Is there really a woman within?

[donnalee]

One of the more common concepts on this site is that of the "feminine side" of our personalities that we express when dressing. While this may be true for others, I've never felt that I've had one. My personality remains unchanged, although it may appear to others to have done so. I am just as likely to pick up a socket wrench as an eyebrow pencil (actually more likely as I gave up on makeup sometime back and actually prefer women who don't use it, or if they do, do so very lightly).
I don't think we should necessarily invoke some sort of multiple personality as an excuse for a clothing preference. Mine is perverse enough to come up with that on it's own. All I know is that the level of comfort afforded by a full length silk skirt is it's own reward and needs no such excuse.

[Alice Torn]

DL I can sure relate to what you wrote. I have older vehicles, and have to work on them an awful lot, all my adult life. I am an abused man, from my extremely toxic family, and i am insane, at least much of me is, and an extremely sensitive depressive damaged misunderstood tortured soul. No love in this toxic world. Dressing is my artistic temporary escape from the living hell of my family and life. Not sure about the woman within. I tend to think like an abused man or woman.

[GaleWarning]

I am the same donnalee. I believe my personality is the same, whatever I am wearing.

[Stephanie too]

Hi Alice Torn. Realy sorry to hear about the pain in your life and sincerely hope you continue to find peace with this. I always find comfort within the pink fog.

I find expressing my feminine side a beautiful contrast to my daily male role. I enjoy exploring this new opportunity.

[Elizabeth G]

I wouldn't say my personality changes when I dress. I have some strong feminine aspects to my personality in general that are always there and dressing is an outward way for me to express them. I'm not using it as or looking for an excuse.

[NancyJ]

donnalee, I really do not think of myself as having a woman within, multiple genders, or taking on a different persona or personality when I dress. As I have written about elsewhere on this forum, my view is that gender, and transgender, is a continuum. Some people are, and feel, solidly male. I do not. I feel more female whether or not I am presenting as a man. The image you see in my avatar IS my self-image and I often am literally surprised (and frankly disappointed) to look in the mirror and see my male presentation staring back.

For me, it is not that I somehow become somebody different when I dress. I am always the same person, always the same place on the gender continuum, just playing different roles and wearing different costumes. So, I have never liked or agreed with the terminology of feminine side or woman within. I just do not compartmentalize like that. Wearing women’s clothes, for me, is gender confirming. Nancy

[GretchenM]

The crossdressing behavior we all exhibit to some degree or other takes on many forms of expression and reaction. It seems to be the nature of the phenomenon. There is no right way or wrong way; there are just different ways and the behavior serves many different purposes. For me there is a definite shift that occurs in my thinking and that seems to generate the desire to express differently than the way of social expectations.

But in reviewing the professional, peer reviewed literature on the subject, it appears that may be one way that some use, others achieve the feeling of femininity by dressing. In other words, the clothes trigger the feeling rather than the feeling triggering the dressing. Then there are others who dress in women's clothes but never really gain the feeling of "being a woman."

Of course the feeling of being a woman is mostly an expression, a way to state what is felt. The fact is, nobody feels like a man or a woman - they feel like themselves. So the feeling like a woman is more of an interpretation of how one feels and with no other way to actually communicate the feelings in such a way that others can understand, the expression is generated. At least that is what some experts in this field believe is the case. In other words it is not a matter of simple cause and effect. It is a complex behavior where a person adapts their behavior and the feelings they have to express it in the terms of the society in which they live. In that sense, the behavior that we exhibit, is no different than the behavior that everybody exhibits. It is all a matter of adapting our personal, individual sense of self as generated by the interplay of physiology, genetics, and environmental influences. It is a style of expression that identifies a location, your location, on a vast and diverse spectrum of actually normal behaviors.

In societies where the behavior we exhibit is perfectly acceptable the conflicts we experience as a result of living in a society that has a different view of sex and gender simply do not occur. People like us feel perfectly acceptable and are viewed as perfectly acceptable although different from the more "normal" people in that society and culture. If those gender variant people came here they would likely face the same conflicts many of us face. And they would be very puzzled about why being who they are is somehow not alright in the view of many.

In my view, your personal perception of yourself and your reactions are normality for you. The problems that sometimes arise come from finding ways to adapt that feeling of self to a social context where it is not, at least at present, widely accepted by "normal" people - whatever "normal" might be relative to the social context. If your behavior serves a purpose in your life then it may be a behavior that allows some degree of adaptation to the society in which you live. Even though what you and others like you and like the rest of us who do this may seem out of whack with reality it most certainly is not. It is our way of adapting who we are personally to a society that avoids the need to deny yourself to fit. That denial never ends well. In short, you are fine. It is just a difficult adaptive behavior to implement. Fortunately, society is changing rapidly so people like us are viewed as more acceptable, even though different. But it may be a long time before people like us are accepted completely by all.

So, is there really a woman within? No, there isn't. There is only you within and you are configured along the lines of the multitude of ways that human beings can be configured. My suggestion, is to enjoy being yourself and who you are, but do it wisely. You are just a part of the minority group the rest of us are a part of. Why? There are no firm answers, but it does appear to be a part of the vast and wonderful diversity that is a part of being human.

[Alice Torn]

Nancy, I can relate with what you wrote. I think part of why i am this way, is my mom was smothering, and my dad was distant, and great troubles between my dad and i. I think i am a lot like my mom , but sometimes like my morose, angry dad, too

[Ressie]

I find "no personality change" to be true with most of the CDs that I know in real life. It also seems to be true with the few transexuals that I've met. As far as a woman within, that's not the same as personality and it varies with each of us from zero-X%. That could be psychological, hormones or something else physical.

With me, the thought and feeling of a woman within comes and goes. If my personality changes it's kind of just an act, or is it a part of me that wants to be expressed? Anyway, it's a good question to ponder.

[Angela Marie]

Gender is a continuum; as is society's expectations of how a male or female should react, dress, or engage in specific activities (i.e. sports, "masculine" activities such as construction, etc.). That having been said there are emotional, and physiological differences between the sexes. I fall many times on the female side: and the dressings and mannerisms are a reflection of that.

[Micki_Finn]

DL I can sure relate to what you wrote. I have older vehicles, and have to work on them an awful lot, all my adult life. I am an abused man, from my extremely toxic family, and i am insane, at least much of me is, and an extremely sensitive depressive damaged misunderstood tortured soul. No love in this toxic world. Dressing is my artistic temporary escape from the living hell of my family and life. Not sure about the woman within. I tend to think like an abused man or woman.

If your family is abusive, there is no rule forcing you to stay. Why not remove yourself from said toxic situation?

[LilSissyStevie]

Short answer: No.

Longer answer: The reason I felt there might be a "woman within" is that I never felt that I measured up to my own exaggerated ideas of manliness. I didn't want to either. So by default I must be feminine or have a feminine side. or a woman within, or be a woman trapped in a mans body or something like that. But that's flawed logic. The fact that I like lasagna, Vivaldi, and Gina Lollobrigida doesn't make me Italian. (nor does it make you not Italian if you don't like those things.) So not being the paragon of manliness or liking "feminine" things does not make me female in any way. It's fun to pretend, though.

[Robertacd]

I really feel the same as you do, I have always said there is no "woman living in side me" DRAG or DRAB I am the same person with the same thoughts, fears and desires.

I prefer to present as female because that's how I always feel, I can't just turn it off and put it all away until next time.

[Jean 103]

For me the answer is yes

It's complicated as I live like two lives. My work life and my personal life.

Yes at all times I'm the same person, even though my behavior may be a little different. I have been told I think like a girl, I don't know what that means. I do get emotional.

I'm out and not hiding, I have found that most everyone accepts me. A few years ago I was standing with a friend, we are in the middle of the room with our backs against the bar. A small town locals hangout. this is my home town, these people are my friends. Anyway my friend looks at me and says " you know we are the only normal people here". My friend is a machinist , normal guy. I'm me, in a dress and heels.

Yesterday I worked construction during the day. I was working for a friend so I left my nails on. I normally don't as work trash's your nails. last night I took my roommate to the bar for the Halloween party. I made her a poodle skirt and my sexy nun costume.

So worked all day with my nails that I had put on the day before, and lost one at the bar.

My gay boyfriend who dumped me, we are still close friends. his sister is a costume designer, lives in LA, made him a beautiful wedding dress that he wore last night, full beard. Also another couple I know we're dressed alike. I don't know the characters but they were both in blue chiffon dress. He too has a full beard.

These are close friends of mine. they are not like me, for them it is just a costume.

[Jenny22]

What an interesting discussion. Now, when a boy wanted so badly to be a girl, prayed every night to wake up as a girl, played with girls and girlish things, who wanted so badly to wear girls pretty things, who so envied girls long hair and curls, that would be me. So, is there really a woman (female) within, considering I fully dress every day as one, my answer would be, yes, I think so. Hmmmm.

[Abbyru1]

Micki_Finn: Alice has said on numerous occasions that there is just her. But, to a large amount, she has accepted that.

[Aunt Kelly]

I don't think we should necessarily invoke some sort of multiple personality as an excuse for a clothing preference.

It is a mistake to think that every cross dresser's psyche should be just like yours, or that their experience is somehow "invoked". Gender identity is still far from completely understood, but it is safe to say that for many, it is about as far as one can get from a choice.

[Pixie_94]

No, we are not all trans.

[Stephanie47]

"The Woman Within" aside from being a legitimate business may be within all men to some degree. A counselor I see for war related PTSD issues is of the opinion that each man and woman has some dna within their profile of the opposite sex. She says in some it is greater than others. That seems plausible. It may account for the wide range of sexual identities and orientations.

My "awakening" did not occur until puberty although I was drawn to the feel of my mother's nylon slips that she hanged to dry in the apartment hallway and a drying rack in the bathroom. Was that a hint of what was to come although I was a rough and tumble boy who got into more trouble than most boys on the block. I've encountered over the years a lot of guys who seem to behave like cavemen or neanthropals. Others seem to have more sensitivity towards others, especially the infirm and kids. More nurturing which always seems to be ascribed to women.

In my everyday reading I encounter so many scientific articles concerning genes and gene therapy it makes me think my counselor's point of view has merit. As to the real world other than myself I am aware of three men and women who have been torn by an apparent misalignment of birth sex with sexual identity. I don't think this has anything to do with clinical multiple personalities.

[donnalee]

I think we all can agree that it is far more a matter of our perception of what judgement society makes and our reaction to those perceptions that causes us to think of it as a "feminine side" when we put on a dress, more of a " if it walks like a duck" thought process. Even though our behavior may be quite natural to us, we tend to self judge on the basis of what we believe society expects and go through a lot more agony than is desirable or even necessary about it.
When those we desire to please react badly to our behavior, the tendency is to indulge in self blame rather than realising it is their problem, not ours that they allow their concept of society's dictates to determine their reaction rather then thinking "I know this person to be the best of people so they must have an overwhelming desire to do this and who does it really hurt?", instead of putting their partner through hell and breaking up an otherwise good , mutually beneficial relationship. (As a personal note, I have been extremely lucky, or perhaps chose well in this regard as my partner of over 40 years had no problems with me dressing other than a concern for my safety and a later relationship didn't, either).

[docrobbysherry]

I have NO "woman inside". Altho I waited years for "her" to appear.

I do some things in a more masculine manner and others in a more fem way. However, I don't think of them in term of gender. To me, they're ALL just the way I do them, period. I don't believe I'm fem no matter how I'm dressed!

However, I've met 100's of trans. Some were so feminine in manner that I had no choice by to think of them and treat them as women. Even tho many were masculine in appearance.
My T roommate in Vegas recently is one. There is nothing male about her. Including her physical looks!

[susan54]

Another shout here for those who dress as women without feeling they are one - even slightly. ACTING and DRESSING as the other gender is fun, but it doesn't automatically mean you have some female content. No actor really believes they are the character they are playing, but they enjoy the process.

[Paulie Birmingham]

There is no woman inside me. I'm an xy Who happens to like wearing panties and pantyhose. And occasionally other famine other things. But even dressed I am an alpha Male.

[marilyn m]

my ex used to say you change when youre dressed, my feminine side is definately unleashed and iam always pleased to see her

[Angie G]

I like to beave I do have a woman within.
Angie