I live alone I want to tell the whole world BUT where I live it would not be a smart thing to do. It would be almost a deadly and very painful to me if many of the people around me were told, I live in a strong narrow-minded area. At present it is a DADT type of situation.
Leslie Mary Shy
Remember this:
You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
_________________________
Ha! For me, every aspect of crossdressing is entirely self indulgent! Coming out would be self destructive.Originally Posted by kimdl93
The need to tell other is not always a bed of roses whereas it gives one comfort that a long held secret is no longer buried but out there for all to consume there is the inherent danger of losing either or both friends as well as some family members. For this very reason when my daughter comes to visit me in a couple of weeks time although I want to I will not be telling her simply put after my first divorce I lost all contact with my daught for getting on twenty years, if I told her and she did/could not accept me I would have lost what 20 years of looking to find. That alone is too great a thing to bear should it go wrong.
I have found around where I live that is my local French friends and neighbours who accept me the most my ex pat friends are the ones who cannot for whatever reason get to grips with my life as it is now, I feel a slight holding back with a couple of them and another couple who it would seem have turned against me completely.
So coming out has good points and also bad, be prepared that some aquantances/family can be lost along the way.
I started life a lost man now I am a found woman
The way I see it, if people can’t accept me for who I am, then they weren’t really friends or family to begin with.
My favorite quote of the day!
Simply an avid clothing enthusiast...
Very good advice Gretchen thank you!
Responses like yours is why I made this post, very helpful!
Micki, What you say is right, if a friend is a true friend then that friend shouldaccept and remain a friend, as you say how true a friend are they?
I started life a lost man now I am a found woman
kimdl93 You are a deep person, my friend. We are all capable of great good, or great bad, and all people hurt each other at times. Forbearing and forgiving is not easy, and accepting all the things we and others are, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Going back for a moment to when I was straight, married, kids, right house in the right neighborhood, friends all the same. How would I have reacted to someone coming out to me? I'm not talking about my girl side. I'm talking about the publicly known side. Thinking through the various scenario's, I probably wouldn't have the openly accepting reaction that I should have. Just being honest. I'd have turf/image to protect.
No one said you have to force your beliefs on anyone else, but that doesn’t mean 1) you need to keep them in your life or 2) that we should pander to their wrongheaded beliefs. These people are just social flat-earthers.
Stacy I think we've all had that urge to tell people and there's a lot of good advice here but only you know the people you wish to tell and what the likely outcome may be. My wife knows and accepts, she's told her best friend who's now seen me dressed and she told her husband, a good fiend of mine. I've told my best female friend who was not interested and asked why would I tell her such a thing. I've told my 75 year old mother who was absolutely fine with it after I explained it was a stress reliever and I told my sister, why I dont remember but she was cool with it. I've visited a female cousin of mine while dressed and her daughter was there too. No negativity really.
It's really up to you and how you think people will take it, there are no guarantees, best of luck.
So, for me, I am lucky and have a supportive wife, but when I came to terms with the truth that I needed to express my femininity 100% of the time, it was more important than worrying about upsetting anyone. But I’ve also never really expressly came out and told people, I’ve just kinda gradually changed. I’ve lost touch with some people, and that’s just fine.
Most everyone in my life just accepts me for me, and I just try to be myself, the same person they’ve always known.
IMHO, you just need to ask yourself the question, “do I need to open this door, and do I need open it right now?”
If you do, then outing yourself may be ok, but it’s so personal, and so difficult, only you really know
I came out to my "best friend" who I thought would be ok with it. It was a GG. I was in her bridle party. She then had to tell all our mutual friends. I was pissed at first, then ok with it. Unfortunately as time passed, we drifted apart (she moved across country, started a family, etc.).
Thank you so much to each every person that took the time to read and respond to my post. The advice and insight is truly valuable and has helped a ton! I've decided to keep things quiet and to myself for the time being and see how things go. Once again thank you!
Sharing it with others would divide them into two camps: those who accept and those who don't. Are you perhaps thinking that you would be more free to dress in front of the accepting camp, which would increase the time you spend dressed?
I'm guessing that crossdressing in the closet is an isolating experience, which is not good for people who don't enjoy isolating. But a word of warning - just because a family member or a friend might accept it in concept, it doesn't mean they'd be prepared to do things with you while you are dressed. My SO and I have experienced this with the few friends outside of the TG community that we've told. They still like us and want to do things with us in guy mode, but they just don't feel comfortable being around it, especially in public.
Reine
I came to accept my cross-dressing later in life after I was married and had children. Revealing it would cause social and professional issues.
I prefer to keep it private. I fugure it took me long enough to come to terms with it that I can't expect others to embrace it quickly.
My wife suspects but does not want to know for sure. She is open-minded but fully realizes her family is not. So I would never put her in such an awkward position.
I have gone to a few TG events and visited gay bars. That is about as open I'll be publicly.
Any I'm fine with that.
You wish for what you get, but it does not work out well every time. There is so much that can be lost, the rejection of friends and of family, this very thing happened to a friend of mine, told her grown up kids she was TS, what happened? one told him (now her) "you are an effing freak" and cut of all ties it has taken close on 15 years or so for only just a tentative reconnection. So I would be very careful, also in time you would not want the wrong people to find out, employer, work collegues and so forth.
I started life a lost man now I am a found woman
The problem remains. Many people feel as strongly about gender as they do about their religion. Would they remain your friend if you started dressing in brightly colored robes, shaved your head, did a chant whenever you were with them,and pestered them and their families to convert to some bizarre religion?
Probably not. Or maybe they would, but they'd probably not want to hang around you much anymore, if at all. I have a sister that I came out to, and she will respond in case I have an emergency, but other than that, she never initializes contact, and responds to me in one word or very short, closed end, answers. The friends gradually removed themselves from my life.
I lost some friends and family that I disclosed my 'true self' to. I don't have that many left. So I hesitate to tell them something that they don't need to know, and might upset them. We don't live in a vacuum. Our behavior has consequences. Not everyone is willing to jettison everyone else in our lives, just to 'be our true selves'.
Last edited by sometimes_miss; 10-28-2019 at 12:01 PM.
Some causes of crossdressing you've probably never even considered: My TG biography at:http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...=1#post1490560
There's an addendum at post # 82 on that thread, too. It's about a ten minute read.
Why don't we understand our desire to dress, behave and feel like a girl? Because from childhood, boys are told that the worst possible thing we can be, is a sissy. This feeling is so ingrained into our psyche, that we will suppress any thoughts that connect us to being or wanting to be feminine, even to the point of creating separate personalities to assign those female feelings into.
Something Miss, well said.
Leslie Mary Shy
Remember this:
You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
Live your life on your terms not others. I realized this at 50 years old. I lost false friends and family, not much of a loss really.
Be true to yourself. Once I stopped giving a shit what others thought, my stress levels declined. You only have one life, don't waste it.
And why not be selfish? If you're not good for you, you can't be good for anyone else.
They will just have to deal with it, you can't control how others feel.
Be yourself. If you let this haunt you, it WILL haunt you.
It's not easy to let go and be yourself, I've been there and wish I had the courage when I was younger to have been myself.
That first set of steps in being is hard.
In our minds we all have our dream figure and look. Rarely will we be able to fit into that dream. Our skeletal structure just won't let it happen. We need to build our "dream look" on what we CAN meet. Loosing poundage MIGHT be doable, bending bones is not. We need to learn to work with what we have to give us what WE, ourselves, feel is the best look. Be happy with what you have. Take small steps to alter how you present.
Leslie Mary Shy
Remember this:
You do not have to be a man to love a woman, or be a woman to love women's clothes on her or yourself.
I mentioned my situation in another thread, rural area, in the closet, neighbor tried out for pro football team, neighbor behind me is big into auto racing and my son is a camo clad hunter. There is a large metro area under and hour where I have seen trans women when I went to a venue to see a relative's band but there are a lot of muggings so that would be risky alone even if I wanted to go out. Actually I mostly like to wear lingerie, wig, jewelry and makeup and do have a couple dresses but I wouldn't be passable which leads back to the area I live in.
I'm in my late 60's and have been dressing to the extent possible since the mid 1960's having gathered and purged many times along with a lack of privacy in the home that precluded dressing. Another dynamic changed things as far as coming out might go for me as my oldest daughter recently came out as a lesbian and will be getting and amicable divorce that includes joint custody. Everyone has been very supportive of her but we obviously regret losing the association of a beloved son-in-law so this really isn't a good time for me to drop another bombshell. I think my wife would be forced by her conduct in these other situations and her giving me a hall pass and being accepting of alternative lifestyles to accept me as a CD. Maybe I'm the one who isn't ready as coming out would necessitate dieting and taking this a lot more seriously.
Sometimes I think that I push it into the background and stay stealth because I'm afraid of what I would become if I could dress whenever I want and order clothes online. In other words, I think that I'm afraid of what I might find out that I really am. Does that make sense?
I'm not passable but I do shave my legs and armpits back and chest and am not a particularly hairy person so I love how I feel shaved totally smooth and like to paint my toenails red and my finger nails with clear polish. There is a sexual component to my dressing that I have come to accept and admit so coming out would be twice as hard although I do have a "hall pass" that was intended I'm sure for having a fling with a woman if I was so inclined. These feelings came rushing into my consciousness after things ended at home due to the "change" and other health issues. I won't go into that part of it any further except to say that I do have a couple of CD friends who I sometimes visit. We're older so our sessions do include more sitting around dressed chatting than anything else at this stage of our lives.
Anyways, coming out to me would consequently be a bigger reveal than just the fact that I love to dress and put on makeup and jewelry.
hello Stacy Lyn,
I dress in private, though there may be many people who know that because they may have seen me shopping.
Unless I choose to dress in public it is nobody's business than mine (and my wife's).
If anyone were to ask me then I would not lie about it.
We are doing nothing wrong!
You are right to ask yourself what coming out would achieve - if you need more freedom to dress than that would be a good reason to come out.
luv J
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