Heyyy Im trying to build the courage to go out dressed for the first time ever. Just wondering how you other ladies done it? I feel like if I done this I would have a heart attack from so much adrenaline lol Advice would be muchly appreciated.
Heyyy Im trying to build the courage to go out dressed for the first time ever. Just wondering how you other ladies done it? I feel like if I done this I would have a heart attack from so much adrenaline lol Advice would be muchly appreciated.
The first time is always stressful but it gets easier the more you do it.
I got dressed up and left the house before I could talk myself out of it.
Just relax and remember nobody really cares. Hold your head up and walk with confidence. It's all about attitude, think of yourself as the most beautiful woman in the world and all those looks are people enchanted by your beauty.
It gets easier every time.
Soon going out en-femme will be second nature.
The first couple of times I went outside my home was to take evening drives. My fem wardrobe consists only of dresses for outerwear. I wore a sleeveless white knee length dress, hosiery and white sandals. I had on makeup and a blond wig. After several times driving around the neighboring area I got out of the car and took an evening walk. I remember I wore a long sleeve knee length red dress and red heels with the same blond wig.
I had the itch to actually try to make contact with other humans. I was probably in my late thirties when I choose to do that. It was on Halloween. I actually went out for two Halloweens. The first time I wore a long sleeve jade dress with a black floral design and black heels and hosiery. Same blond wig and makeup. I went bought donuts at a Winchell's Donuts House. The next year I wore a solid black long sleeve dress, black hosiery and heels. I went into a nearby Safeway and bought soda and snacks. When I get the chance I still take evening strolls in a nearby residential neighborhood.
Advice? Well, the cross dressing day of the year is approaching next week; Halloween. Even if you cannot muster the courage to go into a store for a brief time at least taking a drive and a stroll should be doable. My wife use to take seven to ten day trips to see our out of state daughter. I love evening strolls in the Pacific Northwest persistent fall rain. Strolling with an umbrella offers some degree to privacy if hiding an otherwise masculine face is a perceived necessity.
As to other times of the year and still lacking courage to mingle (like me) you can fabricate trips for brief forays into the community. I venture out to return library books to the night return slot at several local libraries. No need to return a book. Just drop in some pieces of paper. Or mail a letter at a corner mailbox. Or retrieve one of those free newspapers.
I guess I should have said that I still live in the same small that I grew up in... everybody knows everybody. I don?t really care what others think of me. I just don?t want my s.o getting grief from anyone that recognizes me. Iv thought about going to the closes big city but I know quite a few people that live in the area too.
Well honey you might want to have a little talk with your SO before going out in public.
My SO is fully supportive that makes all the difference and gives me confidence.
Most, including me, start by going out for night time drives developing that into brief walks away from the car. The walks get longer as time goes by. A drive might include a drive through fast food restaurant as a first one on one encounter or pay at the pump fuel for the car.
When it finally comes to truly mingling then there's nothing for it but pulling up your big girl knickers and going for it.
My experience was to go shopping in daylight. It seems counter intuitive but daylight offers greater safety as do shops. No late night drunks, folks are intent upon doing their own thing and it's easier to hide in a crowd.
I like so many others don't pass close inspection but we've learned to blend in. Dress to match the time of day and location. If you're going shopping, wear the same sort of things GG's wear. Usually nothing to showy, Low heels or flats, light on the makeup, in fact just tone everything down. Forget mini skirt and killer heels unless you're looking for attention.
So, I'm in the car park outside the department store. Deep breath, out the car, coat off back seat (the one in my avatar), move hair over collar and put bag on shoulder. Remember to lock the car, head up and walk with confidence in through the doors. Butterflies going ten to the dozen. You think everyone will instantly look at you, they don't. You may get glances but don't fret it, stay calm and carry on. It helps if you have a plan, mine was to browse the costume jewelry. DON'T SKULK. Go about your business just like everyone else and you'll blend in. Butterflies land and the pulse rate comes down.
Within a few minutes, say 10, I'd gone round the racks and was now making my way outside to go into half a dozen others shops. Yeh I got read a few times but we just passed like ships in the night. That was it, I was hooked. I bought makeup in Boots, holdups in Debenhams. No pointing fingers, no laughter, and if you should need to talk to an SA, just forget you're dressed and talk to them as you would if in drab. Be polite, look them in the eye and try to smile. All will be good.
Who dares wears Get in, get out without being noticed
Stop thinking about it as something you might be "caught" doing. Like Roberta says, nobody really cares, so don't act like they should. I know, I know. That can be a tough thing to do, so my advice is to think about that, rationally, until you really believe it. Step out with confidence. If you don't, you're going to regarded with suspicion - "Why is that cross-dresser acting so creepy?"
Last edited by Aunt Kelly; 10-22-2019 at 11:27 PM.
Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".
My recommendation: build up. Start by going out for a night time drive while dressed. After you do that a couple or times, you will realize that the world isn't coming to an end. Then you can go for a daytime drive. Once you have completed a couple of those, you can go to a pharmacy or convenience store in the next town over (or the other side of your city) and buy a stick of gum or a bottle of water. The exercise of walking through the aisles, waiting in line and interacting with the cashier will be harmless and incredibly instructive. Once you have done that a few times, move onto the suggestions listed in this thread. Please keep in mind that you will be obsessed with whether or not others notice you. Most don't and those who do don't care. People are incredibly self-absorbed. Have fun!
Some CDers bring attention to themselves by "acting so creepy". Their eyes dart around (looking to see if others are looking at them), they are so self conscious that they don't walk with a purpose but slink around "in the shadows", and they don't respond if someone addresses them. Don't act like a scared rabbit. If you are going to go out, act like you would in "man mode". I realize it will be hard for you. Just have fun with it.Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly
I have only been out once and that was in the car at night, although inevitably there were a few places where the light was substantial.
I wore a loose skirt, jumper and wig with the usual underpinnings. I major issue was my beard, but managed to keep that under the windscreen, I don?t think anyone noticed.
It was a great experience and am glad I did it, but I wouldn?t try again until the beard is gone, I have a decent wig, and have more experience of make-up (don?t usually bother as I am a DAT situation).
Go for it and enjoy it. Good luck
Vikky.
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My first time of really being in the real world I took a short vacation to Denver. I left the hotel dressed spent an entire day out. I when shopping, thought a drive through and just had a good time. This eased the stress of being recognized. Every time I go out is easier, and I am now leaving from home dressed. Just dress to blend in and no one real pays that much attention to you.
Good luck!
Sara,
Before you do go out relax, dress to blend and be an actress.....act confident, walk confident. And not not let nerves overtake you and act like Char explained. I have seen that many times and trust me everyone will be looking to see what the heck is wrong .
Better yet go to a cd/ tg event for your first outing.
You are not doing anything wrong so do not act like you are.
It gets easier.
Is your Gg going along?
Next town over might be an idea because if you live in a small town your car might be well know ....we had a purple mustang and we first went out that was a concern so we drove mine.
Enjoy and relax soon it will be old hat.
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All I can say is “What’s the worse that can happen, and how is that different than boy mode? Name calling? Surely you’ve had someone say something negative to you before? Random violence? That could just as easily happen in boy mode, and you don’t let that keep you stuck in the house right? Basically, there’s nothing that can happen to you that couldn’t happen in drab, so why worry about it just because you’re wearing a dress?
Get your appearance down first; decide where you might want to go and check it out first in guy mode, see what the women are dressed like so you can blend better. That way you won’t feel like you’re showing up to a ball game dressed for the opera
Michaela
If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice. - Rush
I've said it many times here. Rather than doing it step by step, I took a big plunge into the vanilla pool. I went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival en drabbe and rented a wench costume at the faire. I get dressed, with the costume ladies lacing up my waistband, put on my makeup and wore a kerchief over my head to cover the bald spot, and walked out into the faire. I must have been seen by over 10.000 people, with very little reaction. Several girls picked up on my disguise and gave me a big smile and a thumbs up. One drunk guy read me and kind of freaked out. He tried to approach me, but the friends that he was with grabbed him and pulled him away.
Hi, I'm Steffi and I'm a crossdresser... And I accept and celebrate both sides of me. Or, maybe I'm gender fluid.
I don't go out, and very rarely get fully dressed, but the other day I ran across a few pictures of me from twenty years ago and not only would I have not recognized myself, I would have accepted what I saw in the pictures as a woman.
I personally don't have the desire to go out and pass, but I think most of the difficulty is between the person's ears.
I wrote about it (at length) here: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums...ing&highlight=
That was three years ago. Since then, I've been out probably 150 times, bought a small boatload of clothes, made several GG friends, been out in multiple cities AND another country (Australia), written about my times out in a blog (Kandi's Land), and joined a local TG group.
And had a lot of fun along the way.
I just stepped out and did it my first time. I had already been shopping in guy mode and trying things on in stores but no one had ever seen me en femme. One night I wanted to go out dressed up. I decided to go someplace I felt was safe, the local mall. I was definitely scared... completely. But I finally got out of the car and made my way inside. I went to Lane Bryant, a place I was sure I'd be accepted. I was accepted and was complimented a few times by sales associates and fellow customers on my outfit. The butterflies went away quickly and I go out dressed up much more easily more easily after a great 1st experience.
Well, I wouldn't go that far, but you're absolutely right, Char. Act like the person you want others to see. Someone once suggested that we "...make them think that you're the best thing that's happened to them all day. It's amazing how different the world seems when we make that leap.
Calling bigotry an "opinion" is like calling arsenic a "flavor".
It's pretty simple, as I've been told " if you are going to look like a lady then act like one". It is really that simple.
Go and do things other women do. Where and when they do.
Wear what you feel and look good in. Eventually you can develop your own style.
It's not owning it as they say. It is being the person you want to be. If you are happy the way you are then just be yourself.
Be sure of yourself, I know you don't have the confidence yet, this is where you will have to fake it till you do. Hard to do at first, but it will make things much easier.
I came out in the small town I grew up in. I was going out so much I was becoming popular. I came out to stay ahead of it.
To avoid this you should probably go somewhere else.
Try to remember that while this is a huge thing for you, it's only a few seconds of their entire life to everyone you meet. Char is right, what draws attention is looking like you plan to rob the place or something. You're thinking "why are they all looking at me, they know! they must know!!" in reality they're thinking "why is that woman sweating in the middle of winter? and shaking like a leaf. is she ill?"
Char is correct. Don't act creepy. I have been out and about and encountered other CDs who look like they're casing the place to come back with an assault rifle. Relax and remember that even though this is an intense, emotional experience for you, no else could care less.
Hey Girl,
I have been out off and on for a few years I have found that if you stand tall, smile, seem to have purpose( not just lurking in the lingerie isle) People will generally either ignore or be nice to you. Usually cashiersare engaging.
Have fun!
Jenn
I think what others have mentioned is the most important point; don't look nervous (I know harder said than done). Look at it this way; if you re truly worried about being "read" it is much more likely to happen if you appear nervous, paranoid, etc. As a makeup artist told me years ago at one of my sessions "Watch how women interact. They will smile at each other when passing; something men never do" I've tried that often and it does work.
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