    If you can talk 1 friend into going, you can cut the cost in have.

    I've met probably half a dozen girls on CD.com who came to the DC meetup.
    Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.

  13. #13
    Female Illusionist! docrobbysherry's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Orange County, Calif.
    Posts
    24,842
    Mykell, here's my experiences:

    I began going out to local meet ups for T's. Maybe 7 or 8 years ago? In non denominational church spare rooms, etc. There were always 10 to 20 initially. Usually, age 40 and up. Then, I quit going and heard so did others. They all phased out over 3 to 10 months.

    I attend a once a month T girl nite in Long Beach with about 500 other T's, friends, and "admirers". The T's r generally the same ones who have been coming for years and r mostly all 40 and up in age.
    I just returned from TG Rocktober in Vegas. About 100 T's showed up. It's a recent extension of T girl WildSide every May in Vegas. Where about 275 showed up this year. At both these events the girls were mostly 40ish and up. Including the new attendies.

    So, I think you're dealing with a dying breed. Trying to get youngish T's to come out is difficult. I think for a number of reasons:
    Many non binary dressers
    No enuff $$ to attend T events
    Already go out partially dressed to suit themselves and r pretty well accepted by friends and families
    Little or no interest and hanging out with a bunch of old men in dresses

    I guess you're dealing a bunch of older guys afraid to come out until around middle age+. And younger T's that don't care to dress up all the way and don't identify with "us".
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  14. #14
    New Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    Posts
    22
    Wat group in PA???

  15. #15
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greater Houston
    Posts
    3,041
    I didn't start the Houston GNO group. Jeri Ann is responsible for that. As I recall though, she just picked a date and started a thread about it here on crossdressers.com. I guess Houston is a big enough place that there were enough members here, who were local to the area and so inclined, that the event got traction from the start. Since taking over the scheduling of the GNO's, I've reached out via other obvious media. I've quietly made some of my Tri-Ess sisters aware of our monthly gatherings, and reached out to a nearly defunct Yahoo group that seems to have had a similar mission.
    So if there is one requirement that I could name, it's promotion. Reach out via every medium you can find in your local area. Put up a Facebook Group page, Yahoo meetup group, groups.io mailing list. It will still be tough, but without that promotion, nothing will happen.
    Good luck, Mykell.

    Hugs,


    Kelly
    Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".

  16. #16
    its important mykell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    jer-sea shore
    Posts
    4,097
    thanks for the replies,

    i wanted to do this for everyone who stands around after the support groups end, so the after support party. even in the building im in they have some interesting things happening, just invited to an art show which still has the art up if anyone is interested, asbury is LGBT friendly and have events going on all the time, what i wanted to avoid is the bar scene....their is plenty of other groups doing it which i could point you all to if that is your gig, dont like what admirers want as im trying to be family friendly.

    ill have to look into some of the places in asbury and see what kind of cost for staging an event and at one time i was told if you have a meet-up and plan any excursions through that you would need insurance for that ? getting gas and shopping get old and i keep finding stuff i forgot i bought. dont want to risk getting drunk and having to drive back.

    and if anyone would like to chip in dont hesitate to get in touch with me.

    again to those who chimed in thanks for the input and links you shared....
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  17. #17
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    San Francisco Area
    Posts
    11,686
    Mykell,

    I read your family friendly comment as a hidden criticism about going to a place, bar or otherwise, that serves alcoholic beverages. They are fun places for smaller groups. I live in the San Francisco Bay area and, yes, you may encounter and admirer once in a while, a rare while, unless you go to admirers hangouts. There are "all" kinds of people here, and going out can be done with little chance of issues. All of those admirers are friendly and respect one's boundaries if told. They want to be able to frequent where they go and not have troubles with the owners and/or bartenders and other staff because someone complains about them. Other bars, gay, lesbian, LGBT friendly and wine bars (my favorite) are wonderful places to meet up for small groups and socialize. Just about all of the places are family friendly unless one's beliefs are that alcohol is bad. They have diverse clients who are friendly and are not adverse to a friendly conversation.

    I always like your ideas, invitations, to join up for some activity where you work. You need some help, a good partner to make your ideas work for you and for all.

    I wanted to go out in anyway possible and found people on this site for my first forays out into the real world. I later joined some social support groups, like the Gems, for their social meetup in restaurants and friendly hotels. It started small and with support from some key members (your friends for example) they were able to grow and have a lot of fun along the way. I just doubt that you can do this alone. Start small and let the group growby word of mouth (like advertising outing here), as attendees tell others they know about the fun that they had.

    You also might want to look at, and/or define, who is it you are trying to reach and help. Newbies are different from closeted, closeted are different from those that get out once in a while, and so on. Some are limited in what they can do and others just need a little help and someone to support them when out, or push them a little to go out.

    I am assuming your intent is to have social gatherings versus pure support ones than can almost be like group therapies for some. The support only ones tend to get boring after a while and need a lot of members to keep going as current members move on to a more social times. I believe that most just want an opportunity to get out a little bit or a lot into the real world to have some fun.

    I really recommend contacting the River City Gems in Sacramento and see how they started and how they maintain interest and members. They have drab only outings so that the newer members can get to know each other and learn how to build up their courage to get out dressed. You can join their email list, which gets you access to their website and also get an idea of what they do. They try to accommodate all levels of CD's to TS's, and so far they are successful.

    I just want to help you meet your goals of helping others. Good luck.

    Allie

  18. #18
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Central NY
    Posts
    3,655
    Forming a group today is going to be an uphill battle. Trans support groups have been in a decline over the last 15 years, after peaking with the rise of the internet.

    Finding crossdressers is even harder. We used to be the bulk of a given trans support group, now we are a small minority.

  19. #19
    Silver Member Aunt Kelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2016
    Location
    Greater Houston
    Posts
    3,041
    Vickie has highlighted an important distinction; social group or support group. The interpersonal dynamics are different, as are the rules of decorum. There is certainly some overlap, and there is no standard set of rules to which groups of either type will adhere. Just something to think about as you consider as you work to bring something into being.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Jean 103's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Central Coast, CA
    Posts
    1,817
    You mentioned a support group, and members wanting a more social thing.

    The support group I attend was talking about setting up a private Facebook page so members could organize their own meet ups.

    Right now the only way is for members to exchange numbers. The on line thing is an extension of the existing group. Making it easier for members to organize their own things.

    Also if you are going to organize a new group, I suggest you reach out to other existing groups. Their members may be interested in also attending your social things.

  21. #21
    New Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Location
    SW Missouri
    Posts
    13
    Wish there was a group in Missouri!

  22. #22
    Silver Member Micki_Finn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Southern California
    Posts
    3,630
    I think the general concept of “social groups” is becoming a bit pass?. The problems with groups like this is “what exactly is your crossdressing group going to DO?” Bridge clubs, book clubs, knitting circles, etc all have some sort of shared activity at their heart. Crossdressing in itself isn’t an activity. It’s a way to prepare for activities.

    When you say “I’m starting a social group for crossdressers” my first thought is a bunch of guys going over to one person’s house and them all dressing each other up which personally is not my scene. You need some sort of focus to your group. Maybe a local club has a CD night and you could get a group to go to that every month/week etc. Or some other interest you have. CDs who work on cars, or go to the theater together, or even just a shopping group.

  23. #23
    Silver Member Kandi Robbins's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2014
    Location
    Kandi's Land!
    Posts
    2,610
    It has been my experience that groups based solely on "being dressed" are not sustainable. You do that once or twice and it is no longer of any interest.

    Our people, so to speak, all have different circumstances that make getting together on a regular basis difficult. DADT, discomfort with going out, only home dressers, etc... It's like herding cats. No one will commit to anything.

    I hate to say it but, it won't work. It's best to mainstream your activities if you are seeking social interaction. Once I realized that, my life got so much better, so much easier.

    Believe me, it's not you. Bless you for trying, but the groups that have sustained are outliers, most eventually fade away.
    Visit Kandi's Land (http://www.kandis-land.com/) daily! Nothing but positive and uplifting posts!
    Pictures and stories of every time out: https://www.flickr.com/photos/131254150@N06/.

  24. #24
    its important mykell's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    jer-sea shore
    Posts
    4,097
    I read your family friendly comment as a hidden criticism about going to a place, bar or otherwise, that serves alcoholic beverages.
    so im not trying to be a prude, just want this to be something where folks like us can come to in a family capacity, brother,sister, mom, dad, uncle aunt, as well as like minded.
    inevitably i will run across someone who will tell me ive never met anybody like me, of coarse at this point i know where to send most for the purpose they need. i feel blessed on those occasions.

    we have a pride center in highland park nj, there is one in jersey city and staten island even, but not in asbury nj, which i cannot figure out why, the need is here, these centers are a mixed bag of support and activities and hang outs, they are all just out of reach as far as convenience though.

    i would have no problem mentoring someone to do a first outing, shopping for or with someone, checking out some of the abundant eateries in asbury, or elsewhere, micro breweries are popping up all over, wine bars would be limited to wineries and that would have to be pre planned which once we swap phone nunbers with each other should be something to able to pull off.

    the support only meeting i started with became mundane but i miss the people i got to meet, but sitting through the 2 hour meeting to jibber jabber afterward. so that is why i feel it is relevant still. i mean it happens in CA, philly, DC, Clevland, Houston, Detroit, sure i missed some. i objectively think im crazy for doing sometimes but it gets me out of the house and time to be myself and i have taken on tasks to do when things are slow, in nicer weather i think folks tend to have more activities to do, i should of tried a BBQ during the summer for instance.

    and again thank you all for responding and offering your tips and tricks, i think our jersey girls need to represent....or if they are let us know where.

    as a side note i finally had time to respond to this while sitting alone after a regular left to get theyre bus.

    for thatgirl :
    https://www.google.com/search?client...pflag+missouri
    Last edited by mykell; 10-24-2019 at 06:48 PM.
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  25. #25
    Member CD Rachel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2017
    Location
    North Eastern Pennsylvania
    Posts
    140
    ChelsiR- If you find it then please let me know LOL, I am in NE PA, the Poconos and would love to find a group for get together and outings.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State